New Trails

[Jairdain]

Jairdain was well on the way to recovery had reached out to see if there was anybody interested in taking lessons from her. It wouldn't have to be a formal master and padawan relationship, just a simple one of her teaching another. Some of the skills she had were almost unique to her and she wanted more people to know of them.

She had not put a notice up on the board for people, just through word of mouth and [member="Stephanie Swail"] had answered back that she was interested in these lessons. Now having a little more freedom to move around the Temple, Jairdain waited in one of the atrium areas for her student.

When she was with the Jedi, she had dressed in robes. As a sith, that had changed. Once back with the Jedi, she had decided to keep the look and feeling of those clothes she wore with the sith. The freedom pants had given her was not something she wanted to lose. However, she kept off the black jacket and instead just wore a simple white tunic.

They allowed her to carry her lightsaber again, but she was reluctant to ignite it since it was still the red she had from her time with the sith. To have that blade out might cause a disruption and she wanted to avoid that. On the chance Stephanie proved to be a good and fast learner, Jairdain also had a blaster on her side.

One skill she had, she felt everybody should know, but one she had never found to be taught was Tutaminis. The ability to block at least blaster bolts and sometimes even lightsabers with your hands. She also would teach certain meditation techniques and a few skills she knew while in a meditative state.

Being a little early, the young woman now waited for Stephanie to show up.

[member="Stephanie Swail"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

Stephanie walked up the stairs to the East of the temple, across an open-air walkway and through double doors into one of the atriums where the lesson had been scheduled to take place. How many people would be there? What would be on offer? All she knew was that a Knight called Jairdain was offering to help the Jedi Padawans to develop.

She was there without thinking.

The light from the Voss sky filled the atrium with light; a few pink clouds dotted the heavens and it was cool inside as she walked through. It was also quiet. Was she late, or just very eager?

Her cream dress trailed behind a little, brown sandals quietly tapping across the floor as she walked through. There was a presence close by, but it was a little…unnerving. Stephanie had a tiny frown, wondering what this Jairdain was going to be like. Were they brutal in technique and low in patience? Were they big, mean and imposing, touching on dark methods to get the best?

Time would tell.

”Hello?”

Her voice echoed around the atrium.

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

Jairdain heard the approach of the one she was going to help today. The padawan she felt was older than she was and Jairdain was a little surprised at this. Then again maybe her skills were discovered when she was an adult and had just started her journey.

One thing she vowed not to get into were her own beliefs on codes. Unless Stephanie asked specifically about them. Her chosen path was her own and she wasn't going to push it on anybody else. If she wanted to know about any of the codes, she would talk about them, but not include her own. Being the last of her people, her path was her own.

When the woman entered the room, Jairdain stood up from her seat and motioned for Stephanie to join her.

"Good morning."

Her voice was friendly and held the hint of a smile.

"Please join me."

If the opportunity presented itself, she would find a more private room than the atrium to hold the meditation part. If Stephanie proved to be a good learner, would go outside with her. The sounds of a blaster going off inside would draw a bit of attention.

"How are you today?"

[member="Stephanie Swail"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

The woman who stood seemed to come from nowhere, and immediately attracted Stephanie's attention. She turned, smiled and walked over to her.

”Hello, Master Jairdain. I am very well, thank you.”

A sweet smile and nod of the head, before taking a seat on the small but comfortable looking chair opposite.

The room seemed to open up, and the colours above their head could be seen without even looking - another peaceful, crisp day on Voss.

”My name is Stephanie Swail, and I saw your offer to teach. Am...am I early? Or is this a private teaching? Either way, I am very eager to learn what you know and I thank you for the opportunity.”

After she had spoken, Stephanie knew her response seemed very robotic; very emotionless.

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

"I am no Master, Stephanie, please just call me Jairdain."

Resuming her seat, Jairdain sat down again and listened to what the woman said.

"It is nice to meet you, Stephanie. You are not early at all and this will be a private lesson. Which I would like to go into a meditation room. Just wanted to meet you here first."

Though they had only just sat down.

"Tell me, do you know how to meditate?"

If she didn't, Jairdain should be able to guide her through the process she used and knew of a few other methods to attempt if hers didn't work for Stephanie.

[member="Stephanie Swail"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

With a little content sigh, Stephanie sat erect on the chair, not looking very relaxed, but very attentive and at peace with the quiet surroundings. The aura of Jairdain, however, was perplexing.

”I do know how to meditate, I’ve done it many times to preserve my sanity and keep me calm when I was lost both physically and mentally.” She glanced behind Jairdain to the rear of the atrium. ”However who knows what I could do more of in meditation rather than just centre myself. I assume it’s a basic technique?”

Her mouth twisted a little in thought and she tapped her fingers on her lap.

”Forgive me, but I…I must ask….”

She bit her bottom lip ever so slightly, shifting on the chair.

”…have you…have you ever touched the Dark Side?”

There was a hint of fear in her voice, but also great curiosity and intrigue. There was something swirling in her head she couldn’t place, and she wanted to know if it was radiating from Jairdain or her own anxieties.

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

Jairdain knew she had the full attention of Stephanie, but she came across as uncertain and nervous about something. In answering the question on if she knew how to meditate, it would make guiding her that much easier.

"There is more than just centering involved in meditation. Though just knowing how to is a large step in the right direction."

She hoped her kind tone would help the woman relax. Jairdain did not want to upset her, but when she asked her next question with a great amount of hesitation, she was concerned her answer would do that just. However, keeping the truth hidden would be wrong of her.

"Yes. I am no longer on that path though, Miss Stephanie and I will not guide you that way."

While the young woman hoped she would stay, there would be no real surprised if Stephanie got up and walked away before taking any lesson from her.

"That fear you feel will be used you against you by the sith and could be used to turn you. While I can offer teaching, guidance and a way to defend yourself from mental attacks, you are going to have to face what you fear or fall prey to it. I faced my fear and fell for doing it, Stephanie. While I was there, it didn't feel right."

Raising a hand to her heart for just a moment, she lowered it and faced the other woman. Her voice was calm the entire time, no anger filled it. However, there would be heard the truth of what she spoke.

"With the help of the Silver Jedi, I have found the path I am meant to be on."

[member="Stephanie Swail"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

Stephanie listened with respect for this woman, being honest and not hiding her past flaws; maybe flaws was the wrong word. It wasn’t her place to judge. The Silver Jedi had seen the good in her, and so she must to. She offered a smile of reassurance.

”I am glad you have found your way, and I will take all you can give.”

The small well of doubt grew in her stomach.

”I have crossed paths with Sith warriors in my time, and both times escaped with my life but I know I will not always be that lucky. They seemed troubled to me. Afraid, but determined to prove something by any means. I think by that token I was afraid – afraid of what they would do to me, and afraid of how useless I was.” She shrugged a little. ”But, then, I wasn’t in a position I was in now. Saying that, I wasn’t much use when Ossus fell. Too little, too late.”

She smoothed her hands out across her knees, picking at the fabric and pushing negative thoughts out.

”I would rather die that submit to the Sith.”

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

Jairdain was glad Stephanie stayed, her honesty may have helped in this. Her stating that she was no longer on a dark path and that she was on what she wanted to be now.

"Thank you for understanding, Miss Swail."

Listening to what the other woman said, Jairdain nodded.

"Perhaps they had fear as well. The sith feed on fear quite often and use it to their advantage. I grew up fearing the Dark, when I was captured by them and corrupted, I became dark as well. In travelling that path, I have fed on the fear in others. My own was lacking though, all I wanted to do was die. Instead I pushed myself to overcome the darkness within me and accept it. It will always be there, but I will not go that route again."

Tilting her head slightly before speaking again, she hoped to set something clear with Stephanie.

"Nobody is useless, remember that. No matter what you feel you haven't done, your role was vital and you accomplished what the Force needed you to."

In saying she would rather die than submit to the sith, Jairdain gave her a sad half smile.

"I was in your position once, Stephanie. I just pray you won't have to face what I have."

[member="Stephanie Swail"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

The Padawan smiled.

”Stephanie, please.”

She was curious, and felt that pang in her chest again – like a hole starting to form and a breathlessness taking over. Her face twisted a little bit, shifting on her seat.

”I feel this….this pain inside. A sadness? I can’t explain it. Can you help? It’s like when people feel an emotion, I feel it too and I want to help them. A few times now it’s brought me to my knees as I can’t control it.”

She didn’t look away from the Jedi.

”What happened to you? I mean, before. I feel something.”

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

The pleasant voice of Stephanie set Jairdain at ease. While she hadn't been too nervous about the meeting itself, but more the acceptance from the other woman. With the truth known and her being accepted was nice. Now on a first name basis, Jairdain listened to what Stephanie said. She implied she was empathic and Jairdain was as well. In following the request to see if she could help, Stephanie then asked what happened to her. That she could feel something coming from her.

"What you feel from others is called empathy and in a way it what I use to see. As odd as that may sound, I see the way other people feel. Do you have a difficult time in knowing that if what you are feeling is from you or others?"

She would attempt to help, but needed to know more details before working on a plan to assist her with this issue. Thinking on what to say to Stephanie concerning her past was a difficult task. It's not that she felt she needed to keep anything hidden or secret from her, but Jairdain didn't know where to start.

"I'll give just a general outline of the major things that have happened to me, Stephanie. If you want further details when I'm done, I can clarify."

Leaning back now, she folded her hands in the table in front of her before speaking.

"At age fifteen I was banished from my home. It took me three years before I joined the Silver Jedi. When I was but a padawan, my then master sent me on a mission alone. While on that mission, I was captured and held captive to be sacrificed. Luckily I was rescued, but I had been physically starved and abused while captive. My recovery took a bit of time, but a Jedi Master helped me. It was under his healing touch and guidance that I became a Knight. Soon after I returned to the Silver's.
"Once I came back, we assisted some allies as a defender. In this battle, I caught the attention of the Sith. While I was on another mission to Charros IV, these sith some knew of my location and arranged to have me captured. This came to pass and I spent at least a year with them. One of these broke me, warped my mind and memories and corrupted. As time passed though, the light in me fought back and here I sit now."

Falling silent, Jairdain waited to see if the padawan in front of her wanted any further details beyond what she said.

"What about you?"

[member="Stephanie Swail"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

Stephanie found herself rubbing her hand across her chin absently as Jairdain spoke about her past. It was nothing but heartache and suffering, yet some here she was offering to help others. Should she be doubtful or worried? No – the Force was strong and soothing and she deserved all the chances to find herself.

After the story, Stephanie shook her head slowly.

”You’ve been through so much,” her eyes were moist, ”how did you survive? I mean, mentally? How did you find the strength to keep going twice? Not just losing your Master, but then suffering at the hands of the Sith?”

She exhaled and wiped her eyes, and chuckled.

”See? Upset for you when I shouldn’t be! Ridiculous.” She looked to Jairdain. ”If you have the strength to survive all those awful incidents, then I want to learn how you did it and what you found inside to keep your faith in the Light alive. I have to say though, I’m fascinated that you once used to be a Sith...what was it like?”

The inquisitive fire inside Stephanie never really died out.

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

Jairdain felt the sorrow and sympathy coming from Stephanie after she told her of her ordeals of the past six years. She didn't feel she needed the sympathy, but the story was rather sad.

"I'm not really sure how I did it the first time. Maybe it was the fact I wasn't alone in my suffering. There were other captives with me, though I was caged alone. I helped those I could by maintaining my inner peace. Somehow these people knew I could use the Force and kept me locked in a cage I couldn't escape from. I could sense the fear and terror of those around me, but that didn't break me. Most of them died, but myself and a few others came out alive and were rescued by the Dominion."

That was the time when her master in the Silver's had sent her on the mission it took eight months or so to return from. Her recovery time was great, but when she returned, she was whole. It was in those months that she was put through her trial to become a knight and when she got back, Arisa stated they would recognize that and she would be considered a knight.

"Sadly, I wasn't so lucky to make it through whole when I was captive of the Sith. It was with them that my mind was broken and the sith that captured me filled in the holes with lies and deception. That is when I turned dark. However, here and here," her hand went to her heart and head. "I felt like I was dirty and it was wrong. The Jedi that was within me that knew the truth fought that darkness and helped me through. Of course, that darkness will always be there. It is human nature to have emotions. We just need to find ways to manage them."

Stephanie also asked if she could learn what skills Jairdain had used to make it through her troubling times. Shaking her head and at a loss for words, her brows furrowed in thought.

"Faith. It is the best word I can use."

[member="Stephanie Swail"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

The girl was transfixed on the story, listening and nodding slowly, paying full attention to Jairdain when it seemed the only thing that got her through the pain was the hope and believe she held in her heart.

”Thank you for telling me, I admire your bravery, Jairdain.” Stephanie wiped away a tear she felt escape. ”I understand how you felt, and I understand how you feel now about the chance you have been given. It’s not my first time here with the Silver Jedi. I came here from Midvinter after a few incidents in my past, so I’ve been trying to find a purpose; a calling. But I didn’t last long. I was scared, I let the Masters down and I fled.”

She sighed, and her shoulders drooped.

”I nearly took my own life on the shores of Voss. Nearly. So nearly ended it all because I was scared and alone. I was saved by a beacon of light; a girl who studied the Je’daii Order and took me under her wing to show me purpose and strength and to embrace what I was. It was then I knew my calling was here, to lead and save others, to fill those with fear nothing but hope and, like you said, faith. I want to save thousands and thousands of lost souls. Mine was saved, so I need to pay back the galaxy.”

With a little chuckle, she looked away.

”Sorry, I promise I’m not a dreamer. Just got high hopes.”

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

As Jairdain spoke, she knew her answers were heard and understood by Stephanie.

"Is there any reason to keep anything hidden? I feel there should be a sense of transparency between people, but be careful on who it is done with. The people here," she would make a broad motion indicating those within the temple. "Can be trusted with this."

In her turn, she listened to what Stephanie had to say, with the same sense of sympathy, she nodded.

"The trials we each went through has made us who we are today and were for each of us alone. Only you can walk your life's path, same as me. There are times when that is side by side, like now. Other times though, we will be separated."

Tilting her head to the side with curiosity, "how did you fail your masters?"

Waiting on the answer before speaking again, when she did, her gaze fell to her folded hands. "When I was growing up, my people executed those the fell to the dark. So the entire time I was sith, I wanted desperately to just die. I didn't give up though."

Giving Stephanie a warm smile, Jairdain let out a small little snort of amusement, "keep a hold of those dreams."

[member="Stephanie Swail"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

Executions? Wanting to die? Stephanie swallowed. The people of the darkness seemed to torture themselves and their own in pursuit of glory. The ones who survived seemed to battle even more demons regardless.

”That’s awful. How can they proclaim what they do is just when they use such…brutal methods? I could never side with that. Never.”

She sat back in the chair and laced her fingers across a knee.

”I don’t even know if the Masters knew I was even there. I wasn’t taken under by anyone really, and I was there just as quick before I left. I was nervous, anxious and hid in the shadows, afraid to get stuck in. It’s only now on my return I’m really trying to inject myself into the Order and be somebody. Y’know?”

She smiled and cocked her head.

”That’s why I’m here. Following my dreams.”

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

Jairdain could sense Stephanie misunderstood what she meant about her own people and went to clarify that confusion.

"No, my people were so very light sided. When somebody went dark, they were executed. Master Arisa didn't like hearing that though for some reason. That was why I wanted to just die when I was dark. My people would have killed me. You see, we had no light or dark. So my learning growing up is far different than what the Jedi would teach."

Maybe it was saying too much about her own past and how she was raised. It may even cast a shadow on any lessons if Stephanie thought they were of a dark skill set. That wasn't what Jairdain was going to pass on to her though.

Listening to what she had to say brought a smile to Jairdain's face and an agreeing nod.

"When I joined the Jedi, I wanted to a diplomat or consular. Now though, having been a dark path for a time, I'm not sure where I would best fit."

Going along those lines, it dawned on her she didn't know where Stephanie's skill set was and where she needed help.

"Would you like to go to one of the meditation rooms or outside to a quiet area to start the lesson for today?"

[member="Stephanie Swail"]