I Wish I Was the Moon

[Celeste Rigel]

Spoiler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYT3KgKcQHs

Post Rhen Var


Seated at her desk, Celeste stared down at the datapad until her eyes began to sting. The Jedi healer closed her eyes and rubbed the side of her forehead. Slowly opening her eyes, she glanced off towards the side, spotting the evening sky outside her office window. Soon, the night sky would be visible. In the time since her husband's passing, Celeste had started to dread nighttime, it was easily the worst part of her day.

It was generally the end of her working hours unless duty suddenly called for her presence. And even then, the other healers had been shuffling her out the door. Get some rest, they would tell her. But she knew what they were too polite to say: face your grief, mourn your husband.

Celeste knew better, but it was difficult.

She had counseled patients before, she had been the steady voice of reason. However, now thrown into widowhood herself, she felt lost. The only solace was work, helping others. If she could focus for just a minute longer on someone else, she wouldn't have to grieve. This way, she could be the figure of grace and quiet strength for her son. Was she succeeding? Probably not.

Though she kept her personal life separate from work, she had suspected that her colleagues knew of her struggle. She wore it in the dark circles beneath her bloodshot eyes and in paler-than-normal complexion. She looked frail. Even her force presence had dulled somewhat, drained.

Celeste was tired, so very tired. And yet, sleep was the enemy.

So, she picked the datapad again, just a few minutes more...

[member="Coren Starchaser"]

 

[Coren Starchaser]

The craziness of Rhen Var was… something else. How many did they lose? Too many. He would need to make sure that the fallen were remembered. He’d have to check with the Silvers to see if there were families or connections in that group. The Praxeum and Covenant only had records that went so far, or so specific. And he had managed to limp his way back to Kashyyyk. He’d have to join the Alliance near Sullust soon, but there were things to attend to. He needed to drop Romi off, and he had a few others he needed to check on.

Plus the whole life of [member="Argis Volmir"]. That Jedi had fallen and given Coren the strength he needed to get himself off the world. And allowed him, for better or worse, to throw some of the power and light over to Romi Jade. Hopefully she’d be able to recover from the ordeal, but he knew that there was going to be some issues arising and was opting to keep his distance there. Still, he didn’t like how he had left it with Celeste, and he liked it even less that the news he heard was true.

Her husband made it out to Umbara? How didn’t he know that. Sure, he wasn’t really keyed into the military structure for the Silvers, but he was Coren Starchaser. He should have been better. Forgoing medical treatment, he shook his head, the others needed to be tended to. But that also included [member="Celeste Rigel"], for whom’s office he made an almost bee-line. He was hoping he’d catch her and she would soon hear a knock at her door.

 

[Celeste Rigel]

Celeste's head bobbed a couple of times as she began to nod off, but her body went rigid at the sound of a knock on her door. Sitting up straight, she pushed out from behind her desk and walked wearily across the room. She gently pulled the door open, fully expecting to find one of the healers or a patient waiting. Tired as she was, she didn't even sense the very familiar presence.

“Coren,” She said, blinking.

It was a surprise, and it would have been altogether pleasant, aside from her current situation. Of course, she had heard something about a battle on Rhen Var and she had worried. It wasn't a stretch, by any means, Celeste found herself worrying quite a lot.

She stood in the doorway, merely looking at [member="Coren Starchaser"] for a very long moment. The two of them had spent time together, time that she had cherished. His presence on Kashyyyk had awoken certain feelings, a sense of longing that she thought she'd left far behind in the past. And, despite the awkward flow of energy that seemed to pass between them with each meeting...

Celeste missed him, and she looked forward to seeing him.

But now, the situation had shifted. She couldn't say that the force had willed it. It didn't feel right to think that way, for her late husband's sake. Nevertheless, she began to break slightly before Coren's eyes – the porcelain facade had been worn so thin. Without a word, she stepped forward and pulled Coren into a hug, an embrace full of emotion.

 

[Coren Starchaser]

There was a part of Coren that was clearly focusing on the healing crystal, mostly to keep himself going. Fighting… whatever that hell spawn was that Taeli had created, pushing so much Force power through himself towards Romi, and the general issues associated with battle. Coren didn’t shy from the fight, and he wasn’t always the best at keep himself in one piece, but for now? He knew he had to. Something was very wrong, and he wasn’t sure how to fix this problem. No longer in combat armor, but in a light tunic and pants, he stood in the doorway when she opened it.

Seeing her, he could tell she was not in the best of sorts. But who could be. They’d all lost loved ones. He had lost a partner, he’d lost several partners, of all sorts. Mission teams, and loved ones. He knew what it meant. But he also continued on. He had to. He threw himself into the fight, perhaps if he did so, he could prevent others from the feeling of loss. At times, not the most conventional Jedi, but it wasn’t a matter of if he fit into the cliques of the galaxy. The Corellian fought for what was right.

And for others.

As Celeste all but collapsed into his arms, he held her and rubbed her back. He wasn’t sure what to say or do, but he did want to keep the news of her breaking down from everyone. Stepping slightly into the office with her, he moved one hand to shut the door. “I’m sorry.” It was all he could say, and even then, did it make a difference?

[member="Celeste Rigel"]

 

[Celeste Rigel]

With her arms thrown around Coren, she let him maneuver them inside her office. She was thankful to be behind a closed door, especially now that the tears were freely flowing. Head against his shoulder, a wet spot quickly formed on the fabric of his tunic. In the warmth of his embrace, Celeste felt safe and secure – a feeling that had been quite elusive as of late.

She lifted her head as he spoke, his words were simple but they meant quite a lot. Pulling away enough to see him as clearly as blurry eyes would let her, she dabbed at her cheeks with the edge of her sleeve.

“You've heard, then?” She asked, voice weak.

She was embarrassed about letting Coren see her like this, she was such a mess. But, it was to be expected. Finally giving him a quick once-over, her head canted to the side slightly. Coren's aura was tired, too. It was different than her own fatigue, she noticed. And, it was accompanied by injuries – she could now sense it. Her eyes, still watery, grew wide.

“You're hurt...” Her voice was soft, warm. It was a simple observation, to be sure, but it was also a good way to change the subject, to shift the focus from her completely.

[member="Coren Starchaser"]

 

[Coren Starchaser]

As they stepped inside, he wasn’t sure how to go ahead with what he was supposed to do. He knew what most would do, but even for Coren, even now, it was a tricky situation. He had the ability to change the galaxy, but changing one person? That required a finer hand he wasn’t sure he had the capability to do. As it was, the Corellian knew that there were certain things he shouldn’t say. But when he heard ask, he only nodded.

“I did. When I got back into Silver space…” He had been pulled away right after Umbara, but that was the way of Starchaser. He didn’t always want to be called away, but it was his norm. He didn’t know her husband had fallen, and chances are, even if he hadn’t, Coren would have run off. A battle and then there was always something ele to fix. It was why he made a tricky spot of being enlisted in the Alliance and now hid in the ranks of the Jedi.

He was a wanderer.

A hand on her back, he was trying to be comforting, but the man himself was mostly stiff, and his injuries made him feel more so.

Blue eyes watching her, he shook his head. “Its nothing really. I’m fine.” Only mostly true. Stiffness, torn muscles, and injury were abound on him, but he had the healing amulet, and the Force, most of it was shaken off that way. “Rhen Var was… interesting.”

[member="Celeste Rigel"]

 

[Celeste Rigel]

No matter the reason for his return to Kashyyyk, Celeste was thankful to have Coren there. The two had been close once, and they were slowly returning to their old ways. It was just a fact that difficult situations were made easier by the presence of close friends. That steady support was key. Still, Celeste knew that Coren was a soldier, there was a chance that he wouldn't be allowed to stay by her side for very long. The galaxy did not wait for such things.

She saw him shake his head, and she heard the words spoken. But, her eyes continued to travel about him, silently diagnosing and planning treatment. Fortunately, it seemed that he had not sustained serious damage; he was there standing before her, after all.

“Rhen Var,” She echoed, giving a small nod. “You will have to catch me up." A small pause. "Even if it's nothing, you really should check into the Halls of Healing.”

The Healer persona had taken over for the moment, business as usual. Even if Celeste's eyes were still glassy and she continued to wipe occasionally at the corner of her eyes.

“Unless, perhaps, you'd like me to treat you privately?” She asked. “I was actually about to leave. Well, I was supposed to leave a little while ago. Atti's with my parents, it's quite lonely at home.” Celeste colored slightly, it was sad to admit it... but it was very true.

[member="Coren Starchaser"]

 

[Coren Starchaser]

The fact of it was, he came to the planet for the reason of making sure someone was looking after Romi. The Praxeum didn’t have the capacity, the ability to… protect itself if Romi decided to go dark again, or had some failsafe in her that would reinvigorate the Sith poison in her. He doubted it, she didn’t feel like that, but well, he was Coren, his skill was in dispatching the darkness. He needed Shadows to try hunting lies. Coren was the one who rooted it out when he sensed it. It was why Taeli was a weakness for him.

Maybe one day, but he’d have to take her out, but he wasn’t sure exactly how to break her skill with the Force, and Sith magic.

“When the time is right, but it was a mission, reports are still coming in and data being interpreted.” He had precious cargo to handle. And someone to check in on. Otherwise, he’d maybe have dropped Romi and scouted himself back to the Rim. “Hall has their hands full, helping out some of the Coalition soldiers and the like.” Flatly, he spoke, knowing she was just falling into her role.

“If you’re taking patients…” A grin on his face. “But if you need to get to Atti, I can totally get that. And if you prefer to be home.” The Jedi Master watched her for a second, wanting her to really consider it and not just jump to a situation that may not be the best course for her.

[member="Celeste Rigel"]

 

[Celeste Rigel]

Celeste gave a nod. Yes, Coren must have just come from the battle. He was probably still working to process everything for himself. And when he mentioned the Hall being full, her eyes flickered towards the door for a brief moment before refocusing on him. Her proposal had been met with the classic Coren grin, but she sensed the hesitation.

“Ah,” She cleared her throat softly and looked down. “The other healers will soon come to chase me away for the day. They've been very... considerate of my situation.” Her brown gaze returned to meet his. Celeste shifted a bit nervously.

“My parents are actually keeping Atti for the night, they wanted extra time with him before they leave tomorrow.” She was ever so thankful that her family had followed her back to Kashyyyk following the funeral. But, she left out the part where her mother had suggested that she take this quiet time to settle things. In truth, the idea of returning to her family's empty flat was daunting. “It's... a bit lonely. I could use the company of an old friend.”

It was true.

And it might have been a rather pitiful cry for help, she knew that. The tears and grief came in great waves, and she did not want to go to pieces in front of her colleagues and patients.

Once her tears had ceased, she pulled the door open and stepped through. She canted her head to the side in the hallway, the option for him to remain in the Hall was still there. But, she thought to offer something else – and to lay down some boundaries. “I have a guest room, of course.”

[member="Coren Starchaser"]

 

[Coren Starchaser]

The battle at Rhen Var was definitely an oddity. The Coalition didn’t typically take trips that far from their borders, and especially against a foe like the Sith. Anyone with whatever wounds needed to get checked out, and since his ship had come here, he’d taken what men and women evacuated with him, to help escort Romi out this way. So stating full, well, that may be an overstatement, but the Silvers were on the way to Coalition space, so a quick stopover wasn’t unheard of.

Chances are he’d take leave here for a few days, and do what work he could with the Silvers and Jedi overall. The fact the other healers were letting her take her time was good. “That’s reassuring. At least they’re not trying to throw you into your work.” He’d seen it a few times, soldiers diving into the mission, and it didn’t end well.

“That’s nice of them, for sure.” He smiled, a kind smile. Not the type that he had used as a young man when a woman’s family wasn’t home. No, this was a genuine smile. “I can help at least make some noise in the house. Maybe try to cook… Or order something.” He laughed. Starchaser didn’t cook, never really had the need to learn.
“If you’re sure you’re ok with it.” He nodded and stepped out after her.

[member="Celeste Rigel"]

 

[Celeste Rigel]

The warmth of Coren's smile made Celeste's lips curve upwards, and his mention of cooking – or rather, ordering – made the smile last a moment or two longer. Lately, food had lost its appeal. Her meals, though appetizing, failed to get her to eat more than a bite or two before leaving her plate. But, perhaps tonight she would manage, even though her appetite was so very small.

“I will welcome the noise,” She said, nodding. “And we can order in.”

The idea of Coren cooking was highly amusing, though she wouldn't make him try tonight. Just a bit of company and conversation would do, surely.

“It's alright,” She answered. There wasn't a need to worry. Well, Celeste's mind didn't go to a place where others might see them together and talk. So, she brought him along to her quarters – just a short walk away from the temple. Night had fallen, a curtain of darkness fell against the land. The velvety night sky made the stars show in a brilliant display, but Celeste didn't even look up to see.

Instead, she pushed the door of her quarters open, and offered Coren a nod to say 'come in.' It was a nicely furnished place, it had the lived-in comfort of a home. Most of the time it was neat, but today there were dishes in the sink and piles of clothing (both dirty and clean) that sat on the floor. There were also toys strewn about from Atticus' rowdy play, everything from animal figures to small ships.

Celeste's cheeks colored. “Sorry... for the mess.”

A hand rose to tuck hair behind her ear self-consciously. “Make yourself at home. What do you feel like eating?”

[member="Coren Starchaser"]

 

[Coren Starchaser]

Never wanting to be imposing, what he was hoping to do was help. She needed healing, and this was not something the Force could wave away. Even in the time with the Aing-Tii, this was not a power he figured even they could do, in their wide range of abilities. And even with their time-flow capabilities, one such skill-set Coren never learned, getting over heartbreak was not something that could be done.

“Ordering in is something I’m good at, not sure what there is here on Kashyyyk though…” Corellian by birth, Sullust by recent choice, it was either fine dining or military style meals for the man. Not a life for most, but Starchaser, short of his ever growing garage of starships, lived a fairly spartan life when he needed to. His family had an estate on Corellia, by the Golden Beaches, but that was mostly Jared and Kaia’s home now. And he knew his youngest daughter was off being a Warden.

He knew that entering her quarters was going to be something different, but he stepped in with care when she signaled for him to come in. “Don’t worry, it’s a place that’s lived in. Hell, most of the time I’m on my starship. So, that’s a giant mess.” He shrugged and laughed a little.

“And for food?” He watched her move for a moment. “What are you in the mood for? Anything specific?”

[member="Celeste Rigel"]

 

[Celeste Rigel]

Celeste felt a little better, knowing that he wasn't offended by the state of her quarters. It was a bit like revealing part of herself that had been previously unseen by him. And, it was also a fairly accurate display of what her personal life was like at the moment, a mess.

As the door closed behind them, some of the tension eased from her shoulders.

She removed the healer robes she wore and stood in a long tunic, and a pair of simple trousers. Laying the robes over the back of a chair, she crossed the room and had a seat on the edge of the couch. Glancing up at Coren, her brows rose as he asked about food.

“Anything but pizza,” She said with a small shrug. Reaching over, she pulled her datapad over and looked down at the screen for a moment. “The cafeteria here will deliver, they have pretty much... everything” She placed the datapad on the cushion next to her, and gave a little push towards Coren.

“I don't know, I... haven't had much of an appetite.” She admitted, looking away. But, she offered him a weak smile. “You must be starving. Order whatever you'd like, it's on me.”

[member="Coren Starchaser"]

 

[Coren Starchaser]

Spartan and wandering, the soldier never judged someone else’s life. The only thing he judged was when someone was good at something, and they didn’t put their full effort forward to make the galaxy a little better place. So many were doing that, and yet some did it only on a small scale, but he let that the galaxy needed people at large. Defending a few systems was fine, but for him, a home like this didn’t exist. The galaxy was his home, and he had to deal with that.

He found himself sitting next to Celeste, well, a cushion away as he grabbed the datapad. He was checking for what worlds they catered to here on Kashyyyk. Seeing Corellian fare was one thing, but he couldn’t recall for the life of him in that moment what her homeworld was. But he wasn’t really sure, no appetite, that meant getting something they could both just kind of pick at.

Tapas.

Star Wars Tapas for sure. Space Tapas. A few different things, bird, nerf, vegetables. It’d be simple, they could put on a holoflick, and eat what they wanted. “Drinks?” He looked at her, without really cluing her in on what he was ordering, just wanted to make sure every avenue was handled, really.

[member="Celeste Rigel"]

 

[Celeste Rigel]

As Coren inquired about drinks, Celeste stood and walked into the kitchen. Glancing around, she spotted some fine bottles of wine. Celeste knew it would have been such a waste to use it simply to drown her sorrows. Such things were best enjoyed with company, and there was no better time than now. Her slender hand lifted a bottle from the rack, the other snagged up two wine glasses.

“Will this do?” She asked, canting her head to the side as she returned.

She had a seat again, just a bit closer to Coren this time. Celeste craned her neck slightly to see just what he was ordering but settled back into her seat when she realized that she couldn't see the screen from this angle. Reaching up, she pulled a soft throw blanket off the back of the couch. After unfurling it, she draped it over her legs, and let a small corner fall near the middle of the couch.

“I'm glad you returned in one piece,” She said. It was the truth, and it did mean quite a lot that he was now taking the time to comfort her. “I don't think I could have – ” Celeste cut herself off abruptly. No, she would not have taken it well if Coren had fallen. Not at all. But, instead of continuing that flow of thought, she cleared her throat gently.

“Did you order?” She nodded towards the datapad.

[member="Coren Starchaser"]

 

[Coren Starchaser]

Well, he was more wondering if he had to order some drinks, but her grabbing a bottle of wine was getting him to the same end, and did technically answer the question. Stealing a quick glance over at her, he smiled when he saw her pull a bottle and glasses down. “Yeah, that’ll be fine.” He laughed as he sent the order ahead for them to get some food. How long had it been since Starchaser had a nice glass of wine and a decently prepared meal.

Military food was only so good.

Watching her grab the blanket, he smiled as she was now sitting a bit closer. It was a bit reassuring for him. He was not the type to need someone but it always helped to have a companion, or wherever this was going to go. The man knew she was hurting but he did have her on his mind when he was finding himself in the warzone.

“I tend to make it, sometimes parts have to be replaced on the arm.” He rubbed his shoulder that attached to his cybernetic arm. Letting her second statement fall to the side, he nodded. “Yep, placed it in, about a half hour.”

Grabbing the bottle of wine, he took the time to pour two glasses, not too heavy, but appropriate servings. Just enough to take the edge off.

[member="Celeste Rigel"]

 

[Celeste Rigel]

Celeste's eyes had watched as he rubbed his shoulder, but shifted when he took up the bottle of wine. As the deep red liquid poured into the glasses, she shifted slightly in her spot. The wine looked tempting, especially now that she had someone to share it with.

But, the drink would have to wait.

“Oh, good,” Celeste said, nodding. “Since we have a little time...”

She moved closer to Coren, her calm aura already beginning to grow. Gently, she reached out her hand – she'd meant to place her hand on his shoulder, but her slender fingers found the silver chain around his neck. A faint smile. Celeste was glad to see that he still had the amulet. And, it would make her job easier. Her hand settled on his chest, next to the crystals that hung beneath his shirt.

“Just relax,” She said... perhaps, more to herself than to him.

Closing her tired eyes, she began to focus. She would let the force flow gently from her hand and wash softly over him. After a moment, the pain and soreness would ease. Celeste focused on areas that had seen any damage and worked to begin repairing it. She healed people quite often, sometimes every day. But, this felt different. It was quiet and intimate, perhaps from the connection they already had.

[member="Coren Starchaser"]

 

[Coren Starchaser]

The man was mostly stitched back together. He was used to the troubles of war but what he would never really get over was just how much his fitness depended on one casting of healing, or a long spell on him to keep him together. He was the type to drink to keep his mind off things, and then just realized how bad that could be for some people. Didn’t matter.

Celeste had something on her mind and he was a bit confused at first. Right, healing.

She put herself second, that had to be a Jedi trait, worked for the warriors and the healers. He could feel her aura, similar to that on the amulet that was against his skin even then. Feeling her small hand against his chest, he smiled, looking into her eyes and nodded. Relaxing, he stretched out his spine, doing what he could to get more comfortable and not let any intrusive thoughts make the situation awkward.

His own aura was reaching out to hers, and there was a great sense of calm and connection. And he was unsure how to process it. Feeling the healing power of the Force he still… was trying to ensure nothing entered his mind to create confusion for either of them. Maybe some other time, but not now.

[member="Celeste Rigel"]

 

[Celeste Rigel]

The force worked in many ways. Coren wielded it as a weapon and shield, while Celeste used it to mend flesh and bone. It was quite a dynamic, the soldier and the healer – a professional relationship found throughout their history. But this healing session was more than that.

In the quiet current of the force, Celeste found solace and comfort. There was warmth between them, healing for his wounds... and for her own, perhaps, too. Celeste could feel Coren's aura, the two melded together quite well – in a platonic sort of way, of course. Still, it was a secure sort of feeling that Celeste found herself wishing to become lost in, to remain there longer.

But, after some time... she couldn't quite tell just how much time passed, his wounds were healed. Slowly, she opened her eyes to look calmly at him. Her eyes searched his features.

“How do you feel?” Celeste asked, breaking the silence.

Her aura began to pull back slightly. And a knock at the door made her hand jump away from him. Celeste blinked and went to the door to receive their dinner. Packed neatly in a couple of clear boxes was a nice variety of tapas.

“You have good taste, Coren,” She said, taking a seat and setting the boxes down on the coffee table.

[member="Coren Starchaser"]

 

[Coren Starchaser]

He knew the differences between their two approaches. But the thing that was constant was the faith in the Light… Was it faith? Utilization? Lets go with that. From here though, it was interesting to see how the other part worked. He had enough skill in healing to keep himself in one piece, but in order to help people, it was inspiration and to shield them. Using the Force as a healing power for someone else?

That was why they carried bacta in his unit. Some Jedi, he knew they would complain.

When he felt the gentle energies from her aura mix with the potentially oppressive of his own, he was becoming more conscious about where his thoughts were. He wanted to keep some of them away from her, the pain of the wars, both Rhen Var and Umbara and tried to focus more closer. But that fell into the feeling that there was a connection here, and he was trying to block her from the feeling he had.

The one that keyed in on her lips.

Instead, he was trying to modify the feeling he sent out when inspiring soldiers, something to change it from a battle cry into a feeling of hopefulness. That maybe she would know everything would be alright. Sunrise. Three little birds by a doorstep. The feelings that while this was dark, it wouldn’t remain. As well as he could while she was healing.

When she pulled back, he nodded. “Much better. Actually, never felt healing quiet… like that.” Was there something shared? Jedi were capable of many feats but sometimes it didn’t feel so… full bodied? That could be the way to explain it. He sipped from the wine as he watched her get up.

When she returned, he shrugged. “I figure tapas style is the best. When you don’t know what you want to eat, a bit of everything can always help. Wide range and all.” A smile as he relaxed a little on the couch.

Was this ok?

[member="Celeste Rigel"]