Goodbye, My Love

[Connor Harrison]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxDm-4Jrg9w

Corvus Raaf's Home - "The Jewel"
Pika Oasis, Tatooine

--

The invite had been given a few years back, and he hadn’t taken it. He’d been a little distracted. But, now, making good on his word, Connor Harrison stood before the crumbling shell of The Jewel. The small home Jedi Master [member="Corvus Raaf"] built for herself on Tatooine, the planet she loved most – bar Corellia – and a stone’s throw from the area that her idol, Obi-Wan Kenobi, once resided in.

The stone work was eroding, the colour fading and the general state of the unkempt exterior was decreasing. Of course it would. It had been untouched now for years, standing against sandstorms and other natural elements without any upkeep.

He was surrounded by nothing but memories and the planet itself. The sand stretched into the horizon, dotted now and then with moisture vaporators, or a small homestead. Maybe, if you were lucky, a Sandcrawler lumbering across the dunes. The Jundland Wastes were to the far right in the distance, and the closes city of Mos Eisley even further. The twin suns were low in the clear blue sky. The homestead was secluded, safe and bathed in history, just as Corvus wanted.

A quiet, peaceful place to retire.

She just never made it.

Running a hand over the warm, flaky stone of the pale dome, Connor felt nothing of her anymore. He had been foolish to pray that upon touching down a few yards from the homestead, that she would come to investigate the ship. She would emerge from the lower levels in some flowing cream or blue dress and shawl, to protect her from the harsh sun and keep her cool. She wouldn’t believe he had come to see her – that smile would slowly form, and she would be happy to see the one who never gave up on her.

He stood now as a man she would not recognise.

Tainted by the Dark Side of the Force. Bearing a raw flesh wound under his eye. Facial hair and streaks of grey from the Force corruption. Dark tinges to his blue eyes. A blackened tunic and crimson cowl.

Maybe it was a good thing she wasn’t here to see him. She would be disappointed in him. And that would hurt the most…

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor watched a freighter take off and pass overhead, as he stood half-way inside the home, before continuing down the stairs. Immediately the cool interior met him, but also the smell of rotten vegetation and fruit. This was a hard experience to have – it signified that the dream no longer existed, but it was something he had to face to say goodbye and move on.

Others had been here. Probably fall-outs from the Republic, those few she trusted coming to see where she had hopefully fled to and find her, but only to find an empty home. Fruit baskets had been left but perished in the harsh environment. Plants were dead, devoid of water and care after just a day.

He slowly walked through, past various door ways that led into rooms underground. Her master bedroom. The spare bedroom. The lounge. A workshop. Stepping out fully from the shade of the home, he emerged into the warmth of the sun and her open garden – well, not so much a garden. A patio? Whatever she did with it, it was now lost to the elements. Sand had pretty much covered most of the pottery, and some of the pipework that fed the home was corroded and bent.

A womp rat scurried away from Connor as he walked around, kicking bits of rock along as he surveyed the ghostly vision of a house no longer a home. It made him sad.

This had been her dream. To live in close proximity to where the Jedi Kenobi had been, and to learn about moisture farming. After a life served to serving others, this was where Corvus wanted to call her home after Corellia, and now? Now it was nothing but a ruin, just as her image was, and his too.

Decayed. Rotten. Forgotten.

He lifted his head to let the waning sun kiss his face, eyes closed and composing himself. If the Force had been in his favour, he could have been here with her. Lover? Maybe not. Friend? For sure. She would have given him grounding, and guidance, and love and support and friendship. His eyes opened and he exhaled as the emotion started to awaken inside him.

It had to awaken now, and it had to come out. He had to leave this place without Corvus or her memory. It was the only way he could be free.

Turning back to the stairwell, Connor slowly walked across to head inside and see what else he could find inside, and see what memories came back that he could put to rest...

 

[Connor Harrison]

As if he were some detective, he cared not for privacy now – that had long been voided – as he looked in all her rooms. He knew the layout from the first and only time he had been here years ago, when it was still a new purchase and fresh, clean and ready for living. It was just a dumping ground now. How many passing looters had taken what was of minimal worth? How many Jawas had taken refuge here from the elements? How many people had come here searching?

The spare bedroom was empty, bar the bunk. There was nothing except a small hole in the wall.

The master bedroom – her bedroom – was a little busier. Part of the ceiling had come down in the corner, and signs of rot and erosion were evident on the floor and walls. Her bed was dishevelled and torn, covered in sand and dust. The table beside it was covered in dead plants and cards.

It was like some vigil to a woman who had, effectively, abandoned everyone and everything she said she held dear. And the fact nobody had ever been found in the case of death. It was frustrating. To think one thing of her in anger, and then worry about her out of care. There was simply no way of knowing what fate had become of Corvus, but she had certainly left in a hurry and without a word to anyone.

Connor batted a few dead leaves away and crunched over a broken pot on the ground before leaving the room. He had a feeling what had happened.

Braith, the Dark Side Goddess or whatever the hell she preached to be, had something to do with it. Since she wrapped Corvus in her spell, where one day she didn’t know how to love, but the next had fallen IN love with the embodiment of something she stood against, it had always made Connor curious. Jealous? Yes, a little. A lot. But curious. What had happened to tempt Corvus away from her life as a Jedi to devote to a Sith force that had once tried to kill her.

There was no point asking, because no answers would be given.

"What did you do, Corvy. Where did you go? Not even a note. You know I’d come looking. Not even a note…."

Connor walked across a steel walkway shaking his head at her stubbornness, past a workshop with a few empty boxes were scattered and a few loose screws strewn on the floor, along with a few animal droppings. What a mess.. Everything had been looted. Tools. Parts to fix ships, lightsaber and blasters. Weapons. All gone. He came to her lounge space, the largest of the rooms and the dryness hit him. Part of the wall had caved in at the far end of the room, covering a chair and half a table.

There was little else here, but he remembered how she had been excited showing him around and her plans for what each room would be when she retired. He smiled to himself, hearing her voice and seeing that smile as a ghost walking around with him. Her long brown hair, her smile…oh, that smile. It was angelic.

Connor smiled at a memory of their first meeting on Voss when she crashed her fighter outside the grounds. It was the first time he had introduced her to blue milk, and she made it clear she was a strict salad girl.

His eyes drifted to the far all above a soot-filled fire place, and he cocked his head to see that her favourite picture was still there. The painting of her homeworld, Corellia. The world ravaged by war, near destroyed by evil….an evil like the one he was now siding with. His smile faded a little as he looked at the image. In all the time they spent together, they had been on the same side. Now, were she here, what would she think of him. What side would she even be on?

The picture was dusty and weathered, but it was still Corellia, and one that brought her comfort. Stepping over a broken glass table, boots crunching on the splinters, he lifted the picture, some of the fabric sticking to the humid wall, and tucked it under his arm. Glancing around, there was nothing else he could see that was her. It was all gone. Everything was gone.

Corvus was gone, and her home wasn’t a home. It was a shell. It was a bad memory he didn’t want to let go of in case she came back to save him. She wasn’t going to. It had been years.

It was time to let Corvus Raaf go….

 

[Connor Harrison]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgABe6URT_M​

There was nothing left to do now but say goodbye.

Talking a slow walk through the ruins of Corvus Raaf’s dream – The Jewel – Connor trudged up the stone stairs as the cracked dome of her dwelling led him outside into the waning evening of Tatooine. A rumbling noise caught his attention first, and behind the homestead, making its way to the next city on the horizon, a giant Sandcrawler had rolled to a stop, and the Jawas were out. They wouldn’t touch this place, not as long as he was here.

Watching the scavengers for a few moments as the wind tugged at his fringe, Connor walked away from the homestead a few feet and looked around, crimson cloak blowing softly behind his tall frame. There – a perfect spot to be kissed by the sun. He dropped the picture to the floor and ran back inside.

A few minutes later, he huffed and puffed out of the shell again, carrying a thick slab in his hands and on bended knees. Reaching the picture, he let the slab drop down with a heavy thump. He knelt down and pulled and twisted it this way and that until he was happy with it, and then swept away the loose debris underneath.

Then, the picture. He pulled it over and rested it on the slab. A warm night on Corellia. It’s a shame he hadn’t seen it in reality.

While Connor didn’t know if Corvus was dead or not, her memories needed to die. His attachment needed to die. She needed to die, so he could let her go finally. She wasn’t going to come back. Not now. The galaxy wasn’t the same as it was when she vanished. Would she even have a place here anymore? Had he?

The makeshift tombstone was nothing impressive, but it was his little place to say his final words, and to mark her spirit with her favourite picture, set outside the house she loved and wanted to live out her final days in.

Connor sighed, resting his hands on his dusty knees, and just looked at it. A low rumble in the ground signalled the departure of the Jawas and their Sandcrawler, but it didn’t distract him. Nothing would.

"Well," he said quietly, "there we go. And here we are."

The Ren brushed off a bit of dust from the slab that he had pulled from the cave-in from her bedroom, with its black colour and soft markings, it wasn’t the worse thing he could have seen. What did he want to say? There was so much, but he wouldn’t get any answers or clarifications to questions he had. She would listen, but not reply. Then, he had to go.

He looked around, squinting at the light.

"Wherever you are, it certainly is probably safer than here. And by here, I mean the galaxy, not the Jewel. I tell you Corvy, it’s not the same place we trained and strove to protect. Not at all. The Republic has gone. I’m sorry." He shook his head slightly. "It just collapsed, as quick as that. Then the One Sith. The Primeval…well, they’re sort of still floating around now, but not the same as they were so I understand. Me? Well, no. There’s the rub."

He looked down at his hands.

"I’ve let them all down Corvy. The Jedi. I’ve let them down. I’ve let you down, and myself. If you were here now, how would you see me. Friend, or foe. It’s a mess. Such a… such a god damn mess. Why the hell did you walk away? Hm? Kian has gone. Seraphina has fallen. Who else….Kana, I don’t know where Kana is. All those who were the beacons? Gone. Extinguished. And me? I’ve become a joke."

Connor moved and sat down, knees bent and arms wrapped around them loosely. He felt a peace he hadn’t done for a long time sat here in the isolated outback of a barren world with his best friend.

"The First Order. You’d know them, and I’m sure you came across them when they re-emerged. They have a sect called the Knights Of Ren. Force users who….who serve this… Supreme Leader, and are Dark Side practitioners." He glanced up to the grave, and could see her face now.

He laughed.

"Oh come on. You touched the darkness as well, don’t deny it. I saw how you changed. Look….the Silver Jedi changed. The leadership changed. Their view…changed. I didn’t have purpose there. I was scared, alright? Scared of change. I was becoming stronger, more decisive and more focused, but, I don’t know, I wasn’t acting how I should have. And I did some things that sealed my fate. I’m not proud of them all, but some were justified. I was cast out, and I left with a violent outburst."

Blue eyes flickered up to the sky.

"[member="Coci Heavenshield"] reduced me to nothing with a Wall Of Light. And she took my hilt. The Skywalker hilt. Can you believe it? Skywalker’s saber! And I had it! Now, it’s in a trophy room." He shook his head, not feeling angry, which was…strange. Just amused. "So they took me in. I’m a Disciple. Bottom of the ladder. I’m a joke of what I once was, and I know they don’t trust me. Why would they? One time Jedi Master now wanting to join their ranks? It’s not what I thought."

Aimlessly, he picked up some small pebbles to throw.

"They are young – most of them – and girls. Women, sorry." He chuckled to himself. "It’s not all bad of course." His face fell a little thinking about [member="Ara Ren"] and her time. He hadn’t heard from her in weeks now, and Skor didn’t sound too promising either to re-connect. She wasn’t one to settle for his complex nature, and she was probably with others right now. She was better off without him, and he knew it. "I don’t know if I belong there. Serving a leader I just wandered in to buy his values because I need a place to go. At least with the Jedi I was there at the start, and helped craft their vision and their temple. I was part of something. Now I’m just a small cog in a machine."

He stopped for a moment and looked to the Sandcrawler in the distance, and then back to the grave and the picture. What would [member="Kyra Sol"] say about this? She had always told Connor to move on from Corvus, and now here he was. He’d lost them both. No point hoping for the past, Con.

"Regardless what I say, I’ve failed my own aspirations. Allies are now enemies. Enemies are still enemies. Those I hurt now laugh at me, and they see me as the face of a failed system. I literally have less than ever. There is someone though I met a while ago, who I care for and thought I’d lost for good, but they are still around. I don’t know what will happen. Nothing, I know. You know what I’m like and my luck."

The someone was the doctor, [member="Irajah Ven"], of the First Order. Selfless. Beautiful. Kind. Determined. She had patched him up at his weakest following a fierce battle, and she had battles of her own, and he had pushed her away with the wrong words. Seeing her again at Blush, he hoped to repair the damage done and make his point clear.

Connor sighed and looked up again.

"Don’t start, either. You moved on quick enough from me, so now it’s my turn. And don’t deny it. I know you loved me really. No, she’s great. I mean I’m sure she’s a friend, but you’d like her. I want to help her, but I want to be with her more…does that make sense? Sort of, to not just be there because of her situation, but for her. Nothing else. I dunno…."

And then it hit him. He squeezed his arms and stifled the tears that had been there since he talked.

"I’m letting you go, Corvy. If you’re with her now, I wish you well. If you’re not, then I still wish you well. I know you’re out there. Somewhere. I just hope to God you’re happy because right now, I’m falling apart. But I’ve got to let you go."

He knelt up and blew out a breath, and placed his hand atop the warm stone.

"Thank you for being my friend. For falling out of the stars to me all those years ago on Voss. I wish you were here now as I could really use your help and support. And guidance." He exhaled, a couple of small tears leaking from his good eye, and a nasty blood tear from his bad one. "I’ve always….I’ve always dreamed you would turn up again, either here or Voss or Tython. But you haven’t. And you won’t. And for that, I hate you. But I forgive you. You’re beyond the Force now, Corvy. You are part of it. And will always be with me for that reason, but that’s all."

Her face was as clear as day, but from today he wouldn’t look for it again. He wouldn’t let himself be tortured.

"Taeli is fine and looking out for me, and I her. We will be ok, all of us. In time. May the Force be ever with you Corvus Raaf "

Connor stood, rubbing the grit in his fist before slowly letting it sprinkle over the grave, and he looked at it as his tears rolled down.

"Goodbye, my love." he said softly.

He turned, and walked to his ship beneath the twin suns.

And he never looked back.