Mensa Dak (completed and reviews appreciated)

[Stuart]

NAME: Mensa Dak
FACTION: Galactic Republic
RANK: Padawan
SPECIES: Chalactan
AGE: 19
SEX: Male
HEIGHT: 6'4''
WEIGHT: 205 lbs
EYES: Green
HAIR: Black
SKIN: Light Brown
FORCE SENSITIVE: Yes

APPEARANCE: Like many Chalactans before him, Mensa's skin tone possesses a tan shade. He is clean shaven with short, thick groomed hair always. Chalactans have facial piercings as a symbol of their people, and Mensa sports a single stud piercing below his bottom lip.

A young man of good height, a thick build with long arms - his frame and demeanor scream athletic warrior. He wears the traditional Jedi tunic, and a matching beige tabard to give him a thicker appearance. He frequently wears a long white with blue sequenced head wrap draped around his neck.


PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE:
Is a polite, soft-spoken intellectual
He rarely shows any sign of alarm or distress, and often has entire situations planned out well in advance
Noticeably calm, even in battle
Strongly believes in law and order and hierarchy
Has a great sense of duty
Retains a level of humility and is not overly arrogant about his strength
Always smiles when in a light saber battle

STRENGTHS:
+ Believes in the Jedi way through and through
+ Very analytical and observant
+ Knows physical limitations
+ Runs theoretical situations constantly in his head and training
+ Always seeks a presses leverage and advantage
+ Extremely disciplined and spiritual

WEAKNESSES:
- Vehemently prefers to avoid blasters and any other weapon outside of his light saber
- Totally rejects some fighting styles due to temptation of anger
- Appears isolated from those not in immediate circle of influence due to his views of the Force, the Jedi, and Makashi
- Does not like to cross mingle fighting forms
- Blindly loyal to Jedi creed, that it sometimes interferes with the practical solution

PHYSICAL PROFILE:
Good at picking up things and applying it
Young with sturdy frame
Quick and technical

STRENGTHS:
+ Study of the Force enhances his abilities as a melee fighter
+ Experienced in preferred combat style (Makashi) despite his age
+ Ambidextrous through training


WEAKNESSES:
- Isn't the greatest healer for his preferred melee attacks
- Prefers to be light on his feet and thus does not wear a lot of body armor, if at all
- Is a relic with the old times in a modern world


BIOGRAPHY:
Mensa's parents took him to the Jedi Temple as a young infant due to his showings of Force abilities. Mensa was a quick and studious learner in his early years of Jedi training, easily excelling in the study and application of the fundamentals that were being taught.

Taught at the very young age about the Dark Side, Mensa knew that the practical nature of what they were learning could easily be moved just based on emotion - everything needed balance. That is when Mensa started to distance himself from his class emotionally, not wanting to establish any bonds that could warrant such hateful feelings that could lead to the Dark Side.

At nine, Mensa wanted to distant himself so much from the Dark Side personally, that he focused immensely in Makashi. An adept in study, Mensa improvement and dedication did not go unnoticed. The Jedi Temple requested another Jedi Clan about young Mensa. The outside Clan agreed to take in Mensa and open up their library of training to the young Mensa. Mensa soon left to start his training in another Jedi school, traveling the cosmos attempting to follow the history of the form itself .




Practiced Lightsaber forms: Range 1-10 (1: Learning, 5: Adept, 10: Mastery)

Shii-Cho 1234567890
Makashi 1234567890
Soresu 1234567890
Ataru 1234567890
Djem So 1234567890
Niman 1234567890
Juyo 1234567890

NOTES: Mensa prefers to train in the art of Makashi (II), focusing entirely with it in training. He is weary of the path of temptation with I, V, and VII. He thinks IV is counter-productive to Makashi as he prefers a foundation for attack and defense. He respects III and VI for various aspects, but does find faults in them.


WEAPONS: Mensa possesses a curved hilt light saber. The light saber's casing presents artistic metal markings which extend the whole length of the light saber until it hits the base.

Light Saber: Blue

FORCE POWERS

• Core Force Powers 1234567890
• Tutaminis 1234567890
• Altus Sopor 1234567890
• Curato Salva 1234567890

Control: 1234567890

• Center of Being 1234567890
• Force Speed 1234567890
• Alchaka 1234567890
• Tapas 1234567890

Sense: 1234567890

• Force Listening 1234567890
• Force Sight 1234567890
• Force Sense 1234567890

Alter: 1234567890

• Telekinesis 1234567890
• Force Persuasion 1234567890
• Force Jump 1234567890
• Force Barrier 1234567890
• Cleanse Mind 1234567890

(OOC Notes: Im a big Bleach fan, so I used a lot of Byakuya Kuchiki's personality with Mensa. I view Mensa as almost a prodigal as a youngling yet his desire of self-imposed boundaries made him so hyper-focused in certain aspects of the Jedi that the other parts of study he pretty much flatlined. I find him the most likely for people to surpass him yet also the least likely to be tempted by the Dark Side.

I figured in that Obi Wan went from Ataru with his fight with Maul and then focused on Soresu. 10 years later he defeats Grievus and is considered a master in that span of 10. Anikin also becoming very good in his form too, so I figured that a 7 in Makashi was acceptable since he devoted his study to it in 10 years.)


SHIP: None

KILLS: None

BOUNTIES COLLECTED: None

ROLE PLAYS: None - I'm new

 

[Siriwook]

Mensa sounds like a smart guy. Can't wait to meet him.

 

[Stuart]

I believe Im done. I placed some stat adjusters after Mensa's skill rating cuz my work computer wont allow me to do it, so just adjust the rating accordingly, and I will fix it when I get home.

Looking for a Master. (more so I can extend my bio)

Any critique would be nice

 

[Yag'dril]

Looks pretty cool and I have several masters if you want one. just depends on what type

 

[Siriwook]

[member="Mensa Dak"] asks for criticism. Siriwook is happy to accommodate.

1.) Your character name is very pun-able. As someone who could have been in Mensa if she believed in IQ, opinions:

Spoiler

(the concept and organization is problematic (sorry if that opinion is considered political)),

such puns are hilarious to me. Hence the schmaht guy comment. No offense intended.
2.) You selected an excellent portrait for a Chalactan. It's very appropriate, and the attention to detail in that is something I appreciate.
3.) Regarding detail, your mention of the saber forms and resisting the temptation to the dark side is a really cool character concept. This is a purely academic question, but I wonder how you learned the earlier forms so well. Not that it's not possible or that it's necessary to explain, but that's an interesting story to explore.
Considered archaic even during Vader's lifetime, part of the "old ways", it wasn't too common even before the great Jedi purge. Most of those who did know it survived the purge because they defected, either going rogue or going to the dark side. Maybe a redeemed student of a former dark side member taught founded a legacy that taught that style, possibly following the footsteps of Maris Brood or Asajj Ventress? Or someone trained by the legacy of Jax Pavan? Or someone trained by the force ghost of Anakin?
Maybe you used a holocron of an earlier Jedi that you admired, discovered while you were in the library at the Jedi temple. Shaak Ti would make sense for this, as she was one of those who sought survivors of Order 66 to re-form the Jedi. It would make sense that she made a holocron at some point and hid it.
4.) Now I have one criticism, and I thank you for baring with me. The criticism is, you're too good. I mean, you need some character flaws. It's not like we don't all have this problem, but I'd love to see some dent or scratch on your armor. Of course, one can roleplay the "perfect person"--the idea of Lancelot comes to mind--but writing someone who is just a boy scout all the time is unrealistic. Opinions:

Spoiler

Believe me, I know plenty of boy scouts, and they all have some darkness--one thing that just doesn't fit the image they project, be it a regret, a secret desire they've never acted on, an addiction, or arrogance--they have to have something or they wouldn't be chasing after the image (sorry if that's pushing the rules. No offense intended to people who believe in the B.S. organization).

Ever hear the adage, "The brighter the light, the darker [or sometimes "blacker", problematically--ED] the shadow"? Carl Jung described how we all have a hidden part of our personalities--something we don't face--called a shadow. You don't necessarily have to acknowledge it here, but you might, in character, want to develop this. It need not be something your character knows about himself--in fact, better if not. But you should write a shadow onto Mensa.

Otherwise, I say, job well done!

 

[Stuart]

1- No offense taken. I understood the 'smart' comment completely. To tell the truth, I did not come up with the name on my own. I checked a Star Wars name generator and it came up after a few tries, and figured it sounded decent.
2- Thanks. I too try to get real close to authenticity within my means. Some people can change the whole pigmentation of an actor and place markings on them. I am not one of those people, so picking Marcus Mariota was pretty easy to do for Mensa.
3- You have an interesting comment regarding my Makashi angle. To be honest, it never actually hit me as a point to cover since I looked at a few Jedi profiles in order to fill out my bio and they registered themselves as usually a 2 or 3 in Makashi with their saber combat training. I was thinking a padawan at level 7 in Makashi would be weird since a lot of the Jedi Knights/Masters on the site or level 3 at highest with the form with them being more efficient in Soresu or some other form. I placed the OOC comment regarding 10 years of singular focus on the form would even it out, but I definitely should fill that into my bio for a later date. I left the bio pretty ambiguous since Mensa does not have a Master yet, but I guess I can easily fill that part in since Mensa dresses like a typical Jedi and is part of the New Galactic Republic... you also brought to attention how awesome Mensa truly is in Makashi if it is used so little in the current timeline.
4- You are right, Mensa does need some kind of psychological vice. I was more thinking of current relations when thinking of weaknesses. I was more thinking, that his blind loyalty to Jedi made him try to fight the Dark Side so much, even if retreating to save someone was an option. Ill fix that right now.
I don't know if you know who Byakuya is, but he got to a level that he trained so hard but hated that the protagonist, Ichigo, surpassed him to a level where he helped Soul Society so many times he hated Ichigo for it. That is how I see Mensa