Look Back; Don't Stare

[Connor Harrison]

The Fishing Hut
Sarkany, Paxe System

Raijin’s fingers traced an outline of a heart chopped into a tree trunk. He looked at the initials.

CH + KS

His burnt amber eyes studied the carving and he ran his fingers down the rough bark. Native animals tweeted high above and rustled gently in the reeds by the lake he was stood near. After a few seconds, he turned to the cozy looking fishing hut.

He stepped up onto the wooden deck, heavy boots thudding slowly across as he walked to the edge and looked out at the large lake. It was quiet. It was peaceful. It was somehow near perfect. The sky was blue and the surrounding woodland was rich with green, brown and oranges.

Connor’s old journal had noted this moon a number of times and one called Kyra Sol. Now, Raijin was intrigued as to the part she had played in keeping him from falling to the Dark Side – just a pity she was now too late to stop it. Or, rather, had played a crucial part in it. For that, she deserved to know what she had done.

Maybe she wasn’t even alive. She had been injured. No – he saw her after with Je’daii.

Raijin inhaled and held his hands behind his back. He cut an imposing frame with his black attire; greatcoat touching the ground over a charcoal grey tunic. The deep red scar permanently etched across his face contrasting to his light skin and dark hair.

If nothing else, maybe he could avoid more trouble with the Jedi and First Order after him and retire here as an hermit.

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

The Fishing Hut​

Sarkany​

​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oextk-If8HQ​

​

How long had it been since she stepped through these woods?

The trees which towered overhead seemed much higher, strong, they did not bend to the wind the way they had when she had first looked upon them, instead they stood like sentinels, silent in their vigil. Just the sight of them brought her a feeling of safety, and she found herself able to breathe. Truly breathe.

Autumn leaves, brown and golden, crunched underfoot, the occasional twig joined in the symphony when it cracked under her heel, birds chirped in the canopy, crickets in the grass. For a moment she simply stood still, she listened to all the sounds of the forest, and let go of everything she had been holding in.

What was she doing back on Sark?

She had swore against ever returning, and yet this was the only place which had ever truly felt like home to her. Home is where the heart is... It seemed as though this place had truly carved the organ from her chest, and buried it beneath its surface. How could she remain away?

A break in the trees afforded her the sight she had been longing to see. Strung over one shoulder was a piece of fishing line, both ends of which had gutted trout hanging from hooks. Damn water birds, they had been a pain to catch yet she knew that if she cooked them properly they would be well worth the effort. This was not a place you could simply visit for an afternoon, no...

There was a somewhat heavy pack on her back, filled with gear she might need for camping - honestly, she forgot what still remained in her... their... old fishing hut - and as she picked up her pace she slung it down one shoulder and sighed.

It did not take her long to come upon the hut, only once she neared it she noticed signs of life. Small ones, nothing great, just disturbed leaves and branches. Mudprints on the deck.

That wasn't right... Nobody knew of this place.

[member="Raijin"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

So this was her. The scavenger. The mechanic. The Jedi.

Raijin’s head moved a little as the heavy sound of crunching leaves rustled far beyond the edges of the hut’s deck. Too heavy indeed for a rodent or small animal. The autumn sun cast an orange haze over the lake, and the air was fresh and crisp in his lungs on the slow inhale and slower exhale.

”You’re an expert with engines and now an expert in carpentry and craft, it seems, Kyra Sol.”

Raijin turned his head first, and then his body, to see her standing on the other side of the deck her boots had just touched upon. She was everything like Connor had written down; every thought he had and every regret he mused over. And she didn’t know any of it.

”I hope I don’t startle you. My name is Raijin.”

And that was that. He was here, a Dark Side warrior, facing a girl who touched upon the Light, but for one second didn’t look the part. But, then, the most powerful ones never did. He didn’t make a move for his weapon nor to signal he was even a threat to her.

He just stood, framed with the haze around him and the lapping water under the hut.

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

She had taken just two steps onto the deck when a voice rang out.

It was ominous, holding just the slightest hint of familiarity yet otherwise it was haunting to her, it did not sit right within her mind, brought about genuine discomfort. Her body had frozen to the sound of it, eyes fixated ahead on the water just beyond. It was so tranquil, so peaceful, it was here that she had first learned to swim, properly swim not just wading through the river.

So many memories.

Her jaw set firm, and finally she brought her gaze around toward the individual who had spoken. If she hadn't had two perfectly working eyes, she would never have believed it. Connor. Connor stood there, bright as day, eyes sickly, presence corrupted. Yet the way he spoke, the way he looked upon her, was as though it was for the very first time.

He may have spoken of her with some knowledge, but his voice, the intonation... She couldn't shake it. It wasn't him, really, was it?

"Actually, you built this," she said, voice light though there was a somewhat tense tone in the back of it. One hand shifted beneath the long duster, to settle over Crank. Funny how she went for the ion, as though even after all he had done he deserved to only be incapacitated. Her jaw tightened. "We. We built it."

An introduction was made, and she scowled in his direction, taking one step back as he fully turned to face her. "I know who you are," she stated, "Even if you give yourself a new name, feign ignorance, I know."

There was no signs of aggression from him, he did not reach for a weapon as she had - even if she hadn't actually grabbed it, merely touched it for strength - his voice was even, yet merely seeing him in such a corrupted state made her recoil.

Kyra was no Jedi, especially not after all that had happened. She had forsaken that path almost as quickly as she had been placed upon it, she did what she wanted to do now, as she had in her youth before meeting him.

So long ago, now, since that junkyard. Not much had changed, had it? The greaser girl, and the angsty boy. They'd just further cemented their positions.

[member="Raijin"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

When she took a step back, it was for one of two things. To keep distance for a quick shot, or because she was scared. His eyes flicked down to where her hand had slid, and then back up to her. The corner of his mouth curled a little.

”I see.”

That was all he said before he turned back and walked to the edge of the hut and looked around the triangular opening that bled onto the water. It was wonderfully done. The various woods and bolts used sanded and fixed down for a perfect fit. Protective gloss and a thin membrane across the walls, and little alcoves for personal items and clothing. Vacant chairs and empty wooden tables. He took it all in, but didn't remember any part of him helping build it.

”You know who I am? Then tell me, who AM I to you. You think I feign ignorance, but it is you who does by not looking upon the man you see before you now without clinging onto the past.”

Raijin turned to her again and walked forward slowly.

”I know who you see. What you see. That man - that coward - is gone.” His palm flexed by his side; fixing on her shins to weigh them down in a iron grip with the Force around her muscles, ”I have wanted to meet you for a long time, Kyra, and now your weakness to his memory has granted me that. Once again, my name is Raijin, and it is a pleasure to meet you.”

He held his grip and stopped feet away.

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

She could feel her heart racing, beating heavily against her chest with the very real promise, no threat, of breaking ribs. So loud was it that it almost completely drowned out her hearing, and set a sickening sensation to her stomach. There was a power which lingered on the air, like static during a thunderstorm; this definitely wasn't the man she knew, it was someone with a purpose, who had control, and a grip over what he was capable of.

Nothing at all like the shade of a man Connor Harrison had become.

Unable to help herself, her hand shifted back along the belt until it grazed the lightsaber of Ignus. Fingertips brushed over the cool metal of the hilt, but it did little to quell her fears. If anything it fed from them.

She watched as he inspected the hut, disconnected from it and the memories they had shared here. It was true, then, he was not feigning ignorance, he did not remember. Did not know. She could not decide if that was for the best or not.

"I was wrong," she whispered, as he took a few steps toward her; again her urge was to step back, only she was fixed in place and wholly incapable of doing so. That did not sit well with her, and her eyes widened ever so slightly.

Be not afraid, she warned herself, Fear dampens your senses...

"You're not who I thought you were, forgive my ignorance." He wanted to play this game? Then so be it. "You already know who I am; I am Kyra Sol. And this... This is my home. Why are you here? Why did you wish to seek me out?"

She did not address her inability to move, she did not attempt to shift back again, she simply stood there under his scrutiny.

[member="Raijin"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

The girl wasn’t stupid, that much was clear, but she wasn’t a fighter. There was no threat from her, and Raijin let his gentle grip go from her muscles. He didn’t move forward to impose on her, he just stood still to maintain a clear connection without any need to look away or shy from truth.

”You don’t need to be sorry. I understand your presumption, and to a point you do already know me. You just needed to look a little harder before.” He gave a small smile and waved his hand around to the hut. ”I wanted to meet you in the place you built with him, that is all.”

Raijin stepped to the side and looked at a painting on the wall closest, looking like a desert world and a tranquil horizon with a burnt orange sun above. He looked at the painting – he knew the world…..he thought he knew the world….he had been there before….

”He wrote about you a lot. He cared for you. In that respect, thank you for being the only friend he ever had, Miss Sol.”

He pulled his eyes away from the wall.

”Do you still study the Jedi arts he forced onto you, or have you found your own path?”

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

It was gone as quickly as it came, the sensation of paralysis, and when movement became a viable option once again she felt her legs buckle beneath her. Her knees hit the deck with a resounding thud that sent a sharp pain across her body, and for a moment she merely knelt there, wincing.

But she would not remain in such a position if she could help it, so she pushed herself back up to her feet, feeling her cheeks begin to redden with embarrassment.

He sounded so calm, so in control. It unnerved her, truly it did, and she glanced over him with a very subtle frown. Why the change? What had happened to cause such a shift? She watched as he scrutinized the painting of Jakku, no specifically Star Point, and had to resist the urge to stop him. This wasn't right, those memories did not belong to him.

"Well here I am" she said, her tone a little shorter than it usually would be as she fought back the grief which bubbled up within her, fought against the tears which stung the corners of her eyes. Instead of giving in to the rising agony she clenched her fists and stared right at him.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, as he began to thank her for her friendship, reminding her of all that she had endured, and all that had happened since Connor fell, "I have fought so hard to forget, and you're here to bring it back up." She shook her head, taking an accusatory step toward him, "That isn't right. It isn't fair of you."

She was physically bristling at this point, her body taking on a very subtle tremor, as she stood there trying her best to slow her breathing.

"I'm no Jedi" she spat, "I never was."

[member="Raijin"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

A frown crossed his battle hardened face. Not a frown of disgust, or clashing emotion – not anymore – but one of confusion. She was adamant she knew him. But not HIM. Not the Dark Entity born out of the pain of Maena? From his broken body?

He looked down at her fists, then the floor, then back to her face which was hard, set in stone and showing signs of contempt. Raijin scratched his chin absently.

”What do you mean WHY am I doing this? I’m not doing anything, Kyra. I’m here to see the woman who helped me get to where I am today. Through him…through…the Jedi.”

He shook his head. The past was such a blur, such a distorted juggle of puzzle pieces, some too big, others missing.

”At least you didn’t follow his path which was built on his own insecurities and lies. That wouldn’t have ended well for you, but you have to believe me I am not here to cause you distress. I am here to simply understand and put a face to your name. That is all.”

He turned back to the picture and pointed, whilst looking at her.

”Tell me about this place. This was your home, wasn’t it.”

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

For a moment she simply stared at him.

The audacity... How dare he. Claim not to know her, claim not to remember, yet stand here and state that he was here to see her as though he knew her. Which one was it? In which sentence was he lying, and which telling the truth? She glowered, before letting out the smallest of sighs.

"You may not be here to bring distress, yet you do so anyway. This is my home, the only home I know, it has taken me such a long time to reach a point where I could return here, without thinking about him -- you. And now you come to tarnish that once again. It is as though you cannot bear the thought of me forgetting you, yet you would never truly stand at my side either."

She shook her head, before looking away from him to the painting he pointed at. Star Point, just by the Graveyard of the Giants... So many memories held there, so much to recall. One stray tear fell in that moment, cascading down her cheek, and she made no move to stop it. She simply stared, lost in the Music of the Night which drifted into her mind, and the sun which beat upon them as they raced up the Star Destroyer.

"Star Point" she whispered, "It was my home, yes, now it is just an empty building, set within a wasteland." Further tears fell before she could stop them, though she did not turn from him or the painting, she continued to stare, to think, to let the grief wash over her, grief she had been trying to shelve without facing.

"Don't you remember it? Any of it? Kyne and I, the late night festivals in the town below, the music which we listened to despite the anger we felt toward one another, the way we scaled the Giants in their graveyard? Don't you remember any of it?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor looked to Kyra, seeing her get upset and distressed. Shaking his head, he looked back to the picture of Star Point.

”For crying out loud, Kyra. Of course I remember.”

His hand clenched into a fist and he thumped the wall underneath, causing the frame to rattle.

”I remember everything. I remember you, us. This place, the time I cut my fingers on the blade hacking away at the wood. Now look.” He held his left arm up, the black, cold fingers of the cybernetic arm out straight. ”Here’s what’s left of that memory bar the ones inside my head.”

With a sigh, he looked up to compose himself and then back to his one-time best friend. She had changed a great deal since Bakura.

”I tried to erase the memories burnt into me over the years after what happened, and it worked for a few days. Then they came back. My name, my past, everything. I came here to see if the place was still standing, and it is. A reminder that not everything was lost, right.”

The sound of his artificial limb clicked a little as he held it behind his back, and he turned to the waterfront, now the charade was up.

”What happened to you after the Je’daii, with that girl. Seeing as the path I tried to help you on never was what you even wanted in the first place.”

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

"I tried to join the Jedi for you" she said, not looking in his direction but instead keeping her sights fixated on the image of Star Point, "And with you gone from them, there was no point in remaining. I was always better on my own, at any rate."

She gave just the slightest of shrugs, and tried to keep the frown from playing on her lips; this was not what she had expected to find upon arriving at her hideaway, it seemed as though some things could not be avoided though.

"I was with the Je'daii to watch over my sister, but it seems she is far stronger now than I will ever be. She does not need my protection, just as I do not need the Force to live my life." Of course it was helpful in some regards, but mostly these days Kyra only utilized the odd energy when tinkering away with things. It was like another hand, another set of eyes, gave her a better understanding of the things she was working on, and a steadier hand and control over her actions.

"Why did you pretend?" she finally asked, turning her sights toward him, "What did you gain by lying, by pretending that you did not know me, or us, or this home we built?" And then, with heavy sigh, she looked away over the water and finally came back full circle to the question she really wanted an answer to.

"Why did you come here?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

So many questions. She had answered her own pretty much in asking so many.

”Because...” Connor had to think for a second, ”...because sometimes when you forget the past it makes it easier to focus on your future.”

He wiped a hand under his nose, rubbing around his small beard.

”I figured it was a way to try and make sure I was still me, after everything that happened. It's been a whirlwind. From Ignus, to Mustafar and Skor, and then Alliance prison, and escaping and then Maena. Then this - ” he held up his black cyberntic arm, ” - you need to feel you're actually alive.”

Connor licked his lip and sat on a wooden bench with a soft plush trim under the picture of Star Point, where he rested his arms on his thighs and looked out to the water sideways.

”You look well, Kyra. Regardless of where your path lies, you look well. I'm glad you're alright. I can assure you that I never stopped thinking about you. You're my oldest friend, and that will never change.”

That was one thing he was certain of.

”Why did YOU come here.”

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

"And are you?" she asked, as he held up his cybernetic arm, "Are you still you? Is there any of that boy I met in a junkyard left, or have you cut him out entirely?"

She could not help but keep a somewhat accusatory tone around him. It was better to be angry than to give in to the sadness he had caused her, to try and fool herself into thinking he had come back for her, to make amends, to change.

"I came here because this is my home." Turning from him she walked further into the hut and looked around, almost as a distraction, breathing through her nose to keep calm. "This is the only place in the entire Galaxy I can truly escape to. It seems as though your precious Force has a cruel streak, leading us both back here at the same time."

Snippets of her pain tore through the anger, and she hung her head while still refusing to turn and face him. She could feel the tears begin to well up again but ignored them.

There was no way she was going to let him see them.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor scratched his head and started walking over to her. He knew she was trying not to show weakness, like he had an effect on her. It was emotional pain, dredged up from the past.

”Look. I came here to see a place that hasn’t changed a bit, and is the one place untouched and free from out there, beyond the atmosphere. If there’s one place I want to feel myself, then it’s here.”

He stood beside her and placed two hands on her shoulders, one cold and artificial, one soft and tender.

”I’m not anyone different to the boy in the junkyard. You just have to see that he was always me. I spent years trying to tame what he was to become something else, to fit in, to adhere to codes and conventions I never stood behind. It’s not an excuse, it’s a truth. Am I proud? No, but I am not internally doubting anymore.”

Connor shook her ever so gently and rested his chin atop her head.

”I just need to know you understand. You know that if you told me to go and never come back, I would.”

There was so much left in the chasm between them, he was desperate to fill it in and rebuild.

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

"I never asked you to fit in" she said, surprised when she heard her own voice breaking, "I didn't want you to run off and join the Jedi, I didn't want you to disappear without a word for years, I didn't ask you to sacrifice who you were for some higher cause. All I wanted was you, Connor, your friendship, your presence. I asked so little of you, yet it wasn't enough. You had to try and play hero, fix the Galaxy's problems..."

She shook her head, trembling under the touch of his hands when they settled upon her shoulders. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't missed this, missed him, even if he was corrupted now.

"The Galaxy doesn't want to be saved," she told him, "How many times have heroes stepped in, fixed the problems, only for further issues to arise? It's in constant chaos, and nothing you or I do is going to fix that. But what the Galaxy does have enough of is villains, Connor... Stop this, please. It doesn't have to be so black and white. You don't have to choose between the Light and the Dark, Jedi or Sith. You can be who you were back in that junkyard... You can just be Connor."

Turning, trying her best not to shift his chin from atop her head in the process, she leaned her forehead against his chest and let out a small sigh. A shiver.

"Can you do that, Connor? Can you forget about all of this madness, and just be you? Not whatever the Galaxy has twisted you into?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]