Private Ignorance

[Ishida Ashina]

IN RESPONSE TO Aeris Lashiec ' S THERE IS NO IGNORANCE THERE IS KNOWLEDGE
CORUSCANT | NEW JEDI TEMPLE REMNANTS | ARCHIVES
THE WORLD IS DARKNESS;
KNOWLEDGE IS LIGHT;
BUT KNOWLEDGE WITHOUT TRUTH
IS A MERE SHADOW

​

A soft ping sounded from the small piece of technology at her hip, and Ishida furrowed her brows while fishing out the little datapad and holding it in her palm. On the screen, a scroll of text flashed in and out of focus. A sequence of notifications overriding one another, creating a small pile in the visible window.

FORBIDDEN ACTION :// INVALID CREDENTIALS :// MUST BE READ WITH SUPERVISION.
OVERRIDE_ENABLED
Authenticating credentials... Confirmed
ALCHEMIZED_WEAPONRY connection... Established
Accessing file '/alchemized/preservation/' ... Done
Reading Package list... Done

"Uh?" Her request to access those sections of the archives had been months ago. Why now, after Coruscant was set on fire, was the Order's head librarian taking the time to review and approve outdated actions? Ishida, for her part, had long since solved the problem Aeris had blocked once upon a time.

She clicked into the last message that seemed to give a pathway to the articles she'd been looking for. Thumbing through its contents with all sorts of wonderings. Mostly all oriented around why. Each piece of text that was a different colour, she clicked on and found that it linked elsewhere. The contents were astounding, and there were suggestions of restricted access but Ishida, a mere Padawan, was able to go through everything.

Confusion quickly escalated into concern and then veiled itself with a swift sense of righteous fury. Fury overrode the ache in her muscles and motivated her to seek out the answer. Justice always needed an answer.

And answers were — or at least the vessels that were supposed to deliver such answers — relatively easy to find.

As expected, the head librarian was limping around in the remains of the archives. Piles of debris and dust had made more than a mess of the once pristine halls. What had once been brightly glowing with light blue spines had flickering pulses in the shelves. The screens were shattered, and desks broken. It looked a mess. Here and there, some individuals were helping clean up, kneeling around the lower shelves and re-stacking things, dusting in corners, sweeping at the floors. Everyone looked busy.

Even all-bandaged up Aeris.

It was enough for Ishida to draw in a deep breath, re-centre her focus, and take a slightly less abrasive approach to the head librarian.

"Excuse me, Councillor Lashiec?

This is some unexpected character development." Ishida stated flatly, a thin accusatory tone layering her words while holding out her datapad for Aeris to review what it was Ishida was referring to. Full access to the alchemization process, the articles she'd been denied so long ago. And from there, records on the bodies of the Bryn stored on Prosperity, the findings, and several other linked articles that should not have been something she was able to see.

"What did you do?"

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Ishida Ashina

Ishida Ashina, in this very moment, in this very hall, pointing a surprisingly gentle accusation in the direction of the head librarian. The blonde gave the Atrisian kid a look over before she went back to her books again.

“I let the people know who we are.” Aeris said as she arranged one stack of books with the other. “Instead of letting them live with the image provided for them, I gave them the tools to build one of their own.”

She picked up the stack of books and began to wander. Ishina was free to follow if she so wished, and given the additional footsteps that Aeris had picked up she seemed to have done just that. She put the books in a small bookcase built into a trolley that she promptly began to push forward with a pained grunt.

“I also ensured that our heritage as Jedi is never lost to another attack like this one.” She said by the time they approached a particularly tall shelf that the books were meant to go up on. “For each download that the texts have, more and more pieces of information on our faith is kept safe on devices that even the Sith would have a hard time to reach. For each word that the owner of said device share from said texts, a piece of us is brought to the attention of another individual.”

“Why, Padawan Ashina? Are we about to have another argument about safety and proper channels? Because I am in far too much pain to have that kind of patience.”

 

[Ishida Ashina]

“The people.” Ishida parroted, feeling the words pass through the thin lines of her teeth. Her datpad found its way back to its space in her waistband and she was, stupidly, trailing after the librarian like some lost akk hound.

She’d seen some of the defamed advertisements throughout Coruscant, with subliminal messaging that might have suggested that the Jedi weren’t a heroic part of the Defense Force. She’d read the decree of now-Chancellor Aerarii Tithe ; but anyone who felt themselves swayed by the passive narrative deserved to be blinded. The Jedi were beacons of hope, everyone knew that. Part of the mystery was in the mysticalness of their benevolence and magics.

“What made you want to do this, Padawan Ashina?” Aeris asked and calmly leaned back in her chair. “Why do you want to cross this threshold?”

And she explained, partially, why she'd done it. Before Ishida got the chance to practice asking for an explanation. It skipped right over her curiosity and right back into her place of judgement.

Preservation, Aeris claimed, was a part of it, which made Ishida sneer indicatively. Preservation that would be necessary at the undoings Aeris' actions had inadvertently caused.

“I doubt democratization makes it more difficult for Sith to access centuries of secrets.” The atrisian sniffed, folding her arms across her chest. For a moment, she regarded Aeris with a further scrutinizing gaze. Had she acted under the decision-making process of The Circle? Or had this councillor taken it upon herself to be the sole liberator to centuries of secrets.

“I’m sorry that you’re in pain, Councillor – it just seems baffling to me that The Circle would approve an action like this. Where centuries of secrets are just,” she snapped her fingers “Readily available where months ago such transparency was denied by you. Your job is — was – to protect the contents within these walls, isn’t it?”

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Ishida Ashina

Aeris let in a deep breath. Yet again she was confronted by the one branch of the New Jedi Order that she disagreed with. Yet again she was reminded of their short-sightedness and just exactly how delusional they were to think that this was a war that they had in any way won. There was always something so cute in how they spoke, how they saw themselves as heroes when in reality they were just regular mortals like anyone else. All the more the pity when they inevitably had their peg legs cut off.

“Firstly, they did not approve of it.” Aeris stated firmly and began to place the books on the shelf. “But if having transparency in the eyes of those we claim to protect is wrong, then they can feel free to fire me. I do not care anymore. My job was to protect the people within these walls. Something that I clearly failed at.”

She glanced at Ishida to gauge her reaction before she grabbed another row of books and began to place them into their respective spots, not really giving a damn if Ishida followed along or not. It wasn’t exactly as if the archives had a distinct echo to it or anything.

“Secondly, people that are blind and wish to remain blind will do so. The people that would rather buy into a fabricated view of what we are will also be free to do so, but at least now they cannot claim to be anything other than ignorant if they do when the whole library became available to them and they too can witness our own hubris.”

Aeris grabbed another row of books and continued her work.

“And finally, and perhaps most importantly, I do not care for the judgment of people like you, Ishida Ashina. Quite frankly I am done being at the service of Jedi who are ignorant to their own faults and hypocrisies, or worse — aware and unwilling to see past their own nose.”

 

[Ishida Ashina]

Ah, so, it had been an individual decision.

That was somewhat enviable, that she might have strong enough conviction for that sort of defiance.

Ishida remained characteristically silent while Aeris, surprisingly, responded to her questions and thinly-veiled accusations. With everything she said, there was more to exist within the lines.

With all the librarian divulged, it was clear the pain she referred to was deeper than whatever physical wounds she’d sustained. Burden, perhaps, was becoming solid existence within herself. Duty making her bones heavier than they might have been, worsening the depth of her lacerations and contusions.

Her job had been to protect those within. She'd failed. Everyone had failed. That wasn't a unique hurt that the councillor was feeling — but to lash out with a release that jeopardized those within the walls again?

Surely Aeris knew knowledge is a double-edged sword. And while she might not have cared for the judgement of others, she was accountable for it. The use of her first and last name was an age old technique to make her feel smaller, and in refute, she felt pride push through to her chest, making her feel larger despite the hedging belittling.

Not caring was a well-recited mantra from the blonde, and Ishida was hardly a therapist despite her being observant. Collecting and gathering information was one thing. Wisdom was knowing what to do with it and that's where her shortcomings resulted.

"I wasn't trying to judge you." Ishida mumbled, pressing her arms deeper into her chest and looking down and away with a mixture of shame and frustration in equal measure. "I wanted to try and understand why you'd do something like this when it was so far from what you'd done previously."

“There is no reason for me to even remotely consider approving this request unless I want to send you down an even darker path than the one you are already on.”

Was she still on that path? The way Aeris spoke to her, it seemed that her previous measuring of Ishida's worth seemed to stand.

Her fingers tightened on her bicep, massaging against the fabric before she turned to look back at Aeris.

"But saying something "like you" seems like I'm not alone in judgement here."

She sighed and released the grip she had on herself, not wanting to shrink away from that judgement any further. But it was a judgement that further opened up the dread in her chest, that dread that the New Jedi Order needed unity now and clearly, Ishida was not a part of that foundation.

"--but you will do more... good with your skillset.... than here."

Not as she was currently perceived, anyways.

"How are you ordering these books, I can help instead of just watching." At least action was something she was capable of. And working in silence.

She was fluent in silence.

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Ishida Ashina

It took a moment for Aeris to notice the seemingly genuine attempts at rebuilding some sort of bridge between herself and the padawan that she had so harshly judged. As the realization began to dawn on her, something seemed to soften in how she stood and how she talked. A weak sigh parted her lips as Aeris closed her eyes and began to shake her head.

“You are right.” She said and looked up at the padawan. “I apologize.”

Deep breath.

“We have a limited amount of storage left after the holes from the attack destroyed parts of the supporting columns for the second floor of the western wing.” Aeris pointed at impromptu dividers in the shelves. “Sort by category and then book title. If you get it wrong I will just fix it later. No worries.”

The work continued. Between each trip back and forth it was clear that part of Aeris was in a legitimate state of pain but far too stubborn to really quit. There was too much to think about, new ‘revelations’ to ponder as she worked alongside a person she had filed as a lost cause months ago.

Perhaps Aeris wasn’t without her own hypocrisy after all then.

“Ishida, I…” She began to break the silence for a moment. “In truth, I guess… I just want people to see that we are products of our own past, just like everyone else. I have witnessed for months how the egos of my friends boil and inflate to such a point that they seem to think a Jedi in the field is worth more than any ‘regular’ soldier. As if the struggle against the dark is ours alone to shoulder because only we know how to fight it.”

Aeris finally caved in. She took a seat on the floor and let her head rest against a half-filled shelf for a moment as she granted herself yet another moment to sigh and wallow.

“But in reality, the only thing that truly separates us is the high tower that we have built for ourselves.” She said and glanced over at the slightly younger woman. “I resent this idea that we were the ones who won the Stygian campaign, when in fact it was a victory built upon the corpses of all of the people that we took along with us into an early grave. A lot of good people who were just as able to fight the darkness as we were.”

“... And yet some people wants me to believe that it is some how we who are the beacons in the dark, and the only ones who truly understand how to combat it?” She frowned. “I am sorry, but… No.”

 

[Ishida Ashina]

To her surprise, Ishida felt little pride when Aeris Lashiec acknowledged Ishida's observation and obliged an apology. If anything, she only offered a subtle nod to accept the admission. What was more surprising, though, was what she felt instead of pride. There was something warmer that blossomed in her chest. Looseness found its way to her shoulders, and the tightness she'd been holding seemed to roll away. It was working.

She offered a small smile and deepened her nod. Moving to help with the task, A brief gasp slipped through when she crouched, the pain from her left thigh sending a spiking reminder of its wounded state. She was, after all, still healing from her own battles. The attempts to not be lost to a scathing path were only part of the remedy. There were only some scars she could undo.

After observing some of the titles to be sorted through, Ishida quickly realized the pile on the cart was fairly disorganized. The librarian had made it look easy. In one hand, she held The Centre of all Healing, Vol. II and in the other A Brief History of Tython's Ecosystem. It took a few seconds to understand that the active category she was supposed to be filling out was of a more practical nature, and she ended up putting the book on Tython back on the cart.

Aeris broke the silence first, just as Ishida was about to slide in the fifth volume of the Centre of all Healing. It was a lot to consider, and she stared at the embossed title on the spine in silence before looking over at Aeris, who'd now taken a more relaxed position amidst the rows of knowledge. Responsibility, towers, loftiness, solemn duty, terrible purpose. The concepts Aeris divulged were heavy, so heavy, and not unfamiliar. She knew of those so burdened. And for what?

"I think.." she started, unsure if this was a course for exchange or if Aeris just needed to get something off her chest. And Ishida just so happened to be around. "You're not entirely wrong, but not entirely right.

Those soldiers out there, who aren't blessed with The Force, are probably braver than many of us." She put the fifth volume away, and let her hand linger on its spine while she spoke, looking back at its bindings. "When I lost my connection to The Force, even if it was temporary, it was—"

Aeris was being honest. She should be honest too, right? Vulnerability was...

..was fething hard. Too had.

She wanted to admit how scared she'd been.

"—there were soldiers out there, non-Jedi who were still able to go ahead against The Sith's forces. We were fighting the same fight. Against the same evil. Their bravery was, and still is incredible. I can't imagine how afraid some of them must have been. The Sith's powers are just as elusive as Jedi's." She said instead.

"Er, well, not anymore." She corrected.

"But the Jedi are raised as protectors. We use that sentiment in our training, our language to one another. Those soldiers hear it too, they use those words to one another as well. About the Jedi." About us.

"But those corpses, there are more of those brave soldiers in there than ones of our own because of that additional privilege we have with The Force.

I think we all know how to combat evil, we know we want it eliminated, but there are often many eyes that turn to The Jedi to withstand it and use our privilege to keep hope going. That ivory tower wasn't one we built alone..I don't think."

Smoothing her fingers over the book's part facing her, she wiped away imaginary dust and folded her arms into a shrug again. This was unknown territory. Dialogue and discussion. Sardun was always so cutthroat in his pedagogies.

"I don't know either," Ishida admitted, returning to the cart and turning over a few covers to figure out what came next. More on healing. She flipped through a few of the pages, furrowing her brows. There were a few pages that were blotted and marked up, indiscriminate red highlights that noted the sensitivity of the information around Shatterpoint, and how, within the pages of this text, the reversed application of the destructive technique could be used.

"Jedi, duty —" she sighed "They probably both started with such objective definitions and have evolved to complete subjectivity." A small smile was offered, like the curve of her mouth could communicate truce. "Although, I'm sure you're well-read on both."

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

For each passing word from Ishida’s mouth, Aeris felt a knot form in her stomach. Being ignorant hurt, being hurt hurt, but more than anything it hurt to be so wrong about someone simply because of who they associated with or how they had once behaved. She always gave outsiders a chance to prove themselves better, and yet when it came to her own order she barely gave them a chance to present their case.

Aeris kept her head leaned against the shelf as she glanced at Ishida stating her defense. A seemingly mocking scoff pushed past Aeris lips as she sat up straight again.

“You know, I was very wrong about you.” Aeris said and put her hands in her lap. “All of what you just said shows a wisdom that I never really gave you credit for.” That wasn’t meant as an insult. “I guess, in the end we will never really be of the same opinion on this, but I suppose at the same time that is the beauty of being in an order.”

A deep breath filled Aeris with a renewed sense of being and belief that perhaps not everything was lost just yet. It was still close, just not on the brink. Not yet.

“Ishida,” She started and turned back towards the white-haired woman next to her. “Do you believe someone without the force could be a Jedi?”

Ishida Ashina

 

[Ishida Ashina]

"Can't have balance without counterweights." She commented, trying not to betray too much to a reaction to the progress that she was making. Inside, she felt lighter. Like the coils and knots behind her gut that kept her so rigid and guarded were slowly unfurling, and with each inch of slack, she had a bit more of a reward.

Ishida's smile tightened, became slightly less authentic when Aeris Lashiec admitted the further depths of her previous judgements. The atrisian wasn't two-dimensional, she was just more abrasive than others. More intense with her fervency. The amount of effort it was taking to have this conversation, just dialogue, trying to build some level of understanding, was considerably more draining than anything on the battlefield.

exposed you and the others to danger by rushing in like I was still a Jedi even though I wasn't

"No." She murmured her answer, looking away as if the response would be heard and demoralize those who had been raised, trained to be a Jedi and then been stripped by circumstance. Trained with the Force, only to have that tool no longer in their arsenal? It was a wretched feeling. She'd experienced it too, and it had put her in an existential place of disorder.

"By objective definition, no."

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Oh. Aeris frowned for a moment before...

Oh, now that there was a curious addition. Aeris brow rose.

"Objective according to what?" She challenged Ishida's answer.

Ishida Ashina

 

[Ishida Ashina]

"The definition of a Jedi.

A Jedi isn't defined as a beacon of hope, that's subjective. That's rhetoric." Ishida paused, watching the adjustments of Aeris Lashiec 's countenance. The easy trust that had been warmly sitting on her mouth darkened, recognizing that Ishida's wisdom might have been further from what the blonde had just complimented.

"Master Sardun defines a Jedi as a representative of Ashla, the purest, holiest, lightest form of The Force. Beholden to the rules of a Jedi Order and the doctrines of the light side. A connection and understanding to The Force, the light side of it, is an essential part of the official definition."

While she spoke, she reflected on her own doubts; the ones Bernard and Konrad had stimulated. Ishida was, by and far, a killer. A weapon with intentions that had been focused by Sardun's tutelage to focus on exterminating the darkside. Her connection to the light was dependent on burning out the shadows. The parts of it that were more subtle, more benevolent, evaded her much of the time. The parts that were kind and healing had no use in her hands. That sort of beautiful and gentle connection, the conviction to do what was pure, was where she fell out of bounds with the definition.

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Ishida Ashina

There was a silence as Aeris merely listened. There was something in what Ishida said, even if Aeris to some extent disagreed. The fact that anyone would use a person, especially Michael Sardun, as a source amused Aeris but she kept her feelings on the matter under wraps.

“You are not wrong, but also not entirely correct. Same as me. Well, in my eyes anyway.” She smiled and nodded. “For the sake of it, I will not be addressing the Ashla question. At least not yet.”

“I think this is where perhaps part of my… Disagreement — with the Order starts.” Aeris chuckled and leaned back against the shelf again. “I see the Jedi as a form of faith, not a state of being. It is to adhere to the principles and core tenets of the Code, to act with the purpose of uniting the galaxy in a harmonious whole without exerting unwarranted pain upon others.”

“There was a woman I once met when I was with the former Alliance based out of Sullust.” Aeris said and looked over at Ishida. “She was part of the Order of the Sacred Lotus. Actually, she was charge of them. She was not touched by the force like you and I, and yet… She did everything that a Jedi was meant to do. Despite not being force-sensitive in the slightest, she was willing to work twice as hard to try and heal the rifts in our galaxy with an enthusiasm greater than many Jedi I had ever seen before her. ”

“I guess it opened my eyes in a sense.” She admitted. “And then, of course, we have the fact that Jedi themselves can lose their connection to the force. That would mean that they understand the light, yet now that they do not have the force, are they suddenly not Jedi anymore?”

 

[Ishida Ashina]

Ah, a lesson was baked within this. With layers.

Ishida perked and paid attention.

"Did she refer to herself as a Jedi?" Ishida asked, referring to the Lotus woman Aeris Lashiec had observed from years ago. "If you're a librarian now, but lose your library and all access to it, are you still a librarian?"

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Ishida Ashina

"She did, yes, and so did others." Aeris nodded. "And what you are asking is a bit of a trick question, is it not?"

"To some extent one could argue I am not, but inevitably I am not going to stop knowing what it means to be a librarian just because I lose access to this one point of access. The values and skills that I possess as a librarian depends on my own willingness to uphold and maintain them. We all go through loss and struggle to find our way forward at times, but that does not mean we stop being who we are."

"Or what would you say, Ishida?"

 

[Ishida Ashina]

A woman who was void of the Force, but going about humble, benevolent duties was referring to herself as a Jedi. Ishida hmm'd once she had this information.

Aeris Lashiec , for her part, did a thorough job of addressing the points Ishida would have deemed parallel to the conundrum of who is a Jedi, and who is not a Jedi? In her librarian example, the tenets of which she conducted herself, and the knowledge she retained, were all constant. The library, which was akin to the Force for this argument, was only a point of access.

The way Aeris spoke reminded Ishida of Inosuke. There were so many expectations around titles, names, legacies, that it left much room to interpretation.

"I would say my example was poor," Ishida admitted when the question flipped back to her. "Your example was of a woman who deemed herself a title that she'd never truly been. She'd never had the Force. Her claim was built on abstract hypotheticals.

Mine was of a title that had been stripped once an access point was removed. You would never not be a librarian, because that was who you were, but who you are after something like that happens is open to interpretation."

Would she be an Ashina still if she betrayed the tenets? Was Inosuke still an Ashina after he'd been exiled?

"And entirely up to you. In both instances, they're up to the individual and how they feel, where they feel their alignment is.

So to further answer your question, I suppose it's really not for me to say one way or another."

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Ishida Ashina

"And as for me, what I am trying to say is that we would do well not to turn potential allies away simply because they do not possess something so extraordinary as an ability to use the force." Aeris nodded with Ishida. "But yes, in the end it is hardly for us to say. In the end all we can do is act as beacons that show what a Jedi is meant to be. If people meet the criteria or not, Jedi is a title — and titles only mean what others believe it to be."

Aeris placed a hand on her knee and pushed to stand up again and get back to work.

"I uhh," She chuckled. "I have a predisposition for these talks. It is important that we challenge our views to make sure we can find a better way."

 

[Ishida Ashina]

"And as for me, what I am trying to say is that we would do well not to turn potential allies away simply because they do not possess something so extraordinary as an ability to use the force."

"And if they turn us away?" Ishida asked, her gaze temporarily downcast before flicking to the nearest corner of the library as if suggesting part of what had happened was subtle recompense by those would-be-corpses.

Her view was still unchanged. Jedi was a title reserved for those that wielded the Force, but there could be good, honourable, brave people that were untouched by the Force.

"I have a predisposition for these talks. It is important that we challenge our views to make sure we can find a better way."

"I appreciate your candor." Ishida admitted. "I..am not so predisposed. Thank you for your patience. I liked this. It's helpful."

At her hip, her datapad buzzed once more. Similar to the ping she'd received that had brought her to the library.

Not one with many friends, nor one to receive many updates (technology was not her strong suit, Hebo had significantly hampered her uptake with anything digital), Ishida reached to the feeling in her pocket. She'd hardly had to make any gestures to seek more information when the screen was overtaken with a message that she heard from her small screen, and others, distantly throughout the temple.

Darth Solipsis ' foreboding voice forced itself through the tiny speakers in her hands, and Ishida's listless expression trained on consuming the content.

You have the power to save yourselves.
Kill the Jedi, or bring them to us.
Another world will burn with each passing month. Pray it won't be yours.

"I suppose we'll see who's defined as a Jedi now, more than ever, hm?" She finally spoke, her voice small and tight.

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Ishida Ashina

"Then we have failed our mission." Aeris stated plainly and shrugged. "We start work on understanding why they would think such a thing, and if possible fix it."

She listened and she watched as Ishida spoke. The admission that she wasn't one to talk much was certainly something that even Aeris could see and understand. Part of her wanted to chalk it up to who it was that the Atrisian associated with, but even so that was little more than a convenient excuse. Some people just didn't like to talk.

Ishida's pad buzzed and Aeris imagined so did hers wherever she had left it.

Solipsis.

"I suppose we will." Aeris frowned.

 

[Ishida Ashina]

The message was unsettling, and the agreement the pair had been forced to reach was even further on the disquieting scale.

"Master Lashiec," Ishida started, running her hands along the frame of the datapad and letting the screen eventually fade out on its own from inactivity. "The conversation started around individuals who didn't have The Force, but claimed to be Jedi.

What about those who have The Force? And use the light? Does that make them worthy of being called a Jedi?

You said earlier, for the sake of argument you'd leave out alignment." She pocketed the datapad, resuming a neutral expression. Despite her personal attachment to this particular angle of their dialogue, she tried to look as listless as possible for Aeris Lashiec 's interpretation.

"It would be helpful to perhaps revisit that."