To be quite honest, he felt bad for whipping out the "Dead girlfriend" card on a date like this. He knew full well that it wasn't proper. I mean, who wants to hear about your dead ex on the first date? But to tell you the truth... In his mind, he'd rather be upfront and honest about the background behind all this then lie through his teeth about it. There was always a chance that this could work out, he knew that. And if it turned into something bigger... Well, he'd much rather be upfront and honest with her then have a relationship built on lies. He preferred long, lasting relationships, he wanted a commitment, and he'd rather be at his best for them then lie through his teeth and make chit up.
Still, he wasn't quite sure how she would react. Part of him figured he should just excuse himself and leave now, she probably thought him the fool for bringing that up so soon. But at the same time, part of him wanted to keep going, to take a chance. He had taken a lot of risks in his life, after all. The risk of an uncomfortable afternoon was one he could take if the result could be something much bigger.
Her reaction surprised him though, and he couldn't help but smile warmly in response, though his cheeks still tinged a little red in embarrassment as he would scratch the back of his head again. "I appreciate that" He responded. "Truth be told, that happening... Changed me. I used to be the go-to wartime guy for the Republic and the Jedi. Every war the Republic dragged the Jedi Order into, I'd be right there, front and center, charging straight in with my lightsaber held high, cleaving through people left and right to score the victory. Why? Not because I held loyalty to the Republic's politics, but because of my loyalty, my belief in the Jedi Order. They told me it was right, I believed them. I fought because I thought I was doing the right thing for something that I loved and believed in my entire life. Never once did I think about the people I'd killed, the families I'd destroyed, the mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters and lovers, that I'd left without a mother, a father, a brother or a sister, a son or a daughter, a lover... When the Sith got to her... That changed everything. The Sith didn't kill her for any reason other then business, just like I did on the battlefield. They didn't think about who her death might destroy. And then I just kept losing people. I don't have a whole lot of people close to me anymore. They play a dangerous game... Republic, Jedi, Alliance, any of those... They can be killed for something that someone believes in, and they don't think about the price. It's caused me to change my style, change my outlook on things"
"She changed my life, both in life and in death. And I think you're right when you say that she'd appreciate me making the most of things now, instead of living my life in the shadow of grief" The Jedi would agree. He'd never considered it -brave- to try again... Not until Sam had brought it up. But looking back... She was right! He could just imagine the Miraluka glaring at him now, he might not be able to see her eyes, but that furrowed brow said everything. She would have scolded him for moping and not looking toward the future. What was it that she used to say? Don't look back at the past, and always look toward the future? Right, that was it.
He took a deep breath. Whether this worked out or not, he'd still garnered a lot from this. His shoulders relaxed, and the Jedi would relax with it. He looked Sam in the eyes and smiled in return.
"But let's get off the topic for now. Instead... I'd like to know a little more about you" Josh would remark warmly. His tone more relaxed and friendly at this point. He'd managed to shed his discomfort, it seemed. "How'd you end up with the GA?"
[member="Samantha Roberts"]
