Private Hope

[Aiden Porte]

Naboo
Theed-Cafe
Dreidi Xeraic

He had a lot of apologies to make, some more than most. However he couldn't pass complete blame on himself, other than the fact that he shouldn't have been drinking. Or that things trigged his massive anxiety attack that night of the Festival in the mountains. How he treated Dreidi that night was pure nonsense. Not after all they had been through. That was his fear, and he couldn't let it take control anymore. Not after what he he told his Master, he couldn't fail again. He was tired of that, just....tired.

Aiden could feel what Dreidi was feeling towards him, and truth was that she deserved far better than him. He knew after a good nights sleep and several days of clearing his mind. He had to better himself before he could ever feel that emotion again.

He had to be better.

These people closest to him, they were family and friends. They were the ones, that he wanted to make the most proud of him.

Aiden cleared his throat as he took a seat in the small cafe, which was quite popular today, mainly for the hot chocolate. Which Aiden ordered some for him and a cup for Dreidi as well.

Patiently he waited...

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Naboo, Theed cafe.
Outfit: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Tag: Aiden Porte

Seeing Aiden at the party had caused a lot of concern in Dreidi. Someone she deeply cared for was in trouble and she hadn't noticed up until the other night how much Aiden had been struggling. Dreidi felt like she had let down her friend massively.

Aiden had always been such a positive energy and a happy go lucky type of person, it was one of the traits that she loved about him. But it was clear that he needed help now and Dreidi wasn't going to leave until she got him back on a path towards recovery. She wasn't going to let Aiden go without help or support anymore.

Dreidi breathed in deeply, and entered the cafe that Aiden had arranged to meet her at. She was slightly late but she blamed that on the pregnancy and having to go back and forth to the bathroom several times when she was wanting to leave.

Sliding into the seat, looking at Aiden, she gave a warm smile. Today she would be the positive energy that Aiden needed in his life.

 

[Aiden Porte]

Naboo
Theed-Cafe
Tags: Dreidi Xeraic

He smiled, matching hers as she showed up and took a seat. "Dreidi....." Aiden said a smile still on his face. "I uh...got you some hot chocolate. It's the drink of the day it seems."

Aiden reached for his mug as he took a small sip, before setting it back down again. "I owe you an apology, probably a thousand times over. I was drinking, and I had episode....." Aiden chuckled lightly at the last part, he rubbed the side of his neck a bit before continuing. "I carry some scars from things that have happened to me. I've tried to let them go, but for some reason I can't."

He reached for his cup again and took another sip, he held the cup close to him before setting it back down again.

"You've been amazing to me, and I shouldn't have treated you like that. I do hope you forgive me."

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Naboo, Theed cafe.
Outfit: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Tag: Aiden Porte

Dreidi nodded her head and accepted the drink that he got. "I appreciate it."

Hearing the apology from Aiden, Dreidi shook her head and did not believe he had anything to apologise for. She reached forward and took his hand in hers. "Aiden. It was the drinking or the episode that worried me. It's realising I let you down by not being the support you need that you are for everyone else." Dreidi gave a sad smile.

"We all have scars Aiden, I have been through a lot that has left me a wreck. I was broken for years after my father was killed." Dreidi gave his hand a squeeze, "so you don't have to hide the scars, they won't just go away, they are there forever. Only time and accepting them will allow us to move forward."

She leaned back a little, "I don't need an apology Aiden, I am here to make sure that you don't keep bottling these things up and end up a broken shell." Dreidi all too well what happened when you never let someone in or see your vulnerable sign. "So promise me, that you will not keep hiding your true feelings." There was a lingering fire of concern that Dreidi would not back down on this.

 

[Aiden Porte]

Naboo
Theed-Cafe
Tags: Dreidi Xeraic

Her hand reached for his, and in reaction his other hand moved to take that one too, both of his holding hers. "No, you didn't let me down. You couldn't...." He said with a smile, giving her hand another gentle squeeze before he let go and his hands closed around the mug of hot choclate. He took another sip.

She lost her father, and he couldn't have imagined what that was like. Aiden didn't know what he would do if he lost his father or mother. The padwan was aware that everyone had their own turmoil, their own trauma.

"I don't need an apology Aiden, I am here to make sure that you don't keep bottling these things up and end up a broken

"So promise me, that you will not keep hiding your true feelings."

"Okay.....I promise Dreidi." He said with a soft sigh, as if taking one of the many steps he would take to getting through this.

"How did you get through it, the loss of your father. Did the pain go away in time, or did you have someone help you?" The Padawan inquired, he had learned from his father and heard from him that he wouldn't ever forget Esme, but that life did indeed go on. Maybe not the same way, but he was told that he would have to make this life work. At the time he didn't want to hear it, he didn't care. He just wanted her back, if he could give up a part of his soul to see her again, he would.

She was for all purposes, his true love. Which was why this was so hard.....

But he knew he had to move on.

He had to...

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Naboo, Theed cafe.
Outfit: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Tag: Aiden Porte

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach when she felt Aiden take her hands in his. It wasn't what she had wanted him to do, she was trying to be the one comforting him. However, Aiden being his usual self gave some comfort and triggering desires she had best left unsaid.

"It took time, the support of others and accepting my grief. Then I started focusing on the good memories, the fond ones. Appreciating that we spent time together and that no one could take that away." Dreidi squeezed Aiden's hands back. "I wish I could spend more time with him, that will never change. However, lingering on the negatives. It can blind you to the present and the future."

Dreidi studied his face, "you're cherished by friends, family and people who care about you in more ways than words could be expressed." She wanted to hug him, kiss him, tell him everything would be alright and that she would make sure to soothe all the problems he had. But it was a step too far and she doubted he saw her as anything other than a friend. Especially since she did not have the looks of the gorgeous Naboonians that were hanging around him now.

Grisial rested his head on Aiden's lap to offer some comfort on top of what Dreidi was offering. "We are in a war, survivor's guilt and losing loved ones is something every Jedi will face. Hopefully things improve soon. But right now, neither of us will be alone in our grief."

 

[Aiden Porte]

"It took time, the support of others and accepting my grief. Then I started focusing on the good memories, the fond ones. Appreciating that we spent time together and that no one could take that away."

"I wish I could spend more time with him, that will never change. However, lingering on the negatives. It can blind you to the present and the future."

"I always felt talking about it, was a sign of weakness. I felt that talking about it, would reintroduce that pain back into my life. I thought I was right for the longest time, which is why I held it in. Why I kept my mouth shut, I didn't believe at that time."

"you're cherished by friends, family and people who care about you in more ways than words could be expressed."

"I know that now...well I fee like I've always known. I just took me a hard long walk in the cold mountains to realize it." He said with a small chuckle and he felt Grisials head resting in his lap and he smirked. "Hey you..." Aiden said as he petted Grisial affectionately.

"I want to thank you Dreidi. You've been amazing to me, for a long time...." Aiden looked to her showing a smile. He could feel it, he could sense it. It was gnawing it him, guilt. Right now he knew he couldn't reciprocate what she was feeling towards him. "I just...I can't quite give you what you are seeking right now...." Aiden said, the smile on his face vanishing and replaced with a small look of remorse. Aiden' wasn't going to say there was someone else, because truthfully, he didn't know.

Things seemed like such a mess right now.

"I'm sorry....."

Dreidi Xeraic

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Naboo, Theed cafe.
Outfit: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Tag: Aiden Porte

Nodding her head, "it can be hard and initially the pain is too raw, too fresh for someone to share. However, time makes that pain easier to manage, time away from when the death happened is something that causes some separation, which helps us speak." Dreidi stated as there was sympathy and sorrow in her eyes.

Grisial nuzzled into the affectionate touch with his own affection to Aiden, showing how much both Grisial and Dreidi cared about Aiden.

Dreidi raised her eyebrow, "Seeking?" She gave a gentle chuckle and the shake of her head, "Aiden. I have never demanded anything more from you than friendship. I never expected you to want anything more from me than friendship." Dreidi stated, her heart was sore with her setting what she desired with what was practical right now. Perhaps there would be nothing more than friendship between them.

Aiden didn't owe her any romance, Dreidi didn't want to demand it either. If there was nothing more than friendship between them then she would simply had to move forward with her life. Continue the friendship but seek the connection with others.

"Don't be sorry for being you, we are friends and we always will be, Aiden." She smiled warmly and kissed her forehead.

 

[Aiden Porte]

"Aiden. I have never demanded anything more from you than friendship. I never expected you to want anything more from me than friendship."

"I know that...I just...." Aiden started to say, and perhaps he thought he was being a bit foolish as well. She gave him a kiss on the foreheand and he closed his eyes for a few seconds, and took a deep breath before opening.

"Don't be sorry for being you, we are friends and we always will be, Aiden."

"I know we will, always." The Padawan said with a smile as he he looked at her. He cleared his throat and while there was some more stuff that he could talk about with him, but they had most of the day. He really wanted to see what came of this pregnacy.

"Enough about me for a bit. How are you?" Aiden inquired with a smile. "The pregnancy and everything, how far along are you?"

Dreidi Xeraic

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Naboo, Theed cafe.
Outfit: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Tag: Aiden Porte

Her thumb caressed his cheek slightly as she allowed herself a moment of deeper intimacy with Aiden before Dreidi pulled back and settled back into her chair. Dreidi gave a smile and nodded her head, she was glad that he knew that they would always be friends. No matter how hard it would get for her to see him with others, she knew that it was important to maintain their friendship for both their sakes. Dreidi couldn't envision her life without Aiden being in it to some degree.

"I'm doing as well as a pregnant single woman can be." Dreidi chuckled deeply, "the fellow sisters on Dathomir have been helping me with the day to day stuff and they mentioned that things are going according to plan. My mother has also been involved somewhat, however, she is also busy with other things." Dreidi had hoped to be closer with Jairdain by now but things weren't always simple to work out as she had hoped. "In terms of how far along, I think a few months now. Enough to be showing and the morning sickness has gone now which is a blessing. Just hoping to avoid any weird food cravings."

Dreidi smirked, "how about you? I saw that you and the queen are very close, and I could tell that Blaire liked you to some degree as well." Dreidi's perceptions from the other evening were not something she was letting go unnoticed.

 

[Aiden Porte]

Aiden was pleased to hear that there were those that were helping her. He had heard countless times that it wasn't something that one should go through alone. You needed your partner, lover, friend.....

Whatever was needed to make sure things went as comfortable and smoothly as possible. "If you need any help with anything. I'll be more than happy to assist." Aiden said with a small smile. She mentioned that the morning sickness and such had abated and that was good. "You do look great, just so you know." The Padawan said showing her assurance with a big smile.

"how about you? I saw that you and the queen are very close, and I could tell that Blaire liked you to some degree as well."

"For sure, Kalantha is a really good friend. I met her during the initial Cataclysm, she lost a great deal that day. But there isn't anything romantic there, I would think that would ever happen. She's been a good friend to me for years. And Blaire...?" Aiden chuckled lightly while Blaire was indeed beautiful and had her own personaltiy. "She is incredibly unique, but she had been through the ringer the past few months. I feel it would be wrong to try to seek something there. She's honestly too good for me, contrary to popular belief I'm still a mess."

Aiden took a drink from his mug before setting it back down again. "My sight is set on someone, but I think I might have shot myself in the foot on that one. It's not love, way too soon for that. But I felt something...."

The Jedi Padawan smile as he crossed his arms. "I lost someone close to me, someone I loved. Esme Volcaine, she was killed during an terrorist attack by the New Way, the unblessed if you could call them that. That was almost a year and some months ago. I'm still carrying scars from that."

Aiden showed a small smile, that had a small hint of sadness. "Would you still do it, Dreidi? Would you love someone, like fall in love with someone? Even though you know you could lose it all?"

Dreidi Xeraic

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Naboo, Theed cafe.
Outfit: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Tag: Aiden Porte

"That's sweet of you to offer." Dreidi was unsure how much help she would accept but it was a kind offer from Aiden and she knew that her son would likely need some more masculine presences in his life than those from Dathomir. Especially understanding that Dathomir culture was not the norm for how men were seen in cultures. "And kind of you to mention but I am just a bloated mess right now, just dreading the day he starts kicking my bladder." Dreidi moaned with a slight chuckle to her voice.

When Aiden mentioned that Kalantha was just a friend, she wondered if that was the same way that Dreidi was just a friend to Aiden. Someone who held an unrequited crush to him. He did mention that Blaire in a different way, that was clearly someone he liked in a way that was more than friendship. "No one is too good for you Aiden, don't sell yourself short." A caring glint in her eye as she hated the idea that someone as amazing as Aiden saw himself as anything but brilliant. He wasn't perfect, no one was, but he was a shining light that deserved to be supported by someone who appreciated his presence.

Her heart froze when he mentioned there was someone he did feel some affection for. It was solidifying the fact that she couldn't linger with her feelings here and that doing so would only hurt her more. Instead, she needed to focus on moving forward, finding herself a partner who did want her and was going to stick around. However, she did not linger on such issues, instead she listened to the problems that Aiden had been suffering with. "I am sorry for your loss. I saw how close you and Esme were, I did not realise she passed." In fact, seeing Aiden head over heels for Esme was how Dreidi realised she cared for Aiden more than simple friendship, there was a jealousy in her she had not felt with other friends.

And it was still there. However, she knew better than to let it control her.

"If there is someone you care for and makes your heart skip a beat when thinking of them or simply being near them, then you should always chase that." Dreidi mentioned. "We are Jedi, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow, especially currently, and Esme would not want you to live in misery just for her. Your memories of her and the time spent with her, keeps her alive and proves that chasing happiness is crucial. If we don't let ourselves love then is life truly worth fighting for."

 

[Aiden Porte]

"That's sweet of you to offer."

"You are very welcome." Aiden said with a small smile as he nodded his head, and he meant it. If he could help her anyway he could, that would ease some troubles and some stress, why wouldn't he. He still wanted to be that source of strength, light and hope for his friends.

"No one is too good for you Aiden, don't sell yourself short."

"That's kind of you to say." The Padawan said with a small chuckle as he reached for his cup and took another sip. Thinking on that comment a bit more before he nodded his head. "Thank you Dreidi."

"I am sorry for your loss. I saw how close you and Esme were, I did not realise she passed."

"If there is someone you care for and makes your heart skip a beat when thinking of them or simply being near them, then you should always chase that.

"We are Jedi, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow, especially currently, and Esme would not want you to live in misery just for her. Your memories of her and the time spent with her, keeps her alive and proves that chasing happiness is crucial. If we don't let ourselves love then is life truly worth fighting for

"It was sudden and simply tragic, I'm working on moving past that. It's been a struggle but for the most part, I'm going to be okay." The Jedi paawan nodded to Dreidi and smiled. And when she spoke of chasing what was there. He slightly shrugged his shoulders a bit, and couldn't help but laugh. Not at her words of wisdom or her caring. But the fact that he felt that his fear was driving that scenario. It was funny because that was something that he needed to work on.

"I'm going to try my best. I feel I know in my heart what I need to do." Aiden set the cup down as he let his hands rest in his lap. "I'm working up to it I suppose." The Padawan laughed and he took a deep breath. "Have you thought of a name for you child?"

Dreidi Xeraic

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Naboo, Theed cafe.
Outfit: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Tag: Aiden Porte

Dreidi nodded her head, she knew that sudden and tragic deaths were hard to move forward on. It had similar for her father. While he had been on a slow decline into death with his dementia, his actual death was a lot more sudden than Dreidi thought it was going to be. He killed himself by heading into battle. It was something that she had struggled with for years, it was a move that she felt was initially selfish and only made the family break up the crueller.

"You don't move past it. There is no moving past the grief and anguish you feel, Aiden. But you can move forward with it. Taking one temp at a time to move on with life where the pain lessens little by little." Dreidi mentioned with a sorrowful look in her eyes, there was no just moving past something like Aiden was feeling. She knew that all too well.

Nodding her head, "I look forward to hearing the outcome of your endeavours then." Dreidi mentioned, part of her dreading it but she had to ignore that part now.

"His name will be Aileni Ifor Xeraic." Dreidi mentioned, placing a protective hand on her stomach.

 

[Aiden Porte]

"You don't move past it. There is no moving past the grief and anguish you feel, Aiden. But you can move forward with it. Taking one temp at a time to move on with life where the pain lessens little by little."

"I'm slowly starting to learn that, granted I'm learning it the hard way." Aiden said with a small chuckle. "I guess its better this way."

"I look forward to hearing the outcome of your endeavours then."

"I wouldn't look forward to it too much, things haven't been going my way lately." Aiden spoke with a small smile, as he pushed past that thinking for a bit.

"His name will be Aileni Ifor Xeraic."

"That's a good thing, Dreidi." The Padawan smiled at the thought. "I'm happy for you."

Dreidi Xeraic