The Amalgam
Darth Phyre II
So, been roleplaying as this character for a while now, and I'd like to know how I am doing with her, whether she's a compelling character, what could use improving, are her scenes written well, etc.
Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos
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How am I doing?
- Thread starter The Amalgam
- Start date
Conceited
[member="The Amalgam"]
I don't like your character. She's a rip off from one of the worse films in 2017, and she is unoriginal. Your writing is fine, you clearly know how to put together a sentence, know how to use paragraphs, and you describe things quite well. You clearly know how to tell a story, and until proven otherwise, you don't metagame or powergame when roleplaying with others, which can't be said for a lot of other people on this website. My advice would be to drop copying Scarlet Johansons bastardization of one Japan's greatest animated films, drop the character completely and make something more original.
You have the ingredients to make a good character, but you won't accomplish that with that character for the aforementioned reasons. To answer your question: you aren't doing well, but you could be doing a lot better if you wanted too.
I hope my constructive criticism helps you.
I don't like your character. She's a rip off from one of the worse films in 2017, and she is unoriginal. Your writing is fine, you clearly know how to put together a sentence, know how to use paragraphs, and you describe things quite well. You clearly know how to tell a story, and until proven otherwise, you don't metagame or powergame when roleplaying with others, which can't be said for a lot of other people on this website. My advice would be to drop copying Scarlet Johansons bastardization of one Japan's greatest animated films, drop the character completely and make something more original.
You have the ingredients to make a good character, but you won't accomplish that with that character for the aforementioned reasons. To answer your question: you aren't doing well, but you could be doing a lot better if you wanted too.
I hope my constructive criticism helps you.
Amea Virou
Snowbound
At least you have some insight to your own writing. Good on you.Ella Nova said:
Matsu Xiangu
The Haruspex
[member="Ella Nova"] Lmao, this is some choice irony.
[member="The Amalgam"] I took a look through your character's bio and I find the strengths and weaknesses well balanced. It's nice to see something well thought out with caveats and both broad and specific drawbacks. I haven't had the opportunity to write with you yet, but I like the foundation of your character a lot.
[member="The Amalgam"] I took a look through your character's bio and I find the strengths and weaknesses well balanced. It's nice to see something well thought out with caveats and both broad and specific drawbacks. I haven't had the opportunity to write with you yet, but I like the foundation of your character a lot.
Darth Vornskr the Second
You write well! Your pacing, descriptions, and dialogus is pretty much on point. Your posts are quite long, which is good and bad, but I never feel like it's a matter of quantity over quality when I read them. So that is good.
Writing with basis in another character and making it your own is deeply ingrained in roleplaying, and I don't see Motoko when you write, but your very own [member="The Amalgam"]
Also, as a long time fan of Ghost in the Shell I approve of this playby.
Writing with basis in another character and making it your own is deeply ingrained in roleplaying, and I don't see Motoko when you write, but your very own [member="The Amalgam"]
Also, as a long time fan of Ghost in the Shell I approve of this playby.
Conceited
[member="Matsu Xiangu"]
The pot calls the kettle black.
[member="Amea Virou"]
Popularity only gets you so far on this website.
The pot calls the kettle black.
[member="Amea Virou"]
Popularity only gets you so far on this website.
Valiens Nantaris
Head Admin
[member="Ella Nova"]
Popularity of which you have less and less each time you insult people. Funny that.
Your words were barely constructive and your salty retorts are not helping you.
You've had your say here, now leave it.
Now let's get this thread back on track.
Popularity of which you have less and less each time you insult people. Funny that.
Your words were barely constructive and your salty retorts are not helping you.
You've had your say here, now leave it.
Now let's get this thread back on track.
Ravenfire
King of Pumpkins
[member="The Amalgam"]
I haven't seen too many of your threads but the ones i did spot I loved reading. I would love to write with one of your characters at some point.
I haven't seen too many of your threads but the ones i did spot I loved reading. I would love to write with one of your characters at some point.
Conceited
[member="Valiens Nantaris"]
They started it. I was asked an opinion, I gave what I perceive as constructive criticism. It isn't my fault that your friends didn't like what I had to say, and decided to derail the topic into jibes. At least extend the courtesy of warning them too next time, and be less open in your hypocrisies.
They started it. I was asked an opinion, I gave what I perceive as constructive criticism. It isn't my fault that your friends didn't like what I had to say, and decided to derail the topic into jibes. At least extend the courtesy of warning them too next time, and be less open in your hypocrisies.
[member="Ella Nova"]
Lol, I'd stop if I were you (luckily I ain't). Your excuses aren't helping you.
[member="The Amalgam"]
Haven't had the pleasure of writing with you, but I have read some of your posts in TSE dominions or other faction threads related to TSE which are really great! Your character sheet is solid too. Don't have much to say, but overall your writing is good.
Lol, I'd stop if I were you (luckily I ain't). Your excuses aren't helping you.
[member="The Amalgam"]
Haven't had the pleasure of writing with you, but I have read some of your posts in TSE dominions or other faction threads related to TSE which are really great! Your character sheet is solid too. Don't have much to say, but overall your writing is good.
Valiens Nantaris
Head Admin
[member="The Amalgam"]
I'm sorry this thread has been derailed so. Feel free to start another if you wish or stay within it.
Respect to and from every member is important. I will say no more on this.
I'm sorry this thread has been derailed so. Feel free to start another if you wish or stay within it.
Respect to and from every member is important. I will say no more on this.
Sawa Ike
The Dark Matriarch Darth Shōjō
[member="The Amalgam"] well you know my opinion. we have fun and with you got to realy craft some great threads and adventures. Plus talking out and planning some ideas or where things can go is great.
The Blood Hound
[member="The Amalgam"] You're easily one of the more interesting and fun writers on Chaos and I can't wait until my other toon (Alwine) helps you take the Amalgam down. I'm currently avoiding reading the Aalgam's posts so that Alwine's learning/surprise is more genuine when we get there, but I'm looking forward hardcore to it ♥
THE UNDEFEATED
A belated welcome for you, [member="The Amalgam"]!
I'll be honest, I don't know anything about Ghost in the Shell, nor am a massive fan of Johansson. But, hey that's not relevant much.
You haven't been around long, but seem to be getting into it well enough. Good for you.
Y'know my character here, started off as a 'The' something. It's an interesting ride towards individuality if you chose to take that route. I'm glad you're having fun. Continue to do so and that's all anyone can really ask of you.
I'll be honest, I don't know anything about Ghost in the Shell, nor am a massive fan of Johansson. But, hey that's not relevant much.
You haven't been around long, but seem to be getting into it well enough. Good for you.
Y'know my character here, started off as a 'The' something. It's an interesting ride towards individuality if you chose to take that route. I'm glad you're having fun. Continue to do so and that's all anyone can really ask of you.
S O V E R E I G N
[member="The Amalgam"],
Unlike some people... *ahem* I find your choice of face claim, and usage of it very amendable. It is used for the purposes of the story and matches well. The few threads I have read from you are good in your writing, while very small grammar mistakes happen, and will happen to everyone, I do notice them. Your character is well balanced and has quite a bit of intrigue.
The only thing I would add, is to see more use of your species of the Shi-ido more often. Everyone is kind of stuck with whatever face claim they may have, while your character could literally use any form you desire. Maybe a thread or two where you use the skills of the species to match that of the story being created would add even more depth into your character.
Well done so far, and keep going. Even if other people say that your skills are lack luster.
Secondary to that, if you ever want to thread, let me know.
Unlike some people... *ahem* I find your choice of face claim, and usage of it very amendable. It is used for the purposes of the story and matches well. The few threads I have read from you are good in your writing, while very small grammar mistakes happen, and will happen to everyone, I do notice them. Your character is well balanced and has quite a bit of intrigue.
The only thing I would add, is to see more use of your species of the Shi-ido more often. Everyone is kind of stuck with whatever face claim they may have, while your character could literally use any form you desire. Maybe a thread or two where you use the skills of the species to match that of the story being created would add even more depth into your character.
Well done so far, and keep going. Even if other people say that your skills are lack luster.
Secondary to that, if you ever want to thread, let me know.