I've Become So Numb

[Sage Bane]

The library at the Jedi temple on Ession was eerily quiet. Too quiet for Sage Bane's liking. The unlikely Chiss hybrid from Nal Hutta still couldn't get used to the absolute silence that drifted through the temple halls no matter the hour. It only served to make his dark thoughts that much darker and his craving for glitterstim that much more intense. Sage was completely accustomed to the asceticism of the Jedi lifestyle. The young man had done nothing in moderation since his freedom from slavery on Nal Hutta, but Sage's former drug cartel, the Ko Hentata, had been raided by Ession Jedi on Nar Shaddaa, and the half-Chiss had been given a choice, join the ranks of the Jedi or be carted off to an Ession jail on drug trafficking charges. The former slave would be karked if he lost his freedom again, so he agreed to accompany his new Master Rexus Drath back to the temple to learn the ways of the Force.

As he sat hunched over his studies, he was trying to read the texts that his Master recommended, but found himself re-reading the same few lines over and over again. His knee bounced nervously up and down. All he could think about was getting a fix. Sometimes the Jedi healers would use their Force healing powers to help his detox along, but lately his Master Rexus had implored him to try and get through it on his own. So Sage simply forced himself to look at the texts and to try and forget about the euphoric numbness he craved.

[member="Anastasia Rade"]

 

[Anastasia Rade]

Over the past few weeks Ana had her nose buried in chemistry and biology books. She was looking for references to assist her with her project. She didn't believe it was too early to begin to search for a solution. She wondered if he too was searching as well for a way they could have what they wished for.

Jedi Temples she found were good sources of information as there were many scientists amongst their ranks. The blonde had even found her mother's own work amongst others. Even though her work had nothing to do with what Ana was looking for she wished to learn more about her mother.

Had her mother and father raised her Ana perhaps would have been a chemist instead of the warrior she was today. The young woman had to admit to herself that she was interested in the subject.

Entering the library of Ession the blonde clad in her Jedi Knight robes walked over to one of the rows of books. Ana loved reading everything and as she searched saw many books that tickled her fancy but she was searching for a particular subject and history novels had nothing to do with such things.

Finding the science section Ana began to pull the books of interest to her and hold them in one of her arms as she continued to look.

[member="Sage Bane"]

 

[Sage Bane]

Sage slammed shut his book with a sigh. It was no use. He couldn't concentrate. He let his head fall to the table, resting his forehead on the cool surface for a moment. Then he sensed a strong presence in the library, someone with greater powers than he. He turned his head to the side and saw a woman perusing the stacks. Her beauty was breath-taking, but not only that, she was familiar somehow. Sage racked his brain. Where had he seen her before? Images he saw at Cryax's apartment that day that he'd broken in and rifled through his things. Her face was unmistakable. It was definitely her. Cryax's old girlfriend or lover before he came out of the closet. He had no idea what had transpired between them, but was intensely curious.

As it was much more interesting than reading the same few words again and again, Sage thought he'd play a little game to put his theory to the test. He quietly arose from the table and stole away into the labyrinthine stacks, crouching at the end of one of the aisles, out of her view.

Drawing on some of the telepathic training that Master Rexus had taught him, Sage sent a mental image into the woman's mind. It was possible that she was too powerful to let him into her consciousness, but perhaps he had an advantage of catching her off-guard while her nose was in a book. He transmitted thoughts of his brother, the bluer-skinned Bane. If she was intrigued enough, she might just come and find him in the stacks. If not, then he would have to settle for a study lesson after all.

[member="Anastasia Rade"]

 

[Anastasia Rade]

Ana had become good at keeping others out of her mind. It was one of the first abilities that she had learned and due to her past the young woman always had her guard up. This however didn't mean she didn't sense someone trying to pry into it.

Glancing away from the stacks for a moment she tried to see if there was anyone else in the library but saw nothing. Slowly backing up from the stacks she set the four books she found on the table before going off to investigate. She would go back to her research later.

Turning back to the stacks went in search of a person this time instead of a book. It was clear that this other person wasn't as strong in the Force as she however that didn't mean they were not dangerous. If there was one thing Ana had learned was that danger lurked behind ever corner.

She stopped suddenly as she spotted a young man hiding in the racks. Instead of punching him in the face as she wanted to Ana decided it was best to be civil. Perhaps he was just trying to get her attention. "Hello there," she lightly smiled taking a few steps back.

[member="Sage Bane"]

 

[Sage Bane]

He felt a push as he was unceremoniously shoved out of her head. But then he saw her coming around the corner. It got her attention alright. As the blonde approached him warily, Sage stood. Preferring his street clothes, tank top, suspenders, striped pants and smuggler's jacket, to his Jedi robes he knew he probably looked like an intruder and didn't need Force powers to tell him that she was on alert. He wondered if the woman would notice that he looked eerily like Cryax without the glowing red orbs and blue skin. And well, Cryax didn't have the strung-out addict thing going on. For better or worse both brothers had gotten the pretty boy looks of their father Nightslice Bane who was probably dead or in jail by now Sage suspected. Up this close, the woman was even more gorgeous than her pictures. Unlike his brother, beautiful people didn't make Sage nervous. They made him intrigued.

"Hey," he said to the blonde woman, and then smiled, ratcheting up his charm a few notches as he ran his fingers through his shaggy brown hair. "You look incredibly familiar. Have I seen you somewhere before?" He paused and tilted his head as if he were thinking about it. That's right, keep up the innocent act. "Yeah, the Dragon Palace Casino, right? The sabaac tables?"

[member="Anastasia Rade"]

 

[Anastasia Rade]

Ana grew more suspicious of him as she drew closer to him. He looked like her ex except for he wasn't blue. Could it be possible that they were brothers? Humans and Chiss were much more alike in DNA so it was possible he was a hybrid or well at least that was what research had taught her.

The last person she wished to run into ever was Cryax or any of his kin. It was for the best for her to just move on from whatever happen. She had been able to mend her heart and become stronger. Ana at the same time was more guarded of herself now than ever before

"Perhaps," Ana sighed shaking her head slightly as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Are you related to Cryax? You look an awful lot like him." He had mentioned the casino so Ana put two and two together. She didn't know he had family but than again he had never spoken about such. It did hurt thinking back upon such things now.


[member="Sage Bane"]

 

[Sage Bane]

The blonde Jedi's body language told Sage to tread carefully. She was going to be a tough nut to crack. But Sage didn't have any ill intentions towards the woman. He was merely curious about her and desperate to pass his time in the library doing something other than fiending for drugs. Master Rexus had made it abundantly clear that he needed to get clean pronto or be chucked in an Ession jail cell. After a decidedly brutal beating by his Master, no doubt. His rib cage was still sore from the last one.

Sage flashed her big brown puppy dog eyes and the sweet smile he'd used when turning tricks on Nar Shaddaa. "So observant. I'm Cryax's brother. Well, half-brother obviously. He was completely unaware of my existence until a few months ago when I tracked him down. Turns out our father was quite the womanizing Rimmer."

Smiling with an edge of amusement in his eyes, he inched closer to her and held out his hand. "Sage Bane. So how do you know that blue bastard anyway?"

[member="Anastasia Rade"]

 

[Anastasia Rade]

"We had a fling awhile back." Ana shrugged slightly. It had been a short lived romance which had completely torn her apart for months later. It wasn't something she really wanted to talk about. There was nothing left to say on the subject. She had moved past it and on to other things in her life. I'm Anastasia Rade, it's nice to meet you. Do you and Cryax get along?"

She was curious as to how the two got on together. Ana had issues with her two biological siblings. The only one whom she considered her brother now a days was Azrael and of course of the Mandalorian's as a whole.

The blonde had expected to never see Cryax or his Ravens ever again. This was unexpected to see his sibling here in a Jedi temple of all places. "Are you a Jedi or something studying up?" Ana was curious about him even though she knew it would have been better to walk away. He didn't seem so bad and just because he knew Cryax didn't mean anything.

[member="Sage Bane"]

 

[Sage Bane]

Noticing that she didn't take his hand, Sage withdrew it. What did sober people do with their hands anyway? Since his sobriety, his fingers felt like foreign objects that were ever searching for something to do, to light a cigarette or deathstick, stroke a hand, exchange some credits for drugs. None of these he could pursue in the Jedi temple. He chose to peel at the black polish on his nails absently.

So he did have some brain cells left. This was Cryax's ex-girlfriend. He could sense the relationship itself wasn't a topic that was open for discussion, and that boundary he would respect. As curious as he was, it was their private affair and none of his business. He let out a sharp laugh as he answered her question. Talking smack about his brother was his favorite pastime. "My reunion with my brother hasn't been as smooth as I hoped. And quite frankly, now that I've gotten to know him a bit better, I'm not a fan. Sure he's a 'brilliant' slicer and all that," Here Sage made air quotes with his fingers. "But he's a few starships short of a fleet if you ask me. Especially if he let a stunning creature such as yourself slip through his fingers." His face twisted into a wide, flirtatious grin at his last statement.

"My older brother has no idea how lucky he was to have the childhood he had. His mother wasn't rich by any means, but she gave him everything she had, and he squandered it by being what is today. A karking monster." He shook his head disdainfully.

At her second question, Sage didn't feel like going into the whole ex-drug-lord thing just yet, so he simply nodded. "How about you, Anastasia. What brings you to the temple?"

[member="Anastasia Rade"]

 

[Anastasia Rade]

She hated to agree with about his brother but Ana did. He was a monster and it all started with that text he sent her. I don't know what happened to him, I knew him to be a sweet boy. He changed over night." Ana shrugged again with a sigh. What had happened was for the best because meeting him had led to her ultimately meeting her Prince Charming.

"I'm sad to hear that. I had a not to great reunion with my brothers but we all suffered the same childhood fate so it's a little more understandable. What I wouldn't have given to know my parents and have a childhood. My brothers and me were robbed of our childhood and teen years." Ana stopped there not wanting to get into the subject any further than what she already had. What she said had been enough. Due to her past she had grown up quickly as she had no choice.

"I'm here doing what I'm sure you are, research. I am working on a project and was in hopes this temple would have what I'm looking for. I'm fascinated with chemistry and biology. I know Graxin doesn't mind me being here. Here researching as well?" Ana wasn't really lying as she was kind of fascinated with chemistry the more she looked into it.

[member="Sage Bane"]

 

[Sage Bane]

Sage smirked and shrugged one shoulder. "My brother is the king of denial. He hides things, from other people, from himself. Deep down inside Cryax is still that geeky kid that only knows how to interact with an AI or a droid, but he's been thrust into a situation where he has to deal with people and feelings and consequences. He simply never learned how." Sage shook his head sadly. "And now with his new position in the Ravens, he's become a little blue nightmare. I'm sure whatever happened between you, you shouldn't blame yourself." Sage gave her a gentle smile that looked eerily like his brother's.

"Your story sounds a bit like mine, Anastasia," said Sage grimly. "I was also robbed of my childhood. I was an orphan who was sold into slavery when I was ten, and I remained a slave until only a few years ago. Everything they say about Hutts and the way they treat their slaves is true. The first Hutt made me fight other boys to the death for his amusement. The second one, chained me to her, made me sleep on the floor, and forced me to do the most degrading things you can imagine."

Telling that story unleashed some powerful cravings in the young man, for spice or even a cigarette or deathstick. Sage chipped at his nail polish and then thrust his hands into his pockets. He was going to have to sneak out to the gardens for a smoke soon, Rexus be karked. "I'm supposed to be studying the Jedi code," he said sheepishly. "But I was having trouble concentrating." Here he tilted his head. "Graxin. That name sounds familiar. Is he a Jedi?"

[member="Anastasia Rade"]

 

[Anastasia Rade]

"A slave?" Ana looked at him almost in disbelief. "I think I can imagine what they did to you. Slavers did the same thing to me." She sighed looking away as she absently played with the books on the shelf before continuing turning towards him again.

"My parents were killed when I was about four. That was when my brothers and myself were taken into slavery. I was passed off from master to master to be done with as they pleased. I was freed a few years ago." She sighed as turned to look away for a moment. The young woman had lost some of her best years there. Ana was making all that up now but still she never had gotten that childhood that she had wanted. She strived to make sure other children did not face the same fate.

"Graxin is my eldest brother as well as a Jedi Master and Archlord of this Temple. I know he wouldn't mind me being here. I may need to stop and visit him before I do leave."


[member="Sage Bane"]

 

[Sage Bane]

Sage’s heart broke as Anatasia told him that she, too, had been enslaved. It had been a long time since he’d met someone who knew how it felt to go through what he did, and he couldn't help but feel a sort of kinship to her right there in the Jedi library. "Did they drug you too? One of my old Master's forced me to take glitterstim in order to make me more malleable I suppose. I still can't kick the habit." Oh why did he have to mention his favorite spice? Now his body was screaming out for it.

"So, do you ever think about getting revenge on your captors? I know revenge isn't the Jedi way," he admitted. "But sometimes I can't go to sleep at night, until I've thought about mercilessly killing every single Hutt who ever dragged me around on a chain."

A wan smile crossed Sage's face as he absently ran his long fingers through his shaggy brown hair."I haven't met the Archlord. Yet. I suppose if I stay here on Ession long enough I will." He looked down. "Jury's still out on this Jedi business. I'm not sure if I'm cut out for it, truthfully. How did you know you wanted to be a Jedi, Anastasia?"

[member="Anastasia Rade"]

 

[Anastasia Rade]

"I was used as an experiment and was nothing more than a number. It included drugging but it was all their own creations nothing you could find around now. I even looked and was unable to find their records. Everything has been destroyed." She sighed with a shrug. Ana had tried to look herself for what they had done to her but had come up empty handed. It was probably for the best that she do so.

"It is hard to sleep at night. I have fits at times wake up screaming or in cold sweats. When I can't sleep at all I'll bake. Things have gotten better and I have a wonderful support system." She lightly smiled as she crossed her arms over her chest. "I often wonder as well whom I would have been had father gotten us to safety in time. It doesn't matter now I suppose."

The life she had now was wonderful and she was truly happy on Mandalore in her little cottage in the forest. It was peaceful which was what she wanted most in her life now.

"When I think of wanting to get revenge I turn to the thought of perhaps searching for those still in slavery. I want to help others that are in our previous situation. "

[member="Sage Bane"]