I'm Not Okay

[Felicity Mason]

Gone.
The word 'gone' was all she heard. She lay on her back in her bed, staring up at the high ceiling. Across her vision, a spider made it's way to a corner somewhere to make it's home. She hated bugs, but for the moment, she did not mind. The insect did not even register.
Nisal rubbed her feet at the bottom of the bed. The large Nexu had been her constant companion since the death of Duchess Magrath. She looked after her now, fed her, washed her, pet her when she was bored, and the nexu protected her, kept her company when she was lonely, let her cry great salty tears into her fur.
[member="Owain"] was here too. Without the Duchess around, she started to care less and less who knew her secret. She brought him into her room now, lay in his arms on the bed, fell asleep like this. Nothing else. She didn't need anything else now. He let her cry too. Owain didn't seem to like the Duchess much, but he was good enough not to mention it.
She looked sideways at him with red puffy eyes. She cried to much recently, she was sure she would have run out of tears by now. But no. No matter how much she cried, the well seemed to be endless.

Crybaby, she scolded herself, Graxin would be ashamed. No wonder he didn't want to train you anymore.

She sniffled and rolled over, facing away from Owain. Nisal growled sleepily at her feet when she moved, but quickly settled back down. It was hard to still feel angry at her brother. She was so upset, she hardly had room for any more emotion in her small body. She was tired. For the last day, her visions had been coming at a startling rate. Snippets of something every few hours, leaving her shaking and cold. She had no idea what it meant, any of it. Images flashed, sounds, but nothing useful, nothing that she could make out. And it left her in pain. It was why she was in bed now, why she'd been sleeping in the middle of the day. It all meant nothing. It all hurt so bad.

She closed her eyes, rolled over again to face Owain. He was here. He was real. Even with her eyes closed, she could see him. She reached out to touch his cheek-
Her skull was on fire again, only for an instant. She let out a cry of pain, her entire body tensing as she desperately clutched at her forehead. Flashes again. Voices. She didn't recognize anything- no. Not true. She did this time.

 

[Owain]

"Felicity? What is it?" he asked, blinking the sleep from his eyes. Thank the Force for being a light sleeper. He had heard her cry and was up in an instnat, arm on her shoulder, ready to go fetch help or to hold her close as necessary.

The loss of the duchess had hit Felicity hard. She had been an inspiration to the young princess. Despite his personal dislike for the woman, Owain knew better than to talk about her. He had no ties to her, so it would have been out of place. But Felicity...she had adored the countess. Exactly why, Owain supposed he'd never know. But the girl had been distraught, dragging him along everywhere, making him stay close by. He did so. Maybe she was afraid he could vanish from her life next? It was a disturbing thought, but it could well happen. The galaxy was a dangerous place. But he would never leave his Songbird willingly. He had promised. Which was why he had all but moved in to her quarters in the estate. People were whispering, but neither of the two young lovers cared. Feena Mason was going to kill him, he knew, but Felicity needed him. Just as she had after the invasion of Naboo.

She had been crying herself to sleep a lot.

At least she had found another comfort in the companionship of the nexu. Who had once gotten too close to Hondo for the tauntaun's liking and recieved a kick for it's troubles. The two animals seemed to have settled on a repsectful avoidance of each other. Of course, Nisal wasn't fond of HIM either. The nexu behaved itself whenever Felicity was around, but it was too fond of showing off all it's teeth to Owain otherwise.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

His voice shook her out of it at once. She blinked her wet, red eyes at the boy holding her close, buried her face in his shoulder.

"Hurts," she mumbled in reply, "Head. Saw things again."

Nisal was up at once, had pounced off the bed and was pacing the perimeter, yawning. The girl watched the nexu out of the corner of her eye. She couldn't judge Felicity, couldn't whisper about her. If she was capable of human speech, would she though? She seemed so loyal, Felicity doubted she would. She was one of the only friends she had left.

The pounding in her head was starting to settle to a dull ache. Mom never said that her visions hurt, Graxin made no mention of it either, nor had Master Elaris. Was it supposed to hurt like this when she saw the pictured in her head? Or was there something deeply wrong with her?

"I'm sorry I woke you."
She was glad to have him here. He made her recover faster, calmed her down when her visions scared her, and held her until the pain vanished. If she could have it her way, she would fall asleep beside him every night. They practically shared a room as it was, he was in here so often. The only thing keeping them from sharing a space was marriage. It would never be allowed until then, and it was far too early to think about that. Besides, mom would never approve.

Mom. Had she heard yet? She'd be devastated too. The tears came all over again, rage, sorrow and intense pain flooding through her.

[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

"Hush, it's fine," he said to the girl, grinning at her. "It's part of a boyfriend's duties after all," he added lightly with a wink, biting back a yawn. Visions again. As if more proof was necessary that the life of a space wizard was thankless and painful. The youth held his Songbird close, savoring her warmth and scent. The nexu had taken to patrolling the room, though Owain could see it eying him distastefully from time to time. He stuck his tongue out at it over Felicity's shoulder, and the beast merely rolled it's eyes in response. Just as arrogant as the duchess had been. So much political power, and none of it mattered in the end.

He shuddered as Felicity shivered again. The pain, the sorrow, was emanating from her as if she were a beacon. Owain wasn't force sensitive, but even he could feel her disquiet. He lowered his head and gave her a quick, chaste kiss on the lips. "Think you'll be able to sleep tonight, or should we take a walk?" Or maybe a ride. Hondo was undoubtedly jealous of the time the nexu was spending with his beloved mistress.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

The blonde returned the kiss affectionately while she pulled the covers back up to her chest.
"Can't sleep," she answered with a little shake of her head, "But if I go out there, I'll have to... talk to people."

That was honestly the last thing she wanted to do. She didn't need another reminder. Everyone was already sad enough. She rested her head against his chest, breathing in a deep sigh. She was safe and secure here. She had all she needed. Owain, a warm bed, and enough sweet memories to get her through the day. Sure, she'd have to eat or drink something eventually, but for now, she couldn't even think about food. The throbbing in her skull was fading, but not half as quickly as she would have liked. This wasn't normal, yet nobody seemed concerned. Nobody really paid any attention. Nobody seemed to want to help her deal with it.

"Owain, don't disappear, okay? Don't leave me."

[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

"Not if we're quick. You can grab Hondo and go for a ride, away from this. What do you say?" he offered, smiling at the girl and stroking her hair. Riding the tauntaun had always cheered the girl up. He was another one of her constant companions after all.

Her next words made him shake his head and kiss her again. "I already promised you that, Princess," he said, holding her tighter. "Don't you dare vanish on me either," the boy countered. Yes, it would be bad if she lost herself in her grief.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

"Hondo... Yeah."

She missed that stubborn creature. She slipped away as often as she could to take care of him, but lately, that hadn't been nearly often enough. She hoped her instructions were being followed and someone gave him a bath every day and was there to brush his fur. He'd probably be very cranky and irritated with her if they hadn't. He was spoiled.
She kissed him back, forcing a tight smile for the first time since she heard the news.

"Alright. You convinced me," she sighed, "but if anyone tries to talk to me, you'll save me, right?"

[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

A smile! Success! Not a total one, since he could see the strain in it, but it was progress! Owain nodded solemnly back. "Of course. I'll sweep you up in my arms and run as fast as I can," he declared, before breaking into a grin at the ridiculous mental image. "Now come on, some fresh air should help," he added, moving to get out of the bed. That nexu was giving him a look. Narrowed eyes of disapproval. He just knew the creature was telling them this was a bad idea. Well, tough for the walking carpet.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Placeholder 04]

The news of the elder Magrath's death had reached Cyril. He felt a spot of pity for the family, though only as much as one could for the enemy. It was a hard thing to care about people who funded and supported a campaign dedicated to wiping out your culture, to destroy everything you stood for simply for the sake of their own egos. No, Cyril could never be okay with that. He would never see this family the way his mother did.

They the enemy, and would soon face judgement in the Republic's court for their crimes. It was only a matter of time.

Of course, these were all private thoughts as his J-6 Starfighter settled down in the landing bag. Not a word was said to anyone besides the local flight control when he came down. No eye contact was made with single individual. They knew what he was, and he was tolerated only for his ties to [member="Felicity Mason"]. These were all traitors to the Republic. Cyril would not harm them unless they attacked him, but he certainly wouldn't feel any worse if one happened to fall into a reactor core.

He was ushered quietly through the halls, taken down strategic pathways to avoid detection. Force knew what would happen if the Magraths were caught harboring a Jedi, and Cyril had made a point to look the part. His Phrik armor bulged out from the thin brown cloak that trailed behind him. His lightsaber swayed at his hip, and the lightsabers of both Darth Vulcanus and [member="Feena Mason"] mimicked it from a clip within the cloak. If he was caught, then the Magraths would be defamed, and they would have to face the consequences for their betrayal.

Cyril had no pity for those that picked a side just because it was winning.

He snapped a quick message to Felicity as he strode toward her quarters.

Coming soon. Keep the door unlocked.



"So the Grayson's are with the Jedi now? I thought you folks were Protectorate?" One of the escorts asked.

"The Grayson's were always with the Jedi. My predecessors just lost their way." Cyril fired back.

"Where exactly do you sit in your house then, tough guy?" The escort challenged.

"The next in line to inherit all that it is, and when the Republic comes marching on your doorstep, I can promise you we'll be sitting next to the Prime Minister." Cyril snapped. It was harsher than intended, but the deed was done.

They walked on in silence until they reached the door to Felicity's quarters. The escorts gave their leave. Cyril knocked.




[member="Owain"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

Felicity got out of bed after Owain. He was right. Fresh air was needed. It would feel nice to ride again. She silently began braiding her long blond hair back when she received a message on her comm. Not important. She didn't check it now. No need. Whatever it was, it could wait. She wasn't in the mood.
She dressed herself comfortably, paying no mind to the fact that Owain was in he room with her. He'd seen all there was to see. There was no shyness left in her now. She checked her reflection once, crossed the room and opened the door just as her brother knocked.

...Brother? She blinked her puffy red eyes. Still there. She blinked again. Graxin. Cyril. Whatever he called himself now. He was here.

Her teary eyes narrowed and she quickly slammed the door shut in his face.

[member="Cyril Grayson"] [member="Owain"]

 

[Placeholder 04]

That was lovely.

The errant Jedi Knight stood outside the door, frowning. He'd come to say his last goodbyes before undertaking the very definition of a suicide mission into the very heart of the One Sith Empire. There was only so much time he could spare before beginning that deathly task and he wasn't going to waste it arguing with a sex-crazed teenager.

"We going to do this?" He grumbled, arms folding over his chest. He sidled up next to the door, and leaned back against the wall. His eyes drifted shut.

Yes, there it was. The presence of that boy within. This was what he got for letting his mother have her way. He murmured a curse under his breath, and waited.

[member="Felicity Mason"], [member="Owain"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

He was here. What for? Hadn't she suffered enough? Her anger for the first time in a while outweighed her sadness. She blinked angry tears from her eyes, leaning heavily against the door, arms crossed. She hated him. No. She didn't really, but in a stupid teenage baby sister way, she did. He made it clear she wasn;t good enough. He left her alone to fend for herself, suffer through countless headaches. He promised to teach her how to control it- then he left her. She'd hardly learned anything from him.
Where was he? Why did he show up now? Why not before when she needed him?

"We going to do this?"
"Yes we are!" she shouted through the door stubbornly, before turning her attention to her boyfriend. "Owain, go out there and tell him I'm angry with him!"

Yes. Send the boyfriend to tell off the space wizard brother. Brilliant. Felicity was too irritated to think of how that might go.

[member="Cyril Grayson"] [member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

The slamming door made him glance at the girl, confused. Fortunately he'd managed to pull on his clothing when that voice drifted through the door. Owain was pretty sure he paled somewhat upon hearing it. Felicity's brother. Felicity's older brother. Felicity's overprotective older brother. Who she wanted told off by him. The youth opened his mouth to warn her against revealing his presence, but she went ahead and spoke to him by name before he could.

Owain's mouth snapped shut and he grimaced. Oh boy. This was bad. This was very bad. His equipment was in his room. And she wanted him to face a potentially irked off space-wizard. Well...the Jedi didn't kill the defenseless, right? That meant he was somewhat safe? For now? Maybe? "Uhm...isn't this a family matter?" he asked weakly, even though he knew if she really wanted it, he'd go outside. He was stupid like that. "And ah...I'm sure he heard you?"

[member="Cyril Grayson"] [member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Placeholder 04]

Displeased could not accurately describe the way Cyril felt at this moment. The stupid sex crazed children were arguing over...something. Probably him. Another curse fell from his lips as he stood outside the door, bouncing on his heels in anticipation. A quick check of his chrono decided his next course of action for him.

Seeing as little Felicity had already opened the door, he figured it was still unlocked. Rather than sit and wait, Cyril walked up to the door, reached out with the force and...opened it. It creaked open, revealing the Jedi Master in all his bathrobe-y glory.

"Don't bother." He grunted, arms folding over his chest. "You're not pregnant are you Felicity?"

[member="Felicity Mason"], [member="Owain"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

The girl opened her mouth to argue with her boyfriend. The dummy! He wasn;t supposed to just stand there looking stupid! He needed to step in! Now! But before she had the chance to really let him have it, her door was practically knocked off the hinges because Jedi just could not help but show off.
Nisal was less pleased than her mistress. She jumped up in front of the girl, baring her sharp white teeth at the intruder.

"Nisal, down girl."
The nexu growled low, her fur slowly falling back into place, but she did not take her yellow eyes off Cyril for a second. If he moved wrong, the Nexu seemed more than ready to fix it.

And what her brother chose to say next, almost made the blonde want to send the nexu right back after him.

"Oh yes! Can't you sense it with your Jedi magic?" she responded sarcastically, rolling her eyes and sitting on the bed, "We're expecting twins! I'm going to name them 'Kark' and 'Off'"

The next thing she wanted to ask was if she LOOKED pregnant to him. That would have opened up a whole other can of horrible though. She narrowed her eyes, casually sliding her birth control under her pillow and out of sight.

"Of course when a girl becomes sexually active the very first thing that happens is she gets pregnant! Yes, I always said I was going to have a baby in my teen years and make my whole family horribly ashamed of me. Seriously, Cyril, do you think I'm an idiot? Do you even know how this works?"

She looked over at Owain, rolling her eyes. Honestly. The fact that her brother came in expecting the worst from her was really a shame. Spoke volumes about what he really thought of her. She was blushing, despite her intense desire to seem superior here. She was already feeling guilty, and she hadn't actually done anything like that in several days! So much for his sex-crazed teenager theory.

[member="Cyril Grayson"] [member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

Well...this was awkward. What, did the man not know they were taking precautions? Also, rude. Also, totally not the time. Then again, maybe he could get away with it due to being Felicity's brother. Owain had no siblings, so he had no idea what standard behavior was for such a relationship. What he had seen of Felicity's and Celeste's interaction had been confusing enough. Owain stayed quiet but felt his lips quirk into a smile at Felicity's "twins" comment. He wouldn't mind having twins in truth, but those names were terrible.

Shaking his head ruefully, he stayed to one side as Felicity tore into her brother with her razor tongue. The girl certainly knew how to use it.

[member="Cyril Grayson"] [member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Placeholder 04]

He would never voice it, but Cyril did not waste a moment in violating the girl's privacy, and reaching out to sense a child within her. Nothing, thank the force. Their mother had been two years younger when she's been knocked up. If Cyril's childhood was anything to say about the result of such, then it was best Felicity wait a very long time.

Not that it was his business. His ties with the family were terribly slim lately. That was what happened when you were overly suspicious, and your mother's closest friend eagerly funded the organization that killed everyone you had worked with for the better part of ten years. You got nervous, and when Felicity had been sent to the Magrath's, he'd about given up. Negotiations with the Sith were impossible - he had tried three times. All had ended terribly for his people. There weren't going to be anymore chances taken.

Then again, it was at least better Felicity might take this boy as her husband than some Sith Lord.

"Definitely." He dead panned with vicious sarcasm, looking about as amused with what was going on as you might expect. He cast a quick look around. Orderly quarters, no broken bones on the girl, might have been some on the lad, though he didn't much care about him at the moment.

"Came to say hello before I go into Sith space." He coughed. "Eh, Sithier-Sith space. I'll be out of contact for some time, figured I'd say hi." He glanced over at @Owain. "Didn't know you had company."


[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

Felicity had every intention of waiting a good long time before having kids. Why waste her precious youth? He was feeling for something that wasn't there. Worthless as she was in controlling her abilities, she was still able to sense his motives. She instinctively placed a hand over her stomach, face scrunching up in annoyance. If she'd been lying, he'd know in an instant. The jerk. Didn't he think she'd have figured that out by now?
She glanced at Owain, giving him an apologetic look. He didn't need to be dragged into her family drama, but still, was probably a good idea for him to meet her brother. Who knew? Maybe he'd be his brother-in-law some day?

"Going off to kill more Sith?" she asked, "Don't die, alright? You make it sound like you're never coming back..."

She stood up again, crossing over to stand next to Owain. She took his hand squeezing it gently. She didn't care any more. He knew. Cyril already figured it out..

"This is Owain. He's my part-time body guard and full-time love of my life."

[member="Cyril Grayson"] [member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

This had gone from awkward to full blown uncomfortable. The way the guy focused on his sister, the way she pressed her hand against her belly - he hadn't, had he? There were lines even Jedi wouldn't cross. Except, he did. Owain's disgust flashed across his face at the boy's actions, but he kept quiet. Best not to provoke the mentally unstable space wizard.

And then came Felicity's declaration. Owain could have groaned as he felt himself flush. Wrong move Songbird, wrong move. He swallowed slightly as he eyed their...guest...and his weapons. "I take it this is the part you exercise your brotherly right to beat me up?" he asked tentatively. If he had to fight, he would. Didn't mean he would win though.

[member="Cyril Grayson"] [member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Placeholder 04]

Lines had really ceased to be a thing for Cyril as of late. The galaxy moved so quickly, and so violently, that he had stopped caring to ask for permission when things needed done, or when he needed information. So long as it did not physically harm anyone, or hurt them financially, he would just take it. It saved time, and gave him less of an opportunity to worry over things. He knew making sure the girl was telling the truth would only sully her opinion of him. At his point, he didn't much care.

"Killing, killing, you and mother think that's all I do." He deadpanned.

"Assuming she didn't drug you I'd think you're consenting." He shrugged at Owain. "So long as that's the case, do what you want."

All teenagers did that sort of thing. He hadn't, but most all did. The thought of it made his stomach roll, and the religious view that he held of the force made premarital relations of the kind even worse in his eyes. But, it was none of his business what Felicity did, and so long as she wasn't hurt or serving the Sith, he wouldn't bother to influence her. Trying had proven to be pointless.

He shut the door behind him, deciding that the whole planet didn't need to hear their little discussion, and leaned back against it.

"As for coming back? Probably not. We're trying to end the war, measures can get a little desperate." He lifted his shoulders in another shrug. There really wasn't any point for dramatics. Every Jedi being sent on this little escapade was expected to die, that was why everyone going was not crucial to the Order's survival. "He treats you well?" He asked out of the blue, nodding toward Owain.



[member="Felicity Mason"], [member="Owain"]