Approved NPC Jaii Build's Building Team

[Enduri Jaii]

Name: Jaii Build's Building Team
Intent: To make a building team for Jaii Builds
Affiliation: Enduri Jaii, Jaii Builds

Availability: Common
Quality: C

Type: Building team

Strength: 20, for now.

Description: Made completely from citizens of Rionda, when Enduri Jaii the Prince posted an add for an avaliable job, they responded and now build houses for clients of Jaii Builds.
The team is , for now, made completely out of men and they travel around with Enduri in his Nubian 327 , while a correct transport ship is not bought.
The team is able to build anything from a small house, to a castle that is made out of 30 rooms, and everything in betwheen. The leadership of the team, is always changed betwheen constructions, for example, let's say "Ter", was selected to be the leader of the team for that project. He would order and view the schematics provided by Enduri, while Enduri, himself, would give advice to the others. Now when the project is over "Ter", will be only selected to be the leader in the 20th new project.
As Jaii Builds tiers up, it is expected for the team to increase by 10 people, be it men or women, increasing the leadership delay.
Links: N/A

 

[Liliane]

Under review.

 

[Liliane]

@Enduri Jaii

Hey! I'm Liliane and I'm here to review your submission!

The Description section is currently too short. Please expand it to at least a paragraph or two.

And a helpful tip - there shouldn't be a space before a comma, at least in the English language. So please fix that as well.

 

[Enduri Jaii]

[member="Liliane Lancaster"]

I think I've fixed all the commas , and I've added some time about how long they take to build certain structures. I don't think I can add more than that , without starting to get out of subject , since they're just building team.

 

[Liliane]

@Enduri Jaii

That's not quite what I was looking for. For example, you should include some history of the team, maybe how they get along with each other and what they usually build, as well as future plans. There are many ways you could expand the section without getting out of topic.

And while we're talking about the description section, the numbers are a little bit odd. A standard development thread needs at least 10 posts, so building a building in 2-3 posts is very questionable. I would suggest that you either up the numbers or that you remove this information completely; because there is no need to mention any of that.

Also, the comma errors are fixed in the old parts of the submission, but there are still many errors in the newly written part. Please fix that.

 

[Enduri Jaii]

[member="Liliane Lancaster"]

Is that enough, or should I add more?

 

[Liliane]

@Enduri Jaii

Much better now.

I will let another judge do the mandatory second check now.

 

[Liliane]

[member="Enduri Jaii"]

As I am no longer on a probation period, there is no need for second judge's look, so I am going to mark this as pending approval.

Approved by me, pending secondary.

[member="Lorelei Darke"]

 

[Quietus]

Approved