Feedback It’s time. First Feedback.

[Serina Calis]

Wow.

I never thought that I would ever write a Force User. Less so one tied to the same themes as Serina Calis.

And what a journey it has been. For reference, I started writing on Chaos almost 2 months ago, I am not an avid writer and apart from Chaos I don’t write at all. So consider me extremely new to writing in general.

Serina has been a passion project that has absolutely made me love and respect writing a whole lot more, providing me an avenue for a more nerdy/geeky side of my passions that I don’t have in my regular life.

Usually, when I play RPG’s and watch movies, I am always interested in the stoic soldier types, the stalwart and the brave, contrasting that with Serina is a night and day difference which has made writing her difficult but fun at the same time.

So, to commemorate how far she has come and to the hope that we take it further, it’s time to put up a feedback thread. I am a little scared about this, as writing is definitely not my forte but I enjoy Serina so much I feel like I really want to know people’s honest thoughts and opinions.

Consider this a late 300 post milestone feedback thread XD.

Thank you to all the writers who have made this possible so far, thank you all so much for all the support and cooperation!

 

[Caelan Valoren]

My only critique: your time as a Jesi was too short and the turn too quick.

 

[Serina Calis]

My only critique: your time as a Jesi was too short and the turn too quick.

I also feel like the arc was rushed, there are many factors into why that happened to be the case.

In my ideal world there would have been a Serina Calis in the NJO for a far longer time. I think that a lot of my plans around her in the NJO were far too ambitious and would of involved more than just a couple of writers.

Ideally, if I was to remake Serina Calis, I would of wanted to make something grand and tragic with a lot of buildup towards it. As a younger writer I did feel a bit worried and uncomfortable to ask for such a story however.

Something which would of left a mark and really had some sort of impact when she fell. Set her up for when she eventually would become a Dark Jedi. Many of these ideas I had involved NPC’s and I just didn’t see them providing enough to the NJO in return and it felt one wayish.

 

[Caelan Valoren]

You'd be surprised at how much that can affect other people. If she had friends, having her fall affects them. Teachers the same. Imagine the time spent between them all, learning and growing together, and then she goes dark how the people around her might blame themselves or wonder what they could have done to stop it. A good fall story can be fun for those who don't fall too.

 

[Everest Vale]

Considering how new you say you feel to writing, your use of language and storytelling is outstanding. I learn a lot from your posts that help improve my own writing, and I'm humbled to have written with you, brief as it may have been for now.

Serina is such an outstandingly crafted character. So deeply complex, flawed, and all the hallmarks of a true villain. You write her so well, and she genuinely terrifies me. Her stories make for some of the most compelling and enjoyable reading I've experienced. You really know how to build and carry atmosphere.

Ageed on the short NJO chapter, but regardless of that, the execution of her fall was done extremely well, and all that has followed, and you should be proud of that.

 

[Serina Calis]

You'd be surprised at how much that can affect other people. If she had friends, having her fall affects them. Teachers the same. Imagine the time spent between them all, learning and growing together, and then she goes dark how the people around her might blame themselves or wonder what they could have done to stop it. A good fall story can be fun for those who don't fall too.

No doubt! One thing I will say it is difficult sometimes to approach writers with a character that you know for certain is going to end up falling to the Dark Side. Again, I think I was just a bit paranoid more than anything.

Considering how new you say you feel to writing, your use of language and storytelling is outstanding. I learn a lot from your posts that help improve my own writing, and I'm humbled to have written with you, brief as it may have been for now.

Serina is such an outstandingly crafted character. So deeply complex, flawed, and all the hallmarks of a true villain. You write her so well, and she genuinely terrifies me. Her stories make for some of the most compelling and enjoyable reading I've experienced. You really know how to build and carry atmosphere.

Ageed on the short NJO chapter, but regardless of that, the execution of her fall was done extremely well, and all that, has followed, and you should be proud of that.

Thanks you so much. I am so glad I have had the opportunity to write with you as well, Eve is such a beautiful and sweet character that really contrasts with Serina in all the best (or worst…) ways.

It’s been such a pleasure to write with you and we 100% are going to continue writing together!

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

First off, it feels like you've been here for way longer than two months. I think that's a testament to the impact Serina has made on the site!

Echoing Caelan and Eve's points, I do agree that Serina's fall might've been better served by giving her time with the Jedi to establish more tangible bonds and build tension. However, I can very much understand when an idea hits you and you just wanna go for it lest you lose steam. In that respect, her actual fall was well done.

The dialogue you use with Serina is very fun to read – you really get a sense for her confidence and just how deeply corrupted she's become.

Overall, an explosive start to a darker character whose story looks very promising. Look forward to reading more of her

Serina Calis