Kal
Whispers
“Whatever! There be no treasure to find, no map to hidden riches or undiscovered artifacts, so if that what ye expecting, sorry to disappoint ye.” The Ewok smiled. “Me man of simple pleasures. Comfortable bed, warm fire, and good food are all me ever wanted. So! Me hope ye have refined palate, because only knowledge me have to impart is best recipes in the galaxy.”
- Darth Culinarius, Mystery Box Auction
OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
- Intent: Codify a recently-acquired depository of knowledge pertaining to Culinary Alchemy.
- Canon: N/A
- Permissions: Sold by
Lao Pak
and idea by
Jacen Nimdok
- originally acquired from an angry Jedi lady and her crazy boyfriends. - Links: Sith Alchemy
GENERAL INFORMATION
- Holocron Name: Holocron of Darth Culinarius
- Alignment: Dark Side
- Origin: Darth Culinarius
- Affiliation: Kal
- Gatekeeper: Darth Culinarius himself, "a squat little Ewok in black robes", is the Gatekeeper; known for taking himself much less serious than many other Sith, he will often feign simplemindedness and an inability to speak Basic, though neither is true. A cunning yet overspecialised creature, he will frequently seek to annoy users but will share the secrets of his famous Dark Side Cookies if shown sufficient respect.
- Description: An unusual Holocron holding significant knowledge of culinary alchemy and general cookery.
DEFENSES
- Accessibility: A Sith of simple needs, Culinarius is generally willing to share his secrets freely to those he deems worthy.
- Security: The Holocron lacks any direct defensive measures, but the inability to access its tasty recipes could be considered punishing.
CONTENT INFORMATION
Focusing entirely on "culinary alchemy" and general, not-even-slightly-mystical, cookery at the expense of the usual ancient rituals and blasphemous incantations, the Holocron of Darth Culinarius is far from traditional as far as Sith Holocrons go. Its exact contents are detailed below.
- In-depth knowledge and instructions on the culinary applications of traditional Sith Alchemy, including a multitude of innovations. Some of the recipes and methods described therein are capable of producing mystical effects, at times drawing from Sith Magic; that said, many simply explain how one might, e.g., "draw on the ancient blood feud between the Jedi and the Sith to ensure the crispness of croissants".
- Perhaps most notably, the Holocron contains the secrets of Culanarius' famed "Dark Side Cookies", whose unnatural tastiness are said to be sufficient to tempt even the staunchest, most stolid of Jedi Masters and bring joy even to the most restless of Sith Spirits.
- As an addendum, it also features various recipes for Sith Poison - and equally importantly, notes on how to make it tasty.
- Not content merely with knowledge of Alchemy and the Dark, Culinarius will happily share his extensive expertise in all manner of cooking, baking, and related activities; with sufficient time, a Sith may be transformed into a true master of the culinary arts, a function much more beneficial to society than running around in inky black robes, choking one's subordinates, and just standing there, menacingly.
- In addition to more conventional recipes, the Holocron describes in great detail the various ways in which the meat of sentients can be prepared; Culinarius himself strongly recommends slow-cooking soldiers in their armour, arguing that plastoid is optimal.
HISTORICAL INFORMATION
With his humble origins in a now long-forgotten Ewok Death Cult dedicated to worshipping the (presumed) corpse of Darth Palpatine following the destruction of the second Death Star over Endor, it is no surprise that Culinarius does not seem to appear in any official Sith records, though some still whisper of the splendour of his once-famed Dark Side Cookies, whose tastiness is said to be beyond the comprehension of lesser beings.
Having moved past such superstitious origins, Culinarius appears to have lived a long, productive life acquiring culinary secrets from living chefs and ancient ruins alike, eventually assembling this holocron, a veritable trove of knowledge and expertise of great value to any would-be Dark Side Chefs.
It is likely that more traditionally-inclined Sith might find such knowledge "useless", especially since "very little in here would help me kill people!"
