Matreya
Well-Known Member
Some of you guys know me, and some don't. Most of you guys know me on merit of those known to trash talk me for whatever reasons. Either way, those that do know me enough, or have been on site to see me blow up enough, know my life has been absolute hell over the last 3 years.
My son was taken from me by child protective services, under false allegations, proven multiple times. Since then I have fought, for the entirety since, to return him to my legal care. I officially have him back, but am forced to deal with multiple workers every single day, to make sure that I am not "messing up". 6 months and a few days ago, my daughter was also born. In this time, she has nearly been put into a case of her own, forcing me to fight tooth and nail.
Bad as it might seem, and messed up as it is that I even think this way; but if something goes wrong, at least only one of my kids is removed from my care again. I can always fight to get my son back again. Both? I don't know how I could cope.
After all of this drama, my fiance and now two children, were evicted from my home on, again, face allegations. Upon moving in we found the back fence was litter ally built with broken pieces of wood. Some were hardly a foot long, nailed to attach to the next hunk. A 6th grader would build a better fence. No doubt. But it fell apart, and we were to blame.
So we have been couch surfing since. My kid... who is in foster services... have had to sleep on floors, paying 50+ dollars to rent floor space at friends..
Combined with all of the drama that has happened on this site basically since I joined... man its crazy. I understand some of the issues. I have a short fuse, and I mean come on with the stuff happening, wouldn't it be understandable that I explode when words are directed towards a characters writer and not the char? Saying, "He is stupid" versus "how someone could think guiding him to do this is smart" is blatantly different attempts. One is char driven.
Because of what happened with my kid, I snapped at one point. Going against basically the whole Fringe. Admittedly it did lead into a cool storyline once I worked the problems out with the main heads. But even then, the people who had hated me, now blatantly had the cause to do so as well. It became common knowledge to find people talking poodoo.
Because of the slip up, when I made a new char, I was adamantly told I was not welcome to join the Silvers who at the time, I had not once role played with. That's the point.
The board here's about me, suddenly its common core knowledge. Don't write with Zach. He's a god modded. Etc.
Up until recently when [member="Deneve Verd"] writer made me feel like suddenly I could be treated fairly. I had joined the Sith Empire, won the Emperor position, and even became a mod. Because I have a foul sense of humor sometimes, and mind you the owner of the faction was as bad many many times, I was called out. Supposedly everyone had contacted him and hated me, wanting me gone.
Attempting from then to make amends and apologize before resigning from the faction, I spoke to as many as possible. Turns out the owner was the main person who had an issue. For whatever reason, my standing out bothered him. So I left with apologies to everyone, throughout the confusion from the masses.
To which I still face poodoo every time I post something OOC. From people not even involved.
After that I have basically fallen into disuse. I come back because I feel like this place is home. But now it really is. Its a group of people blatantly hating on me, but feigning otherwise behind my back.
Save the Mando Crusaders. They are a legit group that, upon Deneve making them shut up, took me in. Apprehensively at first. It led to some fun interactions though. Letting my chars become something they aren't. Changing them at a base level.
Then came... well I won't get into specifics on who did what. Either way, ic my char Damien is emotionless. Literally he didn't even know what love was when he felt it. @Darth voractios ate his memories, all that counted. So he was left a husk.
So, emotionless Sith.... of course he is going to be an ass, no? Well during an interaction Damien was auto hit. Instead of reporting, asking for edits, etc. I just rolled with it. Wasn't no big thing cause the auto was actually something Damien should have a great defense over. He has had his Mentalism tested by several chars over the years, earning a bit of respect in that regard. Blocking it seemed unnecessary as well, cause the auto.
So I took it, stating then also that its greatest piece was the Fear attack, is Damien's go to thing. His weapon is imbued to use it, his mind was broken numerous times because of it and he uses it against everyone basically.
Because of... well, whatever, Damien was being God Mode, I was blatantly rude for my char have IC personality etc.
This led to a public thread tagging me specifically, stating I was a rampant god modder, was unnecessarily rude etc. Which I am not, and was not. Then I was kicked. No conversation, not trial, nothing.
Just, "Hey guys look at this. Be wary of this piece of whatever he is. Don't go near him. By the by I need the keys to the front door back Zach."
No I am not pointing out names, I would also like to ask this remain the case. No one needs to delve into any of this. Its a rant of a mentally defunct writer that feels pushed one to many times by the universe.
My mental health needn't be gone into either. If you know mental problems that people suffer from, cool, great. But as is, I don't need the pity or sympathy ya know? One step from the breaking point, I don't need a shove of anything.
Anyway, no this didn't all need to be delved into, but as I said I'm feeling broken. I'm fighting everyone in my life it feels like. The place I go to from escape I also feel like I always have to tread carefully also. Its...
Too much. I'm done for now. I love this place, and in spite of everything, ignoring the trouble it causes, I love the people too. I will probably return some time soon, ya know give myself a time away, see if writing here still holds merits, then return.
But as it is, thanks everyone for bearing with this nut case for so long. If you read through to this point, kudos on listening to the lunacy. Otherwise, thanks for at least opening the page.
As said, please no one name anyone or anything. That isn't what this is for.
My son was taken from me by child protective services, under false allegations, proven multiple times. Since then I have fought, for the entirety since, to return him to my legal care. I officially have him back, but am forced to deal with multiple workers every single day, to make sure that I am not "messing up". 6 months and a few days ago, my daughter was also born. In this time, she has nearly been put into a case of her own, forcing me to fight tooth and nail.
Bad as it might seem, and messed up as it is that I even think this way; but if something goes wrong, at least only one of my kids is removed from my care again. I can always fight to get my son back again. Both? I don't know how I could cope.
After all of this drama, my fiance and now two children, were evicted from my home on, again, face allegations. Upon moving in we found the back fence was litter ally built with broken pieces of wood. Some were hardly a foot long, nailed to attach to the next hunk. A 6th grader would build a better fence. No doubt. But it fell apart, and we were to blame.
So we have been couch surfing since. My kid... who is in foster services... have had to sleep on floors, paying 50+ dollars to rent floor space at friends..
Combined with all of the drama that has happened on this site basically since I joined... man its crazy. I understand some of the issues. I have a short fuse, and I mean come on with the stuff happening, wouldn't it be understandable that I explode when words are directed towards a characters writer and not the char? Saying, "He is stupid" versus "how someone could think guiding him to do this is smart" is blatantly different attempts. One is char driven.
Because of what happened with my kid, I snapped at one point. Going against basically the whole Fringe. Admittedly it did lead into a cool storyline once I worked the problems out with the main heads. But even then, the people who had hated me, now blatantly had the cause to do so as well. It became common knowledge to find people talking poodoo.
Because of the slip up, when I made a new char, I was adamantly told I was not welcome to join the Silvers who at the time, I had not once role played with. That's the point.
The board here's about me, suddenly its common core knowledge. Don't write with Zach. He's a god modded. Etc.
Up until recently when [member="Deneve Verd"] writer made me feel like suddenly I could be treated fairly. I had joined the Sith Empire, won the Emperor position, and even became a mod. Because I have a foul sense of humor sometimes, and mind you the owner of the faction was as bad many many times, I was called out. Supposedly everyone had contacted him and hated me, wanting me gone.
Attempting from then to make amends and apologize before resigning from the faction, I spoke to as many as possible. Turns out the owner was the main person who had an issue. For whatever reason, my standing out bothered him. So I left with apologies to everyone, throughout the confusion from the masses.
To which I still face poodoo every time I post something OOC. From people not even involved.
After that I have basically fallen into disuse. I come back because I feel like this place is home. But now it really is. Its a group of people blatantly hating on me, but feigning otherwise behind my back.
Save the Mando Crusaders. They are a legit group that, upon Deneve making them shut up, took me in. Apprehensively at first. It led to some fun interactions though. Letting my chars become something they aren't. Changing them at a base level.
Then came... well I won't get into specifics on who did what. Either way, ic my char Damien is emotionless. Literally he didn't even know what love was when he felt it. @Darth voractios ate his memories, all that counted. So he was left a husk.
So, emotionless Sith.... of course he is going to be an ass, no? Well during an interaction Damien was auto hit. Instead of reporting, asking for edits, etc. I just rolled with it. Wasn't no big thing cause the auto was actually something Damien should have a great defense over. He has had his Mentalism tested by several chars over the years, earning a bit of respect in that regard. Blocking it seemed unnecessary as well, cause the auto.
So I took it, stating then also that its greatest piece was the Fear attack, is Damien's go to thing. His weapon is imbued to use it, his mind was broken numerous times because of it and he uses it against everyone basically.
Because of... well, whatever, Damien was being God Mode, I was blatantly rude for my char have IC personality etc.
This led to a public thread tagging me specifically, stating I was a rampant god modder, was unnecessarily rude etc. Which I am not, and was not. Then I was kicked. No conversation, not trial, nothing.
Just, "Hey guys look at this. Be wary of this piece of whatever he is. Don't go near him. By the by I need the keys to the front door back Zach."
No I am not pointing out names, I would also like to ask this remain the case. No one needs to delve into any of this. Its a rant of a mentally defunct writer that feels pushed one to many times by the universe.
My mental health needn't be gone into either. If you know mental problems that people suffer from, cool, great. But as is, I don't need the pity or sympathy ya know? One step from the breaking point, I don't need a shove of anything.
Anyway, no this didn't all need to be delved into, but as I said I'm feeling broken. I'm fighting everyone in my life it feels like. The place I go to from escape I also feel like I always have to tread carefully also. Its...
Too much. I'm done for now. I love this place, and in spite of everything, ignoring the trouble it causes, I love the people too. I will probably return some time soon, ya know give myself a time away, see if writing here still holds merits, then return.
But as it is, thanks everyone for bearing with this nut case for so long. If you read through to this point, kudos on listening to the lunacy. Otherwise, thanks for at least opening the page.
As said, please no one name anyone or anything. That isn't what this is for.
Hopefully RL gets better for you though... May The Force be with you and hope to mapes RP with you when you return. Cheers love!
