Making a Thing (TTE, shipyards)

[Not Ordo]

[member="GREG"]

Darthka sipped a steaming cup of black tea, because black is the color of awesome, and that's what he was...awesome. He stood on the deck of Empire One the massive ship that was most certainly intimidating compared to the silly baby ships that filled the galaxy after his trip to get space burgers at companion esk. He lifted his face plate and took a deep breath.

"Smells like something died in here." He said his voice somehow not as impressive with his face plate up, "Seriously did someone die?"

"Simpkins die my lord. You shot him an hour ago."

"AND HE HASN'T BEEN JETTISONED YET!?" Helmetus boomed.

"No, sir you said to leave him as an example."

"Ah....good job Sandurz. Now get him out they get the point, he should have refilled the caff maker as ordered." He looked around the bridge, "RIGHT!?"

"HAIL HELMETUS!" the crew replied as one.

"Fethig right Hail me."

Helmetus walked to the view port and looked out at the shipyard being built over Duniya. They would soon begin there onslaught and retake what the primatives had ruined. his galaxy of peace and quiet...and lack of force gods....other than him.

"Muwaaahahahahahahahahahah"

 

[GREG]

GREG WAS EATING A VEGAN SANDWICH WITH BACON WHEN HE THREW SIMPKINS OUT THE AIRLOCK LIKE A DISCUS, AND RETURNED TO [member="Darthka Helmetus"].



HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE BADASSES DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.


"REPORTING FOR DUTY!"

 

[Not Ordo]

"[member="GREG"]! Good now the badassery may comence." He said before he sipped his tea like the galactic emperor that he in fact was.

slurrrrp

"Ffffffff. Mmmm. Ahhhh" he said as he moved arpund as if injured, "burnt my fething tongue."

He looked out the wind...viewport at the many ships that were constructing the shipyards.

"With these shipyards we will build ships for shipping and shooting." He said, "my servant [member="Rave Merrill"] has paved my way."

He lowered his face plate with an epic snap of his small fingers.

"We are so fething awesome."

 

[GREG]

TEA. HIS GOD DAMN EMPEROR DRANK TEA. GREG KINDLY REQUESTED TEA FROM THE NEAREST SOLDIER, BY PUNCHING HIM IN THE FACE AND TAKING HIS TEA.


HE DUMPED OUT THE TEA BECAUSE HE DIDN'T EVEN REALLY LIKE TEA ALL THAT MUCH.


"**** YEAH. ****ING ****TY ASSHOLES WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT THEM! UNTIL WE TELL THEM!"


[member="Darthka Helmetus"]

 

[Placeholder 0143]

"FEED MY CHILDREN!" Norge roared from the backseat of the space van. An advanced shuttle designed for inserting quietly only the backside of any unsuspecting ship in the dark corner of the galaxy, where they would be defenseless.

Norge didn't read the prior posts. Norge didn't care.

"You have no children!"

"THEY ARE ALL MY CHILDREN. WHERE IS HELMETUS, my sweet daughter?"

The pilot, renis, a dwarf gungan warrior known as a Shnobbit, shook his head in disdain. Norge wanted to see his son, or rather HELMETUS. Master Rucras was convinced he had fathered the dark lord. The space can came out of hyperspace.

"What about the one ring?"

"I'm not married."

"But--"

"BRING ME MY DAUGHTER! WHERE IS GREG? I SAW HER IN MY VISIONS. WE ARE TO BREED!"

[member="GREG"] [member="Darthka Helmetus"]

 

[GREG]

WHILE GREG HAD GREAT RESPECT FOR A MAN WITH EXTRAORDINARY VISION, HE REALIZED THAT [member="Norge Rucras"] WAS NOT THE SOLE REASON WHY BLARG TREK FILMS WERE SUCCESSFUL, AND IN FACT, WHEN HE WAS GIVEN TOTAL CONTROL OVER THE LATER FILMS, THEY TURNED OUT NOT SO GREAT.


therefore,


GREG DID NOT RESPECT NORGE IN THE SLIGHTEST.


"FATHER! YOUR NECK IS LOOKING ESPECIALLY BLUBBERY AND DISGUSTING!"

 

[Not Ordo]

[member="Norge Rucras"] [member="GREG"]

Darthka shook his head and began pretending he was building the ship yards with the force. His little hands moved in the air as the construction went on outside.

"GREG pacify Rucas." He said simply, "We must harcharvest his neck fat for more adhesive to seal the joints on our ship yard."

Suddenly the caff machine binged and he stopped everything for a black caff break because tea was only a last resort for bad ass emperors.

 

[Placeholder 0143]

Norge was secretly a dark Jedi lord master Sith.

HIS NECK WAS GOING TO BE HARVESTED FOR ADHESIVE, BUT NO! HE HELD HIS GORGEOUS CLAMY HANDS TOWARD THE SKY, and became enveloped in a light so bright that even Yeezus had to pull up his britches.


....

....

....

In the distance, a guitar solo began to roar through the stars.

"ESSENCE TRANSFER COMPLETE. I AN KENSTAR!"

 

[Placeholder 011]

"WHAAAT IS THIS PLACE?!" KENSTAR boomed. The bright light had come from a strobe light he had own from a cereal box. The guitars roared from his Idatapad, thrown across the room at the beginning of the display.

His rolls of belly fat fell from his tight white shirt, and his man chesticles pushed out past his buttons. A brown wig and blue eye contacts were pushed over his face. His neck was hidden by his sexy shirt.

"Shall we build an Empire?"

 

[GREG]

GREG WAS UNABLE TO PERFORM HIS BEST BUDDY BOSS' TASK OF REMOVING THE LIFE FROM [member="Norge Rucras"] THROUGH A REENACTMENT OF SOMEONE GETTING DISEMBOWELED, WHEN HIS FATHER REVEALED HIMSELF TO BE A POWERFUL DEMON LORD JEDI SITH MASTER OF THE DARK SIDE.



MUCH LIKE HIS UNKNOWN ARCHNEMESIS [member="Enigma"], NORGE RUCRAS WAS ABLE TO DO A ONE POST TRANSFER ESSENCE.


GREG'S ONLY REPLY WAS TO DRINK MORE CREATINE.


[member="Darthka Helmetus"]

 

[Kip Radon]

[member="Norge Rucras"] [member="Kenstar"] [member="GREG"] [member="Darthka Helmetus"]

"Hello? Is this thing on?!" John tapped the microphone and a picture of him showed up on the top left hand corner of everyone's screens. It was the incredibly gorgeous John and he was metaphorically here to help out the The True Empire

"Alright online finally. TAYLOR!! GET ME MY GOD DAMN PIÑA COLADA!!" The sound of ice cubes rattling in a drink scrambled on the mic and soon the slurping sounds of a good piña colada went down the handsome chiseled throat of John for all to listen to

"Ah that's good colada. So what are you nerds building? Some kind of stupid *censored* science fair project. Well let me tell you goes it's gonna go. *censored* for brains buff dude over there is going to punch lord Dorkus and whatever the *censored* Chins for days is over there is going to eat everyone. And then I'm gonna laugh."

 

[Not Ordo]

[member="Norge Rucras"] [member="Kenstar"] [member="GREG"] [member="Gorgeous John"]

"The FETH, just happened here?" Helmetus said loudly, "if a Kowakian monkey-lizard and a Mynock started doing it while stormtroopers did the freaking can-can this could not get more weird. Seriously, you just screamed essence transfer complete and then pulled on a turtle neck and a wig!"

Helmetus spread his hands wide and looked around.

"Am I freaking right?!?"

"HAIL HELMETUS!" the crew yelled as one.

"Fething right hail me." He said bobbing his head and turning in a circle with his hands on his tiny hips. "Colonel Dandurz Shipyard status report?"

"Ten percent Lord Helmetus!"

"Ugh...this is boring someone fight to amuse me and momma Rucas. Gorgeous John tell me a fething joke. And talk about my fething shipyards of awesome."

 

[GREG]

"I HAVE NO PERSONAL OPINION."@GREG STATED. HE HAD NO PERSONAL OPINION ON THE MATTER."HE DIDN'T WANT TO EVALULATE WHY, GIVEN THE NATURE OF DARTHKA HELMETUS AND HIS RUTHLESS AND TENACIOUS NATURE, COUPLED WITH HIS SUPERIOR TACTICAL THINKING."I SAID. HE LOOKED AT THE OTHER STORMTROOPERS.





"TEN?! I PROPOSE A NEW SYSTEM OF MEASUREMENT-IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE MAXIMUM BADASSERY, WE NEED TO MEASURE EVERYTHING WITHIN A THOUSAND. SO THAT 10 PERCENT SHOULD REALLY BE 100 PERCENT!"


"Sir, that doesn't make any sen-"


THE NPC THAT SPOKE UP DID NOT FINISH HIS SENTENCE, BECAUSE GREG, AT HIS IMPOSING AND MIGHTY HEIGHT OF 5'4, TOWERED OVER HIS KNEECAPS AND BEGAN AN ASSAULT AT HIS VERY BEING WITH A STRING OF YO MOMMA AND INSULTS THAT LEFT HIM A BLITHERING MESS, IN WHICH HE RAN AND TOLD SOMEONE WHO COULD DO SOMETHING AND GREG GOT A WARNING FOR IT BUT HE REALLY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BAD.


"SORRY I'M SUCH A BADASS. THE SHIPYARDS ARE AT 100 PERCENT, YOUR HOLINESS HELMETUS."



[member="Darthka Helmetus"] [member="Gorgeous John"] @Kenstar @Norge Rucras

 

[Kip Radon]

[member="Darthka Helmetus"] [member="GREG"]

Responding to his new comrades quest for a joke Gorgeous John gave him one.

"What's short, ugly, and lives in a basement?" He asked @Darth Helmetus.

"Yo-" John was promptly cut off by [member="GREG"] and his new way to measure things. It made zero sense but honestly did anything here make sense? The answer was no, no it did not. From the double chinned monster with the man boobs to him transforming Into a fat nerd really a new way to measure things didn't even crack the top ten on the weird crap happening here list.

"I'm surrounded by ***holes" he said over his radio