Private No Longer a Jedha Knight

[Caden Evesa]

He was a mess of emotions.

The previous few days had been a wave of heart break, from challenging his best friend, his brother, to losing his best friend to the darkness. Knowing that he was responsible for it made it worse, it made the heartache he was currently feeling one hundred times worse, like a knife was twisting deeper and deeper.

Okkeus Dainlei hated him, of that he was certain. Yet, he didn't mind. He was sure the hate that Okkeus had for him was nothing compared to the hate he had for himself. The hate he had for everything he had become, everything he had done. He hated himself for all of the hurt and pain he had caused to people he cared for.

He didn't deserve to carry the role and title of Jedi.

So he didn't. He had thrown the title away, he wasn't a Jedi anymore. He didn't deserve to be called a Jedi. He was just Caden, Caden Evesa, regular boy. He was just a regular boy who needed to take some time for himself, a regular boy who needed to find himself, work through a few things, a few emotions.

He needed to deal with the hatred he had for himself, he needed to deal with how badly he messed up. He needed to process, discover himself and get over the hatred. He needed to process that his best friend hated him and wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He needed to process that he was just pathetic and worthless.

Jedha, a planet that was bathed in history. A planet that served a testing site for the Death Star, according to it's stories and history anyway. There was no real proof, other than stories and folklore. At the same time, there was no real reason to doubt the stories and folklore, it all added up.

Caden hadn't intended to find himself on Jedha, it was just where the force had guided him. He wasn't entirely sure why the force had guided him to such a place. The young Jedi Padawan (he was fifteen now, did that qualify him as young?) knew of the place but wasn't sure what it could offer him.

He licked his teeth and looked around slowly.

Teyla Sal-Soren

 

[Teyla Sal-Soren]

N A B O O

| Ee'everwest Summer Home, Lake Country |​

“You need to concentrate more on your Jedi training,” Alora chided, pursing her lips and glancing down at Karina, cradled in her mother’s arms. “In a few more years, she’s going to need someone who understands her, Tey. Marcus and Karina aren’t ordinary children.”

Teyla finally looked up from her daughter’s peacefully sleeping face, “I know, but -”

“No buts.” Alora interjected quickly, scooping Karina from Teyla’s arms and gently placing her into bed.

She sighed softly and turned to grasp her younger sister by the shoulders, forcing eye contact. “Nothing is more urgent than this,” she implored, “Baros and Valere are doing fine, they’re working as hard and quickly as they can, but you staring at old case files and hoping to find some shred of missed evidence isn’t going to bring either of them back any sooner.”

There was a short pause. Consideration.

There were dark circles under Teyla’s eyes from the sleepless nights she’d spent obsessing over the Isoto’s and the old TBK files, putting her old detective skills to use and hoping to find that one connection, starting with everything she knew, then trying to loop it all back together to make it make sense. Teyla had known for a while that she was getting nowhere fast with it, but letting go of the case meant she had to face the other hard truths she’d been running from. What happened with Respini.

Alora didn’t know what she’d done, yet… what had happened, why she was still so reluctant to use the Force again and continue her training.

She could tell her now, the full reason for why she was pouring every fiber of her being into the TBK case, but…

“I suppose you’re right,” Teyla reluctantly conceded, taking the easy way out.

“I usually am,” she smirked, and turned away.

Teyla released a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding, her shoulder’s visibly dropping, thankful that her elder sister hadn’t caught on to that small deceit.

“Luca is away on business for the Knights, but he wanted me to give you this,” uncovering a holocron, she placed it into Teyla’s hands. “This will give you all the instructions you need to build your own lightsaber. Teyla, he thinks you’re ready…” Alora smiled that typical, good natured smile that made her heart ache just a smidge. “There’s a ship being prepared to take you to Jedha.”

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J E D H A
| Marketplace, Present |​

Wearing: XOXO

Jedha.

Known to some Jedi as the ‘Pilgrim Moon’, a world of worship for many a Force user that sought guidance on their journey.

Teyla felt the weight of expectation settle on her shoulders. Despite Luca Ioneşti's apparent faith in her, Teyla found that she had very little in herself. After her brush with the darkside, and how easily she’d gone for that power, could she really become a Jedi? Was it in her?

Chestnut eyes closed briefly, experiencing a flash of memories. Respini’s scratching at her throat until it was bloody, gasping for air. The voice echoing in her mind, ‘Kill her’, while Baros’ lifeless body laid crumpled on the ground. She wished it’d all been an illusion, a trick of the Force to make her face her greatest fears, but the memories were real, and fresh. All she could do was try and make peace with the nightmares that plagued her.

And what better place to do that, than here, where the heart of the Jedi resided?

A thought then occurred to her.

Perhaps Luca knew, and this was all a test. It wasn’t something she would put past him, but it begged a new question… how did he know? Maybe it was less about knowing, and more about feeling. For as crass a person as Luca was, and as hard as he tried to cover it up, he was strangely attuned to the emotions of those around him. She wouldn’t go as far as saying they shared a Force bond, but perhaps he felt the regret, and that cold emptiness she’d carried with her since that day.

She inhaled a deep breath and slowly let it back out in sweet surrender, the yielding of her cynical self, of her doubts.

Whatever it was that the Force wanted her to learn, to do, or see, she opened herself to its will.

Caden Evesa

 

[Caden Evesa]

He was lost.

Not physically, he knew he was on Jedha, yet mentally he was lost. He had no direction anymore, no end goal. He had no friends, no family to fall back on. Everyone that he could have relied on hated him and that just fueled his own self hatred.

Caden memories replayed in his head every time he closed his eyes. Him confronting Okkeus, the fight where Mathieu got hurt, Okkeus and him seeing each other for the last time. The memories that felt like a knife twisting deeper and deeper into his soul continued to haunt him.

He adjusted his Chase Racewear Jacket, unzipping it to reveal the Chase Edgewear T-Shirt he wore underneath. The casual denim trousers he wore underneath were skin tight, fashionable as Damian had told him. It was all he felt he deserved to wear, he didn't deserve to wear his robes any longer.

As far as weapons, he was unarmed, mostly. His lightsaber and Heavy Blaster Pistol had remained on the ship he had "borrowed". They were alongside the book and the helmet that he had gotten when he and Okkeus had explored Takodana, had explored the ruins of the castle.

That memory hurt to think about.

Chirp was on the ship as well, the little astromech was the only company he had. He had no idea what happened to the little guys counterpart, he assumed Mouse was still in the hands of Okkeus. Caden was glad, in a way, that Okkeus had at least some company.

His Theia Glasses were on his t-shirt, his Chase Spymaster and his Chase Wilderness Chronometer taking up a wrist each. That was all he had in terms of weapons and defense, purely because he didn't believe himself to be worthy of carrying a lightsaber any longer.

The Corellian Jedi Credit that Okkeus had given him on Commenor was in his pocket. That was the last thing Okkeus had given him before he had fallen, before Caden had caused his mentor to fall to the darkside. He would never forgive himself for that.

He had entered the market at some point, he wasn't sure when. He had been so lost in his own head, working out exactly what he had on his person and reliving memories that had once been a source of happiness that now caused him pain to think about.

The young boy closed his eyes. The force had drawn him to Jedha, for reasons that it had not yet made clear. Caden wanted to figure out what the reasons were, wanted to figure out if the force was intending to draw him into a trap or if it was being genuine with him.

At first the former Jedi had debated ignoring the call of the force. He wasn't a Jedi any longer, he could ignore the will if he wanted. He didn't have a duty to help people anymore, if he wanted to he could ignore carnage and chaos and just carry on his life.

However, he wasn't that type of person. Caden couldn't sit still while carnage and chaos raged around him, he never had been able to. While others would turn a blind eye, maybe even run from danger, the young boy had always run towards it, desperate to help where he could.

So he had trusted the call of the force. Whatever it wanted him to find, he would find. There was obviously a reason the force had drawn him to Jedha in much the same way there was a reason it had drawn him to Corellia, to Mygeeto and to wherever else it had drawn him.

There was a presence, Caden noted. It was close, it felt close anyway. Potentially even the other side of the market, if not even closer. It felt muddled, much like him, like it couldn't find it's true place between light and dark, like it was struggling to find it's true path.

Much like him.

Teyla Sal-Soren

 

[Teyla Sal-Soren]

J E D A H
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

| Marketplace |
​

The holocron Luca left Teyla, had instructions on how to find a kyber crystal and begin the construction of her very own lightsaber. It was perhaps the most traditional exercise for a Jedi, or so she’d been told. It was all still very new to her, somewhat to her embarrassment. Being half way through your twenties and only a Padawan Learner, knowing that there were teenagers running about with a Knighthood, had a way of keeping you humble.

At least this task would give her something to do while she waited for Luca to return, and continue where they left off in their training. It kept her from thinking too much and being in her head. A moment's reprieve from the never ending nightmares and tragedies that seemed to follow her like a plague.

It’s because you let yourself slip and surrendered to the darkness in you. The energy between all things, and you twisted it to something unnatural, because you were scared.

Teyla could feel the emotions begin to well up inside her, the self doubt and her unwillingness to use the Force, to reach out, came pouring into her. She beat it back as much as she could, but the fear felt suffocating.

She released a shaky breath.

If she wanted to find her way to the Kyber mines then she needed to make peace with herself, first.

Find balance. Seek your center, and put it all back in its proper place. The darkness does not have power over me, not unless I allow it to. Great light, greater darkness. Balance. It all exists together.

She felt her heartbeat slow, and finally allowed the Force to ebb, allowing the Forces will and purpose to guide. A familiar warmth that had been dormant for weeks began to course through her as the world took a different sort of shape and feeling, connections fixing together like the pieces of a puzzle.

Starting to feel a bit of confidence rise up in her, Teyla reached out with her feelings, searching through the tumult of life around her, hoping that the Force would guide her in the direction she needed to go. Everything slowly began to feel attuned to her and she followed in the direction that she felt urged towards.

It did not lead where she had expected.

A presence bloomed in her awareness, and her eyes settled on the form of a young man a few feet in front of her. He was conflict, turmoil, and chaos, not so unlike herself. Teyla felt her curiosity, and confusion, grow.

Why would the Force would guide her here, to this young person? Teyla sighed, feeling that continued pull like an annoying gnat buzzing about her head insistently, and decided to approach with some caution. What was she even going to say? Everything she tried to rehearse inside her head, made her sound like a crazy person.

Here goes nothing…

“Uhm, hey,” she began, pulling her jacket more tightly around herself to try and brace against the chill of Jedha’s cool air. “You wouldn’t happen to know how to get to the Kyber mines, would you?” she proffered a hand in friendly gesture, offering a gentle smile. “My name’s Teyla… and I haven’t been able to get much of a straight answer from the.. locals. Look, if you know of a way to get there, then I would be more than happy to pay for some directions.”

In such close proximity now, Teyla could sense it more clearly than ever. He was Force Sensitive, to boot. How much he was aware of that, was a question that remained unanswered, along with the question of why a kid like him, would be out here all on his own?

Caden Evesa

 

[Caden Evesa]

He was still a force user.

Unfortunately, as much he wished he wasn't, he couldn't just switch the force off. He had never learnt to mask his presence in the force, it was a skill that Okkeus has never gotten around to teaching him, that the mentors within the temple never got around to teaching him.

He was in conflict, he was sure anyone who could sense him in the force could feel that. He was sure anyone who could sense him in the force was feeling the duel and the dance within him, light versus dark. He was sure that anyone who could sense him in the force knew how damaged he was.

He was almost certain that the presence who he could sense was sensing him in return. There was a force user in the area, not all that different to himself. It felt muddled, much like him, like it couldn't find it's true place between light and dark, like it was struggling to find it's true path.

Caden looked up when he heard the voice.

He had expected to be able to blend in, go hidden. He had expected to be just another face. He hadn't expected to come across another force user, especially one who sensed him and spoke to him. It completely threw him from his own mind.

"Ugh, I don't... I'm willing to help you find them though, gives me something to do, you know?"

Teyla Sal-Soren

 

[Teyla Sal-Soren]

J E D H A
| Ai-Jed, Marketplace |
___________________________________________________​

“Alright, great!” she said, adjusting the brown leather satchel hanging on her shoulder. Highly attuned to the fluctuations of the Force, the energy of his conflict swirled and around her like a volatile vortex. Teyla inhaled a breath, then thumbed in a direction over her shoulder. “Guess the first step is finding a map. I'm sure one of these booths ought to have something useful... What did you say your name was?”

___________________________________________________
J E D H A
| Present, Pilgrims Road |​

“Here, there’s a bit left.” Teyla gingerly removed the galvanized pot from the open fire using a folded towel to grab the handle with, tilting it a bit and scraping the last remnants of what was left of their bantha stew into a bowl and passing it to her newest companion. She nodded to it and raised a brow, “C’mon, gonna need all of the energy we can get if we hope to reach the mines tomorrow.”

They’d set up a temporary camp a few miles out of the main hub of Jedha city, having spent hours trekking the pilgrimage route. The evening air was freezing, but the campfire, dinner, and the environ blankets were enough keep them plenty warm. Absent mindedly Teyla stoked the coals, watching the red embers spark and disappear into the night.

In getting to know Caden through the course of the day, Teyla surmised that the Force had some kind of message it wanted her to hear, maybe it wanted them both to? Luca had sent her here for a reason, not only to build her first lightsaber, but she was more sure than ever it was also to help her find hope and clarity on the fears and anxieties that plagued her. It seemed like Caden was a little short on hope, too.

“So, what brought you all the way out here to Jedha?” she asked, trying to steer away from the casual and light conversations they’d stuck to earlier in the day, hoping to get a better idea of who Caden was.

Caden Evesa

 

[Caden Evesa]

"It's hard not to hate. People. Things. Institutions. When they break your spirit and take pleasure in watching you bleed. Hate... is the only feeling that makes sense. But, I know what hate does to a man. It tears him apart. Turns him into something he's not. Something he'd promised himself he'd never become. That's what I need to tell you. To let you know how hard I'm trying not to cave under the weight of all the awful things I feel in my heart. Sometimes my life feels like a deadly balancing act. What I feel slamming up against what I should do. Impulsive reactions racing to solutions miles ahead of my brain"

J E D H A​

The young boy had walked.

He had walked further than he had walked in his life, not that it was a bad thing. He needed to do more walking, needed to try and get a little bit more fit. He had become too used to having the force to enhance his physical abilities, his skills.

The air was bitter, enough to have hairs on the arms of the boy on edge. Most sandy environments seemed similar in that regard, scorching during the day and freezing during the evening. It was all based from his experiences and he was starting to decide he hated sandy planets.

Caden had taken lead on setting up the makeshift campsite, mostly because he felt like he hadn't done anything since they'd set off. He felt like a spare part mostly, good for nothing but conversation. He assumed he was keeping the girl company though.

He was always good for company, he had kept Okkeus company. Mathieu had used him for company, as had Centin and Damian. He sometimes felt that all he was good for was company, he certainly wasn't good enough to be a Jedi, to be a keeper of the peace.

Teyla was a good cook, he couldn't deny that. The Batha stew was incredible and Caden made a point of telling her that so that she didn't feel bad. He wasn't really eating the stew, no matter how good it was. He was mostly playing with it.

He heard the question that Teyla asked him. Silence fell for a brief moment and Caden looked up from the bowl he was playing with. He had asked himself that question through the day, asked himself why he had truly followed the call of the force to Jedha.

Caden trusted the force, and he needed to reiterate a point he had thought of earlier. Whatever it wanted him to find, he would find. There was obviously a reason the force had drawn him to Jedha in much the same way there was a reason it had drawn him to Corellia, to Mygeeto and to wherever else it had drawn him.

He wondered if that reason was Teyla.

"I was lost. I was alone, just floating with no real direction. Everything was taken away in one go, It was only the call of the force that brought me here, yet what it wants me to find, I don't know. Maybe it has a challenge in store for me, maybe it has something else in store"

He looked at her.

"It's hard not to hate. People. Things. Institutions. It's hard to resist the call of darkness. It's hard to resist the pull that it can have on a person. When you fail to resist the pull, when you see your best friend in front of you hurt because of something you did..."

He looked down.

"You don't deserve to call yourself a Jedi. You deserve to have everything taken away from you"

Teyla Sal-Soren