Private Man in the Box

[Aeris Lashiec]

One day at a time, that was all that she could do. The impulse to run away was still there, the idealization of a free life harder to escape. And yet, she had the shackles of responsibility that weighed her down. Even as the world around her seemed to set itself on fire, she couldn't stop herself from latching onto that one particular part of the puzzle. Saan'an, for as busy as she kept him, would still need her guidance and to shrug that off would be foolish of her.

Her ship landed a few hours ago. As Kai had set off to help Jedha in its recovery, Aeris had instead decided to escape back home to the station that she called home, cradled by the void of space as it drifted through the galaxy.

There, her frantic pacing wouldn't be noticed by anyone of real importance. Her hands waved before her in wild gestures as she muttered and mumbled to herself.

"And then… No." She grumbled and groaned. "Always wanted to see… Argh, also no."

"But the people on… No."

"Mindoar, maybe?"

"... No."

Jem Fossk

 

[Jem Fossk]

"...Master Lashiec?"

Jem's voice echoed down the hall, the tall girl looking small in Dagon's shirt. It was almost hard to recognize the woman, but when Aeris sharp walking brought her under a lamp, there was no mistaking who it was.

Jem burst towards the woman in a wave of frantic energy.

"What is it?" Came the demand. Jem looked her over. Was she injured? Was she dirty? Where had she been-- "Jedha? Where's Sa'an? What's happened?" They hadn't seen each other since The News. Jem had fled, which had seemed harmless at the time but now the distance she had created felt like a chasm. One tortured thought cut above all the rest.

"Is my brother safe?"

And was the woman alright? It didn't look it. Nothing about this moment brought Jem any peace.

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Jem Fossk

That was her name. Aeris straightened her back and put on a more respectable air. Less 'my ex-partner just died' and more 'yes, my child' but in a more official way than any creepy implication. As Jem stepped into the light and as the questions began to flood, all of which were about Saan'an — at least the ones she were going to answer — Aeris slowly nodded and held her hand up.

"Your brother is safe, do not worry. A bit more withdrawn than usual, but… Coping, I think." She said and placed her shivering hand on Jem's shoulder for little more than a second before she withdrew it and let it rest within the grasp of her other hand. "He just needs some time to be with his thoughts and sort things out, I think."

One hand began to stroke over the other in a spherical motion before she moved on to stroking her thumbs one over the other. Her skin numbed, she put them on her hips.

"Was there anything I could help you with, Padawan Gaelor, or did you just want to know about your brother?"

 

[Jem Fossk]

Jem blinked, Aeris's concise response almost dismissive in nature.

She shifted uneasily at the woman's shaken demeanor. Jem did not know her brother's master well, but in the few encounters Jem had grown familiar with her easy, composed nature. Master Lashiec always felt like a calm lake. Today she felt more like a raging river. Jem's glanced uneasily at the subtle way in which Aeris soothed her own hand.

Jem took a step back and rung out her own hands in turn.

"No-" yes. "Sorry. Sorry," she repeated again, no context given to her words. It wasn't like Jem to apologize either, but then again a lot had occurred in the past weeks. "I'll just.... go find him myself." She gave a tense bow, still fluttering steps back, her energy mirroring Aeris's own.

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

One nervous woman, and one very nervous girl. The combination wasn’t exactly stellar. Jem clearly DID want something, but she was keeping it to herself. Aeris thumb and index finger rubbed at her eyebrows.

“I can tell that you are lying, Jem.” Aeris sighed and shook her head. “I can help, just… Tell me what you need help with.”

 

[Jem Fossk]

Jem dug her fingers into her palm, unsureness fluttering through her whole core.

"...I want records. Of all the senate. I want to find who else was behind the infiltration. ...Iwanttostopitfromhappeningagain," she confessed, feeling like an imposter as she uttered the worlds.

I did this for you.

Guilt turned her stomach sour. She didn't look up at the woman. She wouldn't trust herself either.

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Another sigh parted Aeris' lips as she glanced down at the floor. She had hoped to avoided work before she left, but in reality perhaps that wasn't quite as plausible as she had hoped. She swallowed her desire to scream, the hope that Jem would just resolve it and get on with it, but not without a hefty dose of guilt.

"Stop putting this on your own shoulders, Jem." Aeris said and placed her shaky hand on the girl's shoulder despite knowing that it was the worst idea possible in this case. "The senate and the Jedi were bound to clash eventually, we always do. What Solpisis did was not on you, it was on us in the council — the Circle."

"We knew about it, we didn't do a damned thing, and now people are dead." The desperation grew in Aeris' words at the uttering of that word, 'death', as her voice seemed to break. "What your—" Father did. Aeris shut her eyes and let in a deep breath. Her nerves frayed, the bags under her eyes evident in the poor light. "It was us, okay?"

"We even had a Jedi in the senate, a good friend, and we threw her out."

"You don't want me to give you the records, you want solutions, and so do I."

 

[Jem Fossk]

Jem balked.

She knew things went south, she knew things were bad , but the council was suppose to be -- to be-- the protectors of them all. Her mind spun to the senate and the jedi kicked out to it, blame fitting neatly back into the box Jem could make sense of.

Corruption came in all forms, it was more than disturbing to know it could reach the council's ranks. Jem didn't have the facts, but to her ... the no longer mattered.

Aeris was right. Didn't want care about blame. Blame was a tool of the darkside.

Jem wanted it all fixed.

She stepped forward, her features fierce as she clung to what little light they both had. "Then let's find them. Help me. Before something like this happens again."

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Jem Fossk

"It's not that simple, Jem." Aeris sighed and felt her entire being tense up. Her glance fell to the floor as her eyes closed. "I— can't do that. Not right now. I need… Space."

She glanced back up at Jem with a veiled attempt to hold back those nerves. To force close the floodgates as she had to remain a pillar of the community and help them refocus after this loss. And yet here she was with half her foot outside the door and at the ready to leap out.

"I lost someone on Jedha that was very precious to me." Aeris explained. Her grip on Jem's shoulder tensed, pinched almost. "And I can't find my center again, not until I can think things through."

"I need to leave, I need to breathe, I need to stop pretending to care for the people, and actually get out there to BE with the people, where the Jedi belong." And there came the first leak in the dam as the metaphorical concrete began to crack. "Not in the battlefields, not in some forsaken spire, thinking about how to be and telling others how to act."

"We need to be out THERE, Jem. Okay? The Jedi are fucked because we place ourselves ABOVE others and not amongst them, and we need to let people know that they are right and to— To re-establish some sort of goodwill, an understanding that our ways are meant to be peaceful."

 

[Jem Fossk]

Jem stumbled a step back, unnerved by the uncharacteristic outburst from the Master. The luster was slowly draining from her skin, the golden hue turning a dull bronze. If Jem had larger ears they would have very clearly have been pinned back-- her Ferrorrorororor nature shining out as her distress grew.

"B-b-but. There won't be any people if we don't-- if we don't fix this," she protested, an edge of betrayal to her vulnerable words. "Master, you said so yourself. You know-- people know-- we need to be the ones to act!"

Their definitions of acting were proving remarkably different. Then again, maybe it boiled down to just how much they each could handle.

Their world had crumbled apart after all. Blood was on both of their hands.

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

"Yes, exactly!" Aeris exclaimed happily. "We need to act, we need to be visible, we need to be out there amongst the ones we wish to protect — not just amongst their dead."

She let the kid go and pointed back to the path towards the hangars, where the solution was to be found.

"When did we last inspire the people as opposed to just the soldiers? When did the Jedi last do anything other than fight? Why are we here? What is our purpose if our life is nothing but strife?"

"Do you understand, Jem? We need to stop the fighting, we need to take a moment to breathe, to let others in and to understand them. We are not the galaxy's moral compass, and we never will be."

"What we can, and will eventually be again, is an order worthy of people's respect. Something that can do more than just talk big and murder bigger. An order built on the actual tenets we are supposed to stand for."

"Peace, knowledge, serenity, harmony. I find none of these if we keep going like we are."

 

[Jem Fossk]

Jem didn't understand.

Jem didn't understand at all.

All of those pretty words and wisdom flew right over her, as if they were never said at all. Jem could only fixate on one thing.

"So you're not going to help me?" Her voice was flat and disheartened.

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

"I..." Aeris exhaled. Jem hadn't caught a single word, had she? "No. Yes. Maybe."

"I don't know what you want me to do, Jem. But senate records I cannot give you, because I don't have those. The Shadows were the ones keeping this information to themselves, and if you want a list of representatives you can get that from the senate itself."

 

[Jem Fossk]

They wanted the same thing, pretty much. Even if Jem wasn't skilled enough with her words to express it. The list was just the beginning on untangling the corruption that burned them both. Neither wanted to be compliant any longer. Jem could only puff in frustration, the girl feeling more alone than she had an hour before.

"Fine. ....Fine, I don't need you. I don't need any of you. What's the point of a council if you won't help?" She snapped, lashing out on Aeris. She knew it was wrong of her but she couldn't stop herself. Saan'an wouldn't see her. It made the hole in her chest sting that much stronger.

"You're useless."

She turned on her heels, empowered by the righteousness that carried her forward.

She would fix this all herself. Shehadto.

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Jem Fossk

She was just a child. An angry, insolent child seeking answers. Jem was a child. An insolent child seeking answers. A child seeking answers, that was what Jem was. It was nothing personal, just a child seeking answers and finding none.

And yet…

"Yeah…" Aeris relented. Her eyes closing, her weakness exploited by her own side as she began to back off and towards a nearby ship. Jem could try to stop her, Jem could do whatever she wanted to. Right now, this whole order was free to do whatever it needed because Aeris would do the same.

And right now, 'whatever she needed' was not here. It was anything but here, as far away from 'here' as she could get.