Multiple voices feedback

[Aaaine]

Hello all!

So, after having to spend about a month off with the semester wrapping up, as well as the laboratory possibly working toward a new contract, things finally settled down enough for me to be able to write again.

So naturally, instead of taking it easy and easing my way back in, I instead decided to write my longest post on the site to date. This included the most voices I’ve done in a thread so far.

The post is here.

I’m looking for some specific feedback if anyone is kind enough to give it, specifically in a couple of areas.

1. Does the post itself flow well? Does storypoint to storypoint make sense, and does the overall theme of the post make sense?

2. Are the voices distinct enough? This is my first time writing Honderc and Specs, with Esabii having been in previous posts of mine. Do each seemingly have their own “sound?”

3. Does Aaaine get lost in her own post? If so, any suggestions for making her “stand out” among the other voices?

wholeheartedly appreciate any feedback I get! Thank you all for being wonderful writing partners and telling the best stories. Have a great day!

 

[Efret Farr]

omg, I love that post!

1. I think it flows very well! you set an awesome scene. I was imagining an evil version of that big NASA room the engineering team watches launches from all together while I was reading
2. I am a sucker for NPC dialogue, specifically banter. I would say that the only way to make all of your recurring NPCs feel completely (or as completely as possible) unique for each other is to give yourself time to feel out their dynamics and mannerisms. the only way I've found to do that is just write multi-character posts more often. that said, I did think that all your voices were distinct as they are; just that it might well develop even more as you go.
3. I would say that, yes, to me, she got lost, but I don't think the post was supposed to center around her? I think that it's okay to let your main character fade into the background sometimes to let the supporting figures shine.