Private In The Frozen Wastes Once More

[Yed'Iami'Sabosen]

setting: Somewhere on Hoth, in an ice cavern
Outfit || tag: Jorel Kaan

The frozen wastes of Hoth should have offered nothing to Diamis. She had no interest in hunting its wildlife, going on long hikes or speeder rides through the show, or tiptoeing around old warzones to search for ancient artifacts. There was nowhere for her to perform there, either, so she certainly wasn't being paid for her journey to the planet. In fact, it was losing her some money. Although working with the CIS had certainly gotten her a few more gigs, Diamis's credits had gone into new fabrics for making dresses, and updating her equipment. Travel expenses were cutting a bit into her already tight budget.

And yet, here she was. Standing alone in a cave of ice. Amazed that she still could barely feel the cold, even after being away from all this time.

It all came back to Csilla. Of course it did. Four years since she left. Three years since its destruction. This frozen wasteland was the closest she could feel to being back there. Back home. She took a few more steps in, feeling the snow crunch beneath her boots. "Vah viz k'ustirah ch'ah." You have abandoned me. The words in her native tongue somehow still felt foreign. She sighed, rubbing her forehead, then continued in, not caring how deep she was going. She just needed to go.

 

[Jorel Kaan]

The cold air of Hoth was often too much for people. The bite of the snowy planet was a source of discomfort to many that ventured here, but not to Jorel. He took each breath in deeply, allowing the refreshing wind flow through him. It was more than familiar... it was like home.

The recent attack on Korriban had left him feeling uncertain. It had nearly broken him, and he was not left without scars. The external injuries he sustained had healed, but the demons echoing inside his mind had never left. For so many years, Jorel had dedicated his life to learning control, restraint, forethought... and yet, when face to face with those that brought death to his homeworld... he broke. He became everything that his master had taught him was wrong. He became a slave to the darkness. Though the fight against the Maw was far from over, he needed time to commune with himself, and hopefully return to who he once was.

He had been meditating in this cave for days now, attempting to push the trappings of instability from his mind. Hours upon hours were spent maintaining focus, searching for his spiritual center. He used every technique taught to him by his master, Darth Petrichor, and yet, the rage still lingered deep within. How could he have allowed this to happen? How could it be that, despite all of his skill and strength, he could feel so powerless? Such was not the way of the Sith, nor the norm for himself.

Jorel felt himself pulled out of his meditation, sensing the approaching presence of Yed'Iami'Sabosen . Unsure of what to make of it, he calmly rose from his seat, keeping one hand on his lightsaber hilt just in case.

As he made his way toward the entrance of the cave, he came across a stranger, and his heart stopped for a moment. It was a fellow Chiss. Though he knew that there were survivors from Csilla, Jorel had not seen another one of his people in many years. His hand immediately moved away from his saber hilt, and he gave a small, yet welcoming nod.

"Forgive me. I had not expected to encounter anyone here, let alone a fellow Chiss. My name is Jorel, Jorel Kaan. May I ask your name?"​

 

[Yed'Iami'Sabosen]

Diamis braced herself when she heard footsteps coming her way. There went her peaceful moment. She took a deep inhale, then turned to face the intruder.

Oh.

Maker, if she hadn't been homesick before, she certainly was now. How ironic that it was two cold-blooded sentients meeting in this tundra of a place. She'd only seen one Chiss since her leaving Csilla, and it was very brief. But now, here another stood. And she had a feeling that this wasn't going to be a simple passing encounter. She hated how quick her heart was going.

"Yed'iami'sabosen." She spoke her full name calmly, trying to ensure this piece of her was expressed the way she wanted. "Diamis." She bowed slightly, nodding towards him. "A pleasure." Diamis hated how stinted her sentences were, but this wasn't her stage. Her performance was slipping before her very eyes. And this at least gave her some control.

Jorel Kaan

 

[Jorel Kaan]

Jorel managed to produce a slight smile at the mention of her full name. He had not uttered his own given name since he was a child; the overall distaste he had experienced from his people was largely why he left that name behind. Yet, in the wake of Csilla's destruction, he found the sound of another Chiss's name comforting. Though the planet had not been his home for many years, his connection to it had never completely had remained somewhere deep within him.

"The pleasure is mine, Diamis."

In truth, Jorel was unsure of how to conduct himself around his own. The years of training with his master had left him with little of who he once was. It was a welcomed change, for it had honed both Jorel's body and mind, but at times, he felt a certain disconnect when interacting with his own. He did his best to present himself with a proper Chiss demeanor, though it would likely be clear that he had not been around his people in quite some time.

"What brings you to Hoth? If you are looking to experience what the planet has to offer, I'm afraid you won't find much, aside from snow and ice."

He could sense a slight tension within Yed'Iami'Sabosen , and though his attempt at humor would likely not be effective, perhaps it would help to make her feel more comfortable. As he spoke, he made sure to hold back as much of his Force signature as he could. Though Jorel was not involved in their planet's destruction, he knew that his connection to the Dark Side caused many to not trust him. In some cases, that distrust would even drift into hate. He didn't know what her reaction would be, so for now, he would keep it under wraps.​

 

[Yed'Iami'Sabosen]

Diamis chuckled lightly at his comment. Ah, the beautiful irony. "Perhaps the snow and ice is all I am here for," she countered. "Hoth is one of the few places where the atmosphere has the same gorgeous tone during the entire year." She glanced up to the icicles above her, their crystalline colors reflecting off one another as the sun peeked through the cracks. As silly as it was, she found them peaceful.

She glanced back to Jorel, reminding herself just what she was dealing with. Or at least, she thought. Looking over him again, there was something... different. Something she hadn't thought of in a long time-- the forced posture of the Chiss wasn't there. He carried himself just like any other sentient would. Silently, this was relieving to her. Perhaps they were more alike than they realized. "And yourself? What brings you so far into the galaxy?" Hoth was fairly easy to get to, she knew, but it was the easiest way for her to try and phrase her question properly.

 

[Jorel Kaan]

Jorel's demeanor relaxed a bit as he listened to Yed'Iami'Sabosen , taking comfort in the familiar presence of another Chiss, even allowing a slight chuckle to escape as she spoke.

"Yes, Hoth is indeed a remarkable place, though many tend to see little beyond the cold. It takes a certain type of individual to truly appreciate the vastness of its beauty."

His hand ran along the icy cave wall, almost as if he were attempting to feel the cold embrace of Csilla once again. The calming cool of the cave could be felt through his glove, sending a sensation through his body. It was not chill, but rather a warmth found within familiarity. If he had closed his eyes, it would almost feel like home.

"As for my reasons for being here..."

His face became distant as he reflected on the past few months. The fight for Korriban had left him feeling unbalanced, uncertain... a strange place for a Chiss to find themselves. Thoughts of that chaotic battle upon the hillside still rattled his brain with lack of clarity, something that he would hope to remedy.

"I have been meditating. You see, I recently came into contact with the ones responsible for the death of our home. Lets just say things didn't go as planned."

It was an understatement. The casualties that Jorel's forces had suffered were greater than originally intended, and despite the countless members of the Maw that met their end, they weren't even close to wiping them out. Jorel had only tasted a small slice of vengeance, and was left feeling a want for more.

"I hoped that being here would help me become grounded once again. For a moment, in the pandemonium of battle, I forgot what I was fighting for. I lost focus, and threw aside my former master's teachings."

He stopped himself from saying more. If he was going to reveal his nature within the Force to this stranger, he would do so slowly. After all, he didn't want to risk scaring away the first Chiss he had seen in years. Instead, he let those words hang in the air, waiting to see what she would make of them.​

 

[Yed'Iami'Sabosen]

Diamis nodded slowly as he spoke, but stopped when he mentioned Csilla. She was silent, trying to remember everything she'd learned about its destruction. All she remembered of the group that destroyed it was their name: The Maw. She didn't blame him at all for his actions-- in fact, she was silently grateful that even just a few members of their ranks got what was coming to them. Diamis stopped herself shortly after she thought that. When did she become excited for revenge?

Had she suppressed her rage and misery over her home being destroyed all this time?

Diamis straightened her posture. She had to keep her emotions in-check. She still didn't know much of this man, although things were looking good. He tended to speak more freely than other Chiss she knew back home, and he introduced himself with a name similar to Humans. Something about him was... intriguing. She felt a cold shiver down her back, but not one from the environment around her. One from something she'd been trying to suppress for a long time.

"Your master's teachings?" Master was never a word used regarding Chiss trainers. From the people she'd talked to, and the stories she'd heard, Master was a term only used by certain groups of people...

Jorel Kaan

 

[Jorel Kaan]

Jorel could sense a moment of unease within Yed'Iami'Sabosen ; that quite anger that festered in the hearts of many of their people in the aftermath of their home's destruction. He offered her a reassuring smile as she quelled the frustration within her. The Chiss were not known for expressing themselves in such a way, and Jorel knew the implications of such suppression all too well.

"You are frustrated... angry... don't feel as if you have to suppress that. Anger is a natural expression of one's self, the same has happiness, sadness, or excitement. Our people may not be so keen on the idea of such expression, but that doesn't mean that it is wrong."

He looked away for a moment, reflecting on his own frustrations with his people. He had always felt cast aside, left to feel alone in the galaxy. At least... until his master had found him. He turned his gaze back to her, his face now having returned to it's usually neutral expressive state.

"Besides, it is only natural to want to see justice brought to the Maw for what they did. If they aren't stopped then how many other worlds will suffer the same fate?"

He could hear the hesitation in her voice at the mention of his master. He was planning to keep his attunement to the Force under wraps, for the most part, but it seemed that it was time to let her know the truth.

"Yes, my master, Darth Petrichor, took me under his wing when I was a young boy. He taught me the ways of the galaxy, as well as art... philosophy... the Force... in many ways, he was like a father to me."

Though he used the past tense, the truth was that Jorel still felt that link to Petrichor. They had never lost touch, and in the wake of Csilla's destruction, Jorel had found his way back to the Order once again. As Jorel continued to speak, he allowed his Force signature to reveal itself, allowing the darkness to dance around him like a shadow in candlelight.

"He is not like the others, you know. He has no plans for domination, nor the subjugation of others. He only seeks to help the Sith find some semblance of inner peace."

He realized that he was getting lost in his own thoughts, and opted to return his focus to the present.

"Apologies. It appears that I am feeling rather nostalgic."

He wasn't sure how she would handle the truth of his past, but perhaps she would be able to understand.​

 

[Yed'Iami'Sabosen]

Diamis couldn't help but let conflicted feelings bubble into her chest as Jorel spoke freely of emotion. She knew logically that emotional expression was good for a person, but it was never something she allowed herself to do publicly. But to hear it from another Chiss.... that certainly put a unique perspective on the words.

Then, he said the words she'd been thinking of the whole time. The Force. Her heart raced as a horrible mix of fear and excitement danced in her core. Something she'd been trying to repress for so long, out of fear of exile from her home, her family (which she'd done on her own anyway, Force notwithstanding). It was like Jorel was pulling everything she'd kept inside her out, and Diamis was getting closer and closer to breaking by the moment.

The light shifted around Jorel, and it pulled Diamis to him. She took slow, calculated steps forward. Something in her wanted to reach out and just be near it, to feel the Force around her... to let her own out. But she couldn't. It pained her quite literally now, fire licking up her arms. She stopped, just two feet from him.

"No, please," she said, her voice soft, almost weak. She let her cool façade crackle and fade, and a look of abject loneliness replaced it. "Tell me more."

Jorel Kaan

 

[Jorel Kaan]

Jorel was unsure what to make of the response. His years away from his own people had left him with little in the way of social interaction, and the skills that came with it. So much of his own upbringing was completely different from other Chiss, to the point of him almost forgetting how to conduct himself. Nevertheless, she opted to hear him out, and he would do his best to oblige.

He could sense the physical struggle she experienced, and opted to tone down his own energy within the Force. The darkness would remain, but would resonate at a much more manageable level. He took a moment to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Your curiosity is natural, as is your sensitivity to the Dark. We all feel such things. The Jedi teach that compassion and consideration are valuable tenets to adhere to, and in many aspects, that is true. But they claim that simply being alive is wrong."

Another slight smile produced itself from his usually solemn face.

"Is love not natural? Is joy, passion, and anger not natural? We can not cut ourselves off from such things, and still call ourselves individuals."

He motioned to the cave around them as he continued.

"Think of a cold place such as this. Many would find this place inhospitable, and yet, there is life. Who are we to judge the purpose of existence? Where do we draw the line?"

He looked back to her, eyes locking into hers as if he were trying to cut to the core of her very being.

"Emotion is a natural state of being. The sooner we can accept that, the sooner we can control it. There are many that forgo such control, and they become slaves. But make no mistake... one does not have to be a slave to understand the ways of the dark. One must only have the will to gaze into the abyss without a single blink."

Jorel caught himself as those last words left his lips... the words of his own former master. He had always considered himself separate from his master's teachings, and yet here he was, quoting the text that he had been brought up on. Perhaps there was something to his master's work after all...​

 

[Yed'Iami'Sabosen]

Emotion is a natural state of being. Diamis almost wanted to laugh, if she knew the conversation wasn't deadly serious. Growing up, she was devoid of emotion in her life, and was told it was to be repressed. That it got in the way of what needed to be done, and that was what was natural.

Still, his words resonated with her, somewhere deep in her gut. She closed her eyes, trying to regain some semblance of the Force that lived within her, but it was more of a struggle than she remembered. She exhaled deeply. This was going to be a process. "How do I control this?" She finally asked. "I've pushed it back for most of my life. It's there, waiting, I can feel it. But it just... sits there."

This was much more of a conversation than she normally did, and it felt strangely cathartic to let the words fly out of her mouth. Not thinking of what was perfect, what he wanted to hear, what she wanted to hear... just talking. No psychoanalyzing the situation. No performance. It was raw. A part of her hated it, felt disgusted by her actions. But another part wanted more. The presence of the Force bubbled up closer to the surface, and as it did, a soft purple glow emanated from behind her, silently making itself known.

Jorel Kaan

 

[Jorel Kaan]

The faint aura that Jorel had sensed within her was beginning to make itself known, and he began to feel her opening to the Force. It was a subtle display of a greater power that lingered somewhere deep within her. Jorel took a moment to assess her potential before answering her question.

"Harnessing the power is easy. The only true requirement is for you to let go. Once you free yourself of limitation, and embrace the natural state of being, you may be able to express it through the Force."

His hand reached out toward a large boulder within the cave, lifting it in the air as if it were a mere feather. Suddenly, he closed his fist, causing the boulder to shatter into hundreds of pieces. Just as the boulder burst apart, Jorel opened his hand once again, keeping the pieces of frozen rock suspended in place.

"The hard part is controlling it. You see, it is not enough to give in to your natural state. Others who walk within the darkness do so without inhibition, but they are slaves to their own desires. Therefore, they still lack true, unbridled freedom. Only through training and understanding, can one harness the darkness without becoming a slave."

He lowered his hand, allowing the shards of rock to gently fall to the cavern floor.

"It takes time, and practice. But it all starts with accepting the truth of your reality."

Jorel's attention was now fully on her as he spoke.

"Tell me, what do you know of the Force?"

It was a simple question, but one often loaded with many unspoken implications. Her answer would tell him many things about her, whether or not she realized.​

 

[Yed'Iami'Sabosen]

Diamis watched in a silent state of awe as Jorel controlled and destroyed the boulder, seemingly just with his mind and an outstretched hand. She tried to gauge exactly how he was doing what he was doing, but despite herself, she knew that it was something she wouldn't be able to find out just by looking. She listened to his words, not even able to nod and pretend she knew what he was saying. All of the words on their own made sense, but when combined, it sounded like he was talking about something more powerful than what Diamis was ready to contend with. But something in her heart stirred. She had to know more.

"Not much," she admitted. "I know that it exists everywhere, but not everyone can feel it. Those who can feel it are able to learn to control it, and bend it to their will. But other than that... my knowledge is limited."

Jorel Kaan

 

[Jorel Kaan]

"Limited knowledge is preferable when discovering the ways of the Force. It frees your mind of restrictions, and avoids turning to misconceptions perpetuated by those that are too stuck in their ways to see the path forward."

Another reassuring smile followed the words as Jorel pondered the curiosity of Yed'Iami'Sabosen . To find a fellow Chiss so curious about the Force, and particularly, the Dark Side, was something of a rarity. In some ways, it made Jorel feel like he wasn't such an anomaly among his people. In most scenarios, he wouldn't be so quick to share his knowledge of the Dark Side with others. The time he had spent with his master had shown him just how dangerous it could be in the wrong hands. Yet, something made him feel that this was different. Perhaps it was simply him looking through the rose colored lenses of his crimson Chiss eyes, hoping that he was truly not the only Chiss meant for such a path. Regardless, he felt compelled to help her open the door to a new path.

"The first, and likely, most difficult step, will be to forgo the teachings of our people. You have to let the Force flow through you freely, without limitation. Chiss sensibilities have their place in controlling these powers, as they will help to prevent you from becoming a slave of the darkness. But that comes later. First... you must let go."

Jorel motioned toward a path leading deeper into the ice-covered cavern.

"The next chamber is where I have been meditating. If you would care to join me, I can show you how to unlock those parts of your mind. Perhaps it will show you a new destiny within this turmoil-ridden galaxy."​

 

[Yed'Iami'Sabosen]

As someone who was already pretty far away from regular Chiss standards, it shouldn't have been too difficult for Diamis to further depart from them. Of course, this was something altogether new. She listened to Jorel intently, studying his words as best as she could, as if somehow she could learn how it all would work just by listening to him. Maybe she could. Maybe.

"I will follow," she said quietly, following him down further into the cave, into the area he'd been meditating. From what she'd heard in stories, meditation was how some Force users were able to get better control of it. But was that the users of the Dark or Light side? If she understood Jorel correctly, it might just be both.

Diamis slipped her gloves off, stuffing them into her coat pocket. She brushed her fingers against the icicles as they walked by, feeling the frigid temperature inch by inch. It was no wonder he was using this place to meditate-- it was beautiful. And for a Chiss, just like home.

Her ears perked up when he mentioned 'destiny'. It was a concept she'd heard of in fiction, and used only for people who went on to do grand things. She knew she had no grand 'destiny'... and yet he made it sound like maybe she could.

"Will you forgive me if I ask too many questions?" she asked, putting the warning out ahead of herself.

Jorel Kaan