Meditation on the Living Force

[St0rmSlaSh]

This is meant as a solo thread for the character development of Jerit Kolomor.​

Jerit was in his quarters, tending to his daily meditation as always. Today's meditation session was for the living force. Ever since he saw his Father's force ghost in the Kashyyyk forest, Jerit questioned the very nature of the force and needed answers. How did his Father manifest himself into space and time? How was that possible? He thought on the subject to himself. What if he had been imagining it all along? He never saw anyones' faces on Kashyyyk who saw his Father as he ran away deep into the wilderness. The thought haunted him until finally today he was to collect his inner thoughts and channel the force, going in deeper on his question.

A tear fell down from his left eye. It ran down his cheek until it hit the floor. He took off his robes and sat on the hard, carpeted floor of his room. He inhaled sharply and maintained focus on the force and his breathing. He lets his eyes close on their own before going into a deep meditative state. He sat with his legs crossed and hands on each knee. It was the perfect meditating posture for the padawan. His mind reached out more and more, seeing the infinite reach of the force. He felt warmth and comfort. The light. But with the light he felt dread and anger. The dark side. He felt both in him. The light revealing the darkness and the darkness shadowing the light.

Balance.... it's balance. He thought to himself. He let in another heaping load of oxygen and quickly exhaled. He concentrated more. Jerit let go of his senses and only focused on one. His mind was now racing through everything he had seen. His family's death. His enrollment into the Silver Jedi Order. The Battle of Ord Radama. He could smell the burning flesh of dead soldiers. He could taste the mud that would spring up from the ground. He could hear the cries of men and firing of infinite weapons. It was overhwleming. He saw his leg. It was obliterated. Nothing left. He felt agony and pain. So much pain. He was being fed on it.

No, NO! Stop it! He could hear himself yelling in his mind. He went back to the duel between his Father and the Dark Jedi. He was so helpless, so little. Jerit saw his Father slain and laying on the floor, his eyes staring out into the void of the afterlife. Then, he started to hear a voice. It was clouded with the darkside's presence lurking in the boy. But now it was apparent of what it was. It's booming tone shook Jerit.

"My son. Be at peace. Do not feed into the darkside. Anger leads to things no man should go through. Meditate once more, but be fed on the good things in life."

Jerit's eyes opened and he was on the ground. He took in short breaths and looked up at the ceiling, tears flowing down both of his eyes.

"Father... don't leave me!"

He was crying uncontrollably now. He lay on the ground and curled into a ball. He thought of the times he spent on Lothal with his family. It brought him warmth, but not enough to help with his sadness. This always happened to the poor boy. He almost never showed his true emotions in front of his colleagues, except with the incident where the padawan learner almost became an agent of evil.

The tears stopped. He sat up but the agony did not cease. He walked out of his room and out of the temple, passing countless Jedi and Soldiers. He ignored their talks of worry. He did not want their sympathy. He strolled casually to the forest. To his drinking spot.

He sensed the waterfall near him. Jerit ran as fast as he could to his spot where no one would bother him. He found his pack underneath a rock where he had dug a hole. He opened the pack up and its contents revealed nothing but booze. He quickly withdrew a bottle of bourbon and drank it until there was little left. He laid against the rock which was over the hole.

I wish I never was a Jedi He would repeat to himself over and over again. When the pain was too great, he would drink to forget it. It was pathetic. A 15 year old boy drinking in the wilderness by himself. Perhaps this would continue unless the boy found peace. That is:

​

If it would ever find him.​

 

[St0rmSlaSh]

Jerit woke up. It was night time. He must have passed out from all the drinking. He felt very drowsy and stretched out his legs and arms, groaning as he did so. He places a hand onto the side of his head. He had a booming headache. The smell of alcohol was all over him.

I can't go back to the temple smelling like this.

The agony was still in him like a friend who overstays their visit. He still lays on the rock, thinking about what his Father had said to him. The second guessing returns. Was it all of his imagination or was it really his Father speaking from the dead? It pains him to think of it, but his Father's voice only brought ease to the boy's troubled mind. He finally decides to mediate once more and to take his Father's advice on thinking about the good things rather than the bad.

He sat down and felt the grass on his legs. It was soft like a baby's blanket. He closed his eyes and drew in breaths, one more slower than the last until he reached his meditative state. He was thinking of Ord Radama and his Father again, the anger and despair barging its way into Jerit.

No.

He rejected those feelings and tried to think of something else. Lothal. Yes, he remembered himself and his Dad camping. The darkness started to fade. He thought of his Mother. Her gentle whispers and sweet songs that she would sing to him. He saw white and black swirling around him. It was the light and the darkness. Jerit was scared. He was sweating furiously. The colors clashing and bashing against each other, trying to assert dominance over the other. He thought more of his Father, more of his Mother. The memories of the Dark Jedi seemed to have disappeared.

The white and black were still clashing, until the white was too much. It revealed the darkness inside of Jerit. It unveiled his dark feelings, his hatred and his grief. The darkness ceased to exist from the boy after he confronted himself. Then, he felt something he had not felt in a long time. It was peace. Nothing but peace was all that Jerit was feeling. He felt purpose within himself. He felt forgiveness for the Dark Jedi who killed his parents. Serenity overtook him. It felt like a mother holding their newborn for the first time. Jerit started crying again. He felt good, more than good. He felt alive again and as if nothing could take him down.

He opened his eyes. He looked at the alcohol around him and immediately rejected the thought of drinking the various bottles. He knew that his addiction would not stop itself but at least he can control it now. He experienced temptation day and night about drinking his booze. But now he felt the one in control now. He threw the bottles into the river and cursed at them.

He declared from that moment on that the waterfall would not be a place for his sadness anymore. He wanted to make it his meditating spot now. A place where he can let go of his emotions and be at peace. He immediately though of the first line in the Jedi code.

There is no emotion, there is peace.

Jerit felt that he could move on to the next line. He was now at peace with his past. He forgave the Dark Jedi who killed his parents, and now he can control his addiction with alcohol. Now Jerit has a new mantra:

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.​