Night Terrors

[Cassius Droma]

TIE fighters roared all around him. His shield indicators were already beeping at him to let him know they were at less than twenty-five percent. Laser cannon fire just barely grazed by his hull.

“Green Squadron, engage those fighters! We need to make sure those ships get away safely!” Admiral Pok Nonobru’s voice came over the comm, his tone as inspiring and courageous as ever, despite facing overwhelming odds.

“Green Three, I’ve got one on my tail!”

“I’m on it!”

“Where are you, Green Three!?”

“Almost there!”

“I can’t shake him!”

“Green Three?!”

“GREEN THREE!”

Cassius’s eyes snapped open and he sucked in a deep breath, his body becoming rigid with fear. His breaths were short and fast, and a he could feel a cool sweat on his legs and neck. Fists clenched around the blanket over him, as if it could protect him from anything. Green eyes darted around the room, but couldn’t see anything. It was so dark… just exactly where…

It took him a moment, and only a moment, to remember where he was. Voss. The Silver Jedi Temple. Medical Ward. As his eyes adjusted, he could see the faint blue lights of the medical systems around him, monitoring his heart rate and breathing. Slowly, his vital signs would return to normal as the fear began to trickle away. He moved the covers down to his waist, letting the cool air come to his face and neck.

The last thing he remembered before waking up in a bacta tank was punching his hyperdrive and asking the Force to let him live. Apparently, it had heard his plea, because two days later the sound of his own filtered breathing had woken him up, only to see the light blue liquid all around him. He’d had some extensive injuries, according to the doctors and healers that had originally intercepted him and put him on a medical frigate. Noticeable burns to his face and neck from his controls exploding, and somehow, the tibanna gas in his blaster had ignited and nearly lit his flight suit on fire. Luckily, the bacta had been able to heal most of the burns to his head and leg.

The most concerning had been the head trauma from the whiplash due to his damaged hyperdrive, which was why he was still in the Medical Ward on Voss. He’d been transported back here three days ago, and was still undergoing treatment. Now, he just took bacta soaks in the morning and afternoon, rather than around the clock. The headache had died down, he noticed. Bacta certainly felt like a divine gift, and the Jedi healers around here could work wonders.

All the bacta and Jedi healing powers in the galaxy couldn’t stop the screaming inside his head, though.

[member="Valae Kitra"]

 

[Valae Heavenshield]

Inside her office, Valae Kitra sat quietly with a cup of tea. Tired eyes were scanning the screen of a datapad that contained medical files. Though she was now Grandmaster of the Silver Jedi Order, she had not given up her duties as a chief healer. Of course, her time within the healing halls was limited now. And so, most of the routine cases were now handled by her colleagues. The cases that did reach the desk of the Grandmaster were often those that needed extra care.

The latest patient was no exception.

Valae read the reports given by the staff of the medical frigate that had recovered Cassius Droma. The medical narrative was grim, the condition he had been found in required very intensive care. His injuries and burns had been seen to, and were well on their way to being completely healed. But the trauma he had suffered was still quite troubling. No doubt, the wounds to his memories and mind would need time. Celeste Rigel had been seeing to Cassius’ daily care, she was a gentle and skilled healer. Now, the Grandmaster would look in on the patient herself.

Rising from her desk, she made her way down the hall. Outside the temple, early morning was just breaking. The very first light of the day was only a small glimmer. As she entered the medical quarters, she felt a shiver of panic and anxiety. Immediately, her eyes shifted to a door down the hall. Her boots brought her there swiftly – it was Cassius Droma’s room. Setting a small knock on the door, she paused before entering.

“Good morning,” She said, offering a kind smile as she approached his bedside. “My name is Valae Kitra, I’ve come to look in on you.”

Her gaze flickered to the medical equipment that stood next to her patient’s bed. His pulse was elevated, but there was no immediate danger.

“How are you feeling today?”

[member="Cassius Droma"]

 

[Cassius Droma]

There was a knock at the door. Cassius’s brow furrowed and he looked up. That was quick. Had he really spiked the readings that badly? As the door opened, Cassius reached over to the bed controls and pressed the switch that would raise the upper half of his body up so he was more in a sitting position. He gave the woman a half-hearted smile as she entered the room. Was it really morning, already? Due to the first traces of light trickling into the room through the blinds, he supposed it was.

At least he had slept through the night. Most of it.

Valae Kitra. He knew that name. Where had he heard it before? Wait. Of course he knew the name. She was the Grandmaster of the Silver Jedi Order. And yet, here she was, just checking in on him. Like she was just a normal doctor. He would ignore for the time being that the head of one of the largest Jedi organizations in the galaxy was standing in front of him.

“As well as I can be, I guess,” Cassius said, trying to sound optimistic. He probably looked better than when they’d pulled him out of that cockpit, that was for sure. “Headache’s nearly gone, and my memory is coming back.” When he’d woken up at first, all he could remember was basic facts – he was a human, he was a Jedi, he was a pilot, he was from Rinn, etc. He’d quickly started to put everything back together, but a lot of things had still been a blur.

Everything was clear, now. Especially the battle.

He looked over to the small nightstand next to his bed, seeing a tall metal flask of water. Suddenly realizing he had a dry mouth, he reached over, popping the cap off and draining half of it. Letting out a deep breath, he looked back up at Master Kitra.

“I’m really hoping that the reason you’re here isn’t because I’m dying,” he said, trying his hand at dark humor.

[member="Valae Kitra"]

 

[Valae Heavenshield]

Valae pulled out her patient’s chart and gave it a quick scan. As he answered, she acknowledged the optimism in his tone with a smile. She added a few notes of her own concerning his headache, and the fact that his memories were returning. This was a crucial time. Many used traumatic memories to cope, some were quite overwhelmed, and there were a few that experienced temporary setbacks due to the shock.

“Good,” She said as she replaced his chart, “I’m glad to see that you’re on the mend.”

She swept to the other side of the bed and pulled up a chair. And as Cassius made a quip about the reason for her visit, Valae gave a small chuckle as she lowered herself into the chair.

“No, no. Nothin’ like that.” Valae shook her head slightly, “I’m just here to help.”

Valae recalled the reports from the medical frigate, especially those that detailed the moments they had found Cassius and pulled him from the cockpit of a fighter. However, the time before the accident was still very much of a mystery. Drawing in a breath, she decided that this might be a good opportunity to test the waters. Focusing, she began to radiate an aura of calm that would reach out to Cassius. If it took hold, her patient might even find that the remaining headache would begin to fade.

“Now, I don’t want to rush you… but now that you’re able to recall, can you tell me what happened?”

[member="Cassius Droma"]

 

[Cassius Droma]

Cassius knew that this was slightly more than a routine checkup when Master Kitra sat down in the chair. They were going to have a conversation, it seemed. He could feel the sense of calm emanating from her, not exactly sure what it was at first. Taking in a deep breath, he exhaled slowly, trying to clear his mind of the mix of emotions that always began swirling when he thought about it.

“I had been attached to Admiral Nonobru’s fleet,” he began, looking away. His eyes came glassed over. This part was easy – just pure information. “We were called to sector 27-AJ – the Empire was attacking. We geared up and headed out, but got there a little late – the retreat had already been sounded. We knew that someone had to stay behind and help cover for the main ships while they jumped to hyperspace, though… so that’s what we did.”

He paused for a moment, envisioning himself taking off from the hangar bay and throwing himself into the battle arena. A feeling of anxiety started to rise in his chest, struggling with the soothing aura from Master Kitra. Breathe in, breathe out. He continued, “I was part of Green Squadron – interceptors, mostly. Our job was to engage as many fighters as we could in order to give our cruisers enough leeway to get out of there. We pretty much knew we were screwed the moment we saw them coming. But we also knew we had to buy time.”

“I’m a good pilot. I know that. But I got slammed pretty badly. My shields went down to fifty percent seconds. Comms with our command ship went down soon after that – we were flying blind. One by one, we started to be picked off…”

He had to stop for a second. The sounds of his squad mates yelling in his ear, whether it was for him, for their families, or just their terrified wails before being suddenly snuffed out resurged through his memory once again. He tried his best not to get choked up – the Grandmaster of the Silver Jedi Order was sitting in front of him, after all. And yet, he knew he had to get it out now, before he bottled it up too much for later. “I had gotten to know those guys pretty well…”

His breathing became short and shallow, much like they had been when he’d woken up a few minutes ago. He unconsciously gripped the sheets under his hands. Not allowing himself to start sobbing, he took in a deep, shaky breath. No. No. He was not going to cry in front of the Grandmaster of the Silver Jedi Order.

[member="Valae Kitra"]

 

[Valae Heavenshield]

Valae leaned forward slightly in her seat, ready to listen. Canting her head to the side, she watched as her patient’s eyes shifted, and his gaze was far away now. The words seemed to come easily at first, but she could see that Cassius was beginning to experience difficulties. There was a small tingle of nerves, even Valae felt it. Concentrating, she attempted to strengthen the flow of her calming energy… but the anxiety within Cassius threatened to repel it.

Her eyes softened as Cassius paused. Truly, Valae could only imagine what he had been through.

“It’s just fine,” She said soothingly, and stood for a moment to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Just take your time.”

Valae could see Cassius’ chest and shoulders rising and falling quickly. Squeezing his shoulder ever so slightly, she gave him a small nod. “Go on, experience the emotions have risen to the surface, and then try to release them. It’s easier said than done, I know --”

There was a tiny knock at the door.

She offered Cassius a reassuring smile, and then left his side for a moment to answer it. It was a nurse with a tray of breakfast. Valae accepted the tray, and let the door swing closed behind her. There was a small bowl of warm oatmeal, slices of fruit, toasted bread, and some eggs. It looked like a hearty meal, and it smelled quite good, too. Seeing as Cassius had already adjusted his hospital bed, Valae set the tray down on the table and swiveled it over his lap.

“A good day starts with a good breakfast, eat up.” She grinned, and lowered herself back down into the chair. “You know, I almost drowned once… on Arkas.” Valae said, silently acknowledging that it may seem a bit random. “After that, I had a crippling fear of water… I still struggle with it. But now that time has distanced me from those memories, I’m able to look back objectively. Almost like I’m watching the events unfold like a holofilm.”

Valae matched gazes with Cassius.

“What I’m trying to say is… It gets easier, it really does.”

[member="Cassius Droma"]

 

[Cassius Droma]

The hand on his shoulder was… incredibly comforting. His breathing slowed a little, his hands stopped shaking, and he closed his eyes. He loosened his grip on the sheets.

“I took a pretty bad hit to my hyperdrive, and I knew right then and there that if I didn’t high-tail it out of there soon, I’d be dead just like everyone else.” Information. All she needs is information. “So, I tapped in the first coordinates I could think of and punched it.” Once again, a sound came back to him – the loud, smacking sound of the malfunctioning hyperdrive and everything exploding around him. It was such a sudden, scary sound, and it was the last thing he had heard before waking up.

There, that was it. Done. Master Kitra told him to experience the emotions, to let loose the floodgates, so to speak. Just when he could feel those emotions well up in his chest, there was a knock at the door, and Master Kitra turned her back. Cassius let out a deep breath and gathered himself. He was going to be alright. Cassius was the kind of man who did his crying in private, if need be.

He eyed the food with a false optimism in order to hide his caution. Since he’d just been so agitated recently, he wasn’t sure if his stomach could handle such a big meal at the moment. It looked good though, for hospital food. Maybe they actually had a decent model autochef in this ward. Either way, after he tested the oatmeal, his hunger kicked in, and he started to eat.

His eyebrow raised when she began to relate her own traumatic experience to him. He briefly wondered if she told many people this to make them feel better – it was certainly effective. The young Jedi slowed down in eating, picking at items before eating them. It wasn’t that her story bothered him, but it was that he was contemplative. He looked up at her as she looked to him and their eyes met.

Nodding, he took a deep breath. “I know…” he murmured. “It fades… but it never really goes away. I’m from the Outer Rim – I’ve seen people die. Some of them I was close to.” Two distinct memories came to mind. The first was of a friend of his that had gotten stuck outside in the tundra and froze to death. The second was a fellow patrol pilot, and he’d watched her A-wing disintegrate in front of him. He still thought about that, every now and then.

“It’s just… I’ve never been so close myself, you know?” he said, looking back to her. “It puts a lot of things into perspective.”

[member="Valae Kitra"]

 

[Valae Heavenshield]

“You’re right,” Valae nodded, “It does put a lot of things into perspective.”

She spared a last thought for her near death experience, letting the memory go without reliving it. It had taken her a long time to reach this point, where she could speak about the event without feeling the shiver of fear. Valae was also very pleased that she could not dip her toes into the ocean without being seized by terror. Still, that didn’t mean she would ever be a fan of swimming.

It was good to see Cassius take a few bites of his meal, even if his appetite had not fully returned.

“So, where are you from?” Valae asked, purely out of curiosity. But she figured that a change of topic might be a good way to keep the mood light. “I’m actually from Tatooine.”

A fond smile crossed her face at the thought of her home, but it was short-lived. She had heard that her home world had recently fallen into the clutches of the Galactic Empire. Given that the GE had launched several attacks against the SJO, it seemed that she would not be able to return for the foreseeable future.

“I’ve been here on Voss for some time; it’s one of my favorite places in the galaxy.” She said, grinning. Sure, she was a bit biased… “Still, it’s a nice place to rest and recover – and that’s exactly what you need right now. You’re very welcome to stay here at the Silver Temple, even after you’ve been discharged from the medical ward.” Valae nodded, “And if you get the chance, you should visit the Shrine of Healing in Voss-ka.”

The Jedi healer had befriended the Mystics at the Shrine, and the Silver Jedi were welcome to roam the healing halls there. It was a tranquil place, and there was much healing energy present. Valae realized that she was starting to ramble, and made an attempt to steer the conversation back to matters at hand.

“Speaking of rest – how have you been sleeping?” Her head canted to the side slightly.

[member="Cassius Droma"]

 

[Cassius Droma]

Cassius began to slowly pick at his food, taking the occasional bite. The more he talked to the Grandmaster, the more he felt at ease. Perhaps it was a Jedi technique he wasn’t aware of, or perhaps it was the fact that Valae was genuinely a nice person. Either way, he found the walls he put up in social situations start to slowly – very slowly, fade away.

The conversation turned to a lighter subject – she asked where he was from. “Rinn,” Cassius said, holding up a hand to his mouth as he chewed on some egg. “Not far from Tatooine, actually.” The little dustball that could, he recalled in his mind. As a budding historian and archaeologist, Cassius had absolutely gorged on Jedi history as of late, and the desert planet had come up more than once. “It’s a very cold place – we had to live completely indoors. Not exactly a tourist attraction.”

From what he could remember about the galactic map he’d been given by a pilot friend of his before he left Rinn, Tatooine was under Imperial rule. That couldn’t make going back easy. Cassius considered himself lucky that his homeworld was so far out of the way – the people he still cared about were relatively safe.

“You ever think about going back?” he asked, even though he knew the true weight of the question. A part of him felt guilty that he hadn’t gone back to see his parents since he left a few months ago. He tried to keep in regular contact with them, but sometimes comms were spotty.

He glanced over to the window when she mentioned the beauty of the planet they were on. The blinds were drawn, but he knew what was on the other side. “It’s truly a place for Jedi, that’s for sure,” the smallest of warm smiles came to his face. The past few months, he’d seen planet after planet, more than he’d probably seen in his whole lifetime up until that point. Voss had a certain tranquility that was hard to describe or replicate.

“I’ll do that,” he said, “visit the shrine, I mean. There’s still work to be done, though…” There was still time on his tour of duty here, and he didn’t want to spend the rest of it stuck in a hospital. Would it mean that he would stay away from the fighting and be safe? Yes, but he didn’t want that guilt of knowing he could be out there helping.

When asked about how he was sleeping, Cassius sighed. “It’s… been getting better,” he murmured. “Honestly, I was sleeping better in the bacta tanks. The nightmares… they still happen. It’s what woke me up this morning. When I do fall asleep, it’s just from being so tired that I couldn’t possibly be awake any longer.”

His eyes met hers again. “I can’t imagine it’s been easy for you, either. Having to juggle all of this.” This wasn’t normal, the patient asking how the doctor was doing, but Cassius wasn’t the type of man that liked to ramble on about his problems without asking the other how they were doing.

[member="Valae Kitra"]

 

[Valae Heavenshield]

“Rinn,” She repeated, “Heard of it, but never been there myself.”

For a moment, Valae imagined what Cassius’ home world must be like. Even his brief description made her shiver. Having grown up under two suns, she had always been a fan of the heat. Sure, it hadn’t always made for ideal conditions, but now that she had been gone for so long… she missed it. And of course, there was the sand… but she wouldn’t get started on that topic now.

Her brows lofted at the sound of his question. Did she ever think about going back?

“All the time,” She admitted a bit sheepishly. “But now… I don’t think that will be possible.”

Valae sighed and looked away. It had been difficult to find out that the Imperials had descended upon her home world. Though she no longer had family there, her home and scrap yard had been left behind. At least, there wasn’t anything of true value there now. Still, the thought stung quite a bit.

“Tatooine is full of history, that’s for sure.” She said, mustering a smile.

As Cassius moved on to answer her question about sleep, she nodded as she listened. Nightmares were fairly common following traumatic events. And as elusive as it might have seemed at times, sleep was very important for recovery. Reaching into the pocket of her robes, she produced a small amulet that was kept on a silver chain. Valae held it up for a moment, the morning light danced off of the crystals that had been set into the pendant.

“Take this,” She said, holding the chain out to Cassius. “I think this might help. Those are healing crystals, you need only to channel a bit of energy into them and they’ll do all the work. They work great for healing minor wounds, but I think you’ll find this to be especially useful during mediation. The healing crystals are very soothing, and they will help you find some peace.”

Valae blinked, her eyes fixed on Cassius again.

“That’s very kind of you to say,” She smiled, “And It’s not always easy. But I have quite a lot of support here, so I’m not alone in this.” Her head bowed for a moment, she was thankful for the Order, she viewed the members like her kin. “So, what will you do once you’re back on your feet?”

[member="Cassius Droma"]

 

[Cassius Droma]

Part of him still felt guilty for asking about her home planet. At least he could go home – no one claimed Rinn at that time. And yet, he still hadn’t visited, much less contacted his parents after his brush with death. What would he say? That he nearly died? What if they tried to visit him? No, he couldn’t have them do that. He’d just have to visit sometime soon.

“You’d be surprised what you can smuggle,” Cassius noted, taking a sip of juice. He’d seen so many interesting hiding places for slaves, spices, and blasters while on patrols. No doubt, if Master Kitra really wanted to, she could find a way there. Then again, being the head of such an important faction in the galaxy, it’d be dangerous for her to go. If she were captured… it could only mean bad things.

He squinted and his brow furrowed as she held out something to him. Gently letting the amulet rest in his palm, he could feel the warmth already emanating from it. He held it closer, using his thumb to hold the chain in place against his hand. He slowly wrapped his fingers around it. As he put energy into it like she said, the warm spread up his arm like warm water, moving from his bicep, to his shoulder and to his chest. Slowly, he inhaled, and exhaled. Certainly wasn’t a gimmick.

“I… thank you,” he said, truly touched by the gift. Every other doctor so far had just put him in a bacta tank, redressed his wounds, or injected him with a hydrospray. There was the typical, trained bedside manner, of course, but this felt personal. “This will definitely help me sleep better, I think.” He could already feel it. The scientific part of his mind wondered just what type of crystals these were – kyber, maybe?

“A Jedi is never alone,” he mumbled, nodding. It was something the old holograms on Rinn had told him. For our ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is.

She asked what he was going to do once he recovered. “Get back out there, I guess,” he said, heaving a sigh and looking towards the window. “Only when I’m ready, though. I won’t be much use up there if I can’t hold the stick steady.” Instinctively, he flexed his right hand.

“Speaking of getting on feet,” Cassius said, looking back to her. “Mind if we take a walk? I feel like my legs are about to pop off and roll onto the floor.” The past week, he’d done nothing but float in a bacta tank or lie in a bed, only occasionally getting up. He wanted to test and see just how bad his leg was.

[member="Valae Kitra"]