Life Goes On

[Tydeus of Tion]

The Ossus jungles could seem dark to those who had never visited Dxun's deadly wilds. The galaxy would be hard pressed to produce a moon filled with more lethal predators. And yet there it sat, hanging in the sky over Ossus, so near to the Jedi Temple.

Ryan Korr stood in the courtyard, a bundle of dirty laundry in his arms. It was nearing dusk. He'd returned from the latest training session sweaty and bruised. A quick sanisteam had washed the grime away, but he found his hamper of clothes nearing the limit of its capacity. A trip to the laundry room was called for.

He'd paused in the courtyard, Dxun capturing his eye, a mirror for the Jedi's situation across the galaxy. Death surrounded them, but here.... here life went on. The side of Korr's mouth quirked up and he exhaled softly. The embers of hope received a fresh breath of air. They slowly crackled inside his chest, warming a bruised heart with new conviction.

The Jedi continued toward the laundry room and set his hamper down. He stared at the contents, then at the dizzying display of settings on the machines.

"Hmm."

Could he mix reds and whites? Or was it blues and whites that created problems?

He decided to start piling them all in. Most were rough fabrics anyway, bland shades of brown that varied from light tans to darker tones.

[member="Corvus Raaf"]

 

[Corvus Raaf]

Corvus was inbetween lessons. Every now and then there was a window of up to an hour where she wasn’t teaching Younglings, Padawans, holding open classes, in an appointed study period or performing her own practice.

Today she’d decided to take the time to go for a run. Dressed in rather (for her) unusual jogging gear, this was her second outing of the day. Her first was always before the dawn - a legacy of her physical training with [member="Tracyn"]. This was…well primarily to see if she could perform another long run with before nightfall. Sith tended not to take such things into consideration and chasing The Shadow King on Nar Shaddaa had taught her she needed to up her physical training a notch.

As she was stretching, she saw [member="Ryan Korr"]. Not a Jedi she’d seen often but expected to spend more time with due to their new role together. And he appeared to be..doing the laundry? She didn't know why but she followed him. Curiosity? Friendliness? Guilt? Who knew, Corvus certainly didn’t.

“If you wash them too hot the colours will run. And if they’re really dirty and you wash them too cool they won’t clean properly.” As he turned to face her, she smiled at him. “Just sayin.”

 

[Tydeus of Tion]

"Ah," Ryan said, quirking a sole eyebrow at the sudden appearance of Master Raaf. She looked at him, tired, sweaty and smiling. Gray eyes flicked past her, wondering if they might catch a glimpse of a lurking Shatterstar. But.... not today, apparently. The corner of Korr's mouth twitched upward.

"The sacred art of mind reading," he pushed in the rest of the laundry so that it all fit, "Known only to the female."

He closed the door, then moved a finger toward the controls. "The middle path it is, then. Thanks."

The Jedi hit the button labeled 'warm,' and turned to regard her, something akin to amusement flashing behind his eyes, like a brief glimpse of lightning. Calloused fingers ran through wet, tousled hair of a deepening red in the light's dying rays.

"Out for a night run?"

[member="Corvus Raaf"]

 

[Corvus Raaf]

Corvus looked over her shoulder. "Were you expecting someone?" She smiled.

"Men and laundry. No special talents required. It's genetic I expect to know you'll flounder unless we help out. Perhaps it's genetic for men too? So we'll do it for you." She chuckled and shook her head at the same time.

"I usually run before dawn but decided to try a second run to raise my stamina. The day I arrived on Ossus a Knight put me though my paces. I was woefully out of shape and he reminded me that the Force won't always be there for you. So I...well, you know, work out." She mimed pumping iron. "What about you?"

[member="Ryan Korr"]

 

[Tydeus of Tion]

Self-sufficiency suited Korr just fine, though he felt tempted to take her up on the apparent offer to do his laundry if cognizance of a laundromat's inner workings ever failed him. The woman did seem rather... upbeat? Spunky? Yes. Spunky. Most people would be getting ready for sleep. She seemed as though the day had just begun.

Ryan leaned against the machine as it spun up, crossing his arms as he listened to [member="Corvus Raaf"]. The Force wouldn't always be there. Memories full of cruel faces and agony flared up, mirroring the sudden itch that traced the scars on his back and arms. The Embrace.

His smile became a bit more thin, more wooden... or was it stone?

"Sound policy." Ryan nodded. "Me?" He patted the laundry machine. "I'm just here for these."

Gray eyes searched her olive-skinned features. "A knight put you through paces you said? Who might that be?"

[member="Corvus Raaf"]

 

[Corvus Raaf]

She let him carry on with his domestic duties. Just because she was a woman it didn’t mean she had to do the washing and cleaning. Any more than she had to be an appendage on someone’s arm. She was a Jedi first, foremost and only.

Not that he’d suggested anything different and as fast as she’d felt the barrier come up, she let it lower again. He hadn’t hit on her or made her wash his smalls. He was OK. Far less…anxious than the last two times they’d met. But there was still something about his smile. It was as if the eyes weren’t joining in. She wasn’t aware she’d done anything wrong, so she just dismissed the notion.

When he asked her about the running she sat down on a bench and looked up at him. “I’d left the Corellian Jedi Academy. I was a Green Jedi. My Master had died when I retrieved my first saber crystal from some underwater caves. It’s…complicated. Anyway, I lost my way and…you know, drifted. This Jedi called Tracyn saved me from some rather unsavoury types and brought me here. He taught me Teräs Käsi. And it all started with improving my physical fitness. It’s a martial art that doesn’t use the Force, so he worked me pretty hard. So every day I work-out. You never know when the Force won’t be there, do you?”

Aware she was rambling on; she felt obliged to ask something back but didn’t want to intrude either. “I never saw you when I first got here. Where were you…if you don’t mind me asking.”

[member="Ryan Korr"]

 

[Tydeus of Tion]

Ah, Tracyn. Now there was an... interesting Jedi, to say the least. The blonde man was a mixture of Mandalorian ruthlessness and Jedi meditation, with an odd take on the Code thrown in. There was no denying Tracyn's prowess. When the Sith strike team infiltrated Ossus, Ryan had briefly witnessed the man's combat with the whale Lord known as Orcus. Korr did, however, disagree with some of his methods.

Teras Kasi mastery meant Corvus could probably break him in unarmed combat. Good to know. He wouldn't challenge her to a hand to hand sparring session anytime soon... or maybe he would.

Ah, but now she asks the question. Where had Ryan been all this time? Memories of fiery green eyes danced through his mind.

"After Coruscant fell I wasn't the same. I'd grown up on the Temple there. Jedi aren't supposed to have attachments, but I suppose on some level it is inevitable." He shrugged. "To complicate things my Master had a... lapse of judgement. I tried staying after I was knighted, but there was too much left unresolved. Staying felt like I was sitting around twiddling my thumbs. So I took as many active missions as I could... and I stayed on mission."

[member="Corvus Raaf"]

 

[Corvus Raaf]

Corvus stared into the distance. As much as she loved to teach and had found something of a home here, there was something in what Ryan said that resonated. Was she getting too attached to this place? So much so that she became over-protective? Would she benefit from time away?

"It must be a tough call - to just do mission after mission. I mean, doesn't it get disorientating after a while?" It wasn't such a serious question, more of a statement the way she said it. And she let the comment about his Master slide for now. He'd bring it up when he wanted. If he wanted.

"So why the change of plan? Why here now?" It was asked in a gentle way. Even the cold-fish knew how to ask without sounding like you were prying.

[member="Ryan Korr"]

 

[Tydeus of Tion]

"Disorienting?"

Gray eyes studied her intently.

"Perhaps."

He took a seat beside her on the bench and stared at the swirling clothes inside the rumbling machine. The smell of clean soap, warm clothes and fabric softeners filled the air.

Red brows drew into a thoughtful frown while the eyes beneath squinted, as though Ryan Korr was looking for something in those swirling clothes.

"I am not the biggest proponent of the Will of the Force.... but that doesn't mean I don't believe in it. Going on mission got me lost. Before, I didn't want to make friends, or get to know the new padawans. I thought all I'd get out of it was betrayal, death and heartache. Alone, I had time to think. Time to reach out to the Force for guidance. I felt the need to return, to rebuild, even if I might get burned in the process."

He turned to look at her, lips quirking up in that infinitesimal smile of his.

"Because if we don't keep trying to grow, to build, then we've already lost. I think that's the answer I found out there. ....Apologies, I tend to lead conversations down a somber path."

[member="Corvus Raaf"]

 

[Corvus Raaf]

Corvus laughed softly. "You clearly haven't heard some of my recent chats. But don't worry, I'll spare you." It was a throwaway comment but it also - subtly - drew a line that said it wasn't something she was going to discuss.

"But I'd agree that my time between Corellia and Ossus made me the person I am. The Jedi I am." The correction seemed forced. "I had to come to terms with a loss. To understand about attachments and who I needed to be."

She stared at his washing, turning around and around. "I dedicated my life to becoming a Knight with only one purpose. To train. To share what I know with Padawans and help create the new generation of Jedi. To ensure we have a future."

She smiled at Ryan. "How deep is this conversation becoming?"

[member="Ryan Korr"]

 

[Tydeus of Tion]

Korr's lips twitched.

"As deep as we want it to."

The machines continued to rumble steadily, but Ryan had ceased looking at them, attention now focused on Raaf's profile, then as she turned, her eyes. What sort of future did she envision? What would the ideal generation of Jedi do in Master Raaf's Order? To Ryan, it always seemed as though Dark and Light were caught in an eternal struggle. The Jedi and Sith were just pawns in a larger game. It explained why he so often felt lost. Pawns didn't get to know the machinations of the King.

He continued to regard her with knowing eyes that took on the shade of a storm cloud, distant on the horizon.

[member="Corvus Raaf"]

 

[Corvus Raaf]

”A credit for them?” She smiled as Ryan seemed lost in thought.

Standing up and wandering around, she looked at the night sky and sighed.
“Here’s deep for you. I often get asked by Padawans which is stronger, the Dark or the Light. I believe they’re in balance – and that’s the way it will always be. But Padawans then ask, what’s the point? Aren’t we here to defeat the Sith? And that’s a hard one to answer. I think we’re here to stop them dominating. I don’t suspect we’ll ever win – if I can use that word. I think we’re used by the Force to keep the equilibrium. Now I don’t mind that, but for some that feels kind of pointless.”

She looked at him, her violet eyes searching for a clue as to what way he was going to answer her.

[member="Ryan Korr"]

 

[Tydeus of Tion]

"Hmm, I think you do read minds, Master Raaf. I also think we're in agreement on that point."

Calloused fingers ran through scarlet hair, as a sigh whooshed out of him. He shrugged a single shoulder.

"I don't know what our end goal is, but I do know what is right at this moment in time. And it is for that that I keep the struggle."

[member="Corvus Raaf"]

 

[Corvus Raaf]

Struggle - there was a word that resonated with Corvus. And not known for her tact and diplomacy, she pursued her thought.

"Ryan...we haven't spoken often - but until today I would have described you as a Jedi that was, well struggling. I don't mean with being a Jedi." Even Corvus wasn't that crass. "But I mean some sort of internal struggle. Some kind of debate or turmoil that is well...bubbling under."

"Back on that prison ship you seemed angry. And in the Council chambers too." She laughed softly. "Perhaps the clenched fists were a clue. But what I'm trying to say - badly I think - is that the person I'm speaking to now is a different Jedi. Which is the real Ryan Korr?" Her voice was soft and inquisitive, not harsh and judgemental. The underlying motive was clear - she simply wanted to know.

[member="Ryan Korr"]

 

[Tydeus of Tion]

Another twitch of the lips, like the slow grate of shifting stone on the face of a mountain. How to answer? Well, he'd never been one for fencing with words. Candidness, then?

He frowned.

"I wish I had something profound to say, but I don't. Sometimes, when I am thrust into agitating situations, I become agitated. Anger is a natural emotion. All Jedi feel it, but not all act on it. That is my struggle, as you call it. When I am roused to anger, I try not to act in anger. I am not nor have I ever claimed to be a perfect Jedi. I just try to resist the Dark's temptations as best as I can. It whispers in my ear, urging me with hot passions to do this or that, but so far it hasn't beaten me. That's my struggle. Every day."

[member="Corvus Raaf"]

 

[Corvus Raaf]

Corvus smiled. It was one of reassurance, not humour. “I wonder how many times I’ve had a similar conversation with Younglings and Padawans. And I don’t mean that as a lack of respect. The person that comes to mind when I think of this aspect of the Code was a Knight that thought he was a Master. At least he acted like it.”

“I may be a cold-fish but I too have emotions. It is natural, as you say. I think too many Jedi think that the Code means we should not have emotions. I’d agree we shouldn’t go looking for them, but they are a part of our lives. But you’re right. What separates us from others is our ability to not act upon them.”

“But I’d counsel you on the use of the word ‘try!’ Perhaps you just need a little more belief. To maybe trust in the Force to keep you on the right path. That isn’t Yoda-esque advice, it’s just thoughts off the top of my head. Under the right, or should that be wrong, circumstances, I too can be sidetracked by my feelings. For me it is love that is my undoing. I have shut away my emotions for so long I am afraid to let it into my life. And I know it is wrong. But it seems a cold Jedi is more palatable than a hot one?”

She smiled again, this time the humour of the situation was showing through. “Please don’t think I’m preaching or even advising. I’m just thinking out loud is all. You see, I know I push people away and I'm not even conscious of it. You on the other hand are self-aware.”

[member="Ryan Korr"]

 

[Tydeus of Tion]

For a minute, the only sound was the tumbling of the washing machines. Around and around.

What did one say to that sort of advice? 'Trust' more. 'Believe' more. In what, a shapeless will that had them locked in an eternal struggle, casting lives away to keep some balance that only seemed to stem the eternal tide of darkness, but would never cause that Darkness to wink out, to extinct? That thought burned Ryan, but he did have to believe in something, in hope that the balance meant the light could never go extinct. Perhaps that was encouraged.

So what could he say, except two simple words?

"Thank you," Ryan said, smile more faint than before.

[member="Corvus Raaf"]

 

[Corvus Raaf]

The silence spoke volumes.

She gave Ryan the space to consider her ramblings. "When I first came to Ossus, one Master spent more time training me than any other. Many of the lessons he gave I tend to replicate. And one piece of advice he gave me I tend to use more than any other. It helped and in truth still helps me."

"Trust in the Force. People will let you down. Governments will let you down. Even you will let you down. But the Force will never let you down." And then she stared at the washing, turning over and over. It was sage advice and perhaps - just perhaps - she hadn't been listening to it enough herself. She should go to Corellia to visit her family. Everything will be alright. She just had to trust the Force. Right?

[member="Ryan Korr"]