Just Because It's Popular, It Doesn't Mean It's Right

[Kay-Larr]

Kay sat in the lobby of the Raxis Clan Embassy on Commenor. The building was nearly finished. A few minor details needed to be completed before there could be an opening ceremony. That is if one was even wanted to begin with. She had sent word to [member="Gray Raxis"] to meet her there. To calm her nerves and her emotions, she held a cup of Sapir tea in her hands.

This was going to be difficult, yet she saw no other way. And it wasn't as though she was just trying to save her own hide. No. After what she had witnessed weeks earlier, Kay was mostly thinking about her actions and what could happen to others.

How long was she to wait? She didn't know. Kay hardly knew if he would show up at all. At least the only ones in the Embassy right now was herself, her guard Einon and the Commenori workers. The staff and Ambassadors have yet to arrive officially. Thank goodness for that. But maybe, after all is said and done, they wouldn't want to come at all.

 

[Gray Raxis]

Gray was more than happy to meet up with his adopted sister [member="Lady Kay"] when she sent word to him. He needed to visit the embassy before it officially opened as well for the final walk through anyways. He had left people at the place to over see its construction and dictate how it got laid out. These included all kinds of office types as well as the dignitaries representing the clan. He also had a small garrison of troops stationed there to defend not only the embassy but the city if need be. So he had traveled to the planet to see how that was going and offer their next orders while he was at it.

Gray had arrived with no problems and walked into the embassy. His temporary cybernetic hand standing out against his casual clothing. He would normally be in armor for a number of reasons, but not while visiting his sister whom had a distaste for people she was chatting with to wear it. He inquired where he could find her and headed there right away. His official business could wait as there was no immediate need for it to be done, so he got to her in little time.

Gray knocked on the door then entered a moment after. He walked in and saw Kay sipping tea, as always. He frowned a bit as he caught a sense of nervousness about her, but quickly shifted it into a warm grin. He said to her as he held up his right hand in a wave out of habit, " Kay! How are you? I see you have your tea already ready to go. I assume there is enough for two right? Right." He walked over to the chair opposite hers and sat down. He rested his arms on the rests as he leaned back into the comfort of the luxury that was the quality seat. He held his gaze on her eyes studying her, almost peering into her soul. Something was up and he planned to figure out what it was.

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay took in a deep breath when [member="Gray Raxis"] walked in, slowly releasing it as he sat himself down. He wasn't wearing any armour. That was nice to see as there was no need for it. And they made hugs terribly uncomfortable. But whether she'd be getting any of those anymore was uncertain.

She held his gaze for only a moment before she got to her feet, setting her cup on the end table beside her. "Yes, I saved you some tea. I haven't drunk all of it yet." Kay walked across the room to the side table where a tea pot and cup sat waiting. All the while that she was pouring his tea, she was going over the different points in her mind. Kay hated uncertainty.

The silence was almost unbearable, even though she knew that she should be saying exactly what was on her mind. It was just..so difficult. Another long breath was taken, this time exhaled with a bit more force as she carried over Gray's tea and handed it to him. Then she sat herself down, not meeting his gaze but instead focusing on the bridge of his nose. "Thank you for coming. I'm sure that you pretty much have guessed as to why I asked you to come. I wanted to discuss with you my place with...well, your Clan and the other Mandalorians. It's easy to guess that I don't fit in. At the trial, I saw and heard how much they hated us and hated me. I'm a weakness, a joke to them..." Her tone changed then, stronger and more defiant; "...and I really don't care. You know that I don't support their Crusade and I never will. It's all about control, punishing innocent people due to the actions of someone else. It's the same thing that they did to you. I lost my husband due to someone like Ra, punishing us when we tried to break out from his control and oppression. I don't want to lose anyone else because I will not support the evil that they are doing. I left Draco's company because it changed. It went from building schools and hospitals, from defending the innocent, to arming oppressors and causing genocide. History is repeating itself, Gray. I need to step away from it before it's too late. I don't want you or Star or the others to be punished because I won't conform to their ways." She picked up her tea. "It'd be no different than if I went off somewhere and got married to someone that wasn't a Mandalorian. And you know that they would all be glad to be rid of me."

Kay picked up her tea and had a sip, awaiting the rebuttal if there was one, her eyes still not meeting his.

 

[Gray Raxis]

Gray nodded to [member="Lady Kay"] as she set his tea cup down for him. It didn't take the force to tell that something was definitely on Kay's mind right now, and whatever it was was why she had invited him to Commenor like she had. The only problem was there was no way to know exactly what it was that was bothering her until she said it. It could be everything from another bounty on her head to her favorite tea set was destroyed and there was no way to have it replaced. But he didn't have to wait long before she began to speak her mind.

Gray listened to her every word as he noticed she still refused to meet his gaze. He took a drink from his tea after a bit, which was still not something he was as use to being more of a water or whiskey kind of guy. She was having a hard time with the events of late, and they were getting to her on many levels. She was a stubborn person, which anyone who tried to court her could attest to, but she was also someone who took things too personally. He knew this as he listened to what she had to say, and just sat there silently.

Gray remained seated and silent for minutes. They just passed by as he continued to look straight at her, waiting for her to meet his gaze for the first time since he arrived. He didn't know if she would or not, but after more than five minutes had passed he sat straighter in his chair so he was no longer in a relaxed position. He said after he did, " So you are giving up on your clan, your family, and running away from something you don't like? You are going to abandon everything just to feel a little better?" He left it there as he continued to just look directly at her with a serious expression on his face.

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay shifted uncomfortably in her seat as the minutes of silence dragged on. Why did he have to be so quiet? No doubt [member="Gray Raxis"] was processing everything that she said and was angry, or disappointed, or even both.

She was about to meet his gaze when he finally spoke. Kay listened and then slowly shook her head. He was getting it wrong, just as the others had gotten it wrong at the trial.

"I'm not abandoning you. I'm trying to keep you safe. I don't want anything that I say or do to cause you to get punished or worse. It'll just be the way that it was before. I still helped you and we were family back then too. And I'm not running away. I'm going to be right here until my term is up or I get booted out..."

Kay closed her eyes, clenching her jaw in a bid to try to keep control of herself. The way that Gray spoke and the way that she knew that he was looking at her, she just wanted to curl up in the chair and shut the Galaxy out. But that'll most likely come back later. She opened her eyes that were filled with sorrow and fear. "I'm just trying to protect you. I've been down this road before and I don't want to do it again."

 

[Gray Raxis]

Gray just continued to stare at [member="Lady Kay"] silently as she tried to explain herself. He could feel her emotions right now. He was force sensitive, that was no mystery between them by this point as it was no mystery to him she was sensitive as well. He knew how she felt, and it didn't change his mind of what he had said before. He waited for her to finish and just sat there quietly. Several tense moments had passed before he said to her, " You are only protecting yourself Kay. You aren't protecting me or anyone else. You are running. You are abandoning everything. You are scared and have given up. You are stubborn, but you are not determined."

Gray paused after he finished speaking those last lines. He knew she wasn't liking or going to like his words, but they needed to be said. She needed to hear them spoken aloud more than anything else. He just kept staring at her for several more moments as some time for his words to process had passed. He finally continued saying, " Do you know why I offered myself up for trial Kay? Do you know why I didn't tell anyone? Do you know why I offered my hand to Ra even knowing I was likely to lose it? Do you know why Kay?" He went silent again as he finished. He just continued to stare at her as he waited for her to meet his gaze.

 

[Kay-Larr]

Again he wasn't understanding. Or maybe they both weren't. Maybe she was being too vague. But he wasn't there when Masq wanted Shaw for his own star pupil. He wasn't there when Masq tormented her and tried various ways of breaking her marriage as she was keeping a little bit of light within him. [member="Gray Raxis"] wasn't there when Masq got fed up and beat them all bloody, breaking almost every bone in their body. He wasn't there when Shaw made a pact to spare her life and sacrifice his own. He wasn't there when she was forced to watch him die, watch the life drain from his eyes. He wasn't there when their adopted children were taken away and hidden forever while she was in recovery. He wasn't there when she lost everything, including herself fir a long time.

And now it was repeating. Even though she wasn't directly involved, that didn't stop the events that unfolded, how similar they were. This time it was a hand. What was next?

She was trying to prevent them from getting hurt or killed because of her defiance in what the Clans were doing. She seemed to be the only one that didn't agree with it.

Then he spoke again. She swallowed as she listened, then spoke quietly when he had stopped. "Because you're Mandalorian, because you're brave. Everyone wanted us dead and you took our place. Just like he did...."

Kay hated herself now. She should have just let it go and continue on her merry way, ignoring that they were siding with monsters and their evil ideology. She wanted to throw her cup and just scream in frustration. But what was the point? Instead she just choked it all down and got to her feet, walking to one of the windows so that she wasn't being stared down. She thought of the White Palace and her first encounter with Sempra the Hutt. He made her watch as families, children of slaves that she had rescued, were thrown into rancor pits and slaughtered. And she couldn't do anything to stop it. Her attempts at keeping the peace and saving lives were failing. "I'm not like you, or the Clans. I am a poor representation."

 

[Gray Raxis]

Gray could feel the emotions flowing out of her in a flurried mixture. The self-loathing, the frustration, the sense of not being understood. She was completely focused on herself right now, no matter what she thought. It was beginning to get to Gray. He was trying to get her to understand her own actions, her own words, yet she was so focused on justifying running from her problems that she wasn't seeing how it was she was abandoning everything. Her people, her clan, her family, herself. She needed a slap across the face to bring her back to her senses. She needed to be shocked out of her pessimism to see the reality rather than the delusion she had fostered from memories of the past. She had even turned her back to him because she couldn't handle his gaze.

Gray stood up as he just looked at [member="Lady Kay"] as she continued to avoid looking and seeing him. He said as he just stood there staring at the back of her head, " Wrong. All wrong Kay. I didn't do it because I'm Mandalorian. Not because I'm brave. I do not know who he is, but I am NOT him Kay. I am Gray Raxis. Alor of Clan Raxis. Son of Victor Raxis. A man born on a ship. A man raised on a ship. A man taught how to fight, how to survive, from the time I was able to hold a pistol. I never knew what it meant to have a people. I never knew what it meant to have a home. I never knew what it meant to have actual friends. I was a mercenary who has killed more people than I can count or remember. I saw both of my parents die in front of my eyes from different causes. I have lost everything except my own life. That is who Gray Raxis is. Who I am."

Gray walked over to Kay with determined steps as he finished speaking. He placed his cybernetic right hand on her shoulder, feeling it shock him from the too quick motion. He didn't flinch like he normally would from the zap. He just tried to turn her around to force her to face him for the first time since he had arrived. He would attempt to put his other hand on her other shoulder and grip firmly with both so she couldn't run. He said as he stared down at her with a serious look upon his face, " That is who I am Kay. I have had my whole family, my whole galaxy taken from me no matter how hard I fought to keep it. I regret how I reacted to it as I fell into my absolute darkest depths. I was so far gone at one point that I was known for a time as the Bloody Man. I was completed dyed blood red from those I killed and from my own. I tried to throw my life away time after time. But that isn't who I am now. I was running from myself then. I abandoned who I was. And yet I came back from that Kay. You are doing the same. Things are painful. Things are getting difficult. You are facing old memories, and you are running. You are abandoning your clan, your family, and worse your self. You claim its to protect us, but its only to protect yourself. Running will only get you shot in the back Kay. If you face your problems then you may be cut down, but you may also beat them. Giving up means defeat. Running means you only value yourself. You are being selfish. You are claiming its for our sake, but you are only dumping your problems on us. That's what Jack did, and look how it turned out for our clan, our family."

Gray had to stop here for a moment. He was beginning to feel riled up. He was definitely worked up, but not in a bad way. He had more she needed to hear and it was all trying to force its way out at once. He just needed a moment to compose so he could say it properly. He went on with the serious look still plastered on his face as he held her there, " And that is not Lady Kay. That is not you. You are the kind of person so determined to help others she gets called stubborn both out of spite and warmth. You are the kind of person who gives up everything of herself for the sake of others. You are the kind of person who will sprint, not walk, straight into danger if it means doing the right thing. That is who Lady Kay is, not this pitiful excuse for her standing before me right now. The adopted sister I know would be glaring me down and lecturing me on all the stupid things I've done lately, not this person who refuses to even look me in the eyes and turning their back on me. Stop running and face your problems. Open up your eyes to reality. And tell me why I did everything for real this time around." He just stood there waiting on her. He had gotten carried away and ranted, but he couldn't hold it back any longer. This wasn't Lady Kay before him right now. This was someone else, someone weak and cowardly. Someone who didn't care for anyone else other than themselves. And them tarnishing his sister's good name was pissing him off.

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay didn't fight [member="Gray Raxis"] when he turned her around. Instead she spent her time listening and fighting down her tears. So much bottled up inside with no release, so much hiding with no one to really talk to. She had started to open up to [member="Veiere Arenais"] a bit, but not in the kind of level to help remove the burdens that she carried. More than likely, he would tell her to meditate. But that was just a guess in her current state of mind.

She wanted to jump in, to tell Gray that he was wrong, that she wasn't like Jack, wasn't attacking anyone, and wasn't dumping her problems on them. But that look in his eyes when she wanted to challenge him on it, told her that he wasn't quite finished. So she clenched her jaw even tighter as she tried to will her tears to flow back into her tear ducts.

But it didn't work. Gray's words cut into her and she shut her eyes tightly, covering her face with her hands as that was the only way to stop her from getting him all wet from her tears. Her tea cup crashed to the floor and she wanted to collapse too as her body shook while she let all of her emotions release. A flood gate had opened and she couldn't close it, not until it was all out of her system.

Instead of focusing on herself, she thought of Gray and James and Star. Kay took in some deep breaths as she worked on controlling herself again. Yes, she would have lectured Gray before, lectured him on how stupid it was to join the Crusade, but she feared it would lead to another trial. People tend to assume that there are only two sides to a coin, but they are wrong. There are three, the third being the edge. And that was usually where she sat. Neither one side nor the other, but on a path of her own, eclipsing both, but not being a part of either. Not everyone thought that way, or rather most people didn't.

Kay looked up at Gray, meeting his eyes with her own. She was calmer now, but unsure. Did she know the correct answer to his question? Probably not. But the answer that popped into her head when she had started to gain control again, was the answer that she gave him. "You did it because you love us?." It was both a question and a statement. And if it was wrong, then she wasn't sure if she'd be able to find the right answer.

 

[Gray Raxis]

Gray smiled to [member="Lady Kay"] as she finally seemed to be getting it after so long. She was finally beginning to face what it was that was bothering her and stopped looking at the way out and rather how to make things better. He wasn't sure what that meant for her, but he could feel that she had regained some sense of self. She was beginning to act like Kay once more, the Kay that he and the rest of her adopted family knew. He listened to her as she finally answered his question. He squeezed her shoulders in a warm way as he said, " Yes, that is why I did it. I also had a duty to you and everyone else that I needed to protect. I might have had a duty, but it wasn't the duty that was driving me. We can't run from our problems because when we do it just catches up to our loved ones."

Gray let go of her now and walked back over to his chair. He sat back down in it and then reached for his tea. He picked up the cup and pressed it up to his lips. Cold. It had lost most of its heat as it just sat there on the table not receiving any attention from him. He still drank it anyways though because it had been made for him and he didn't want to waste the leaves or water. That seemed odd. Why did he care so much about that? Maybe it had something to do with him growing up on a ship his whole life and everything had to be used for as long as possible and as little waste created as possible. It seemed things still were moving along with him from his childhood. He just waited for Kay to make her next move.

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay just remained in place, glad that she had guessed correctly, but not entirely liking the full answer either. It was wrong to punish other people for something that someone else did. It was punishing the innocent, much like the stupid Crusades. People that had done nothing wrong, who didn't attack or badmouth anyone, were targeted and slaughtered by those that had the delusion of thinking they were the good guys. All that it was was genocide. And she didn't want to be a part of it. She didn't feel as though any that claimed to be honourable, would participate in such evil.

She kept her thoughts to herself though. It did no good to express them. Instead she just crouched down and began picking up the pieces of her broken tea cup, stacking them carefully in her hand while [member="Gray Raxis"] went and sat in his chair.

Kay then did what she always did when she was uncomfortable or wanted to avoid something. She changed the subject of conversation. "The Embassy will be ready soon. I don't know if you wanted a public ceremony, or nothing at all." It was hard to guess what would be appropriate. Every governing body was different.