Matsu Xiangu
The Haruspex
Sorrow was a funny emotion. Not useless, like guilt or fear - sorrow had a purpose. But it was difficult to see that when one was acknowledging it so acutely. She’d started down that path, that one all Sith Lords of any consequence reached when they’d delved too deep for too long in the possibilities of the Force - things just left. Slowly but surely, as if she were the stone in the center of some great rushing lake, those things that made her human eroded, fell away. She supposed she was lucky - whatever she was becoming was still Matsu. She’d watched others become thoughtless, mindless...caricatures of monsters, driven by no reason - machines fueled by rage. She, in kind, retained herself; but things that held back humans were removed from her through the gift of the Dark Side. Emotions were weak. The ability to feel pain was weak. Fear of harm was weak. Half of her body was not her own, and with time she’d lost the ability to feel those emotions useless to the development of oneself in the Force.
And yet she felt it unrelentingly now, a sorrow without place, time, or reason.
She’d felt it before, after losing her arm the first time and nearly dying in the snow, after filtering through her friend’s memories once they’d been reunited. But this had no stimulus - it had simply come upon her unbidden. She pulled back in her mind, a mentalist’s trick. It was a form of coping, a ‘stepping aside’ as she’d come to call it that was surely her mind’s way of trying to shield her from something but instead left her feeling numb and unsettled. There was ground, but no matter how she placed her feet she never felt steady. There was air but it tasted different.
This Nexus was powerful. She had not yet found the entrance but already it sucked at her through the Force, trying to drain her. Let it. She moved forward, compartmentalizing.
And yet she felt it unrelentingly now, a sorrow without place, time, or reason.
She’d felt it before, after losing her arm the first time and nearly dying in the snow, after filtering through her friend’s memories once they’d been reunited. But this had no stimulus - it had simply come upon her unbidden. She pulled back in her mind, a mentalist’s trick. It was a form of coping, a ‘stepping aside’ as she’d come to call it that was surely her mind’s way of trying to shield her from something but instead left her feeling numb and unsettled. There was ground, but no matter how she placed her feet she never felt steady. There was air but it tasted different.
This Nexus was powerful. She had not yet found the entrance but already it sucked at her through the Force, trying to drain her. Let it. She moved forward, compartmentalizing.
[member="Korog Zordaal"]