Private Great Adversity

[Jenn Kryze]

Beskar'gam
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| Location | Kryze Clangrounds - Infirmary
| Objective | Rest, recuperate, and reconcile

Great adversity has a beauty, they say, for it is the fire that tempers.​

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The warriors of Clan Kryze met their failure as a test of mettle, mind, and body. In the aftermath of the battle for Echnos, there were wounds to be tended, and lessons to be learned... and, with their Alor confined to a bed in the infirmary, wisdom and patience were in short supply. Grief turned to bitterness and resentment; some damned the Alliance for their misfortune, speaking of how they had been led to their deaths in an attack on a rat warren that resulted in nothing but the death of dozens of Mandalorians and Hastati alike... and perhaps more discomfortingly, stained their hands with the blood of the innocent. A terrible choice had been thrust upon them -​

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And they made it. Sacrificed the lives of the terrified populace standing in their way in order to ensure their own survival during their swift retreat. Try as they might to tell themselves that they had done the right thing, the weary survivors knew, deep in their hearts, that they had failed their ideals. If they could not follow their guiding principles, then they were no better than their Crusader kindred, they reasoned, if not worse. The zealous followers of the old ways knew what they were, and remained true to their savage vision.​

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Tensions were high, and spirits low. Perhaps The Redeemer may have brought calm, purpose, and direction, just as she had done before - if not for the pitiful state she found herself in. Confined to a bed in the infirmary, hooked up to machinery monitoring her condition... Jenn was well and truly restless, and yet there was nothing for her to do. Try as she might to order the infirmary's staff to let her go, none of them budged, firm in their oaths to the well-being of their patients. Were she in a better state, surely she could have spun her siren's song and influenced their minds enough to free herself. Alas (or fortunately, depending on one's viewpoint), she could scarcely summon the will to speak, let alone call upon her species' gift. ​

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And what little strength she yet possessed, she poured into her concern for her daughter, her own bed brought close by to Varys' own by her request. ​

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Varys Amun ​

 

[Varys Amun]

Varys had drifted in and out of consciousness for days. Though her body was healing some, her mind festered. She sat hunched in a supply closet. Tubes and wires strung about her like coiled snakes. To say she felt bad would be an understatement. Varys was defeated, broken.

When Karrys had lifted Varys into her arms. She had felt relief, but that was quickly replaced by dread once she learned why it was Karrys who had come for her and not her mother. Jenn had been pulled from the battlefield already close to death. For indeterminable hours, it had seemed she was overcome, that their leader would be plucked from them. But mercifully, Jenn was stronger than even the Clan had known. She'd refused the call of the void. Even when she found out her mother would live, Varys could not find it in her heart to feel elated. Relieved, maybe, but also ashamed, angry.

For her part, Varys had been told she was lucky to be alive. Lucky that Karrys had found her when she did. That when she had finally arrived at the ship's infirmary she had almost completely exsanguinated. Varys did not consider herself lucky.

An orderly called out her name, clearly irritated. When they had revived her, Varys had hit and kicked and bitten and thrown things until her weakened body had forced her into unconsciousness. She had been restrained to her bed. Fed by a tube and IV. She hadn't uttered a a word for days. Thankfully, by the time Jenn had awoken, Varys had lost the strength to fight. She had settled into her grim reality, and instead satisfied herself by refusing the hospital meals, hiding her medications under her pillows, and taking late night sojourns around the infirmary until she collapsed in exhaustion. The cupboard was one several hiding places, dark corners where she could sit and just wait.

Varys didn't really know why she was acting out anymore. The feral panic that had filled her first few waking hours in the infirmary had passed. Now everything was grey and dull. Perhaps, Varys reasoned, it was to add a modicum of control to the monotony of her recovery. More likely, it was that once she healed she would have to face herself, and she would have to face Jenn.

The storeroom door opened a crack, and bright white light illuminated the small space.

"Usen'ye." she murmured.

"Get up, Varys."

Varys flinched and looked up. The face above her was not that of an orderly. It was Karrys. Varys' heart wrenched with guilt. She screwed her eyes shut and shook her head.

"Enough. Your mother is awake. You will see her."

Before she could protest, Karrys' wide hands grabbed her roughly by the shoulder and pulled her out of the cupboard as if she were no more than a doll. Varys knew she couldn't resist, so she tried to remain stoic, but her legs wobbled and her head swam. IV fluid and blood dribbled out from the tubes in her arms.

Karrys supported her as they made her short walk back to the room she shared with Jenn. The firmness was gone from her voice now.

"There you go, Varys." she cooed. "Well done, ad'ika."

Varys was laid down on her bed, pillows propped up behind her so she could sit upright. Her face was blanched, ears ringing. Sluggishly, she looked to the other bed, already knowing what she would see, what she had been avoiding.

Jenn Kryze stared back at her, and Varys began to sob.

Jenn Kryze ​

 

[Jenn Kryze]

Beskar'gam
​

| Location | Kryze Clangrounds - Infirmary
| Objective | Comfort, nurture, protect

With the need to tend to so many wounded vode, the Clan's medical personnel were often forced to pull all-nighters - and their exhaustion, in the case of Varys, would lead to a confrontation. One Karrys kept to herself, mindful of the state her closest sword-sister and her adoptive niece were in... ​

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An orderly had made the grievous mistake of descending into a rant about the Alor's daughter. There was simply no avoiding the fact that the impetuous young girl stood as the only teenager counted amongst the wounded; a reminder of how she had snuck away to fight with the rest of the aliit, even as she held on to the name Amun. Ugly words were uttered; but when they finally reached the climax of their spite-fueled rant and called her a stupid, spoiled brat?​

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Pollux's fist crashed against their face, sending them down to the ground with but one hit. Pollux, known for his eccentric adherence to the noble ideals of Ukatian chivalry, whose flair for the dramatic was only ever equaled by his patience. If not for the swift intervention of Karrys, Tarkus and Ko'ren, he surely would have kicked the orderly when he was down.​

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Shaking the thought out of her mind, Karrys felt her heart ache at the sight of the proud little aerialist she had come to regard as her niece, or younger cousin. Seeing her so weary, so afraid... left her with a rare feeling of powerlessness. Quips and light-hearted little jabs always came to her naturally, her lips flowing with words practically constantly - but not today. Not when she found herself unable to find the right words to comfort her protege.​

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And still, she left the room after helping Varys into her bed, much as it pained her to do so. Jenn needed no words to communicate her desire to be left alone with her daughter; a single look sufficed, so great was the bond between them. ​

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So it was that Varys met her mother's gaze, only to find it so much... less than it should have been. Her eyes lacked their enchanting (or unnerving, as the treasured child considered them before) glow, and so too did the scales adorning her features fail to shift from one shade of blue to the next, as they ever did. And yet, diminished as she was? Jenn's expression spoke...​

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Of love. Enduring, still, even after this catastrophic turn of events! The gentle concern pulling at the Alor's features as her daughter began to sob spoke of just how indefatigable she truly was in her devotion to her daughter. Even when she kept the name of the mother who abandoned her. Even when she stowed away aboard a ship to join a war. Time and time again, Jenn met defiance and lashing out with tenderness.​

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"Oh, my brave verd'ika..." rasped Varys' mother with effort, her voice lacking the captivating touch it often held. There were no recriminations here. No stern request for her to stop crying. Instead, she began to hum a tune, softly...​

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... the very same one she once sang to her, after taking her away from Dantooine. From her old Clan.​

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Varys Amun ​

 

[Varys Amun]

"Oh, my brave verd'ika..."

Varys placed her head in her hands. She swiped at her tears furiously, fought to control the heaving of her chest. Somehow, the dullness of her mother's eyes was worse than the otherworldly flash they usually had, the effect Varys found so intimidating.

"Oh Buir, I am sorry." she managed.

She wanted to say she'd pack away her things as soon as she was well, that Jenn would never have to deal with her foolishness again. But that was not the way her adoptive mother worked.

No, instead she began to sing, and Varys realised that she could not run from her shame. That she would have to face it with the people who loved her. She would have to reconcile her stupid, stupid decisions with the people they affected. People like Karrys and Pollux, who fought for her place in the clan, for Jenn, for the vod who died on Echnos in their place.

"Far across the golden sunrise
Long past the warrior's respite
Here and with arms wide
I'm waiting...

High where your dreams touch the sky
Long where your tears say goodbye
Near and where your heart lies
I'm waiting..."

Despite all the pain, the hoarse song gave Varys a degree of comfort. The weeks and months ahead would be hard, for Varys they would be agony. She felt broken, listless, horribly humbled. She already felt herself scarring, hardening in ways that were scary and unfamiliar.

When Jenn had finished her song, fresh tracks of tears marked Varys' face, and she wrung her hands. It was one thing for Varys to be so thoroughly defeated, for the Clan to have faced a loss, but what was worse was that Jenn was so clearly... Diminished. She had crawled from the brink of the Netherworld, and there was no telling how long she'd be out of action.

"What do I do now, Buir?" Varys implored her mother. "Everything is all wrong. This isn't how I'd imagined any of it."

Varys groaned into her hands.

"Ughh. I've been such a fool."

Jenn Kryze ​

 

[Jenn Kryze]

Beskar'gam
​

| Location | Kryze Clangrounds - Infirmary
| Objective | Comfort, nurture, protect

Perhaps Varys was not the daughter she had expected her child to be, when she first dreamed up of having a family of her own... but Jenn loved her all the same. Invested herself in what made her daughter happy, nurtured her, protected her as one might a gentle little baby bird. Unable as she may be to rise from her bed and embrace the aerialist as she wished to, her song allowed her to remind her treasured daughter of the unconditional love she held for her. ​

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"War isn't like in the stories shared around the tracyn", agreed the Alor with a sad smile. "This... isn't what I had in mind for your first battle, Varys. I had hope to ease you into it; an ambush sprung on pirates, or some other scum, with overwhelming odds on our side. Not a battle against the Sith." ​

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There was a long pause, then, as she found herself pondering how best to comfort the little bird. Her own introduction to war had been... equally traumatic, in truth. Nothing less than the complete and utter ruination of her home world, and the death of all she had known in the span of a week; a horrific conflict, and one that left profound scars on her psyche. Was this to be the fate of her daughter? ​

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Not if she could help it. ​

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"Life doesn't always work out the way we think it will, Varys - and that's okay. You're not any less of a brave little bird for all that fear, all that hurt. As for what happens now... this, my child, is for you to figure out. Your own road to walk, wherever it will lead you. You will wander, you will err, but you will always have a home, here. Somewhere to return to." ​

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Varys Amun ​

 

[Varys Amun]

"War isn't like in the stories shared around the tracyn. This... isn't what I had in mind for your first battle, Varys. I had hope to ease you into it; an ambush sprung on pirates, or some other scum, with overwhelming odds on our side. Not a battle against the Sith."

"Jare. I was wrong." Varys said quietly, as though the words hurt coming out. "To think that war would be like the stories, like my training." Varys hugged herself. "I wasn't ready." The very thought pained her, exposed her deepest doubts, reinforced her deeply held believe that she would never deserve to call herself a Kryze.

"It won't always be like that, right Buir, the fighting? It can't possibly always feel... Like that?"

Varys was silent for a long time. She stared resolutely at the wall, sure that if she looked at Jenn, she'd lack the strength to say what came next.

"I want to take on the Pillar of Sacrifice. I want to help people, really help them, not fight for the Alliance, or fight against the Sith for the sake of it. Every day there are people out there who need my help, more people than I could possibly save, and I have been ignoring them."

Varys shook her head as if chiding herself.

"Life doesn't always work out the way we think it will, Varys - and that's okay. You're not any less of a brave little bird for all that fear, all that hurt. As for what happens now... this, my child, is for you to figure out. Your own road to walk, wherever it will lead you. You will wander, you will err, but you will always have a home, here. Somewhere to return to."

"I will take your blessing, leave the Clangrounds, sleep in a tent like I used to. Not forever, but for a time. I have to try and do some good out there, and when we are both scarred-over, I will call on you to help me."

Maybe that would ease the guilt that haunted her. Varys had never considered herself a bleeding heart, but every night she had been visited by visions of Echnos' dead, the cruelty they were subjected to, caught between the madness of the Sith and the apathy of the Alliance, ground to pieces.

Perhaps it was Jenn rubbing off on her, but Varys would not be a part of senseless slaughter. She could not abide that. Echnos was the worst thing that had ever happened to her, but maybe this was a chance to use it for something.

"What will you do, Buir?"

Jenn Kryze​

 

[Jenn Kryze]

Beskar'gam
​

| Location | Kryze Clangrounds - Infirmary
| Objective | Pride and Sorrow

The silence between the two of them stretched uncomfortably. ​

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Truth had ever been her weapon. A lance of verity, thrust into the heart of evil and deceit time and time again; a blade that cut through liars and anointed the righteous. There existed no greater armament in her arsenal... but it was a merciless thing indeed, and she struggled to bring it to bear this day. How was she to explain to her child that war was the craft of their people? That so many among their numbers came to relish in the death and destruction, prided themselves in their propensity for it, where so many aruetiise found only horror within it? Even those among their numbers without a taste for killing were thoroughly desensitized, viewing the act as a chore like any other.​

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Few among them cared to stay their hand when it came to killing. People like Haliat Kryze , or Anna Carden , were made exceptional for the great restraint they displayed in battle; the former only ever killed when all other avenues were exhausted, and the latter went for non-lethal shots with her sniper rifle. How telling, then, that the both of them had found a haven among Clan Kryze under Jenn's leadership, embraced warmly as vode where so many sects would look down upon them for their mercy instead.​

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"That is not for me to say," spoke the Mandalorian at last. "Some find it easier with every kill to their name, every battle fought. Others can kill more easily than they breathe. Then, there are those who yet balk at the notion, even after their first or hundreth kill."​

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It was truth, and held no comfort - and a part of her hated herself for uttering it. Varys would always be her little baby bird, and her first instinct was to protect her, to keep her safe from the Galaxy and its myriad evils. Love often clouded one's wisdom, and dulled their judgement; on this day, however, the Mandalorian of many title remained steadfast, and recognized that shielding her treasured child from the harsh truth would only serve to hurt her. To alienate her. ​

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Tears welled in her eyes, all the same, when the girl she loved and cared for as one would their own flesh and blood spoke of her desire to leave, and follow her own path... under the most demanding of the Three Pillars. More than ever before, Jenn felt as if her heart would shatter. Seeing Varys choosing to champion the values she had slowly instilled among Clan Kryze filled the Alor's heart with pride like nothing else - but so too did the thought of the brave little bird leaving the nest at such a difficult time tear away at her. ​

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"I will keep the hearthfire burning", spoke the Ersansyr in a rasp, her voice well and truly breaking before such a wave of emotion, tears flowing down her cheeks. "And transform this village fit for a Clan into a castle, fit for a House. I will forge alliances with worthy royals, on Alderaan and Ukatis, and secure the future of our people... and when you return? I will welcome you back among us. In a place that deserves you."​

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Varys Amun ​

 

[Varys Amun]

"I will keep the hearthfire burning, and transform this village fit for a Clan into a castle, fit for a House. I will forge alliances with worthy royals, on Alderaan and Ukatis, and secure the future of our people... and when you return? I will welcome you back among us. In a place that deserves you."

Hopefully to a place that I deserve, thought Varys.

So it was decided then. She had her mother blessing to take on the Pillar, to cast aside everything she had come to rely on in the name of something greater, in order to earn the place she had been granted. Varys had been skating by on legend and ceremony too long, and she had suffered. Now she would have to walk her own path in the shadow of her defeat. She would brave the darkness. Even though she could barely walk, Varys knew she could delay no longer. She would see the Galaxy for what it really was, and then she would come home.

Newfound strength flowed into her ailing body. For the first time in a long while, since long before Echnos, Varys felt a clarity of purpose. She was unburdened, ready to walk a path that was for her alone.

Varys grabbed the needle from her arm and threw the tubing to the floor with a clatter. She closed her eyes, let out a deep, shuddering breath, and stood up. Tears ran down her cheeks unbidden. She approached Jenn's bed and leant in close.

"I love you, Buir. I will make you proud."

She embraced her mother, coming to the sudden realisation that when she let go, she could not call herself a Kryze until she had walked the path of her Pillar, and who knew how long that could take?

"I will visit."

Varys released Jenn, turned heel, and shakily walked out of the room before she could change her mind.

Jenn Kryze ​