Private Hope

[Aiden Porte]

Naboo
Theed-Cafe
Dreidi Xeraic

He had a lot of apologies to make, some more than most. However he couldn't pass complete blame on himself, other than the fact that he shouldn't have been drinking. Or that things trigged his massive anxiety attack that night of the Festival in the mountains. How he treated Dreidi that night was pure nonsense. Not after all they had been through. That was his fear, and he couldn't let it take control anymore. Not after what he he told his Master, he couldn't fail again. He was tired of that, just....tired.

Aiden could feel what Dreidi was feeling towards him, and truth was that she deserved far better than him. He knew after a good nights sleep and several days of clearing his mind. He had to better himself before he could ever feel that emotion again.

He had to be better.

These people closest to him, they were family and friends. They were the ones, that he wanted to make the most proud of him.

Aiden cleared his throat as he took a seat in the small cafe, which was quite popular today, mainly for the hot chocolate. Which Aiden ordered some for him and a cup for Dreidi as well.

Patiently he waited...

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Naboo, Theed cafe.
Outfit: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Tag: Aiden Porte

Seeing Aiden at the party had caused a lot of concern in Dreidi. Someone she deeply cared for was in trouble and she hadn't noticed up until the other night how much Aiden had been struggling. Dreidi felt like she had let down her friend massively.

Aiden had always been such a positive energy and a happy go lucky type of person, it was one of the traits that she loved about him. But it was clear that he needed help now and Dreidi wasn't going to leave until she got him back on a path towards recovery. She wasn't going to let Aiden go without help or support anymore.

Dreidi breathed in deeply, and entered the cafe that Aiden had arranged to meet her at. She was slightly late but she blamed that on the pregnancy and having to go back and forth to the bathroom several times when she was wanting to leave.

Sliding into the seat, looking at Aiden, she gave a warm smile. Today she would be the positive energy that Aiden needed in his life.

 

[Aiden Porte]

Naboo
Theed-Cafe
Tags: Dreidi Xeraic

He smiled, matching hers as she showed up and took a seat. "Dreidi....." Aiden said a smile still on his face. "I uh...got you some hot chocolate. It's the drink of the day it seems."

Aiden reached for his mug as he took a small sip, before setting it back down again. "I owe you an apology, probably a thousand times over. I was drinking, and I had episode....." Aiden chuckled lightly at the last part, he rubbed the side of his neck a bit before continuing. "I carry some scars from things that have happened to me. I've tried to let them go, but for some reason I can't."

He reached for his cup again and took another sip, he held the cup close to him before setting it back down again.

"You've been amazing to me, and I shouldn't have treated you like that. I do hope you forgive me."

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Naboo, Theed cafe.
Outfit: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Tag: Aiden Porte

Dreidi nodded her head and accepted the drink that he got. "I appreciate it."

Hearing the apology from Aiden, Dreidi shook her head and did not believe he had anything to apologise for. She reached forward and took his hand in hers. "Aiden. It was the drinking or the episode that worried me. It's realising I let you down by not being the support you need that you are for everyone else." Dreidi gave a sad smile.

"We all have scars Aiden, I have been through a lot that has left me a wreck. I was broken for years after my father was killed." Dreidi gave his hand a squeeze, "so you don't have to hide the scars, they won't just go away, they are there forever. Only time and accepting them will allow us to move forward."

She leaned back a little, "I don't need an apology Aiden, I am here to make sure that you don't keep bottling these things up and end up a broken shell." Dreidi all too well what happened when you never let someone in or see your vulnerable sign. "So promise me, that you will not keep hiding your true feelings." There was a lingering fire of concern that Dreidi would not back down on this.

 

[Aiden Porte]

Naboo
Theed-Cafe
Tags: Dreidi Xeraic

Her hand reached for his, and in reaction his other hand moved to take that one too, both of his holding hers. "No, you didn't let me down. You couldn't...." He said with a smile, giving her hand another gentle squeeze before he let go and his hands closed around the mug of hot choclate. He took another sip.

She lost her father, and he couldn't have imagined what that was like. Aiden didn't know what he would do if he lost his father or mother. The padwan was aware that everyone had their own turmoil, their own trauma.

"I don't need an apology Aiden, I am here to make sure that you don't keep bottling these things up and end up a broken

"So promise me, that you will not keep hiding your true feelings."

"Okay.....I promise Dreidi." He said with a soft sigh, as if taking one of the many steps he would take to getting through this.

"How did you get through it, the loss of your father. Did the pain go away in time, or did you have someone help you?" The Padawan inquired, he had learned from his father and heard from him that he wouldn't ever forget Esme, but that life did indeed go on. Maybe not the same way, but he was told that he would have to make this life work. At the time he didn't want to hear it, he didn't care. He just wanted her back, if he could give up a part of his soul to see her again, he would.

She was for all purposes, his true love. Which was why this was so hard.....

But he knew he had to move on.

He had to...

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Naboo, Theed cafe.
Outfit: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Tag: Aiden Porte

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach when she felt Aiden take her hands in his. It wasn't what she had wanted him to do, she was trying to be the one comforting him. However, Aiden being his usual self gave some comfort and triggering desires she had best left unsaid.

"It took time, the support of others and accepting my grief. Then I started focusing on the good memories, the fond ones. Appreciating that we spent time together and that no one could take that away." Dreidi squeezed Aiden's hands back. "I wish I could spend more time with him, that will never change. However, lingering on the negatives. It can blind you to the present and the future."

Dreidi studied his face, "you're cherished by friends, family and people who care about you in more ways than words could be expressed." She wanted to hug him, kiss him, tell him everything would be alright and that she would make sure to soothe all the problems he had. But it was a step too far and she doubted he saw her as anything other than a friend. Especially since she did not have the looks of the gorgeous Naboonians that were hanging around him now.

Grisial rested his head on Aiden's lap to offer some comfort on top of what Dreidi was offering. "We are in a war, survivor's guilt and losing loved ones is something every Jedi will face. Hopefully things improve soon. But right now, neither of us will be alone in our grief."

 

[Aiden Porte]

"It took time, the support of others and accepting my grief. Then I started focusing on the good memories, the fond ones. Appreciating that we spent time together and that no one could take that away."

"I wish I could spend more time with him, that will never change. However, lingering on the negatives. It can blind you to the present and the future."

"I always felt talking about it, was a sign of weakness. I felt that talking about it, would reintroduce that pain back into my life. I thought I was right for the longest time, which is why I held it in. Why I kept my mouth shut, I didn't believe at that time."

"you're cherished by friends, family and people who care about you in more ways than words could be expressed."

"I know that now...well I fee like I've always known. I just took me a hard long walk in the cold mountains to realize it." He said with a small chuckle and he felt Grisials head resting in his lap and he smirked. "Hey you..." Aiden said as he petted Grisial affectionately.

"I want to thank you Dreidi. You've been amazing to me, for a long time...." Aiden looked to her showing a smile. He could feel it, he could sense it. It was gnawing it him, guilt. Right now he knew he couldn't reciprocate what she was feeling towards him. "I just...I can't quite give you what you are seeking right now...." Aiden said, the smile on his face vanishing and replaced with a small look of remorse. Aiden' wasn't going to say there was someone else, because truthfully, he didn't know.

Things seemed like such a mess right now.

"I'm sorry....."

Dreidi Xeraic

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Naboo, Theed cafe.
Outfit: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Tag: Aiden Porte

Nodding her head, "it can be hard and initially the pain is too raw, too fresh for someone to share. However, time makes that pain easier to manage, time away from when the death happened is something that causes some separation, which helps us speak." Dreidi stated as there was sympathy and sorrow in her eyes.

Grisial nuzzled into the affectionate touch with his own affection to Aiden, showing how much both Grisial and Dreidi cared about Aiden.

Dreidi raised her eyebrow, "Seeking?" She gave a gentle chuckle and the shake of her head, "Aiden. I have never demanded anything more from you than friendship. I never expected you to want anything more from me than friendship." Dreidi stated, her heart was sore with her setting what she desired with what was practical right now. Perhaps there would be nothing more than friendship between them.

Aiden didn't owe her any romance, Dreidi didn't want to demand it either. If there was nothing more than friendship between them then she would simply had to move forward with her life. Continue the friendship but seek the connection with others.

"Don't be sorry for being you, we are friends and we always will be, Aiden." She smiled warmly and kissed her forehead.