Legacies

[Pinda Solthar]

She roamed the grand halls of the temples Academy, what she sought was nothing other than mere knowledge. She was on the search for references. Unlike just being assigned to a student Shmi chose to be quite careful when it came to her selection. She wanted someone with the potential to be good in both scholarly works, and combat. Both were two halves of a successful jedi. She spoke to the Academies instructors. Asking for those whom they may recommend she take under her wing. As much as she wanted some qualified as ready, she wanted to be a blank canvas almost. To be open to learning different things and different paces, in different places.

She was given the name [member="Des Kovak"] , a young Korunnai male who seemed to fit her list of descriptions. She was prompt to make the request, and with hopes he would return with the same hastiness and accept. It was sure that they didn't know one another, but that was entirely bad. The two would gain in trust as they spent time together.

Having received an answer according to the council, she made her way back to the Academy to greet her new student, having never fully trained a Padawan herself she wasn't sure on exactly how such meeting should go. Though, she wanted this. She needed this experience.

She walked smoothly, a normal air about her that amplified warmth. She was poise, and mature. Her hands clasped in front of her rested upon the area right below her abdomen, interlocked. She exuded some honor, one could tell she held and gave respect.

She spoke a few soft words to an instructor, and anyone watching from a distance could see the person she conversed with walk away. She remained however, and with hopes she would be greeting her new padawan soon. As soon as he was brought before her.

 

[Des Kovak]

[member=Shmi Labooda]

Des Kovak had been at the Jedi Temple for some time now. He'd remained aloof, as was his wont, but some measure of bonding was unavoidable in a situation where so many were in a similar sitation, and he'd gotten to know a handful of fellow initiates. Most direct interaction was had with various instructors, but Des did not pick up much from group instruction. And always they would repeat. Check your emotions. Cage your strength, lest it become a wild animal unfit for keeping. Des snorted at the thought. These Jedi calling themselves 'Master', it seemed to him they knew not of what they spoke.

He paused in the middle of his morning exercises on the courtyard as his name was called. The attendant had known to find him here, but he'd never been singled out like this before. He was instructed to follow, and so he did, while his thoughts swam. He'd seen this happen before, to others, and usually... Is it true? Have I been selected? To his own surprise, he felt almost hopeful. Those Padawans who recieved private instruction from their own Master seemed to be the ones considered ready for it. Des had been uncertain of his own readiness, since his views were obviously so inconsistent with those of the Jedi. Perhaps this was to be just another lecture, but Des had never been pulled away for one like this. Usually they were delivered openly, so that the other initiates might learn from the words as well.

He was brought to the library, where a human looking Jedi was waiting. She seemed little older than he was, perhaps a ten year gap at most, and was a little shorter than him. Some rise the Jedi ranks very quickly, Des noted. Though he was unsure why, he was reminded of Zylah Dvale, a fellow Padawan who had matched Des' raw strength blow for blow. Settling his thoughts back on the present, he turned to this Jedi who had called for him. "I was told you wanted to see me?" he said, the tone of his voice expectant.

 

[Pinda Solthar]

"Yes..." she said clearing her throat softly. Her hand in the form of a fist came up and placed itself in front of her throat. Then soon after she was returning to her usual stance, with her arms hanging down, hands together, fingers interlocked. She took a couple of steps closer. Immediately she began to exude her warmth, as youthful and mature as it was both at the same time.

"Young Des...I am Shmi Labooda. I will be your new Master." she said approaching him, and placing her hands on his shoulder swiftly, but with a soft touch. "Come...walk with me" she said titling her head to the right a little to signal for him to follow.

She began to walk, robes comprising most of her figure. She was the conservative type definitely. She headed for the exit of the temple, not even looking back to see if he would follow. She could sense it. Having trained abilities to give her echolocation when she wished. Simple. Though she wouldn't attune her mind to his just yet. All she wanted was conversation.

Everything else would begin tomorrow.

[member="Des Kovak"]

 

[Des Kovak]

[member=Shmi Labooda]

Des frowned and flinched, taking an involuntary half-step back when Shmi introduced herself and approached. So it was true, he -had- been selected! He wondered briefly if this warm, glowy feeling was his own, or if it came from the Jedi Master. He knew it was not something he normally felt. Excitement, yes, but never warmth like this. It must come from her then. A strange approach, he thought. If it were him, he would have started by establishing a position of superiority. To ensure the Padawan would listen. This way of handling the introductions confused Des thoroughly, moreso with the gentle touch. He could slap her hands aside if he wanted, indeed -would- have done so. Only he didn't. And that was what confused him the most.

As Shmi invited him to walk with her, and brushed past him in her first strides, Des turned and followed almost on automatic. Something else he would not have done. Des had decided for himself that he would not recognise any so-called 'Master' who did not force respect off him, but here he was, following this person who had not done the faintest bit of posturing, let alone shown she was his better. It was not mind control, Des knew. It was something more subtle than that.

Des took his first few steps more hurriedly to come alongside Shmi, his arms balled into loose fists at his side more from confusion and powerlessness than anger. Walking like this, the two of them made an odd pair. Her with the conventional clothing of a Jedi, him with his tunic with the sleeves torn off specifically to show off the muscles of his arms. It was how Des was used to communicating, with silent statements of strength. Perhaps, Des thought, this Master Shmi and him were not exactly compatible. So then- "If I may... Why me?" he asked his thoughts before he even realized he had. He was already being more open with this woman than he had meant to be.

 

[Pinda Solthar]

She turned to him, and and examined him closely. He must've been wondering, yes more than likely. That she expected. Her explanation to him was so simple. She spoke soft words, "Des....Talent is a handicap" she paused for a moment, she wanted him to take that in. To really consider the years of wisdom behind so few words.

"I spoke with the instructors here....I came in search for references. I was tugged from one side of the spectrum to another subtlety. On that spectrum were all students that excelled. Listen, I need a student that doesn't come with a cup thats already full. What good would my lessons be if there was no room for them to take root." she said and turned to looking out the observational window that let in the hues of the outside world.

On her tan skin there was a brighter tone from the setting of the sun. Her eyes squinted slightly, and she lowered her head and closed her eyes.

"Besides that Padawan...you are unique. One doesn't need the Force to sense the future you'll frequent soon enough. But now, I am your Master, and your are my pupil. Besides our brothers and sisters...we are all each other will have. We'll need to depend on one another." she spoke such words and turned to him placing her left hand on his shoulder.

[member="Des Kovak"]

 

[Des Kovak]

[member=Shmi Labooda]

"Are you saying you picked me because I'm not good at this Jedi stuff?" Des echoed her words incredulously. It made sense, he supposed, but he'd always thought he had his own 'talent', his own way of doing things that was just as good, if not better. It was clear, once again, that the Jedi Masters didn't tend to think so. But Des was headstrong to a fault. "The Force is... a means to an end, is it not? It is not something that should be thrown around or used willy nilly. So then why could I not reach that end with some other means? I have plenty of talent," he said adamently, balling his hands into fists at his sides as he did so.

"With all due respect..." Des started, hesitating for a moment. He wondered if he should call her 'Master' already, but that would contradict what he was about to say, so he decided not to. "I have not yet recognized you as my Master. Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad to have been chosen," he added quickly. "But I am a Korun. I am not used to having a superior who has not proved they are stronger than I am. I do not depend on anyone but my Bôsh, on Haruun Kal." With that, he failed to mention that he'd been exiled from his Bôsh, his clan, even before he'd come with the Jedi.

 

[Pinda Solthar]

She held a smirk, "Perhaps...though perhaps I picked you because you reminded me a lot of myself when I was a Padawan, though if you really want to know why I picked you, it wasn't because you weren't good...it was because you stood out. You were unique, you had your own set way of thinking, and most importantly you presented questions. That, I got from you." she said tilting her head down again, and closing her eyes.

She heard his question, she spoke no words; on purpose. This is what she wanted in an pupil, he shared a subtle thirst for knowledge as she did. The flows of the Force were strong inside him, she could only smirk and remain in position. Offering no answer she continued to listen and then he went into his next few phrases of speech.

He spoke of his heritage, the Korun were a hard people, in a positive way. What he spoke of was a discipline that he learned from his younger days, and with every culture, every order, every group comes a discipline, a doctrine.

"You have questions, good. I may have answers for you. Your training will begin tomorrow Des, I will be waiting for you in the Archives...there are private chambers in the study hall....thats where you'll find me.

She bowed her head, placing her hand on his shoulder once more before she left his presence.

[member="Des Kovak"]

 

[Des Kovak]

[member=Shmi Labooda]

Des returned the bow, as he'd seen other Jedi do. He had never bowed his head to anyone before, not even the other Masters, so he was rather surprised at himself when he did so. It was only right, if this Master Labooda was to be his tutor. He should not expect to get something for nothing, he reminded himself, no matter how prideful he was.

He stayed behind, lost behind in thought as he ran his eyes along the luminous rows of holoprojectors and datadiscs of the library. Her reasoning made sense, and he was glad of that. Here was someone who appreciated Des as the person he was, and that was something he hadn't seen for some time. The only two Padawans who came close to friends, Kaia and Zylah... Zylah was mainly a challenge, a rival that helped him push himself further as he meant to same to her. And Kaia, the Miraluka only wanted to change him. Make Des a 'better', more friendly person. But Shmi Labooda, she seemed content to help Des develop into his own true form. And this, Des thought, he was very fortunate to be offered in a Master. He was already beginning to like this Shmi Labooda. It was remarkable, Des reflected, how she had casually brushed aside all of his defenses, just like that.

Curiously, Des found himself full of anticipation for what the next day would bring, almost excited even. He grinned for what seemed to be the first time since he'd left Haruun Kal.

---

Des Kovak, Jedi Padawan, made his way down the hallways of the Jedi Temple to the archives. He'd slept fitfully, too full of anticipation to find sleep easily, but he was well rested nonetheless. He'd been by the mess hall, but as usual passed on most of the food offered. He wasn't big on breakfast, but had made himself eat something to store up on some energy. After that, he'd gone to the courtyard for his morning exercise routine, showered, and now made for his appointment with Master Shmi Labooda. Des Kovak, Jedi, he repeated the words in his mind. After all this time of isolation, lectures, and posturing. It was happening.

Master Labooda had mentioned private chambers, so Des reckoned he should speak to one of the librarians and find the right one. He was pointed to one of the many doors, one with a holosign that read 'reserved'. To his approach, the door slid aside and let him go through. He stepped aside and waited by the side of the door. His presence would be noted, he had no doubt, and he felt it was not his place to start the proceedings.

 

[Pinda Solthar]

Day 1


While her approach was rather unorthodox, she felt in the end she had intrigued her Padawan to seek her out; well she hoped she did. It was all about approaching from an intellectual stand point; enticing the mind. His was one of his strongest weapons, whether he knew that or not. Him asking questions, only showed the expanse of his mind, and what it could achieve in the future, she wanted to be apart of that; hopefully he would allow that.

As she stated, she did reserve the room. It was easier for her as she worked within the Archives when she wasn't on assignment. So this allowed her to still go through her tasks, and still be available for instruction, if he was to show up. In the meantime she didn't occupy her time with much. Just going over some hyperspace information she had recently come across. She had been working on building that part of the Archives, so that Jedi could actually participate in training on other worlds. With the Academy network being as successful as it was, this would only increase its success further.

She was deep in her notes on her datapad when the doors slid open. She didn't look up to see who it was, because she knew. Before he even entered. There was silence for just a brief moment. She softly laid down her datapad and looked up at her pupil.

"Its good to see you, Des. I'm glad you've come. This marks the first day of our training with one another. Please come" she said standing to her feet, and waving her hand to motion for him to come over. As she did that she walked around the corner of the marble table, with its intricate design.

She moved to the center of the room, there were two small, circular, sofa ottomans waiting there for them. She took her sit, and in a crossed leg position. She motioned her hand for him to take a seat.

"Taking up the challenge to live the life of a Jedi Knight is difficult...it requires commitment, devotion...but it also entails self-sacrifice, servitude, and self-discipline. Much like the Ghôsh, the Jedi way of life is centered around Three Core Tenets. Its these guidelines where we find the instructions on how to govern our actions, emotions, and behavior. We'll start with Pillar number One. The Pillar of the Force."

She spoke softly, but her words carried importance. As much as some may seem to think its not important to go over such things, Shmi wants these instilled in her apprentices. Its something that she adheres to herself, and she feels its gives them a base to jump from.

[member="Des Kovak"]

 

[Des Kovak]

[member=Shmi Labooda]

Des did not have long to wait, and came over when he was beckoned to. He sat down when he was bid to do so, and still held his tongue. It was only when she spoke of the hardships of the life of a Jedi that he responded. "I never expected it to be easy," he asserted, self certain. "I've never had it easy, and I would not have it any other way." For Des, overcoming adversity was a way of life. It was how he knew it was worth living. Sometimes, it required a Ghôsh to overcome that adversity, which was why Des was careful of who he considered Dôshalo. For now, not a one of the Jedi had proved they could be trusted to that extent, even though Des was painfully aware he was in need of allies of a sort.

The key words she named were indeed some of the ideals central to the machinations of a good Ghôsh as well, though she missed a few as well. Strength. Authority. Unity. He wondered how this Human -or al least Human-looking- Jedi knew of the Ghôsh of Haruun Kal. As far as he knew, the name for clans was exclusive to the isolated planet, and only then to the Korun that inhabited it. The Balawai colonists scoffed at the notion. For now, though, he was content to listen to the lesson at hand, storing the question away for later.

"The Force," he repeated her words, a hint of doubt creaping into his voice. "I have had... difficulty. I cannot open myself to the Force. I cannot meditate for all the distractions it opens me to, let alone make use of the machinations of the Force." He hesitated a moment, wondering how much he should tell her, but this was his Master now. She would find out sooner or later anyway. "The only way I have been able to get the Force to do my bidding, was by making it my own. I did not let it flow through me. I made it mine, and submitted it to my will. I was told that that is not the Jedi way. It worries me," he confessed.

 

[Pinda Solthar]

She listened to his words, she heard nonsense. She immediately began to shake her head even before he would finish speaking. One thing she wouldn't have was someone with talent be deaf to it. She wouldn't take a pupil who doubted...such thoughts were a gateway to much darker things.

"No..." she said, her facial expression changed, shifted. She looked into his eyes, and peered through them. She leaned forward, "One thing I will not have...are the words cannot and can't. You have the potential to be something great. If you simply couldn't you wouldn't be here in front of me right now. Its alright to acknowledge the issues your having on the way, but you will overcome them." the last four words she spoke weren't meant to be optimistic...they carried a subtle command; they were strong and expressed her will.

"You are on your way to living a life of servitude for the sake of civilization. Will you simply express to the helpless that you cannot help them? Whether you know it or not, don't give weakness life..."

"Something that stood out to me...you said "bidding". The Force is not strictly a weapon, it isn't all about control. Its merely a tool...and extension of what you truly are. Padawan...tell me about one of your fondest memories. A memory that calls upon positive emotions..." she said squinting her eyes, awaiting an answer.

[member="Des Kovak"]

 

[Des Kovak]

[member=Shmi Labooda]

The Jedi Master's response was something Des had been expecting. Or something quite like it anyway. She was fervently adament that Des should learn to use the Force anyway. This was a side of Shmi Labooda Des had not seen, but Des liked it. "I will find a way," he claimed defiantly. "If the Force bars my way, I will find another way to do what must be done. The Force need not be the only way." he realized it might seem like he was avoiding his biggest challenge so far, and perhaps he was, but the stubborn Padawan was convinced he could conquer the Force as well, eventually.

Des considered a moment, leaning back and thinking back. Had he ever been truly happy? He doubted it. But there had been times, at least, when he'd been content. "On Haruun Kal, there was a hunt," he started. "I was, what, fifteen? Maybe sixteen? We do not keep track of the passing of name days. We had cought a couple of Grassers to eat, enough for a feast. And we'd cought an Ankoxx. It was the first time I ever rode one. It was exhilerating. The feeling of branches whipping past your head, and you just keep going, keep going 'til you can't go no more. We did what we did for survival, but that was more than that. I actually had fun, that day." Despite himself, he smiled at the memmory. Oh, to ride an Ankoxx again. Speeders didn't cut it, they were dead machines. To feel alive, he needed those around him to be alive as well. The Ghôsh had tought him that.

 

[Pinda Solthar]

When she saw him smile, it made him smile. Through the Force, she sent waves of hope his way. It was gift she had, she hoped one day to teach him to inspire others through understanding their emotions. Surely he wouldn't know where this uplifting feeling would be coming from, it wasn't invasive...or intruding. It simply shrouded him in a warmth that he would notice subtly.

"The Jedi way is centered around those positive emotions you've just lathered yourself with. Benevolence, Joy, Compassion, and Hope. These are all things you should allow yourself to feel, if you can't...whenever you feel yourself struggling slip back into that memory...draw from it. We're going to work on that. I really want you to work on handing over some of your control. Lets try something..." she said sitting straight up for a moment as she peered over to her datapad.

She slowly lifted her right arm, and her hand follow. Her fingers were spread apart...and through the Force she manipulated the small piece of equipment. With her mind she pulled it through the air and over to her. It landed in her hand, and she looked up at Des. "I want you to levitate this datapad in the air...remember to be positive...release some of that control over to the Force. Let it come naturally." she said softly.

[member="Des Kovak"]

 

[Des Kovak]

[member=Shmi Labooda]

It was strange, Des thought. Just being around this Jedi made him feel lighter than he ever had. Whether it was her presence, or her words, or something else, she made him feel he could accomplish anything. Again, he smiled at her encouragement. That was twice now in as many minutes. How easily this change came, and it occured to Des that perhaps this good natured smile had been him all along, that all it had needed was a nudge to show itself.

But when she spoke of the positive values of the Jedi, he had his doubts. "That is all well and good, but I do not wish to shield myself from the harsh reality of the Galaxy," Des said, adament now himself. "I refuse to take those emotions only for myself. I will bring them to others. Others who need it," he resolved. "That is what a Jedi does, is it not?" Again, Des surprised himself. It seemed he now sought this Shmi Labooda's approval of what he said, wanted her validation. How fast he'd come to recognize this Jedi as his Master, then. At least to some degree.

Des watched as Master Labooda lifted the datapad. It seemed a mundane thing, something Jedi did all the time and something that came natural to them, but for Des it was difficult. Still, his new Master had instilled in him the conviction he could do this, if only he tried hard enough. With a heavy breath, Des fixed his eyes on the datapad in Labooda's hand, and shut out his immediate environs. He lifted his right arm, his hand open and palm pointed up, as if expecting the datapad. He could feel it, ever so faintly, a hint of purpose in the Force. Far more brightly, he saw the life that shone out of Shmi Labooda, and it almost blinded him. He blinked a few times, straining to find the datapad again. He would make it his to manipulate. The datapad would come, whether it wanted to or not.He would make it his. Stop. In his mind's eye, he could see himself pummeling the datapad with gouts of Force energy, like he was attacking it, attacking the Force itself. This is not the way to do it. She said so. Be calm. Let it flow to you on its own accord. Remember the Ankoxx.

Des took a moment to regain his composure, and tried again. This time, he did not will the Datapad to do anything. All he sent was a mental suggestion. If only the datapad would be so kind as to budge a little? Just a little tug, that was all he asked of it. It was a rediculous idea, he knew, to ask an inanimate object to move, but if he could not move it... To his surprise, the electronic device did what he asked. It did not levitate just yet, but it budged, ever so slightly, in the Jedi Master's hand. What seemed like a stupid idea that he'd gone with on a limb was actually paying off. You can do this... Remember Haruun Kal. The feast. The wind in your face. Exhileration. Freedom. You can go where you want. You can do what you want. You are free. The datapad budged again, but this time he ignored it. He wanted more. It budged again, but it refused to life, no matter how much he strained against gravity.

Again, he had to stop himself. He was straining against gravity. Again, he reminded himself, that was not the way to do it. Let it happen, he remember his Master's words. And so he did. He closed his eyes and painted a dual image in his mind's eye. One of himself, looking down from on high, the back of a riding animal as he rode through the woodlands of the Korunnai jungles. The other, a datapad, floating free in the air. When he slowly, cautiously opened his eyes, he saw to his surprise that his vision had become reality. The datapad was up, ever so slightly, lifted just a bit higher than Master Labooda's hand, and had angled away from her. It was not coming toward him, but had instead simply drifted off in a random direction, something he had not planned on. And once he saw the datapad, the spell was broken. The electronic device wobbled in its flight, and then clattered to the ground.

Des exhaled, only now realizing he'd been holding his breath. He didn't know what to think of this. It was progress, he supposed, but scant better than his usual fare. His expression showed disappointment, but defiance as well. He would keep trying.

 

[Pinda Solthar]

She squinted her eyes as she watched him. She didn't tune her mind to his so she couldn't tell what he was struggling with internally. However, if she had learned one thing about him from just spending a day with him she could tell that he had determination. For someone as hard as came off, he certainly seemed to be allowing himself to take in her lessons. That was a big step for them, she hoped...that eventually they would grow closer, enough to rely on one another.

"In a sense...your are correct my Padawan." she nodded...

She could see the doubt in his eyes when she held on to the datapad. But she was silently rooting for him. Whether he performed it perfectly or hot, she wanted him to demonstrate that he could indeed release himself back into those motions and even, just a little, manipulate the small piece of technology she gripped. It was all about establishing belief. Her left eyebrow rose slowly when he threw out his arm. She could see the veins protruding from his skin. There was straining felt...but a release followed.

What she was more proud of was the fact that he indeed did allow himself to channel those positive emotions. That meant progress was made and he heard her. Not before long did she feel a tremble in her hands. Her palms vibrated...and she looked down, her eyes widened only a bit. She didn't allow herself to get too excited, but it was there, deep down in her core boiling.

Then it stopped, and she slowly looked up to him breathing heavily. She smiled at him, one of those that a mother would give a child when they've done all they could. She sat the datapad on the floor beside her. She stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You've done well Des. I told you...its possible. We'll try again tomorrow, but before we end the session today I want to teach you one more thing." she sat back down in a meditation like position. Her legs were crossed, and her arms sat on top of them.

"This technique is called Meditation of Emptiness. It allows you to establish an emotional anchor...it may seem unimportant now, but trust me...this technique will always serve you justice, especially with the brilliant mind you have. Follow along, and focus on my voice." she said as she closed her eyes.

"This Meditative technique allows you to quiet all external distractions...and involves emptying ones self of negative emotions and opens the user to the Force, strengthening their connection. Take deep breaths, and clear the mind of all negative thoughts...this shedding that your doing will allow you to center yourself in your own simple power, as well as the Force. Purge padawan...allow all of your doubt to become nothing but a shadow, to become nothing."

Through the Force she inspired him, subtly.

[member="Des Kovak"]

 

[Des Kovak]

[member="Shmi Labooda"]

He was not sure if he'd done as well as Master Labooda seemed to suggest. Was she not coddling him too much? He wanted to try again, to keep going, but it seemed like she had other plans for him. He almost protested, but stopped himself. Reluctantly, he settled down.

Following his Master's example, he rested his palms on his legs and steadied his breathing. He watched her intently for several moments longer before he closed his eyes. This was the one thing he'd always had problems with. When I meditate, distractions come so easily. Every little sound gets multiplied tenfold and echoes around my mind. How do you simply ignore that? It is not something I can do. Is it easy for you? Is it supposed to be easy for a Jedi? Maybe I can simply never be a Jedi. Doubt and misgivings assaulted Des, swamping his thoughts in a mire of negativity.

But there was something there. A solid ground to rest the feet of his mind's eye on. There had the unmistakeable welcoming feel of Shmi Labooda about it, and Des held on it gratefully, grasping at straws. Do you need the help of another to manage your own mind? What if you are not good enough on your own. As soon as he had found his support, Des was losing it again. He scrabbed at the walls of his mind in panic, his own need for self reliance his downfall. He could not handle the idea of needing another's help to accomplish something, and he opened his eyes with a gasp. He did not understand what had happened, but it was clear he had failed.

 

[Pinda Solthar]

"Meditation is never an easy concept to grasp, especially if the mind wonders and moves at a pace much quicker than anything else. That is why i'm teaching you this technique, so that you can overcome such misgivings. Meditation of Emptiness is a technique that will help you develop your skills, it'll help you wield the Force, and it'll help you focus so that you can quiet all external distractions. If you can't trust in yourself to be able to do this, trust in me padawan, trust in your instruction."

Training wouldn't come easy, it was something that could come naturally. It took time, and most importantly effort. While she provided him an anchor to feed from, she knew he wouldn't latch on much linger because his mind denied him that right. He questioned her, and she listened. She knew what she was doing.

"Would you deny the help of another to help you manage whatever it is that blocks you? What I did was inspire you, I had little influence over your actions, all I did was serve as your muse, a support system that wasn't all verbal. I wanted you to know that I was right there with you along the way; to build the trust."

"If you take what I've given you today, and adhere to it. You'll be just fine. Your good enough, and you must stop doubting yourself. Doubt is a gateway to much darker things padawan. Todays session is over, I will see you back here tomorrow. Do your homework dear." she said standing to her feet, lowering her head slowly, to bow. Afterwards she exited the room.

[member="Des Kovak"]

 

[Des Kovak]

[member=Shmi Labooda]

"You read my mind," Des said. His tone was somewhat accusative. No one had ever really done that to him, not in the literal sense anyway. He was not sure if he liked having other people rummage around in his head. When she told him to trust in her, at least, if he could not trust in himself, he considered the notion for a moment. To his own surprise, he found that she was right, that he did trust that she would be able to guide him further. If he had the capacity, Shmi would find it, he thought. This kind of trust was something he had not felt for any Jedi before. It was the kind of trust he usually reserved for his Dôshalo.

"In the end, I will need to be able to rely on myself, or I will be of no help to others," he said with careful consideration. "So I do not wish to learn by relying on others. What if doing so makes me more reliant on you than I should be? What if this support is not a stepping stone, but a hurdle?" He had plenty to think about, that was certain.

"Very well," Des said to her announcement to the end of their lesson. He stood up and brushed down hissleeveless tunic, then returned her bow. "Master Labooda," he said, after some hesitation. Since they had met the previous day, this was the first time he'd adressed her as 'Master'. "Thank you." He offered a slight, thin smile. He watched her go, already sunken in thought. His homework, she'd said. What was that supposed to mean? Did she want him to practice more? He certainly intended to, and he did not intend to give up until he got some progress.

Sitting back and crossing his legs, Des steadied his breathing and closed his eyes. Come on, Des. Focus on one thing. Only one thing. Empty the mind. Empty the mind. Empty the mind. He repeated the words mentally time and time again, but it helped little. Every time, his mind was flooded by the cacophony of Jedi coming and going in the library just outside. Before he knew it, it was hours later and he had made little progress. Finally, he gave up, tired, disappointed in himself, and angry. Master Labooda expected you to make progress, and you failed her again, he told himself. Feeling defeated, Des retreated to his dorm room where he quickly fell into a fitfull sleep.

 

[Pinda Solthar]

Day 2

While she wholeheartedly thought their first session went well, she figured Des might have some reservations. Though she hoped he, had developed a since of hope for today; at least. She was in her usual place, the Archives. Sooner or later her padawan would be strolling in, and the lessons would begin. They would need to continue where they left off, so it was within her own hopes that Des did his homework. She sat on one of the ottomans in the center of the room, in a trance like state.

She peered deep into the Force for guidance. It was hard holding back her own demons as much as it was preparing others to deal with their future ones; hopefully the would grow to not encounter any at all. It was herself she saw in Des, young, and contemplative. There was always a why, there had to be a reason for everything and it was that they both sought.

What she saw...a future for the young male. One with strands of the Force that stretched too far for her to fully comprehend. He has a gift. Such assurance was what filled the room with a feeling that made things possible to overcome. She was inspired.

[member="Des Kovak"]

 

[Des Kovak]

[member="Shmi Labooda"]

Des Kovak was far less hopeful than he had been the previous morning. He remember he'd been almost skipping, thinking on how he would be a Jedi. Now, a creeping doubt in the back of his mind made him wonder how he ever could be. He had skipped past breakfast altogether now, and had been listless as he went through his morning exercises in the courtyard like little more than routine.

He passed through the library quickly, not really wanting to face anyone in his current state. Quietly, he slipped in through the door and closed it behind him. "Master," he greeted, taking a crosslegged seat opposite her. He waited for her to finish whatever it was she was doing in her meditative state. Feeling a modicum of shame, he avoided meeting her eyes with his own. "Yesterday, you told me to practice," he said hesitantly. "I did, but... I have made no progress." Even to Des, it sounded like a confession of failure. From his Master, he had no idea what response he should expect. He'd trusted her to guide him along, and in return she had trusted him to... do what? Had he failed that trust? Nothing was certain anymore to Des, these Jedi did things so differently.