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I choose not to use the Force around others, neither do I want to. It will just bring back more pain. Plus it keeps me from standing out.
What am I do, what am I to call myself now that I am no longer a Jedi?
Am I just another wanderer lost to the abyss of space?
Where am I to go? Who am I to rely on?
I must go on a search. I must find who I truly am. What makes me special within this large universe. All of this stems from one question.
Who am I?
--LOG #27--
I have been found by the Mandalorians.
They have seen me at my lowest point. Beaten, struggling for survival, weak, and defeated.
Broken.
All of my pain has taken me to the stoop of their doorstep, yet they do not answer the door.
I do not appeal to them as I do not appear to be worthy to claim the title they hold dear.
Yet there is one, who does not turn their back on me. They watch me as I struggle to get back on my feet, to reclaim the strength that I had in my youth. And through it all, they are there. As if they were waiting for the right moment to notice my change, or when to cut me down.
Through the agony and indifference, I will survive. I shall prove myself worthy to claim the title they so desperately cling onto.
The name Mandalorian.
--LOG #30--
I have proven myself.
After long and rigorous trials, weeks of mental and physical training to sharpen my mind and build my body, and passing what is known as the Verd’goten, I have succeeded in gaining the respect of my peers, and of him, the man who has taken me under his wing and taught me to fly.
Today I don the armor that is known throughout the galaxy and has shaped generations. The armor that is known to have clashed with Jedi and Sith alike, traveled light-years of space for bounties, and has been associated with legends.
The T-Shaped visor stared back at me as I looked into it in awe. Was this my calling? Had I finally found myself after all this time?
I was scared to put on the helmet. I knew once I put it on, it could never come off. It would symbolize the new version of myself, a new part of the journey that is life. I am ready.
No longer was I that boy from Nar Shaddaa, wishing for a better life for his mother and sister, digging through the trash of cantinas for a proper meal. No longer was I the padawan in the training halls of the Jedi Academy, making myself better to prove that I was a true believer in the faith. No longer was I the spacer who was hopping ship to ship in order to scrounge up credits and food in order to survive the hardships. No longer.
Today, I am a changed man.
Today, I hold a title that many before me have made known throughout the entire galaxy.