Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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 Late On The 1k, But Feed My Back Anyway

Love these things. Can't understate it. I love improving my writing where I can, and more often than not I don't see the areas I can because I've gone rpblind. Feedback would be the febreeze in this meme scenario. So, hit me with it. Aris has been my consistent character as of late, and I've been enjoying where his story's building up to. There's big things still in store, but what do people think of the now?

Oh and ig my other characters too if you wanna. And me myself, if you wanna. I'm always open to feedback.
 
I thoroughly enjoy roleplaying with you, and since your last feedback, I can see how much more Aris has grown emotionally and mentally as well.

He is showing a lot more emotion, although I realize that is likely easier to do because of his friendship and the resonance with Zaiya and other close friends / family as he is figuring out how emotions work. However, I also follow your other threads, and I see more quips, smiles, a few jokes, and Aris laughing more. Sure, it is a bit more reserved, but it has grown a lot more than when I first rp'd with you in February, so it fits for him as he is growing into showing more of his personality outside of himself and realizing it is okay to do so. He has such an ingrained sense to control himself through the Force but also in his actions, and he's trying to find that balance. Your recent adventures with the new Forge Campaign, recent training and classes with the Jedi, and Braze at Malsheem have shown how he is applying this. Of course, how he has been responding is dependent on the scenario -- Who he is interacting with and where -- but as he continues to build those relationships, I think others will see more of Aris's personality and emotions shine through. I don't think he will ever be someone who will show loads of emotions in public ( in private and one on one interactions he's showing a lot more), he's still working through that, but he's def doing more that he isn't Spock lite to me.

You've also been showing how the Force works in his body isn't the end all be all. The addition of limits and showing that he still can get hurt and has to work through training and figuring out how to handle that is rounding him out well. I do like how Jonyna has trained him to be able to utilize the Force he is able to use from within his body and with a focus he is able to use his new whip thing to shoot out electricity he conducts from his body. That was super neat.

One recommendation would be to add a bit more narrative about what he is thinking or feeling in your posts. That may assist in conveying more emotion and his progress as he continues to interact with others. When one only provides descriptors of actions and conversation, it can be hard to understand the tone and what his is musing internally. It would just be a super neat read.

Another would be, and I realize that this is dependent on Valery's writer, but seeing more family RP with him as an older teenager and how that works with the younger siblings and his father would be neat to read. Most of your RP is with his mom and I am loving the sibling Vera adventures as well. I realize that rping with yourself as Kahlil would be a bit boring. Still, maybe in a larger family thread that perhaps is focused on a festival at home or something like that that allows the full interaction of the Noble family and others would be super fun. Seeing him in his element with his younger siblings and the other Epicanthix would be a new facet I haven't read yet, especially now that Colette, Vera, and Aris are older.

I am super enjoying Aris's interaction with Zaiya, and as I've told you before, he has been super important in helping me flesh out her personality, how her colorshifting works, and how she is working through how bonds and the Force works with her. However it ends, I am here for the long run in whatever aspect they maintain their friendship in, as Aris will certainly always have a super important place in Zaiya's life.

In terms of your other characters that I stalk, lol, super enjoying Firrerreo as well. I know how hard it can be to stick to a darkside character, and i like that you are starting him young and growing him into a cool sith spawn type of specialist, not to mention, how he is trying to also push others to just do something to progress and not stagnate.

Otherwise, keep on rping cause I do love to read what you write and how the stories go! ^_^
 
I haven't written as much with Aris however you can usually tell how well someone is with their characters just based on how others see them. To me you seem like a very talented writer and from what I've read and the few threads I've been in with Aris, I really enjoy the interactions and reading your material.

Very well done my friend.

May the force be with you, always. :D
 

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