Just a Dream

[Joza Perl]

While her time with [member="Darth Ax’no"] had been anything but pleasant, Joza’s spirit truly broke when she learned that she would be leaving the Caprine’s clawed grasp only to fall into the lap of the One Sith. At the very least, she supposed that Briga did not want her dead—she didn’t know what would happen to her had she fallen down the rabbit hole on Coruscant.

Having collapsed against [member="Haytham Kaze"] out of sheer exhaustion, Joza fell into a troubled sleep. When she finally stirred, the Zeltron expected to find herself in chained to a wall or torture rack deep within the Grand Temple of Ax’no. But no, she was in a bed. The Priestess’ bed? After a few moments of thought and a gentle squirm, it was realized that she was alone in the bed. And then, a warm sensation against her hand. Another hand. His hand.

Bleary eyed and confused, her gaze connected the hand to an arm, the arm to a body, the body to a face. He was sitting next to her on a chair and her first thought was, why isn’t he in the bed with me?

Recent events hit her like rushing water. The arrival of the Sanctum, her father, Haytham. The fighting, the noise, the fear, the familiar and unfamiliar Force signatures. Oh, how overwhelmed she was at simply being able to reconnect with the Force again. There was a lot for her to process, and he probably had questions of his own. But for now, she was content to wake up from this nightmare.

“…Haytham…”​

His name left her lips, parched and dry as they were. Her skin was pale, eyes sunken and ringed darkly from the stress and sleepless nights. The blemishes she’d taken so much care to hide from the world only increased, manifesting as scars across her torso, arms and back. Some were light and would fade with time, others deeper and would likely remain there indefinitely. Others scored across her mind and well-being.

“I’m sorry…I must look terrible…”​

​

​

Please don’t let this be a dream.​

 

[Haytham Kaze]

He was sitting on a chair close to the bed that held the Zeltron.

His bed actually. He hadn't gotten into it. Instead, he just... Held [member="Joza Perl"]'s hand in his own. He recalled looking over her countless times, but not leaving her side once. He wanted to be there when she woke up, he wanted her to understand that it was him that saved her, even though the Silver Sanctum Jedi had almost led an invasion to save a single Jedi.

If they couldn't protect you before, why would they be able to protect you now?

He remembered thinking while she had been unconscious. Despite him never having left the room, he had a pilot, and since they were in hyperspace he had little else to do. So he had brought him a cloth. And with that, Haytham had gently cleaned her with that cloth, though he never dared to actually take off her clothes. Not this time around anyway.

When she woke, it had only been a few minutes before he realized he was actually tired.

He couldn't help but smile at her words, though it was a small one, almost apologetic, though more leaning on the sad side as he squeezed her hand. Speaking in a gentle voice, as if anything louder would shatter her into a million pieces, he said, "Don't apologize. You look as wonderful as always," he breathed out.

 

[Joza Perl]

She tensed when he squeezed her hand, still a bit hazy and sleepy. But when no surge of pain followed, the Zeltron visibly exhaled. Joza was used to having her guard up, bracing herself for whatever might come next. At least ok Iktotch.

A flicker of a smile passed over her face as his words, and she squeezes his hand back limply. She figured it was a lie, but appreciated it all the same. He knew how appearance driven she was.

“I’m not…dreaming, right?” She swallowed, moistening her lips and throat while her head rolled over to fully look at him. “I’m really here? Not on Iktotch? Or…” She trailed, suddenly sitting up with a look of mild panic in her eyes. “Haytham, where are we going?” Normally a statement like that would sound demanding coming from her, but instead her voice shook with fear. She knew that he was a part of the One Sith, but he’d helped her escape. Her face narrowed in thought as she clutched the sheets with her other hand in realization.

“Did…did you betray the One Sith?”

[member="Haytham Kaze"]

 

[Haytham Kaze]

At this point, he knew she wouldn't care if he lied to her, about how she looked anyway. He told her what she wanted to hear.

He would make sure not to let that last too long though...

"Is this a dream?" He said, his serious, determined expression slowly breaking to reveal... A smile and a cheeky grin appearing as he says, "Good to know you dream about me," he said, not once letting go of her hand as he says, "You're not on Iktotch or Coruscant. I heard that was where they were going to take you." Tensing visibly for a moment, he thought back to Briga, and how she was a Priestess of Iktotch. [member="Joza Perl"]'s reference to the planet let him know that it was the Caprine who had indeed brought his... Zeltron lover to Balmorra to put it simply.

I'm going to take those horns out of her head with my bare hands.

But then she had asked where they were going.

"We're going to find Sanctuary." He said, a faint smile at his own cleverness. Not many people knew about the planet of Sanctuary, an independent hideout for the Rebel Alliance. It was not a place for military operations, but a place to instead get away from the violent Galactic Empire of it's time, protecting civilians and politicians that were otherwise threatened alike. A planet that he had learned of a long time ago through the Galactic Republic's Jedi Archives.

Although he didn't actually believe he betrayed the One Sith perse, mostly because they would require his loyalty for him to have 'betrayed' them, he nodded his head all the same. "Yes," he said. "If I'm deemed important enough, the One Sith will send Inquisitors like... Briga after me." He smiled at her anyway, he was confident that with Triumvirate protection and his own skills he could fight off anyone they sent after him.

"For you, of course," he said, figuring her following question would be 'why.'

 

[Joza Perl]

“Sanctuary?” Her brows narrowed in thought. Perhaps she’d heard of the place before, but she couldn’t bring anything specific to mind. “Why not Voss?” Though she hadn’t been on the Sanctum capital as often in the past year or so, she still considered herself to be a part of the Silver Sanctum Coalition. But…maybe it would be best if she didn’t head into Silver territory right away. Especially not in the company of a One Sith Knight. Well, former One Sith as she’d come to learn.

Her thumb had been running gently over his hand as he spoke, but it suddenly came to a stop when she heard that name. Squeezing his hand tightly, her teeth clenched and ground as a burst of anger suddenly flared from her person. Her Force signature was notably darker than it had ever been, a testament to the Inquisitor who tried to turn her.

“Briga…” The name left her throat in a low, guttural growl as her free hand reached to the corner of the tunic she wore. Wrapping her shaking fingers around the thin fabric, the Zeltron attempted to violently rip the cloth from her own body. She wanted nothing, nothing to remind her of the Caprine witch but it seemed that the thought of her would not disappear easily, etched into every scar and line in her face. “If she comes near you I’m ripping her apart!” A snarl tore from her throat, but as quick as she’d given in to her anger, she settled. Fatigue, most likely.

Joza stopped trying to tear her own clothing off and leaned back, though the anger still simmered in her presence as well as her darker alignment. She doubted that she was much of a prize for the One Sith to pursue, seeing as how she wasn’t high profile—but the fact remained that they could come after Haytham as a deserter. She winced at the thought. Why had he gone through this? Was she really worth it? She was about to ask when he responded to the inevitable question, and she gazed at him with wide eyes before laying her head back down and sighing.

“Do you know if the Sanctum and my father made it out alright? Is the place we’re going to safe?”

[member="Haytham Kaze"]

 

[Haytham Kaze]

Not Voss.

"Because they lost you once. They don't deserve another chance... Not yet anyway." He exhales gently as he watches her brush her thumb over his hand, but when she squeezed his hand, he frowned at her, feeling the malevolent call of the Dark Side roll over his senses, he squeezed her hand back reassuringly. Through their bond in the Force, it would've translated to sending her gentle feelings, calming her. Similar to how he felt when he meditated, and he intended to make her feel safe. They were in Hyperspace, they were safe from everything.

"It's alright... She'll need an army to strip me from you," he says in that same gentle voice he had employed earlier.

Reaching for her wrist when she had tried to rip off her clothing, he held it gently, just enough so that her fingers were able to grab at the fabric, but he had restrained her enough so she didn't have the needed leverage to rip it off. He could only imagine what she was going through after parting ways with Briga. He had sensed her presence in the One Sith Outpost, but he didn't know where she was, not that he intended to find her. Unconsciously humming a soft tune, he pushed her red strands of hair out of her eyes.

"I don't know if the Sanctum got off safe."

Not that I care.

"I wouldn't be taking you anywhere that wasn't safe."

He squeezed her hand again and just cradled her hand.

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

“Lost me?” She wouldn’t elaborate just yet, too caught up in her rage and the subsequent rush of gentle feelings from her lover. They were no Zeltron pheromones, but they produced a calming effect for her like no other. Gradually she began to settle down, though there was obvious irritation in the back of her mind. Over what she didn’t exactly know, but Haytham was doing a good job at keeping any of her emotional outbursts at bay for the time being.

She studied him with sad eyes for a few moments as he wrapped his hand around her other wrist, preventing her from harming herself. She was grateful for everything he’d done, for the Sanctum and her father who’d come after her on an enemy planet. But with that came the overwhelming guilt of putting people in danger, and the inherent shame of being caught up in such a situation.

“N-no, they didn’t lose me. What happened wasn’t their fault, it was—“ She paused to swallow and perhaps hold back a few tears. “It was all my fault. I made a series of bad decisions and left myself defenseless. I even went to bed with the man who would c…capture me.” A frown creases her face at the memory of waking up nearly nude and restrained on the slaver’s ship, briefly reliving the nauseating cocktail of anger and fear. “He sold me to her. The Sanctum couldn’t know. They didn’t know, and I can’t blame them for that when it was all my doing.”

“I-I’m sorry…” She whispered, suddenly breaking his grasp on both of her hands if he’d allow before running her fingers through her hair before nestling her face in her hands. “I was drunk. I was a whore, and this is what I get for my lack of self c-control!” Her voice cracked into a sob at the edge of her sentence, a mix of confusing feelings raging in her head.

[member="Haytham Kaze"]

 

[Haytham Kaze]

He just... watched her. He didn't answer her just yet, unsure of what a proper response would be. That, yes the Sanctum had lost you, and that was it? He didn't want to go off explaining that to her. That would be a large addition of stress to an already stressful situation.

"It is the Sanctum's fault. They should've protected you. To make sure that you weren't being influenced by... anything, or anyone." His head went from side to side as he shook it. In his eyes, as a Jedi you were meant to protect everyone. It didn't matter what stupid little title you had before the only one that was necessary. Jedi. Jedi were supposed to help people when they needed. Clearly, [member="Joza Perl"] had needed their help way before they had even arrived in One Sith Space.

And yet, still here she was having a mental breakdown.

When she tore her hands away from him, he paused, stopping himself from holding her as the word whore came out as if it were a slap across the face. He closed his eyes as he inhaled and then exhaled. Was he even qualified to even have a conversation like this with her? Was anyone? He doubted it, but still, he was the one that was there for her again. Still, he didn't deny the rest of her self-accusations. How could he? They were true.

Already having figured his own experiences likely wouldn't help, he pushed them aside and just admitted what went through his mind.

"I don't know what to tell you." He started out firmly. "You're alive though. Take solace in that, sooner rather than later. I'll kill those that wronged you. They will not go unpunished," he bit out, his grey eyes darkening briefly as he turned away from her. "But before that can happen, you have to understand that it happened and to cease blaming yourself for it." His words may have seemed cold, but he hadn't spoken that way. He had spoke in a determined manner, as if his confidence and certainty could raise her back to what she once was.

 

[Joza Perl]

Exhaling roughly, Joza lifts her head warily from her hands. Though still exhausted to some degree, she could feel the malevolent energy of the dark side spurring her on. She’d wrestled with it during her period of servitude with the Caprine, who had cleverly picked up on the Zeltron’s insecurities. Her lack of self-control. Fear of indulgence. Her wayward path. It was all magnified under Briga’s tenure as her Mistress, a tool that was used to put her in mental anguish to try and turn her into a Sith.

Even if I want to, I can’t go back to Voss. Not now. Not like this!​

In that moment, Joza was scared to return to the Sanctum. While they may put the unstable Knight under watch, that was not what worried her most. She didn’t want to be pitied, to be looked down upon, to be thought of as weak. All of that training meant nothing in the face of her own bad decisions, and now she feared that she was too corrupt to return to the light.

“Alive?” Another exhale, this one sharper. “Do you know how many times I wished that I was dead?” Her words grew in intensity as she spoke, rumbling with the depth of her anger. To her, he sounded as if he was encouraging her to get over it mere hours after she thought her fate was slated. Regardless of his intention, her frazzled mind would act on the assumption.

Suddenly, Joza lashed out towards Haytham, aiming to grab his hair as he turned his back to her. If she succeeded, she would twist her fingers into the dark locks and yank his head around to face her. A snarl left her lips, pupils dilated and irises burning a bring yellow.

​

“I will be the one to kill Cadoc Raal. I will be the one to deal with Briga Tiin as I see fit.”​

Her words were spoken firmly with a malicious overtone dripping from them like venom. In a way she appreciated that he would do that for her—and she had no doubt that he would make them pay, but she was accustomed to not having to dirty her hands. [member="Nikias"] had gone after Haytham after their dispute, as well as the Sith who took her hand. This time, things would be different.

“I will be the one to avenge Joza Perl!” ​

[member="Haytham Kaze"]

 

[Haytham Kaze]

Haytham didn't process the danger sense as Joza reaching out to latch onto him, and for a brief moment he didn't understand what was happening until he was tugged around to face her. His teeth clenched and he snarled, clenching his teeth together as he looked her dead in the eyes. His hand rose upwards and grabbed her wrist, squeezing it tightly as he looked at her. He didn't squeeze tight enough to snap her wrist, but enough to let her know that he was going to remove it forcefully if necessary.

"And what? You wished you were dead because you felt bad for yourself? You were trapped and accepted that you were going to die." His grey eyes burned brightly in his skull as he stared into her green eyes.

He was tempted to just wrench his hair from her grasp, and whether that meant leaving a bald spot, he would live with that, though he wasn't going to do it. He figured her anger was only a passing storm.

But then she felt the need to claim her right to dealing with those he wronged her. His eyes softened for a moment. He relented.

Almost.

"You won't be doing anything for a while." He didn't need to put it into words that she was going to have to recover. In that time, he planned on searching for those who hurt her. And then... He would hurt them.

"Use that anger to get stronger. Do whatever you want with it, but getting mad at me will get you nothing."

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza paid little mind to the hand squeezing at her wrist, save for the initial wince upon contact. His words only made her fingers tighten their grip and another snarl wrench from her throat. A wave of dark energy pulsed from her, and the hand woven into his hair shook—but she made no move to try and harm him. As much as she wanted to lash out, she couldn’t. Threads of her former self clung to the back of her mind, giving way to a small show of restraint.

“Kriff off with that talk,” A hiss dropped from her lips and she untangles her fingers from his hair. Having just woken up from her own surprise rescue operation, Joza was having trouble comprehending things. The longer she was with Briga, the less likely it seemed like she would escape. Suddenly switching gears like this left her dizzy and unable to grasp the perplexing mix of emotions that rushed through her. Anger, yes. Lots of anger. But fear, confusion and desperation wrote across her face as well.

As often as she tried to approach things from a rational standpoint, it was all but impossible for her at the moment. Her sanity had slowly eroded in the dungeons of the Grand Temple, her spirit crushed beneath the Caprine’s feet. She’d regained a burst of youthful energy as the Sanctum arrived to rescue her, but the fact still remained that Joza Perl was not in a good state of anything.

She needed assurance and comfort. Validation for her feelings.

​

“Do not speak to me as if I am a child. You know how I hate that!”​

Not judgement and belittlement.

Turning away from him, Joza set her trembling hands in her lap and focused on them. Clenching and unclenching. Trying to both make sense of and calm the anger and fear that twined inside of her. Unsatisfied with his answer, she swallowed quickly and spoke to him.

​

“Do not deny me my own revenge. I will never forgive you if you do.”​

Amber eyes burned in her sockets, feeling as if they were going to scorch the delicate skin on her face. But she only continued to stare at her hands, trying to will the nauseating yet addicting feeling of the dark side away.

​

“…”​

​

“She tried to turn me Sith.”​

​

[member="Haytham Kaze"]​

 

[Haytham Kaze]

When she swore at him, in his mind's eye he saw the back of his hand clapping against her face and throwing her out of the bed with him standing above her. He saw himself hurting her again, but instead of actually doing it, he just glared at her until her pink hand had found itself leaving his hair. Sending a hand through his hair, it pushed through the locks, straightening them out for a brief moment before they'd most probably lock with each other once more.

Rolling his broad shoulders back, it occurred to him that he never got to change out of his armour, and he rose up to his feet as she spoke, ignoring her for the most part, but he already figured what she was going to say. She didn't want to be treated like a child, but she was acting like one, and so he would treat her like one, or at least that was the plan. "I'm not treating you like a child," he said as he stopped walking in the centre of the room, his back to her as he started to unclasp his armour. He didn't want to look at her, not with her eyes like that.

He was the one who was meant to have that burning gaze. Not his green eyed lover...

"I'm telling you what you need to hear. I'm not going to feel bad about what happened in the past," he said. If she was perceptive enough in her current state, she'd be able to tell that he was lying through his teeth when he spoke. Another reason why he didn't look at her, but he continued on regardless. "You shouldn't either," the chest piece clipped out of place and he set it down against the wall.

"You also don't need to forgive me for helping you. I'm not doing it for a reward." He took off the rest of the armour, soon enough only being left in his underarmour as he looked about the room to locate a new set of clothes and started throwing them over his shoulder. "What do you want me to be for you, Joza? A 'yes-man'? You want me to just let you throw yourself at your enemies with your uncontrolled anger and then feel bad when you're injured again? I don't care, about forgiveness."

Forgiveness is for the weak...

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Clench, unclench. And so the rhythm went as she focused on her hands, as if they were the embodiment of her anger and she could control it with simple movements. And then she stopped. Her hands remained still as his words hit her. What she needed to hear? What she needed to hear?

A startling bark of laughter bounced off of the walls. “What I need? What I need? You clearly have no idea what I need.” Shaking her head, the Zeltron chuckled sadly, mentally fraying at the seams. “You have an awful lot of nerve to tell me how I should feel, Haytham.” Her fingers clenched at the blankets beside her and she gave a troubled exhale, trying to steady her frazzled mind for these few moments. “I’d been enslaved up until—what—two? Three hours ago? Maybe for you it’s in the past. But you weren’t there. You didn’t even know what had happened to me up until that point. So yes, it’s easy for someone like you, who doesn’t even bother to try and understand what I’ve been through the brush it off like it’s nothing. But don’t you dare try and force me to get over this because it makes you uncomfortable.”

A pause, and she titled her head. Yellow eyes sparked with a vague realization.

“I suppose that is a Sith characteristic. Trying to gain power over every situation.”​

Pushing the blankets aside, Joza slowly rose to her feet. Admittedly, she had to draw upon the Force to find the strength in her legs.

“Don’t turn away from me. You always do that. If you’re going to speak like that, at least have the balls to face me as you do so.”​

Moving towards him, she came to a stop roughly a foot away from his back. Her anger had been forcibly suppressed, but was still pulsating through her as a subtle undercurrent.

“What I want is for you to treat me like a loved one. With respect. Not an underling, or someone beneath you. And yet, you’ve done nothing but make me feel as if I’m lesser than you. But that’s going to stop.” A sharp exhale.

“Right. Now.”​

She clicked her tongue, arms folded across her chest. “I only wanted you to hold me. To tell me that I would be alright, that I didn’t deserve what happened. To tell me that it’s okay for me to be feeling like this. But your mistake,” Her voice lowered, and the walls of her heart started to close. “Your mistake was to ignore that I needed your help because you think you know better. I understand what you’re trying to do, but how do you expect me to accept what happened if I can’t even figure out how I’m supposed to feel?” She snorted at the thought of going after those who wronged her in her current state. “Do you honestly think so lowly of me? You think I’d go after them in a blind rage?” Shaking her head, the Zeltron woman would continue. “I didn’t realize that what I thought meant so little to you, Haytham. I suppose you wouldn’t care if I forgave you for Cloud Nine, then.”

“The kind of man I want you to be is one that doesn’t put his pride first all of the time. Especially when someone he claims to love is hurting.”​

She huffs once, shortly from her nose. “So go ahead, hit me. Yes, I know you wanted to. I felt it. Beat me until I’m black and blue, jettison me out of an airlock. Do whatever satisfies your anger while leaving mine ignored because it’s not worth your time.”

Leveling her gaze onto him, Joza appeared as stone fortress. “But know this, Haytham.”

Her face, a mask of determination.

“This will be the last time I ever come to you with an open heart.”​

[member="Haytham Kaze"]

 

[Haytham Kaze]

He kept his mouth shut and his back to her as she spoke. He couldn't face her, not when she was like that, not when she was getting built up. In his experiences he had never seen something like this. There wasn't a manual to this sort of thing, and if there was, it likely wasn't a good one. Clenching and unclenching his fists as she spoke, he rolled his shoulders back as if he were getting himself ready for a fight. Loosening up his body, making sure he was free and ready to move.

To gain power over every situation… In his mind, even before he had become a Sith, that was the best thing to do. If you had power of every situation you couldn’t be taken unawares, you couldn’t have the rug snatched out from under you, so to speak. Having power over the situation gave you the advantage. No surprises. No injuries. Everything according to plan. Perfection. A Sith characteristic? No, a characteristic that everyone yearned for. That everyone should yearn for.

Soon after, he heard her rise out of the bed and he… Tensed. He didn’t think she was going to attack him, she wasn’t the sort he knew, she was much calmer than him he had learned… Or had at least thought before she had begun on this tirade. Raising a hand, he pushed it through his hair, perhaps feigning too much that he was relaxed as he pushed that black hair back and away from his eyes. She challenged his manhood… Have the balls… He was an adult now. He shouldn’t reply to that, and he wouldn’t. She deserved to walk all over him.

His body tensed further as she continued to speak, his body shook and his eyes burned. He shut them as she challenged him again. She wanted him to hit her, to strike her with all of his fury. His gaze dropped down to the pieces of armour that he had taken off only moments ago. She was nearing the end of her… Rant? He could sense it, and he stopped shaking as he slowly turned to face her as the meaning of those final words echoed through his person.

“You’re right,” he started, those shut lids hiding the darkness that he felt. “It was easy to cast away your pains because I hadn’t experienced them. They did make me uncomfortable,” he said firmly. Suddenly, his previously shaken stature would’ve shone with a slowly growing fury, deep within, no longer concealed as that fire within him given oxygen. “But, if you think that gaining power over a situation is a ‘Sith characteristic,’ you should check yourself,” he bit out. I’m sure you would’ve liked to have the power in your situation before you were taken. Had his eyes been opened, he knew they would’ve translated that easily enough. But although he had opened himself up to the rage within, he closed himself off from her in the Force -- from their bond.

“Treat you like an equal…” He started slowly, recalling her words easily as he nodded once… Slowly, his eyelids cracked up, threatening to open for the briefest of moments. “In my eyes, I have treated you like an equal. I treated you how I would treat myself. I’ve…” For a moment, his certainty would’ve wavered, but then his jaw tightened and he said, “neither of us have been in a situation like this. I reacted. Wrongly. You’re right to be mad,” he says in a softer voice, barely letting out a sigh before he recomposed himself.

“But you are wrong if you think that I think of you so lowly. Words can’t be used to piece together what I feel for you, Joza Perl. How do you expect me to treat you properly when every time I see you, you’ve changed?” His hand shot up to her face. In her state, would she even be stop to impending movement? "I don't mean that in a bad way... For once I wanted to try being sure of myself with you again."

Provided his hand did catch her face, he would’ve held her face in his palm as those eyelids lifted. His thumb would’ve brushed over her cheek, softly, as if he would raise blemishes across her pink skin if he touched her any harder. As if he were a phantom. “I said the things because I thought my confidence… My pride would rub off on you… At least for a while.” His eyes burned in his skull, and their golden colour shined brightly. “I’m done with it,” he says as he shrugs off the clothes he had previously thrown over his shoulder.

“Oh, and I didn’t think you needed me to say everything was fine, because I thought you'd feel safe with me no matter what.” ​

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

For once, Joza hadn’t held back. She made sure to convey her thoughts without curbing or sugarcoating them. While her words weren’t pleasant, at the very least she was being honest with him.

Crossing her arms over her chest, she watched as Haytham took in her words, reading everything from his body language to his feelings. She hadn’t gone easy on him, but rarely were things easy in their relationship.

And when he said that she was right, he’d caught her off guard. Perking up, apprehension creased her brows as he explained further. He’d understood what she was trying to say and had acquiesced accordingly, and that alone made her more malleable to his words. Initially she figured he would respond with curt words and firm denial, but he’d cared enough to listen. Of course he cares. He always has.

“Check myself?” The words weren’t spoken with any sort of harsh bitterness, but it made her think when she felt temporarily cut himself from their bond. Likewise, her own connection had begun to fray with her surge of anger. Perhaps she should check herself indeed.

His hand had moved too quickly, and though she didn’t wince or flinch, Joza began to tremble as soon as it made contact with her face. Not that she’d been conditioned to believe that he would hit her, but her wires were crossed when it came to physical contact. But at his gentle touches, the tremors ceased. Being honest, especially between them was a raw, messy ordeal. Even so, she felt a bit lighter as his thumb brushed against her cheek.

“You’re right. I should have a better handle on my situations as a whole. I need to be responsible for myself, actions included.” Exhaling gently, she gaze into his piercing golden eyes. The blaze of the dark side had faded in her own, though had not completely subsided. Instead, unwavering amber irises stared back at [member="Haytham Kaze"] as she admitted her wrongdoings. She paused, letting silence fall between them as she truly didn’t know how to address the next part. “Haytham, I know that I’m not an easy person to deal with,” Swallowing the lump in her throat, a hand would come up to rest atop the one against her face. “And I appreciate that you care enough to try and raise me back up, but right now…”

Her hand left his, skating lightly along his arm, tips dancing over the rippling muscles. “Right now I don’t need you to treat me like how you would treat yourself. I need to you treat me like your lover. You’re the only one in the galaxy who can offer me that sort of comfort.” Now that she’d been calming down, she couldn’t blame him for reacting a certain way. She could see that he was trying to do what he thought was right.

Suddenly, she hesitated and the firm look dropped from her eyes. Looking to the side, her hand dropped from his arm and remained still for a few moments. Then, it moved, reaching to twine her fingers with his free hand. Her body was screaming for contact but her mind was hesitant, despite it being him. “I’m just...very confused right now. It’s like feeling a hundred different emotions at once, but I can’t name what they all are. I feel like this is all going to fade away and I’ll be back on Iktotch.”