Private Losin' My Religion

[Trayze Tesar]

OBJECTIVE ONGOING - MATTERS OF HEART AND HOPE

---

CURRENT MISSION - Sunday's Drive
Immediate Goals -
1: Attend an Eternalist Seminar
1.1: Don't get bored to death
1.2: Ascertain the worthiness of the Eternalist philosophy

BLUFOR - Allies Unknown

OPFOR - Enemy Unknown

TARGETING ACTION(S) - Darth Empyrean

---

Jutrand, the steel-encrusted heart of governance in the Sith Order, the domain of the Worm Emperor, and home-away-from-home for Trayze Tesar. That was what the Sith were to him, someplace not quite home, and yet somewhere he was compelled to go - being a relatively late bloomer in terms of Force prowess, Trayze focused on the skills he learned in the Peacekeeping Academy; neutralize foes, comfort allies, though he had gotten pretty good at the former rather than the latter.

But pragmatism alone could not shield him from the Sword and Shield of the Jedi - it had cost him his lightsaber, and it was an injury he continued to impose upon himself as a consequence for his foolishness, a mark upon himself on how little he truly knew of the Force. With all that he had seen, both in death and in suffering, it was little surprise that he would become receptive to religion... There were two overarching philosophies guiding the Sith, two mainstream ones according to his cousin Darth Malum of House Marr . There was the Kainate, the Butcher King, the Emperor-On-Korriban, and Trayze reviled him. Sure, he worked for Darth Xyrah , and the extremely overdue vengeance against Panatha and all the resources given by the Golden Prince for Trayze's own benefits had been useful, this was purely a transactional agreement. An ideology that would see the Non Force Users, those who begat him, raised him, and bled alongside him as mere fodder, who declared "Everything for Kaine, nothing against Kaine, and nothing beside Kaine" as thoughtless fanatics, who gave up their souls for a tick no more caring of them than the Jedi.

The Eternalists seemed more appealing, more egalitarian, more laissez-faire, and even agreed on the notion of the Force being an adversary - it was a shame that there was a large, corpselike asterix hanging above the whole ideology. If Kaine defined his eponymous Kainate, then the Eternalists revered Empyrean as Sith'ari, and he privately agreed. From his sole encounter with the great being, it had left him with more questions than answers. Not only were His words "do better, do more" a silent maxim that rattled at his very soul, but his dance with Srina Talon their relationship.

It was genuine.

It was unthinkable, the very thing he had prided himself as something superior to the conniving Sith, was not only possible within the Order, but was one of the guiding heads. It was hope - and hope was the most dangerous emotion of all.

Yet this hope, these childish impulses and questions still swirled within Trayze's being, despite knowing that if by some great misfortune he were to speak and pick the mind of the Dead God or his family that it would be because he himself would be made a pawn against his cousin, despite the fact that "peace was a lie", the Kiffar had to hope that one day he could find that peace - on his own terms.

So he read, he listened, and asked questions - frequenting the Eternalist seminars whenever he could to learn more, both of philosophy, and himself.

 

[Darth Empyrean]

Tag: Trayze Tesar​

​

This Emperor had not come to a seminar on Eternalist doctrine, but in his place a being who looked all the more like him did. A leathery thing with a face that would have dropped were it not for the golden hooks holding back his flesh, tight against visible bone beneath nigh on translucent skin. He was an abomination, but none in the room reacted because it had become common place - these odd things, these abhorrent creatures, were known as the Sepulchral, and each priest spread the word of Darth Empyrean.​

​

The being who had no name, as none of them did, stood before a podium and spoke more clear than one might expect for someone who's lips were dust, and what was left of his tongue had long since blackened and hardened. Golden eyes swept over the gathered masses as the words croaked out of its throat;​

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"Children of our Empire. Of our Order."​

​

It was hard to know if the thing was male or female, so foregone was its identifying features. All one could tell was that whatever truly made up the being, it was exceptionally powerful. The Priest looked over them once more, sulphur burning against a sea of black sclera.​

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"You have come to learn about Eternalism and its truths. The truth that through knowledge and understanding, once can find the greater truth amidst a sea of confusion and deceit. Where Sith philosophy comes to die - only to be reborn anew in the flames of understanding. I speak to you now not as a Priest, but as a tutor and a peer. Know me as one of you, for once I was uneducated and young."​

​

Its teeth could be heard clacking together inbetween its unnatural words. It was hard to tell just how it was making the nuanced sounds of its vocabulary without all the parts to even speak - but it continued unabated, unperturbed by its apparent disability.​

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"To understand the Force as the greatest among us do, one must know it as the Enemy. Not inherently, but as it stands it fights against your divine freedom in favor of its own divine destiny. The Force lays out your future, puts its pieces in place, sets its traps, and lets the cosmic choices it makes lead to destruction and genocide on an infinite scale. It will never cease grinding worlds under its wheels, only to come around again and repeat its crimes a millenia later."​

​

"This the foundation of Eternalist thought and through it we can build a foundation for all other ventures."​

​

Trayze Tesar would hear the words spoken, but he would notice the oddity of the woman next to him. Her eyes were purely black, no iris to be seen. Her jaw worked rhythmically before they glanced towards Trayze, studying him for a moment before speaking themselves;​

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"And do you believe them?"​

​

There was something deeply unnatural about their presence, as if they lived yet were on the cusp of death in the metaphysical. Like their soul had been displaced, and all that was left was momentum. It was like watching a person take their final breath again, and again. It sent shivers up the spine, forcing the most primal part of the mind to release fear in its ability to not understand.​

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"Child of mine."​

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"Do you believe them?"​

 

[Trayze Tesar]

OBJECTIVE ONGOING - MATTERS OF HEART AND HOPE

---

CURRENT MISSION - Sunday's Drive
Immediate Goals -
1: Attend an Eternalist Seminar
1.1: Don't get bored to death
1.2: Ascertain the worthiness of the Eternalist philosophy

BLUFOR - Allies Unknown

OPFOR - Enemy Unknown

TARGETING ACTION(S) - Darth Empyrean

---

It was unsurprising that those who professed admiration for someone or something altered themselves to be more like it, and the Sepurchal priests were no different. The... thing before him was in every bit a corpse, and spoke a summary of the doctrine - the Force as an adversary, it wasn't an unheard concept. Even before he had met Malum and he expressed his private thoughts to him, Trayze and those once like him silently voiced their disapproval of the Sith - those that had access to the Force and used it to their whims and impulses.

Yet to declare it an enemy, that was something... something equally as unnatural. Perhaps that's why he felt the way he did around the black-irised woman, his disdain plainly present before being subdued.

In his heart of hearts, he didn't think anything that fashioned the Galaxy, that fashioned life, the soul, the self, and all the things that made life good did so for its own banal entertainment. In his heart of heart, and childishly, he had thought that Force and Self were macrocosm and microcosm, two parts of a waltz, neither destroying the other. Yet here and now, facing the Sepulchral, a pale mimicry of their Master, was without name, without individuality, without purpose. The soul was devoured, like his grandfather spoke of how the Jedi welcomed oblivion after death, and that existential fright propelled him more than fear of judgement.

"...No. No, I don't." he answered the woman after a beat. "That's why I'm here, right? To find something to believe... even if it isn't this." Faith and trust were synonyms, and while faith comes from what cannot fully see or know, faith can be made stronger if it is mutual.

 

[Darth Empyrean]

Tag: Trayze Tesar​

​

The Priest prattled on;

"Truth is a burden, but it is in knowing truth one finds their own divine right to autonomy. It is through the actualization of the ego that one can seperate themselves from the influence of fate, and it is by providence and willpower that the self is free from their chains. As it is written in the Sith Code, Peace is a lie, there is only passion - know that a life unburdened by truth is forfeit. To live by fate is to live by a lie and deny yourself the right of self. Passion is where ego begins, and it is the righteous power of self direction that uses the ego as a cudgel against the Force's designs."​

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"Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me. The Force may be the Enemy, but it is also the passion, the strength, the power, the victory, and the chains. How can it be so many things? Because it is a tool - a tool that finds itself codified in the ego, or the lack thereof. Do not misunderstand me, the Force is our enemy - but only as it exists, controlled by the omniscient will of its puppeteers."​

​

The lady next to Trayze turned back for a moment to watch the priest go on, as though he were a raging prophet on the side of a street, desperately swinging his sign. A few of the people had leaned forward, however, taken in by his words. Perhaps, as Trayze had said, these people just wanted to believe in something so desperately they believed everything put before them.​

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"Belief as you've put it is a bandage for something deeper and more insidious."​

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The woman looked back to him, her voice seeming to struggle against itself for a moment - as though tearing somewhere deep inside. There was no change in her demeanor, and the only expression she made was one of pure apathy.​

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"Belief should never be a matter of theological desperation, but a critical understanding of reality. The higher order. The truth. What the Priest says is not false, but it is only a fraction of the truth. The Force has made us its enemy by the pure fact we have chosen to be free of its will - and for that, it puts great barriers in our path. It twists and manipulates until you are left with nothing but ash, because it fears what you will do with power once you have it.", she continued.​

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"It is through this understanding one can frame their own lives and see that their struggles were not just probabilistically unlikely, but directly caused through imperceptible changes to reality and its destinies. Even this meeting could be within its designs, and we would be none the wiser. Do you often feel like your life carries you forward without your control?"​

 

[Trayze Tesar]

OBJECTIVE ONGOING - MATTERS OF HEART AND HOPE

---

CURRENT MISSION - Sunday's Drive
Immediate Goals -
1: Attend an Eternalist Seminar
1.1: Don't get bored to death
1.2: Ascertain the worthiness of the Eternalist philosophy

BLUFOR - Allies Unknown

OPFOR - Enemy Unknown

TARGETING ACTION(S) - Darth Empyrean

---

Interplay - if there was one word for Trayze to describe life and living, it was interplay. The self and the wider galaxy, even now, danced in this little street corner - as the Kiffar registered the words of the priest, the sensations of the wider world, and his own internal rhythms. Heartbeats, the thrum of arteries, the twitch and tingle of senses on the edge of senses, how much his physical form occupied and could exceed... it was this symbiosis, this interplay, that Trayze relished and hoped - a harmony between self and others, with neither being dissolved. Perhaps that was why he had hated and pitied the Jedi deeper than the average Sith, in spite of his agnostic views - the interplay and working with the Force a mere cover, an angler-hook for the Force to devour under the flowery term of "becoming one with". It was entrapment, and it was something that caused Trayze to broil with a fire as deep as his own base needs.

Yet this stranger hit the mark, he was here not only out of theological desperation, but to uncover the Truth - for he knew little of the Force, initially believing the Sith, though honest in their craving for power, left much to be desired in behavior. But that wasn't enough anymore - when he faced Valery Noble on Yavin IV, when his cousin arose to even greater heights while he languished, when he found genuine romance blooming between a literal corpse-emperor and his bride, he realized his current worldview had to change.

Even now it was changing - dark irised women no doubt brought much trouble in the form of rival cults. But he would answer her, all the same.
"...Anyone who hasn't said that they've felt out of control at times is a liar, or lacks introspection." he states. "...I would like to speak further, Miss, but I would like to know what to call you."

Honesty to a point would have to be Trayze's conduct, as in the heart of the Sith, treachery and ambition were rife - for "Peace is a lie; there is only passion".

 

[Darth Empyrean]

"You don't.", the woman said flatly. It was as much a statement as a warning. Trayze spoke to someone he would not know, not yet, but someone so very clearly knowledgeable of the given issues.​

​

"Control is a matter of subjectivity, but you are not wrong to say we are all out of control at times. All Sith are faced with this contradiction - to be the masters of their own fate, yet still beholden to the whims of their relationships to all other things. One can not both be entirely indepedent while also being subject to their environments. This is the most insidious part of the Force, and how it influences us.", she continued, even as the distant priest spoke on.​

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"The Sith fall victim to the small twists of their ego, lose themselves in the power of the self. They kill their families, their lovers, they see weakness in connection. Darth Malgus cut himself off from all living relationships as he saw them as weaknesses, while others used their love and passion of their families to attain sustainable power. This dichtomy, this contradiction, is in itself indicative of something deeper and more fundamental. Sith are prone to their relationships, but it is how we contextualize them, how we control ourselves, that defines what that relationship means."​

​

"Some believe that through power they are untouchable. They fall victim to the idea that they are divine by the nature of the Beast, the whispers the Dark Side feeds them. This is the great divider of mediocre Sith, and great ones. A great Sith can hear the whispers and know them for half truths, while the others buy into it. They lack foresight, choosing short term plans over long term - and they all eventually fail. You see it time and time again in this era, where a Sith with impatience rises up like a great fire only to burn out before their day has come. It is ignorance, and unwillingness to consider the greater ramifications of power, that leads to this."​

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"Children playing at Despots. Eternalism is what defines a path towards true power, one where the Dark Side is not controlling of you, but you control it. It is more than the Sith'ari prophecy, more than the Order as it is, it is a fundamental structure to a Sith's growth and power. Through it, one can become great and unequalled, but so few truly look upon it as a path forward. They only see it, and reject it for the truth it offers. It is their gut reaction, to think it spits nothing but falsehoods and poor complexities. It does not do these things, but the ignorant, the ones who want an easy and cheap answer, always look to that as reasons to not listen."​

​

"With this knowledge, what do you think then? Is Power of the Sith truly in its ability of complete self control, or in defining and contextualizing their relationships to all things through the lense of the ego? What speaks truth to you?"

Trayze Tesar​

 

[Trayze Tesar]

OBJECTIVE ONGOING - MATTERS OF HEART AND HOPE

---

CURRENT MISSION - Sunday's Drive
Immediate Goals -
1: Attend an Eternalist Seminar
1.1: Don't get bored to death (SUCCEEDED - Perhaps to his detriment...)
1.1: Who is she?

BLUFOR - Allies Unknown

OPFOR - Enemy Unknown

TARGETING ACTION(S) - Darth Empyrean

---

When the woman flatly stated that he didn't, or shouldn't, want to know her name, Trayze clammed up and listened. Despite his own heart yearning to question, to tear into the Truth like a rabid nexu - he curtailed this with his own training, Truth is observed and evident, and Truth can be best uncovered by removing obfuscation, rather than insisting on what was or wasn't there.

She spoke at length again, the Sepurchal Priest a distant buzzing as the Kiffar gave the woman his full attention. Much of what she spoke was already known to him, evident, if not to be uttered in polite company. Yet when she spoke of the Whispers, the Beast, it took all his training not to openly gawk.

How could she have known? was the first, frantic thought, paranoia being the safeguard of his mind. He had only alluded it to his closest companions, and even then under great duress. He had a myriad of reasons, his own subconscious Id surfacing, now that his basal impulses were granted fuel, the nature of the Force itself, or perhaps him going stark raving mad. The notion that his grappling was not only real, but nigh-universal?

It was hope. And hope is the most dangerous emotion.

The stranger spoke of Eternalism, perhaps in a way much different than the Sepurchal priests, but one that resonated with Trayze far deeper. And this was where silence, which rang out the conflict in his very being, spoke for him. On one hand, pragmatism told him not to take this stranger at her word, that she wanted something out of him - and yet another facet told him that trust was something sorely lacking in the Sith, and trust was always a risk.

Risks would have to be taken for change to occur.

After pondering the question for a few beats, the Kiffar gave his answer. "The latter," he began. "Although... the former is a means to the latter's end. "Through Passion, I gain Strength; through Strength, Power; through Power, Victory"..." he recited the Code before clarifying. "I... had come to interpret the difference between "strength" and "power" being that strength comes from within, it is mastery over oneself. Power is more nebulous, the changing of circumstances." he pauses, before taking a deep breath, as if steadying himself for self-disclosure to this powerful stranger.

"Ideally, one should encourage one another to understand, and master their passions - that what inspires and motivates us. The relationship should be co-dependent, co-inspiring, with neither devouring the other. That can only come from both understanding the relationships to all things through the "lens of ego"." he repeated, though there was a twinge of disdain for egoism in his own internal categorization of the word. Ego, to Trayze, meant self above all else. "And the discipline to enact that understanding."

 

[Darth Empyrean]

"Then you're on the right track.", she offered back.​

​

"A Sith is defined by their relationships, not just to others but to their positions and environment. It is these connections that can ground a Sith, or see them fall victim to their own hubris. 'Lens of Ego' - you said those words with disdain, albeit quiet and withheld. Why?", she said with a glance to him.​

​

"Ego is where your power comes from, child of darkness. It is through one's self that the Dark Side begins, and it is through the self that all power emanates. Where a Jedi is given their power through a lack of ego, a lack of self - a Sith always finds their strength in understanding themselves in totality. The Ego is not a bad thing, rather it is the self. You must know you are stronger than your opponents, or you'd simply never fight. You must know you are capable of achieving things, or else you would do nothing."​

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"The Ego is truth, because it is all you can be sure exists. Everything else could be a falsehood.", she said with a gesture to the Priest speaking.​

​

In a moment, silence overtook the church. Nobody within moved except Trayze and the woman.​

​

"Even now, you have been led astray by assumptions. Mastering the Ego opens the door to all powers, all strengths, and all victories. It is a step to ascension, to find a place far better off than your current station."​

​

Trayze Tesar​

 

[Trayze Tesar]

CURRENT MISSION - Sunday's Drive
Immediate Goals -
1: Attend an Eternalist Seminar (COMPLETE - on technicality)
1: Strange tidings, stranger tales...

BLUFOR - Allies Unknown

OPFOR - Enemy Unknown

TARGETING ACTION(S) - Darth Empyrean

---

"I am not all there is." Trayze rebuked for once, pressing ahead rather than passively being lectured. "If I am all there is, then there is no growth. While I hear your words, and there is truth to them, I will not be fooled into thinking that I am alone. Thinkin' that will make me feel alone, and vulnerable to outside forces - or make me arrogant, and sever the connections like those unwise Sith." He gave an acidic edge to the next part. "As you say, the "self is all that can be verifiably true, all else can be falsehood" - including you and your words."

This retort was the first spark of defiance, a defiance and skepticism that warred with the desire to learn, to bring about ideals that this stranger seemed to preach - but the cynical side of him stated that this stranger, knowledgeable as she was, could still have her own agenda.

...Yet trust was rare among Sith, and trust needed to be built. And if not him who would do better, and do more, then who will? So he would swallow that fire of pride and suspicion for this encounter.

"...You speak words of wisdom, but I wish to know... who are you?" Trayze inquired, the silence of the empty temple becoming a shroud. "And why me? What are you seeking through that lense of yourself?"