Private Life, Uh, Finds a Way

[Corazona von Ascania]

Aboard The Prosperity​

"I'm exhausted."

Cora groaned with an exaggerated heave as she and Makko Vyres meandered through the dormitory wing of The Prosperity.

In anticipation of the Dark Empire's assault on Coruscant, the Alliance had moved much of their vulnerable - bureaucrats and younglings, largely - to Fondor. The majority of the Order's capable fighting force remained planetside, and though they'd managed to repel the Dark and their allies, the surface had suffered massive damage.

Hence, many Jedi found temporary housing aboard the space-borne temple.

It took her a few swipes of her keycard before the sensors recognized it. Whether it was a faulty reader or her own fatigue, she did not know.

She didn't even have the energy to complain.

The door slid open, and they stepped inside. A spartan bed, a tiny desk tucked into the corner, and a modest closet were what she'd been afforded. What they'd all been afforded, really.

Cora turned to Makko with a weary, almost forced smile. She'd hadn't found the time or words to relay how Isar had poisoned her memories - she didn't exactly know what he'd done to her, really, but there was a measure of distance between them that hadn’t been there before.

"I don't know which I want first; a nap, or a shower."

She paused, perhaps on the cusp of complaining, but an unusual sound shifted her attention to the closet door. Tiny, muffled…squeaks?

Her brow crinkled. "What was…do you hear that?"

 

[Makko Vyres]

"I don't know which I want first; a nap, or a shower."

The room was small and it still didn't quite feel like theirs. It was difficult to finally find a place to call home and be forced away. He wasn't welcome on Denon and Cora had been exiled from Ukatis.

"Have a shower, you'll feel better for..."

Makko was exhausted too, but one of them had to say it. It would have been easy to fall into bed, but he knew she'd feel better hitting clean sheets after a shower. Especially in the morning.

He stopped talking suddenly, the sound catching his attention too.

"What was…do you hear that?"

Makko canted his head to one side. The sound had stopped. Then it returned. A series of unfamiliar chirping and chittering sounds. It was followed by a distinctly annoyed Luna sound.

Makko's eyes lit up.

"The closet!" he hissed quietly.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

The high-pitched chittering returned, and Cora's bounding heart leapt into her throat. Makko called her attention to the closet, and their collective gaze landed on the door at the far end of the room.

"That…can't be. She isn't due for another week, at least!"

As if that fact could actually do anything.

With a glance at Makko, Cora tentatively crept toward the closet door. Slow and silent, so as to not disturb the contents within. Her hand closed around the inlaid handle, and the door gently slid open.

They were greeted with the sight of Lula, nested into a comfortable swath of clothes on the closet floor. The squeaking they'd heard earlier belonged to the tiny, black-nosed kits around her. Some had latched onto her belly to nurse, while others awkwardly crawled around and over their mother, all tiny pink-footed legs with heads entirely too large for their little bodies.

Lula looked up, squinting through the new source of light filtering into her den. One of the kits that had perched itself on her head slid off. It landed harmlessly on the sleeve of a blue garment, which it began to chew. The same shirt that Lula and her children were sprawled out on, as it happened.

"Oh!" Cora gasped, both hands coming to clasp over her mouth in surprise. "My sweater…!"

It was her favorite. Cashmere. Imported. Oh well.

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

Makko's reaction was delayed. Denon was a world devoid of natural life. He had found the zoo on Coruscant completely fascinating. He lifted one hand before stopping himself.

"Oh no, your sweater," Makko echoed. He knew that a loss of cashmere would sting. After all, he had been on the receiving end for weeks after shrinking a garment in the wash.

The little kits weren't yet as stripy as their mother. They had short grey fur and their eyes remained closed.

He knew he probably shouldn't handle them yet, but with one hand against Cora's back he leaned forward as much as he dared to get a better look.

An idea struck him, suddenly and forcefully.

"I know we'll have to find them homes but do you think...do you think we could keep one? I'd look after them."

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

The loss of cashmere faded into the background the longer she stared at the wriggling, squeaking kits for. Even if they still looked a bit odd, Cora found them to be rather adorable.

Cora leaned closer with Makko, joining him as they stared in wonder at the little racyons - it was too early yet to see whether they'd look more like Lula or Fuzzy, but she supposed that time would tell.

"Oh," she gasped, hands pressed to her mouth as one of the pups gave a wide yawn. It would be difficult to drag her attention away from them, but Makko's question did have her eyes wandering back to his face.

He seemed taken with them.

"I suppose we could manage another." She murmured. A slow smile curved her lips - Makko had so little in his life, growing up. Animals were more vermin than pets on Denon, and she had an idea of how much he liked to fuss over Lula.

Cora looked back to Lula and the kits. One, two, three…

"…nine. There are nine babies."

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

"I mean... I know it's silly... But I'd look after them..." went Makko.

He was apologising before it had sunk in that she was smiling at him and agreeing. It just felt so naive to go asking if he could have a small ball of rolly fur to look after, but it felt right.

Makko gave a enthusiastic nod as he counted too.

"She looks tired," Makko whispered.

"Do you think any will get introduced to Fuzzy? When do you think we can handle them?" he rattled off the questions.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

"I know that you will." Cora murmured back with a smile.

Lula let out a yawn as if to punctuate Makko's point.

"She does. The poor thing had to go at this alone…"

Not that they'd likely have been much help if they were here, beyond panicking and grabbing a healer. At least they could've been here for moral support, and probably improvise a more comfortable nest for the mother and her kits.

"Valery mentioned that she and the family wanted to help, so I think so." Cora hesitated on how to answer the next before pulling out her datapad.

"The holonet said after a week or two. Right now I think that we should probably get her something to eat."

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

"A week or two..."

Makko pursued his lips. Two weeks felt like a long time. He wanted to reach into the wardrobe and pick one of them up. Their short fur looked incredibly soft.

He was supposed to be a Jedi knight and a protector of the innocent. In the moment he was balancing his lack of self control by looking between each of the kits and wondering which would stay with them.

Makko stood up to go and get some food. It was only a few steps to reach the cupboard.

"I know everything is... Well it's all a bit fucked," he said after a moment's pause. There was no point sugar coating what had happened to Coruscant.

"Maybe you and I should have somewhere with a bit more room together?"

Makko set some kibble down in Luna's bowl. She would have a varied diet - or find one on her own - but this food was reinforced for racyons with babies.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

"I know," she commiserated, "I want to cuddle them all now."

After what they'd been through on Coruscant, it was a tempting thought. She continued to entertain the idea as Makko fixed Lula a well deserved lunch. "Don't bother with the measuring cups," she said. The overweight racyon had been on a strict vet-approved diet through her pregnancy, but Cora figured that she deserved a little treat. Maybe they could grab a pastry from the dining hall later.

She hummed in agreement. Everything that had happened on Corusant was a bit fucked.

Room together?

That caught her off guard. Lula's ears went up at the sound of rustling kibble, and Cora blinked.

"Oh," she said. "You mean...live together?"

It would be hard to immediately gauge what she thought of the idea. That was a big step, one normally reserved for married couples in her mind. Then again, they were quite literally sharing a room aboard the Prosperity. Even if it was due to space concerns, they still slept in the same bed. Was that really the same thing, though?

"I…" Cora trailed after a slow exhale. Given how Isar had blended her memories of Horace and Makko, was that wise? "I...don't know, Makko. Isn't it a bit early for that sort of thing?"

It wasn't, but that was what she went to. She lapsed into awkward silence, the only noise between them Lula's voracious crunching.

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

"I... I didn't really think of how big that suggestion just was," Makko admitted.

He hadn't meant to catch her by surprise. As much as her expression gave away, his revealed that his brain was still catching up with his mouth.

He turned and filled a bowl for Lula, placing it close by. She immediately rolled over and crawled to put it within reach of her sniffling nose and mouth. There were little cries of protest from the babies as they were dislodged for their mother's appetite.

Makko supposed she needed to eat before they could. He wanted to lift them back to their mother and barely resisted. They were quick to follow her scent on unsteady little legs and nuzzle back under her belly.

"Aww." Makko dragged his gaze away and looked back to Cora. It had been far too eventful for any sudden choices, he supposed. On top of that, Cora had spent too much time in the house of men who controlled her.

"I guess, in some ways, it felt easy to just say off the cuff cos it felt kinda right to me. But I didn't meant I drop that on you. Don't even know how it would work. But, you know, think about it if you want. Slow as you want. No pressure."

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Much like Makko, Cora too suppressed the urge to shuttle the squealing babies back to their mother. They settled against her comforting warmth again eventually.

She found a measure of levity in the sound of Lula's snorts and loud chewing, but it wasn't enough to lift the pensive frown from her face.

"It's not…it's not that I don't want to."

Cora exhaled a breath that had been sitting in her lungs for far too long. Her brow crinkled as she tried to discern where these feelings were coming from…or even to name them. Makko was, by far, the man she'd been most comfortable with through everything. Through Ukatis and even Thule - he had the right to walk away so many times, and she wouldn't have blamed him if he had.

She would've been sad, but it would've been fair to him.

Absently, Cora reached over to stroke Lula's head. Her ears twitched once, twice, but she didn't slow down.

"Do you ever think about…what would've happened if I hadn't come back from Ukatis? If I was still with…”

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

"It's not…it's not that I don't want to."

He tried to replay the last few minutes in his head. He had meandered into that request without even thinking about it, which made it difficult to remember how he'd ended up there.

Makko nodded slowly, smiling as she stroked Lula. He felt a slight uncomfortable tingle rising up through his chest. He was more impulsive than Cora, but he had learned how to regret his actions over time. Even small ones like this.

"Do you ever think about…what would've happened if I hadn't come back from Ukatis? If I was still with…”

"Of course I do. Sometimes I worry he would have broken you. Sometimes..."

Makkk drew in a deep breath.

"...Sometimes I worry you would have found a way to settle into that life. And..."

He thought about what she would have looked like. A pale shadow of her former self. Kept by Horace whilst her staff raised her children. He might have tired of her eventually, which would have been a reprieve from being prepared by her servants for his whims.

The question hadn't come out of the blue. After what she had been through, of course such a commitment was difficult.

"We don't need to rush anything," he offered very quietly. "You must still think of it too."

Her nightmares had been far less frequent. At least there was that.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

It hurt to hear that at times, he'd thought of her settling into a life with Horace. It wasn't a slight to her character, nor was it anything that she could – or would try – to hold against him. It had been almost inevitable. She'd been married, her place in life firmly dictated as the bride of the Prince. She'd chosen grim duty over him. A part of Cora had hoped that Makko would forget her with time, but an even deeper, selfish part of her hoped that he would not.

Their parting had been so gruesomely painful in so many ways. Even after her marriage had come to an abrupt end, the damage that Horace had done lingered for far longer.

Absently, Cora held her fingers out to one of the wriggling kits. Lula watched intensely, ears nearly pinned back. Cora withdrew her hand.

"I did try to settle into it." Her voice was low and heavy with shame, even if she knew that it was silly to feel. She'd tried to find her place in her new life as an instinct to survive. They both knew that if she had borne children, it would've been far more difficult for her to leave.

"But I will consider it."

Turning her head towards him, she gave Makko a smile. A fatigued, weary expression that emphasized the creases of exhaustion that lined under her eyes.

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

Makko hadn't thought about his question through such a lens. In fact, he hadn't really thought much about it at all. That was a sign of how far they had come, but the conversation that had followed was a reminder of how much they had behind them and how it would never be wiped away.

The last time she had set her mind to settling into a lifestyle with a man had been an attempt to accept a horrible fate, not her own decision.

That this was her decision was such a normal order of things that it didn't need to be said out loud.

Makko simply reached across his own body and settled the plan of his hand against her cheek.

"Of course," he said quietly. That felt like enough. He sat in silence. At least he tried. For a few seconds he only looked back at her in silent understanding.

The silence was quickly broken by an growl of irritation from Lula, followed by a chorus of soft chirps. Even her own offspring, it seemed, would not disturb her eating without admonishment.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Makko settled the warm palm of his hand against her cheek, and Cora didn't flinch. The gesture drew her gaze to his own.

He looked so gentle, so understanding. So far from the angry boy she'd challenged, and who'd challenged her in turn when they both first joined the Order.

He looked so very much unlike the man seared into her memories. The man that Isar had twisted him into by blending the best and worst moments of her life together.

Cora still found comfort in Makko, but it wasn't effortless. She still had to push through the lingering unease and twitches of fear.

Lula's growl, followed by the high-pitched chittering of the kits was not enough to pull her attention away from Makko. For a few long moments, she was content to let her gaze settle over his familiar features. Then, she leaned into his hand, brushing her lips briefly against his palm.

"The opponent I faced on Coruscant did…something to my memories."

There was hesitance in her voice, uncertain of what to say or how to say it, or if it should even be said at all.

"My memories of Horace. My memories of you."

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

"The opponent I faced on Coruscant did…something to my memories."

There was hesitance in her voice, uncertain of what to say or how to say it, or if it should even be said at all.

"My memories of Horace. My memories of you."

It was the hesitance that drew his full attention. The words that followed were like being struck. Makko had felt her being hurt on Coruscant, had felt it reverberate down their bond and weaken that link between them.

He never would have guessed what had happened. For Cora to have her thoughts and memories violated after everything she had been through. She was strong. He had seen her in battle. This was a new type of wound to suffer at the hands of a sith.

It would have been easy to pull his hand back sharply, knowing she must have been fighting - had been fighting this entire time and trying to win on her own. That might have hurt her even more.

"That can't... This has to be hard. Is even this difficult, my touch?" he asked.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

There was a long, uncomfortable silence as Cora tried to put the right words to her feelings.

"It doesn't mean that I want to be with you any less."

She spoke slowly, but there was surety in her voice. Cora gave up on trying to convince herself that everything was alright, because, well, it wasn't. After everything they'd been through, he deserved her honesty.

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "After Ukatis and Thule, you don't deserve another roadblock to contend with."

Not-Makko picked up the poker and advanced on her. "You know what you did. To me... To the others... Why you were knighted... You were right. You should be punished. Remember this... as a moment when I tried. Tried to be kind."

The memory didn't force its way into her mind - she willingly sought it out. Replayed it over in her head, wondering if she even recalled the details correctly.

"You…can be mad at me, you know."

Her lips were still pressed against his palm, and Cora reached for his hand to guide it away from her face. She opted to lace their fingers together instead.

"For everything I put you through. I would understand. You deserve to have your voice heard, too."

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

Makko kept his hand in hers. He offered a small squeeze. A small gesture. An important one.

Another road block after Ukatis and Thule. He took a deep breath that seemed to stick at the back of his throat.

Sometimes he felt that each experience made him more wise. That he was reshape in the forge and beaten into something stronger. But this was one of those times that he was reminded that the process left cracks. They were fragile.

"You shouldn't ... tell me I can be angry," he said quietly. "Being angry at you won't help. You couldn't help what they did to you."

It still wasn't fair for him. She had felt she had to do what her father wanted and leave him behind. What he had been put through felt like so much less than what she had suffered under Horace. It still hurt.

Holding on to the moment she stood up to her father was a memory he often turned to. Then, when vulnerable, she had stayed on Thule. That would always hurt. Just a little less each month.

The sith had invaded her mind. Mixed them up. He knew what it was like to torture himself imagining her with the Sith or with Horace. Now Cora was subject to dark recollections with him at their centre. It was testament to what they has rebuilt that it could hold back such resentment.

This hurt. Another trial. It felt as if he had run a mile, he was breathing more quickly.

"Maybe, maybe this can be fixed. Maybe there are Jedi who could..." he started hopefully but his voice trailed off. She would never let another Jedi root around in those memories.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora flushed. He was right - telling someone to be angry wasn't a particularly Jedi thing to do. Instead of correcting herself in the moment, she remained quiet as Makko slowly voiced his thoughts. Her thumb rubbed soothing circles against the back of his hand.

Makko made the suggestion of reaching out to a mentalist who could help. It wasn't a complete suggestion, really, but the sentiment was there, and it had Cora's brow furrowing.

Her privacy had already been violated multiple times, and the thought of letting someone dig around in her tenderest of memories was unsettling. It showed on her face, and she squeezed his hand.

But for all she'd suffered, Cora had shoulders to cry on. Makko had less outlets for his own troubles, and she desperately wanted to be there for him - but could she? If they'd been in reverse circumstances, Cora would've felt awkward confiding in Makko about how his trauma had made her feel.

"Would that…help, do you think?"

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

"I don't really know," he admitted.

He was still processing this. It must have taken some strength to try and push this down since the assault on Coruscant. He felt fragile.

Anger would have been wrong. That would have come from the same place as the very root of her trauma. Selfishly, he wished there could be some magic trick to make this all go away. They had put so much of themselves into building back up to what they had now.

"It happened to you and I know it won't ever have... Not happened. But I don't want our future to be decided by what happened. He doesn't deserve to get revenge from whatever hell his spirit went to. This is bad but I think we're strong enough," he said. The last sentence came with more certainty.

"I don't know if I could try. I used to manipulate people's thoughts without thinking about it, but it's not something I've ever meant to do. I don't know if I could help work through what he did."