Approved NPC Lena Duchannes

[Al-Saher]

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

• Intent: To create a character to help develop Nicholas Al-Saher as a character and assist with him furthering his business in transporting senators and visiting dignitaries. Also for use as an asset of The Family in potential faction RP's

Image Credit:

• https://www.artstation.com/artwork/o3dR4
• Pistols - DMC: Devil May Cry (Video Game)

Role: Senator's Daughter, intel provider, romantic partner

Links:

• http://starwarsrp.net/topic/136741-nicholas-al-saher-the-magician/#entry1868008
• http://starwarsrp.net/forum/4523-the-family/

PHYSICAL INFORMATION

• Age: 25
• Force Sensitivity: Non-Force User
• Species: Human
• Appearance: Shoulder length blonde hair, Hazel eyes with tattoos running from her left shoulder down her arm. Tattoos can also be found down her left thigh. can typically be found in a black or royal blue shoulderless dress with a slit exposing the tattoos on her arm and thigh. Carries a set of custom pistols but you'd never know they were there or where they came from.

• Name: Lena Duchannes
• Loyalties: NPC companion for Nicholas Al-Saher, associated through Nicholas with The Family
• Wealth: Senators' Daughter so modestly wealthy.
• Notable Possessions: Twin blaster pistols with custom aesthetics

Spoiler

• Skills: Markswoman through time spent with her mothers' private security she picked up a knack for firearms and blades.
• Personality: Usually calm and collected though known to be sarcastic. When nervous she'll twirl her hair or spin a ring on her left middle finger. She's just starting out on her own so more traits are likely to emerge. As it is she's had to be calm and collected with being a senators' daughter but she has a wild streak as shown but her tattoos and love of firearms and blades.

COMBAT INFORMATION

• Weapon of Choice: Wits, blaster weaponry, slugthrowers or blades.
• Combat Function: Covering fire or Close quarter combat. Due to instruction from private military bodyguards Lena has skill in blasters, slugthrowers, and blades. She'd likely play the helpless victim right before slipping a shiv under your ribcage. She is not however well versed in being put in such situations, combat training IS in fact different from actual combat. A bit naive with no real street-smarts, after all it wasn't proper for a senators' daughter to walk the lower city streets. As a result Lena may freeze up when put into a firefight situation in which case she becomes the stereotypical damsel in distress.

Strengths +

• Training in firearms and blades
• Cunning

Weaknesses -

• Not well versed in combat scenarios
• Naive when it comes to street smarts
• May freeze up when put in a firefight scenario

HISTORICAL INFORMATION

Lena Duchannes grew up learning there's a softer side to the hard edges of Coruscant. As a Senators' daughter she went to private schools but rebelled while doing so, radical changes to her school uniforms got her in trouble with instructors and as such she ended up being home-schooled as a result. While doing so she learned more about politics or rather how to negotiate with others, over time she learned how to negotiate with her mothers' bodyguards and as a result learned how to handle herself with weapons safely. Slugthrowers, blasters, and blades all became things she knew how to use. On a dare from graduation she decided to go to the lower levels of Coruscant and get inkwork done. She got to experience the nightlife of Coruscant and developed a wild streak. Her mother has completely given up trying to control her daughter but not on having her protected. As such Serafine Duchannes hired the help of Nicholas Al-Saher for her daughters' personal transport and bodyguard...

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

[member="Al-Saher"] Under review

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

[member="Al-Saher"] Overall very nice, let's just take care of a few small things so we can get this submission approved

• 
  

  ​Image Credit: https://www.artstati...m/artwork/o3dR4

Your image source link leads to the thread that explains how to source an image. Please correct this

• 
  

  Notable Possessions: Custom set of twin pistols

I need more information about these pistols. Are they generic pistols that happen to belong to her? A specific model? Links would be appreciated as well.

• 
  

  Combat Function: Covering fire or Close quarter combat. Due to instruction from private military bodyguards Lena has skill in blasters, slugthrowers, and blades. She'd likely play the helpless victim right before slipping a shiv under your ribcage. She is not however well versed in being put in such situations combat training IS in fact different from actual combat.

You've given her several strengths but only one weakness. I'm going to have to ask you to add more weaknesses to her, and please provide the strengths and weaknesses in bullet list.

 

[Al-Saher]

Should be fixed all around. They're basic slug thrower pistols 45. ACP . Links were fixed and added, added more to the weaknesses, anything else? [member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

[member="Al-Saher"]

http://conceptartwor...ry-concept-art/

You've linked two sources but there's only one image appearing. Is one of the images in this link here supposed to appear in the sub?

• 
  

  Notable Possessions: Custom set of twin slug thrower pistols

This just links to the same link I've pasted earlier... I need a link to a place with info regarding the pistols or just write "Basic slug thrower pistols". Alternatively, you can claim they're this or other generic model and just link to your aesthetic preference.


Strength and Weaknesses in the Combat Function: please provide the strengths and weaknesses in bullet list.

 

[Al-Saher]

K I linked BOTH links and just clicked the link for the pistols which I already provided for artist credit which I linked. Took me here http://conceptartworld.com/news/dmc-devil-may-cry-concept-art/which is where I found the pistols in the first place I just triple checked the link and it brings me to the same page where I found the art. It was stated in the template to provide a paragraph as to how they'd fulfill their function IN COMBAT. Added to that the weaknesses are self explanatory within that paragraph so there should be no reason to bullet point them. I'll do so if that's now a requirement but it was not stated to put them in bullet points, nor is it particularly relevant on account of strengths and weaknesses being plain to see. Not sure why links not appearing for you, suited me just fine and I triple checked them. Additionally there's nothing special about them other than looks in terms of pistols which is why I included image links since artist credit. Anything else you need just let me know, I'm not trying to be difficult. [member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Took me here http://conceptartwor...ry-concept-art/which is where I found the pistols in the first place I just triple checked the link and it brings me to the same page where I found the art.

There are over 20 images in that link when you wanna use it to show a single pair of pistols. There's also more than one picture that that includes ranged weaponry. Please provide a link to one image (or more of the same pistols, but in this case, every image that shows pistols shows a different kind of pair).

Additionally, you have not added in the submission itself that these are a basic/generic pair of blasters, despite being asked to. So please, add that in.

there should be no reason to bullet point them.

There is a reason, because sometimes Codex Judges ask for it to be in bulleted format due to the phrasing of the writer or other information that is or isn't presented. You can look through other submissions and see for yourself. In this case, you were already asked twice for this.

nor is it particularly relevant on account of strengths and weaknesses being plain to see.

What is often plain to see for the writer and people the writer often writes with may not come off as plain for others. Submissions need to be easy to read for almost anyone that looks at them. Please refrain from making such comments.

Your sub is good and it's not far from being approved, all it needs is the requested edits, all of which are technical, and we'll be good to go.

 

[Al-Saher]

The pistols are custom meaning not generic. I linked the images as requested and the notable possessions will show Custom set of blaster pistols. edits have been done ANYTHING else? [member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

The pistols are custom meaning not generic.

"Custom" can mean a plethora of things, starting from cosmetic changes and going all the way to nifty abilities and effects. You've mentioned earlier that the pistols are basic and the custom refers to their appearance only, which is why I need you to write "generic" or "basic" by them in the submission.

 

[Al-Saher]

edited AGAIN. ANYTHING ELSE? [member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

[member="Al-Saher"]

• 
  

  Notable Possessions: with custom aesthetics

I think something got lost in the edit, that's all it says there now

 

[Al-Saher]

Ok I tried editing it but it wouldn't work so I put an image in a spoiler. And said set of twin blaster pistols with custom aesthetics so you'd have the description and an image of the description. Hopefully that works? I'm sorry for being difficult....[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

[member="Al-Saher"] Pending secondary approval

 

[Eugen Aker]

[member="Al-Saher"] Under review.

 

[Eugen Aker]

[member="Al-Saher"]

Hello there,

Firstly, I would like to say that your tone throughout the initial process of review is not acceptable. If find your judge be unreasonable, then request a Second Chance and/or contact the Codex Staff with your complaints.

This is your first and last warning about this. The next time you may face suspension from the Codex.

As for the sub itself, the imgur link isn't acceptable. These props look like they're Ebony and Ivory from Devil May Cry, so you can just credit the game for that particular image.

 

[Al-Saher]

Edits done. I credited DMC game as that is what you requested. anything else?[member="Jyoti Nooran"]

 

[Eugen Aker]

[member="Al-Saher"]​

Thank you,

Approved.