Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Approved Species Majin, Nezumi Offshoot

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Kingsley

intergalactic bird of mystery
vqs3muR.png

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
  • Intent: To submit an evil nezumi offshoot race for adorable opposition and skraal parties.
  • Image Credit: Rat King
  • Canon: N/A
  • Permissions: N/A
  • Links: Nezumi, Skraal
GENERAL INFORMATION
  • Name: Majin (Nezumi Offshoot)
  • Designation: Sentient
  • Origins: Kathol Rift
  • Average Lifespan: 5-10 Years
  • Estimated Population: Scattered
  • Description: The majin are a corrupted nezumi genetic offshoot of mutants spawned from the Kathol Rift. A cruel and diminutive species that infests the Deep Core and Outer Rim. Despite many attempts at extermination they remain a thorn in the nezumi's side and a low level threat to the unwary spacer.
PHYSICAL INFORMATION
  • Breathes: Type II
  • Average Height of Adults: 10-15cm
  • Average Length of Adults: 16-20cm (including their tail)
  • Skin Color: Brown/Grey/Black/White
  • Hair Color: None
  • Distinctions: Majin are sentient vermin and slightly larger than their nezumi cousins. They can move upright but travel faster on all fours. Able to manipulate small tools. Very little distinction between males and females. Compared to the nezumi they have small ears as well as oversized heads and feet. Most noticeably however is their prehensile tail which like the rest of them is completely hairless.
  • Races:
    • Brown Majin: The most numerous of all nezumi offshoot, brown majin are the worker and scavenger class. They are physically weaker than black majin and not as clever as grey majin but they breed like wildfire.
    • Grey Majin: Merchant, science and political class. Fiendishly clever and disloyal to a fault but frailest of all majin.
    • Black Majin: Warrior class. Black majin are big and mean and love to fight.
    • Albino Majin: Force sensitive nezumi offshoot are marked by their white fur and crimson eyes. Considered pariah but the majin king relies on a small mystic class of albino witches known as the hijiri.
    • Majin King: Every once in a while several powerful majin will fuse into an majin king who will lead his/their people on a bloody and ineffectual crusade across the stars. There is a prophecy among the offshoot that when the Blood Star rises there will come an albino majin king destined to lead them in a final genocide of the nezumi species but such tales are of course pure nonsense. Oh no the albino majin king is behind you! Just kidding, but seriously its very unlikely.
  • Force Sensitivity: Rare
CULTURE
  • Diet: Carnivore/Cannibalistic
  • Communication: Nezumi offshoot speak a twisted creole of nezumi and the skraal language they call chitterspeak as well as ugly sounding nezumi and crude basic.
  • Technology Level: Below Standard. Majin are a scavenger species but not very bright about making everything work. Like their nezumi cousins they have an understanding of miniaturization tech however majin tend to have fatal and horrific accidents. Mostly they use stolen zilkin dreadnoughts and other such appropriate tech but there are rumors that Tanglewarren, the forlorn nezumi nest-ship which spawned their corrupted ilk still lingers out in the deep black.
  • Religion/Beliefs: Openly worship the Great Horned One, a trickster god opposed to the nezumi's Creator who takes vindictive pleasure in messing up all of the Creator's works and plans. According to nezumi offshoot lore the Great Horned One would visit their people often even before the Rift in various different mortal guises and lead them astray. Some worship the skraal who they believe are demonic lieutenants of their dark god and don't seem to mind that the skraal only care about salvaging junk and bashing cthon. Majin consider the "Not Short Enough" to be unworthy inheritors of the Horned One's galaxy. They will often attack or trick the "Not Short Enough" and then blame the nezumi for their misdeeds.
  • General Behavior: A twisted mirror of nezumi society and culture bled of everything except for cruelty and malice and rage. The majin share a clan structure although this system has little bearing on familial bonds. Clan raids are an often occurrence where a stronger sect of nezumi offshoot will raid other ships or settlements and kidnap young to groom into warriors or schemers or breeders of their own. Even when surrounded by family or clan every majin is alone, so violently self-interested and paranoid that they cannot allow themselves the luxury of trust. Murder is not a crime in majin culture only sloppy execution.
STRENGTHS
  • Rat Swarm - Majin love to procreate. It doesn't take long to make more so they are often considered expendable.
  • Smol and Swole - Tiny little creatures able to fit fit inside tight spaces but can carry objects several times their own weight. Natural climbers like their nezumi cousins.
  • Tech Parasites - Everything they see that's useful the Majin take and learn how to make work as best they can.
WEAKNESSES
  • Mad Scientists - Love to invent and adapt technology but the average majin isn't very patient or bright. Devices are always falling apart and sometimes they explode.
  • 2 Smol 2 Furious - For such a tiny little species the majin have some full sized hate. Not afraid to pick fights even when seriously outclassed.
  • Violent Delights - Majin culture idolizes violence and depravity. Many a majin king's reign has been ended while on the cusp of victory due to backstabbing and infighting.
HISTORICAL INFORMATION
The nezumi still whisper legends of the lost Sukauto Clan nest-ship which strayed too close to the Kathol Rift. Always considered too inquisitive for their own good the missing colony's ultimate fate is unclear but a generation after its disappearance the first great awakening of majin began and wreaked havoc on their forebears in what would come to be known as the 'Year of Many Drooping Whiskers'. Were it not for the brave sacrifice of Bushi Clan warriors to stem the tide the changed ones' coming may very well have caused irrevocable damage to nezumi society.

Defeated and broken the surviving offshoots fled back into the Kathol Rift where they licked their wounds and began plotting revenge. It was not until the coming of the first majin king that any considered their role in the wider galaxy beyond how it related to the hated nezumi's destruction. Rallying the largest swarm of majin ever seen since the dawn of their species the majin king led his/their people on a pestilential crusade to the Deep Core where they made first contact with the skraal giants deep in Coruscant's underwarrens. After this auspicious meeting the majin's leader claimed to have had a vision of the skraal leading them to fulfill the Blood Star prophecy.

Of course in true majin fashion not every clan was convinced that these skraal were all that great and so they staged a bloody coup. The first majin king was assassinated thus beginning a longstanding tradition of majin heads of state meeting grisly or mysterious ends. It would also lead to generations of factional conflict between the Core and Outer Rim majin that persists to this day. Perhaps the most infamous of which was the 'War of the Tangled Kings' when two majin kings rose at once and was very loosely adapted into a holodrama.
 
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Zak Dymo

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Z
Kingsley Kingsley

I'll be doing this review for you. This is solid overall, but I believe that this would benefit from some further elaboration in a few spots.

1. Template Fields (Canon & Permissions)
  • Canon: /
  • Permissions: /
I'll need a narrative response here. If this is meant to be N/A, please so state.

2. Strengths
STRENGTHS
  • Rat Swarm
  • Smol and Swole
  • Tech Termites

These seem like the names of tropes, but what's unclear is the meaning or how they apply to the submission. For example, what should "smol and swole" mean to your reader? When you use the phrase "Tech Termintes," what about termites applies here? or in what ways are the Majin termite-like with regard to technology?

3. Weaknesses
WEAKNESSES
  • Mad Scientists
  • 2 Smol 2 Furious
  • Violent Delights

Same as with the above comment. What should "2 smol 2 Furious" convey to the reader? In what way is it a weakness for the race? Earlier, you described them as "Tech Termites" (which seems to imply they are destructive toward technology), here they are Mad Scientists. If they are, indeed, destructive toward technology, then how has their science or understanding of science advanced? How has their violent tendencies held them back?

Those are my thoughts and I look forward to yours in reply. Please tag me when you have completed any edits.
 
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