Private Healing

[Everest Vale]

Location: Jedi Temple, Coruscant

Everything had been tinged with black and grey. What once seemed a flourishing well of life and love seemed to suddenly be torn open, causing a dozen open, bleeding wounds from which spilled the black ichor of something considerably darker and more corrosive.

The events of Woostri had shaken Everest in a way she had yet to come to terms with. So much happened in such a short space of time, and it had ripped her from her innocence in such a way that hurt beyond measure, beyond words, beyond anything she could express. Her heart was bleeding, but she hadn't the strength to come to anyone about it. She had taken life. She had witnessed horrors she couldn't have ever imagined. She witnessed a storm of death and decay, dread and fear, and it had reached down into the very depths of her soul and pulled out something she never wished she had been made aware of.

It frightened her, this terrible shadow that lurked within her. Amidst that, the pain of the loss of so many lives, the fear of the loss of many more and those closest to her, and the sensation of severing a vital cord to her heart after killing another being— she had chosen to simply shut herself off to spare what little stability she had left, closing her heart off from feeling completely.

It was simpler this way, she thought.

So she would hide from everyone in her life. From Master Noble, from Tigris, from Azzie and Colette and Shan. She couldn't bear to face any of them, and if she did, maybe they would only see a monster at worst, or a weak child at best.

The dojo was silent and still apart from the occasional grunt and the sharp motions of limbs and fabric whipping through the air. In times of overwhelming stress, Eve always returned to practising the Echani arts alone. Despite never enjoying fighting others, she did find solace in practising in solitude. Today, as the days that preceded it, it served as a distraction from the horrors that sought to creep in from the corners of her mind. She would reject them, harden her heart against them all to save herself from hurting more.

So she fought. Form after form, motion after motion, lost for hours and hours in the language of her people, for it was all she had left to spare herself from the nightmares that crept behind her.

Tigris​

 

[Tigris]

Everest had needed space, and Tigris had given it to her. The Echani had been delicate, sheltered. To be thrown in to the maw of the extreme violence and destruction on Woostri had undone her in ways Tigris could only image. For she never faced that stark revelation.

Tigris had been raised from her youth by a cult of killers. She was indoctrinated from her earliest memories that death and destruction were means to an end. Selfish ends. But even Tigris was not exempt from the horrors of her own deadly deeds. Still, some nights she endured night terrors, in which the undead corpses of long-gone victims hunted her down.

But they all had to face their ghosts. Including Everest. Tigris couldn't sit any longer and watch the bright star that was Everest wilt and fade. Finally, Tigris sought out Everest. She knew the girl's patterns, where she went when things stressed her. Tigris entered the dojo upon silent, bare feet. There, alone, was Everest. The silver-haired girl moved gracefully through the martial motions that were uniquely Echani. It was good to see her girlfriend engaged in physical activity. Tigris was a big proponent of the benefits to mind and heart a healthy physique could provide.

Tigris said nothing, but stood to the side, arms folded over her chest, until Everest was ready to speak.

Everest Vale

 

[Everest Vale]

Tigris moved like the shadow she was, ever mindful, ever silent. It wasn't the sound or sight of her that Eve noticed when she entered the dojo, but rather that subtle and mature aura in the Force about her that she recognised instantly. To Eve, it was always such a comfort to feel it nearby. It always made her feel at peace, safe, able to let go.

But it was different this time. The thought of having Tigris there to see her now, in the way that she was, shot a sharp pain through her heart. She couldn't bear the thought of Tigris having to see her like this. Not now. Not when she was so... weak.

She tried her best to ignore her love's presence, increasing the intensity of her motions, her body cutting through the air with masterful acrobatics, as if trying to pretend she wasn't there and it was just her and her movement.

But she couldn't ignore her. Tigris' aura persisted, a gentle hum of warmth, melting away the icy shell Eve had worked so hard to build around her. Eventually, as her footwork shifted her attention around in Tigris' direction, she paused mid-strike. Even from a distance, she could see those dark, deep eyes locked on her own, and it was as if everything she had been attempting to block out began to flow.

From just the mere sight of her, she could feel her lip beginning to quiver already without her consent, and her eyes threaten to well. A weak whisper escaped her.

"Tig..." She couldn't audibly finish the word, but she mouthed the end of it silently. She pressed her eyes closed, trying to push away the tears that came to her, and forced herself to keep drilling.

"Y-You... You shou—" She could feel everything falling apart around her rapidly, and tried to fight against the cocktail of emotions that brewed in her. When she tried, to speak again, it came out as a blubber. "Y-You... sh-shouldn't b-b-b-be here... P-Plea..."

She hadn't quite registered that she had stopped moving altogether, and stood there in the centre of the room, hands hanging loose at her sides, but her tender hands clenching into weak fists. And when their eyes finally locked again – her teeth already clenching as a final, weak attempt to stop it all from coming – tears started furiously falling down her face.

After days of cutting herself off from it all, Eve just couldn't hold it in anymore.

Tigris​

 

[Tigris]

Eve tried to ignore her. She had shut everyone out. Tigris' eyes remained fixed on the Echani. Eve had not only shut out her, she shut out Master Noble and all of her friends. Eve's girlfriend knew it had to end, and it was she who would confront Everest, for her own good.

Her gaze remained unwavering as she watched Eve begin to crumble. The girl's strikes grew weaker and she finally turned to look at Tigris, her bottom lip quivered, and the Recopian knew Eve couldn't hold it back any longer. Eve tried to be strong, and through clenched teeth manage to utter words Tigris knew the girl didn't mean. Dark eyes softened as tears began to trickle down Everest's porcelain cheeks.

Arms across her chest unfolded and she took a step towards the girl teetering on a break down. "No, Eve, this is where I belong. With you." Tigris was firm but gentle in her tone. "Its time to stop this." She admonished again, taking Eve's hands in her own. "Sit with me." She instructed, guiding Everest to sit on the floor. They sat knee to knee, Tigris still holding Eve's hands.

"You will destroy yourself like this." The tattooed girl continued. "You may think you are already destroyed, but that is a lie." She released one hand to reach and brush away the escaping tears from Eve's cheeks. "You will come back from this. And if I hear you say anything different... well, you know how much of a hard ass I can be." Tigris allowed a small smirk to touch her lips. "Too many people care about you, love you, to let you whither way." Then her face became serious.

"It won't ever leave you, but you learn to live with it. I have. You know who I was, what I did...before. When I came to the Light, those memories haunted me, with guilt, and literally in my sleep. Sometimes they still do. But It was people like Master Vanagor... and you, who taught me that there is too much life to live to be held in bondage to the trauma we experience."

Tigris knew she was talking a lot, which was not likeher. She wasn't sure if her words would mean anything, if they would shed light into Eve's darkened soul. Tigris tried to remain compassionate, though she was frustrated at Eve for shutting her out, and because she was worried for Everest like she had never been for anyone before. Tigris didn't like to be afraid.

Everest Vale

 

[Everest Vale]

It was all too much for the little Echani. As Tigris spoke, placing a hand on her cheek to wipe her tears that never seemed to stop, she nestled her cheek against her palm, desperate for the contact in ways she hadn't realised. Her lip quivered beyond her control as her face remained scrunched and red, as all of the tension that built up inside of her streamed from her uncontrollably. Her body shivered as the feeling of it all finally reached its overwhelming peak and a sense of overwhelming guilt gnawed at her, melding with every other feeling that plagued her.

"I-I'm... s-s-sorry..."

It was all she could manage through her tears.

Tigris' words were tough. It shocked something in Eve, to be spoken to in such a way by her, but she knew deep down it was what she needed to hear. The Recopian's words were firm but they held a gentleness that Eve knew was only made for her. In her unique way, Tigris presented full clarity to her, and as she listened with growing focus, Eve was taking some of it in, even though the pain in her heart didn't budge.

Tigris would know about this. Of course she would. For her entire life before the Jedi, she had been sculpted to bring doom to her victims. She had accepted that part of her history, even when she didn't comprehend it fully. But now that she had experienced so much death for herself suddenly, she wasn't prepared for it, and it had left a wide open gash inside of her.

But Tigris was wise. She was strong. Her words held weight, and somewhere behind the sobbing that arrested Eve's whole body, there was a flicker of acknowledgement, a spark of familiarity that sought to calm her. Right now, though, she knew she just wanted – needed — one thing more than anything else in all the galaxy.

"H-hold me..."

Tigris​

 

[Tigris]

Everest was, in many ways, childlike. Not that Tigris had any experience around children. But the Echani was so tenderhearted and emotional. Most would say Tigris was neither of those things. But, Eve did bring out something unexpected in Tigris, especially at moments like this, when the older padawan could see how distraught and crushed her girlfriend had become. The desire to nuture the younger woman arose within Tigris, and her firmer stance on Eve's condition softened at the sight of tears.

Everest was not weak. Her compassion and tenderness did make her vulnerable to the harshness of life, but she had a strength deep in her that Tigris saw. She hoped to help draw it out, even as Everest was helping Tigris find her humanity.

Eve tried hard to hold it back, and Eve could see her sorrow and distress spilling out like water through the cracks of a dam about to break. Her beuatiful face was contorted in pain and effort, even as tears could not be restrained. Her beloved managed to utter two words...

Hold me.

Tigris didn't hesitate, she found a need to hold Everest as much as the Echani needed it. The Recopian quickly scooted next to Everest, wrapping her arm around her and hoisting her onto her lap, so she could snake both arms around Eve and hold her close. She rested her dark-maned head on the silver-crowned Everest, holding her as close as she could.

"Let it out, my angel. Don't hold it back, you need to let it out." Eve needed to grieve, to mourn, to vent her feelings. Tigris would hold her close and allow the Echani to do just that. Everest was Tigris' angel, and her heart felt an unfamiliar ache at her girlfriend's profound sorrow.

Everest Vale

 

[Everest Vale]

Tigris acted with the swift precision and skill one might expect from her, and Eve's delicate frame was hoisted into her lap with no trouble at all. She wrapped her arms around the Echani and squeezed her tight against her as her tears became stronger, but it was Tigris' gentle words of permission into her ear that truly made every remaining barrier she may have still somehow managed to keep up finally fall apart completely.

"Let it out, my angel. Don't hold it back, you need to let it out."

Eve's body shook within her arms, and at long last she cried hard, loud, like a child might, her whole body melting into Tigris, her head falling to rest against her shoulder and neck. She shivered uncontrollably, a shiver that could be felt in every bone, every nerve, from her lip all the way down to the pit of her stomach, as desperate, painful whines came from her.

Then the weep transformed into something heavier, harder, more painful as the images of everything from Woostri returned to her, blending through and distorting every sense. She could see Michael Tanners' broken body, and face looking lifelessly up at her. She could see the nameless, faceless soldier she had killed. She could see the way Tigris had to go out of her own way to save her. She could see the countless dead littered across a broken city, and a limitless list of names belonging to people lost. She could see that terrible, terrible storm.

And she could see Azzie's face. Her friend. Her sister. Somewhere lost, trapped, suffering. And Colette, gravely wounded and barely conscious.

And she screamed, in a way she never had before.

Her whole body sought to get it all out, her body shaking horribly as her eyes and nose ran. The scream became a harrowing weep that could only come from one who's heart had been broken in a way that couldn't ever expressed with words, or comprehended at all. Pale fingers dug into Tigris' back.

She wasn't sure how long they were there for — a crumpled heap of skin on skin, herself merely a relentlessly wound up ball of emotions that had finally been given the chance she needed to release all of her own tension – but eventually those horrible weeps became quieter, subsiding into a lighter mewl. Eve's fingers curled around the fabric of Tigris' outfit, as if a part of herself desperately needed some kind of stimulation to remind herself who and where she was, and what she was doing.

She eventually went quiet altogether, her breathing ever so slowly returning to some degree of normalcy, as her senses started to finally tune into her surroundings again. She was still tightly wrapped in Tigris' arms, still safe in her unending embrace. She was warm, and she held her so firmly. She could smell her natural scent; it was what finally made her truly aware of her surroundings again, and could feel the warmth of her skin against hers. Through half-open eyelids, pupils shrunk against the gentle lights of the dojo.

She was tired. Exhausted. It was written all over her face. Her eyes had developed dark bags beneath them, her skin paler than it normally was. She nuzzled her face against Tigris slowly, doing her best to bring herself slowly back into the room. She didn't lift her head, she couldn't manage it, but she did just about manage to let out a soft, muffled whimper against her girlfriend's neck.

"B-bed..."

She hadn't slept in days. It was finally all hitting her.

Tigris​

 

[Tigris]

Tigris expected a breakdown, hoping Eve would just let it out. She wasn't an expert on emotional health, but anyone could see that Everest was eating herself up inside, and you could only struggle to hold a beach ball underwater so long before it pops out through the surface. She just didn't expect the intensity of Eve's pent up emotions.

Tigris didn't know if anyone else had slipped into the dojo, but none remained but herself and the grieving Eve. As the girl shuddered, wept and wailed, The dark-haired woman held her tight, both an embrace of love, and to keep Eve from escaping before she had worked out her despair. Tigris had no concept of the depth of Eve's sorrow and trauma as she became undone in her arms.

Only after the sobbing quieted to broken snubs, did the tight hold of slender, strong arms loosen just a bit. Tigris loved the feel of Everest's body against hers, warm and giving, even in Eve's such profound sadness. Soft kisses were pressed to the Echani's silver hair. A word had not been spoken through the episode, and still none were offered. This was beyond words. All Tigris could do was to hold Eve and love on her.

Finally, those silver eyes, now shot with read, cracked open. Even she looked like death warmed over, Everest was beautiful to Tigris. She gently stroked that sweat-soaked hair.

Eve uttered one word. Bed. Tigris knew something had broken open in Everest, that her healing could begin. That healing would start with rest. The older padawan nodded, shifting her arms to cradle Eve and to stand. The women were nearly the same size, but Tigris was strong and fit, and easily and to Eve's room carried her. There, she laid Everest onto her bed, and laid beside her, leaning on her elbow. Tigris continued to silently stroke the Echani's hair, watching over Everest and pondering the depths of her own feelings for the girl so different from herself.

Everest Vale

 

[Everest Vale]

Eve barely remembered being carried to her dorm and placed on her bed, except for the distant sensation of gentle strokes against her hair whilst dipping in and out of consciousness. When she finally awoke, some hours later, the room was darker and Tigris lay asleep beside her. The room was still, perfectly silent except for the rhythmic in and out of Tigris' breathing. It warmed her heart.

Eve lay there for a while, watching her sleep. The paralysing pain that held her heart so ruthlessly had finally eased, and she actually felt rested. She took in a slow, gentle breath, not moving at all, but simply laying there, drifting gently and comfortably in and out consciousness, enjoying the quiet moment for what it was.

Everything felt perfect then. She could feel Tigris' warmth against her, the rhythm of her breath seeming almost like a lullaby for herself. Here, she was safe, protected from all of it. It was enough to make her eyes well from all the warmth that suddenly rushed through her heart.

Gently, she placed a pale hand delicately on Tigris' cheek — trying her best not to wake her — and savoured the feeling of her face in her palm. Her heart flushed with an intense, unmovable love for the woman beside her. This woman who had given her everything, had chosen to give her love to her of all people, and was there to pull her from her deepest, darkest despair. She was there when she needed it most. She would never forget it. A single tear fell from her; this time of immeasurable joy and gratitude of everything she had.

Tigris​