Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Ocnar

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Name: Ocnar

Region: the outer rim

System: The trident system or more widely known as the trident three

Suns: red super giant, white dwarf, neutron star

Orbital Position: habitable zone

Moons: the planet has 2 moons both on elliptical orbits, ther are also 3 satellites all used for threat detection and neutralisation, along with the 3 satellites there is a object of unknown origin belived to be created by the infante empire but that isn't known for sure because no one has been able the keep up with it

System Features: ocnar is th largest ofthe 12 planets located in the system, 5 of them are gas giants, 3 of them are earth like, 1 of them is a lava world and the rest are just baron wast lands, there is also a shattered planet that appears to have kept the same orbit even though it is in pieces.

Coordinates: the planet is located in the hex next to crystalsong

Rotational Period: 34 hours

Orbital Period: 75

Class: frozen giant

Diameter: 200,446km

Atmosphere: type 1

Climate:Temperate is Earth-like until winter when the planet goes into a deep freeze

Gravity: earth like

Primary terrian: ocean (much like komeno)

Native Species: unknown

Immigrated Species: human & kamanoins

Primary Languages: English & kamanoin

Government: democratic

Population: 10.7 billion

deminyon: ocnar alliance

Major Imports: scrap metal & old droids

Major export: weapons & droids

Affiliation: neutral

Major Locations: ocnar is home to an old rakata temple this is currently being studied by Kaminoain scientists

Culture: daily life is simple wake up eat go to work go home, when you start working you get as ineed a job based on your skill but once assigned a job you can't change

Technology: The planet has a fairly high tech level (focused on innovation)

History: near the end of the empires rain the rebles colonised the planet, at the same time the kamanoins were Trying to colonise the planet this lead to a brief battle between the 2 factions but because neither side were ready for the conditions the battle ended in a stalemate, the Rebles desided that an agreement was in order this lead to the formation of the ocnar alliance.

Intent: The intent of this world is to inovate and move forward no matter what even at the expense of there lives
 
[member="Black Bolt"]

I am denying this submission. Next time you add something to the codex, make sure to put thought into it. If you have questions on how you might improve yourself I'd suggest asking here.

Work in progresses are not allowed, by-the-way. So be sure you actually finished your submission and added lots of length and detail before posting.

[member="Valiens Nantaris"]
 
[member="Black Bolt"]

Alright, after further discussion with the judges we're going to give you a chance here to fix up the submission; since you're newer to Codex.

I still strongly suggest you ask questions about the submission first in the link I added to the post above.



Black Bolt said:
Region: on the edge of the outer rim
This should just be Outer Rim.



Black Bolt said:
Suns: the system has 2 suns 1 is a red super giant 1 is a white dwarf and the last 1 is a neutron star
There are 3 stars here, not 2. Make sure you reflect that. :)



Black Bolt said:
Coordinates: x=500000004 y=2009664
When we ask for Coordinates we're actually referring to its location on the map. You can either use hex grid coordinates or the easiest method is to just describe exactly where it is. Such as "In the hex above Crakull."

Affiliation: <Factions, existing or not, the planet would lean toward>

Major Locations: <What are the major locations on your world? At least one paragraph for each. If you wish to add a Force nexus (light or dark), you must follow the instructions below.)



Culture: <General overview of the planet, should include information about daily life, society, government, arts, sports, military, religion>
Technology: <A description of how technologically advanced the planet is relative to the galaxy>
History: <Abridged history of the planet>


Notable PCs: <Native or immigrant player-characters>
Intent: <The purpose and reason for making this planet. Goals for the planet. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!>
Please do not leave this part of the template out of the submission. I expect a detailed history that elaborates both the Gulag Plague/400 Years Darkness and the Netherworld event's consequences on the world. Also add more than a few sentences for the culture and put some careful thought into the major locations, as these are where people will most likely be roleplaying on the world. :)

If you have any questions you may ask me but I cannot help you make your submission as I am the one judging it.
 
[member="Black Bolt"]

Just a head's up. Please don't @Mention me more than once or bump your thread. Usually I'll get to you within the same day and if I don't, PM me if you waited more than two days.



Black Bolt said:
System Features: ocnar is th largest planet in the system, there are 12 planets in the system 5 of them are gas giants 3 of them are earth like 1 of them is a lava world the rest are just baron wast lands, as well as the planets there is a shattered planet that appears to be kept in the same orbit even though it's in pieces.
Can you please proofread this and fix the grammatical errors.



Black Bolt said:
Primary terrian: ocean (much like komeno) Native Species: unknown Immigrated Species: human & kamanoins Primary Languages: English & kamanoin
By-the-way. The planet is Kamino, and they're Kaminoans. Could you please correct this?



Black Bolt said:
Caminoain
Same here.



Black Bolt said:
History: near the end of the empires rain the rebles colonised the planet at the same time the kamanoins were Trying to colonise the planet this lead to a brief battle between the 2 factions but because neither side was ready for the conditions the battle ended in a stalemate the Rebles desided that a agreement was in order this lead to the formation of the ocnar alliance.
Also please proofread this and make edits to the grammatical errors.

I understand for some English isn't a first language so I suggest putting what you write into this English spellchecker.

Once you fix that I can take us to the next step.
 
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