Private Learning From the Shield

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Coruscant, NJO Temple
Outfit: Jedi Wear
Equipment: Training saber
Tag: Kahlil Noble

Lily had finished her morning training session, it had been another mixed attempt since she had made a little progress. However, she was also still struggling with outbursts in the Force. In fact they were starting to happen more frequently as she attempted to develop her Force powers more. It was completely terrifying, the more she practised using the Force and connect with the Force, the more overwhelmed she became and the more she risked suffering an outburst and destroying a training room again.

At her current rate, she will be owing the NJO a massive bill in damages from all the destruction she creates in the training room. It also meant that her morning routines had to include breakdowns and struggling to not suffer massive bouts of anxiety and panic attacks. Her breathing today calmed after twenty or so minutes and she was able to move onto the next task.

She needed to find somewhere to work on her studying, looking for a quiet spot. So, once again she found herself wandering the halls of the Jedi temple.

 

[Kahlil Noble]

To be afraid of power.

Kahlil's usually calm smile faltered for a moment as he read through the report. He knew that fear well. When he first ran, he didn't use his connection. What he knew, what he could do, it was so drenched in the dark that he was scared he'd relapse. He let out a sigh as he closed the datapad and stood.

It was never good for one of their Padawan's to feel that kind of fear. And who was he if he didn't at least try to help?

It didn't take long to find her at least. With a calm smile back on his face he raised a hand in greeting.

"Padawan Lily. Hey."

Lily Decoria

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Coruscant, NJO Temple
Outfit: Jedi Wear
Equipment: Training saber
Tag: Kahlil Noble

A stranger raised their hand in greeting to Lily. They had to be another Jedi, she didn't see random civilians or outsiders wandering around the temple.

Were they a stranger?

Taking another look at them, there was something familiar. Vague, something at the back of her mind as if she was only able to half remember it all. Something to do with Master Noble. There was a connection. What was the connection? Brother, cousin, someone she had trained with? No... Husband! It was Master Valery's husband, Master Kahlil!

How could she have possibly forgotten?! Besides the fact it had been a brief encounter at the return of his wife after her ordeal with a Sith.

She gave a polite bow in greeting, "Hello Master Kahlil, I hope the day is treating you well." She gave a warm, polite smile to him.

 

[Kahlil Noble]

Kahlil slowly lowered his hand with a chuckle. She looked very surprised on who he was. Perhaps he shouldn't have been so surprised, but it did make him rather curious why he wasn't so easily recognized. The Shield wasn't just anyone, right?

Maybe he needed to get out of his office more.

"It has, so far. And you? How are you doing?"

Lily Decoria

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Coruscant, NJO Temple
Outfit: Jedi Wear
Equipment: Training saber
Tag: Kahlil Noble

"Apologies for not recognising you Master, I am not terribly good at faces and still pretty new so trying to adjust to all the new faces I am seeing." She bowed her head, feeling awful that she didn't recognise Master Kahlil, especially since he was a high ranking and important figure of the Jedi.

Lily paused a moment to think about how honestly she wanted to answer his question. She hesitated for awhile. There was a lot she could say, perhaps things that would be inappropriate to say. "I.... I am not achieving my potential yet. I have been struggling with outbursts. I had one this morning while practising my meditations."

She sighed sadly as she chewed on her bottom lip, it was better to be honest about her issues, especially with Master Kahlil. "I am failing my Master, who is a great teacher and really giving it her best to teach me. But I am the problem..." Breathing in deeply, the sadness swelled inside her as she refused to cry.

Not in public, not in public, she reminded herself.

 

[Kahlil Noble]

Well that was far more interesting. Had she read his mind? The Epicanthix mind wasn't something someone could just read, so then.. What? Maybe she was just good at reading people. If so, it was certainly something to help teach her to use. He was too busy thinking about that to realize she was on the verge of tears. The moment he saw that, he visibly panicked just a little.

"I, uh, you don't need to cry..? I mean, uh-" He cleared his throat before bringing back his calm smile.

"Tell me what happens. With your outbursts."

Lily Decoria

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Coruscant, NJO Temple
Outfit: Jedi Wear
Equipment: Training saber
Tag: Kahlil Noble

While Lily could not read minds, she could read body language and his shifted to a slight disappointment when he realised that she had struggled to recognise him. It was something she had seen in others when a similar issue had happened, it was something people had seen in her as well. While she wasn't always super accurate with her readings, they were a better indicator of what someone was feeling or potentially hiding something from her. It was why she dedicated her training to perceiving the small details and remembering what they meant, it helped her in understanding others better.

Breathing in deeply, Lily kept her calm, "I am sorry Master Kahlil, it is silly to get upset over such things. I just do not wish to fail Master Briana." Lily confessed.

"I find myself struggling with the Force, however, there are times when I am able to find a sort of harmony. A balance between the control of the ability and allowing it to flow around me. Unfortunately, it is very short lived. I then start to sense everything. I can feel everything, the rodents crawling in the air ducts, the life and death cycle of insects and the emotions that other students and teachers share through the Force. It becomes too much. My brain crashes from an overload of information and the Force blasts out of me, putting others in harms way, destroying property and devastating me emotionally and physically." Lily sighed, "I end up shutting down for at least an hour, unable to handle anything or absorb any of the words that others offer me."

 

[Kahlil Noble]

"It's not silly."

There were few things less silly than trying to not disappoint a master. Not that Kahlil had ever had a Master himself. The bane of being a Zambrano, no Jedi was willing to take him on as their actual student. Just some lessons here and there, and of course what he taught himself.

Maybe that's what made him so different.

Sensory overload, though. Kahlil nodded slowly as he listened, humming in thought. Being overwhelmed by what she could sense. That was an interesting experience. He couldn't say he'd ever been overwhelmed by his own connection, but everyone was different enough. He rubbed at his chin for a moment, thinking.

"The only suggestion I have is really just.. Stop thinking, when you mediate. Maybe go out into space and find a way to stop letting your mind get pulled by everything. It's difficult, for sure, but it's the only suggestion I have."

Lily Decoria

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Coruscant, NJO Temple
Outfit: Jedi Wear
Equipment: Training saber
Tag: Kahlil Noble

Having Kahlil reassure her, Lily let out a sigh of relief and was deeply grateful for the reassurance that her own anxieties and fears were not invalid.

"Thank you for the reassurance Master." Her gaze was low, focus on the ground as she chewed on her cheek in nervousness.

The topic of her outbursts and the sensation of being overwhelmed had been one that did not bring much in terms of deep insight. Lily's ability to stop thinking only brought on more thinking, she chewed on her bottom lip and let out a deep sigh. "I... Could...could you help me with the meditating without thinking? My mind tends to wander and I struggle to block everything out."

It was a lot to ask of the Shield of the Jedi, she was sure he was busy but she also assume that he would be the best to assist her in this matter as well.

 

[Kahlil Noble]

"Of course. I'm pretty good at emptying my head, though that might just be because there's not much in it." He flashed a brief grin before motioning for her to follow. Space was what he suggested, so space was where they were going to go. Straight to the spaceport to get them a ship to take off in. Wasn't hard. Shield asks, people deliver. It felt.. Weird, having people be so willing.

Almost reminded him of home.

"We'll start once we break atmosphere."

Lily Decoria

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Coruscant, NJO Temple
Outfit: Jedi Wear
Equipment: Training saber
Tag: Kahlil Noble

Lily looked up as Master Kahlil mentioned why he was good at emptying his head to protest with the Jedi Master but held off once she saw the grin. He was joking, it was a joke. At least he didn't see himself that way, that was a relief. She would hate to think of a Jedi Master seeing themselves in such a negative light, it would reflect poorly on her changes of finding a way to live a healthier mental health life if others couldn't find it.

Following him to a ship, she was surprised that they would be going to actual space, she had thought his words were more metaphorical but Lily dare not question the methods. She sought out help and this had been the Jedi Master's solution, she would follow it.

Taking a seat to one side in the cockpit, Lily looked around, she had some understanding of how a ship worked through her aunt and her aunt's dedication to making ships. However, Lily held no understanding of how to operate one or if the one she was in was any good. For her, they all looked very similar. "Understood."

 

[Kahlil Noble]

The actual trip up wasn't long. They broke atmosphere, found a spot to hover, and bam.

Kahlil glanced towards her with a brief smile, then motioned towards the center of the shuttle. "Alright, simple time. Just sit, close your eyes, and focus on the Force. Out here, there won't be as much interference. Find your center there, yeah?"

Lily Decoria

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Coruscant, NJO Temple
Outfit: Jedi Wear
Equipment: Training saber
Tag: Kahlil Noble

Once the ship stopped moving, Lily shifted from her spot and looked outside the window. She sighed, this didn't necessarily feel like it would work and she felt even more dangerous due to the fact she could break the glass and send them dead into space. That would not go down well, person who killed the Shield of the Jedi wasn't a Sith Lord or something of the like but a Padawan who exploded out and sucked them out of the ship into the vacuum of space.

"If you believe this to be safe and the best Master, then I will give it my best." Lily nodded her head, she was reluctant but not allowing herself to argue or back out, she had to trust the Jedi. This was a problem they faced before according to Master Valery, just likely not as prominent an issue as Lily had. She left the cockpit of the ship and found a spot quieter, allowing herself to sit down and settle with her thoughts.

Meditation was not a skillset she was strong in, she felt remaining still too long made her butt numb and body itch. However, she relaxed her breathing through the slow, methodical method that she had been taught. Focusing on removing all her doubts and negative thinking. She had to remain neutral, it was tricky to clear her mind but she was getting there.