Private Of Wolves and Men

[Gerwald Lechner]

W O L F​

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Alkor Centaris

Footsteps echoed in the dark. The sound of heavy breathing filled the ears. There was a damp scent to the air. Everything felt wide open and yet intimately close. Eyes darted back and forth underneath closed eyelids as the lupine lay in his bed, dreaming. For many nights now something, or someone, had been trying to reach him. Gerwald could feel a presence, and while pushed him to want to remain awake, his curiosity lured him to his sleep.

“WHO ARE YOU!?”

His words seemed to fall flat and echo through the open space at once. He was seeing something, if there was light to see. Darkness enveloped him, and yet… the thought could not be placed. There were no words to describe the sensation. Gerwald simply knew the darkness was not truly darkness.

Everything was still. Was he being chased?

Finally there was a roar, then…
​

NOTHING.​

Gerwald woke with a startle, his body covered in sweat. His heart was beating as though he had just taken down a large kill after a wild chase through the forest. The hairs on the back of his neck and arms stood tall, instinct telling him there was danger nearby. Hands gripped his sheets as he rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. His blue eyes focused on the light fixture just above his bed.

A sigh and release. A deep breath in and a slow breath out.

CALM.​

Rushing to the shower, Gerwald flipped on the cold water. He could feel the rush of adrenaline as his body came into contact with the frigid stream rushing out of the showerhead. He stood there for several moments until he was used to the temperature. Clearing his mind of all thoughts, every distraction, Gerwald washed himself and readied himself for the day. He was supposed to meet his… Master… later, and he knew Alkor Centaris would sense the unease right away.

The man had a way of making Gerwald feel like a child again, his wisdom coming from lessons he hoped Gerwald would never have to take. If the lupine would listen and apply what the man offered, perhaps Gerwald could avoid the difficulty and pain the newest Exarch carried somewhere deep within himself. Gerwald had seen the damage to the Exarch first hand, and knew the man was trying to help him avoid the same. There would still be a high cost, even sacrifices along the way, but Gerwald knew he could not sit idly by when loved ones were lost, and the Confederacy left exposed.

He let his hair hang loose as he dressed in a simple white shirt and black pants. The meeting between them would be anything but formal, their last one ending up in a duel. Gerwald made sure his lightsaber was secured to the belt which was fastened around his waist. Alkor’s teaching method thus far seemed to be rather hands on, something Gerwald liked. Being a warrior at heart and a predator by nature, Gerwald appreciated the small amount of danger that was attached to his lessons.

Not all of them would be physical.

The wolf was a weapon, even its very nature, and Alkor had told Gerwald he needed to learn how to harness what he already had. Today they would explore what that meant for him. He was just learning what it meant to follow the path Alkor had sworn no one else would travel, and Gerwald still needed guidance. Unlike their last meeting which required Alkor’s repeated attempts to kill the Lupine to bring him to some understanding, Gerwald was ready to listen.

They had arranged to meet away from prying eyes, outside of the main city where there would be too many to spectate. While Gerwald was comfortable with who he was, and what he could do, he did not need an audience while learning. There were even those among the Knights Obsidian who were fascinated by his ability to shift, and were more curious about the wolf than the man. In truth Gerwald was both, one and the same. Alkor seemed to understand there was no distinction. He would need to anyway, if he planned on helping the Lupine.

“Far enough away from prying eyes I suppose, though next time we go off world and find a forest. I would kill for a good hunt,” blue eyes flicked to the shorter man as Gerwald approached from the left.

He was quiet for a moment.

“I had the dream again,” he finally said. There was no need to hide it.​

 

[Alkor Centaris]

The unforgiving desert heat yielded to a night devoid of warmth. Geonosis was a hell that went wildly undomesticated before Metus' Confederacy took up residence and slowly shaped it into the heart of a Galactic Superpower. Outside of Golbah, much of the planet still had the ability to slaughter droves of unprepared or unlucky civilians.

A man-made oasis offered shelter for those who needed to cross the desert by foot. Not unlike the cooling stations within Golbah City, this was the first of many checkpoints on the overland route. It was very sparsely trafficked. The Exarch, newly announced, disliked the politics that surrounded him.

It was precisely that which made him Isley's ideal hand. The others- Talon, who had the ability to sit and work with others, and Locke, who was a leader and relatable man- were faces. Like the character of Darth Metus, they stood at the forefront, in the eyes of the people.

Alkor remained a creature operating from shadows. Today, his garb was suited for desert travel. A swathing black Thobe that hung loose from his form, white trousers, and sandals. One of the Knights Obsidian had been particularly oppressive about him needing a wardrobe update; and sometime after her death, Alkor had acquiesced.

He stared out from the transparisteel at the clear, starry sky. His meditation broke again, as if on cue. Whenever Alkor dared come too close to sleep, the nightmares jumped at him.

No man who does what you do deserves to sleep the night through, Centaris.

He still remembered the words, even if their speaker was lost to time. More than likely, someone who got close enough to know what he was. Someone who he'd killed, perhaps.

Do you still see their faces?

No. Names, faces- ephemeral things. It's the soul that sticks with you. The fear they felt. Their pleas for mercy. How hard they fought to survive.

Can you at least remember the first time?

He heard the footsteps as Lechner approached, but did not turn. The man's words interrupted the memory, but the odd sentiment from the young Knight overlapped his previous thought.

I'd kill...

"You're certain it's a dream?" Alkor inquired. "Not a memory, or something subtle but invasive?"

The Force was powerful, but also discrete. If someone willed something into the man's subconscious, there was the possibility it could manifest on command. The Lesser Zambrano could easily have left Gerwald something to remember him by.

Alkor knew that, because he'd seen what the man did to Knight Darcrath.

"Search your feelings, and go deep. What do you sense about this dream of yours?"

Gerwald Lechner

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

W O L F​

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Alkor Centaris

Alkor sat still, calm even, as Gerwald approached, yet what the lupine could feel from the man was anything but. It seemed the two were both haunted by their own demons, a reality Gerwald was prepared to embrace as permanent. The question which came from his master penetrated him to the core of his being. Gerwald had always assumed it was a dream. He knew he had been given the rank of master much too early in his training. His only claim to the title was facing Prazutis and returning alive. It was not enough, but Gerwald accepted the rank because Naedira had always believed he could be more.

Gerwald turned his head to the right, slightly. His eyes regarded the man next to him, then turned to look up at the stars which Alkor seemed to be focused on in the moment.

“No… I am not sure, now that you mention it.”

He was being honest. Alkor had found a way to break through all the excuses Gerwald built as a wall to what his true motivations were. There was nothing left but honesty between them, whether that would be a mistake or not, Gerwald trusted Alkor.

A breath was taken in, fresh, not stale like the arid desert which surrounded the oasis. He searched his mind for the words to explain the dream, vision, whatever it was that had been haunting his sleep.

“Invasive is a word for it,” Gerwald nodded, “but something more. I am surrounded by darkness, everything is distant and yet close, it’s damp, cold. I am being chased by something, and there is a presence, strange and yet intimately familiar. I do not know if I am me in this dream or not, and it only happens when I am asleep.”

Gerwald sighed.

“Always, when I am asleep.”

Blue eyes closed as another heavy sigh escaped his lips. What was there in his feelings that would betray the source of the dream. Gerwald did not even know why it had come to him, but more he pondered what Alkor said the more he believed it was not something which originated from him.

Someone was trying to reach out to him. Someone wanted him to see something, to know something. The question was who? Perhaps Gerwald was assuming too much, but deep in his thoughts, his feelings, he knew this was not him. There was something else he knew.

“It is not Prazuits. Nothing about him is subtle.”

No, the Mountain would never be so subtle when it came to lording his dominance over the lupine. His arrogance would not allow him to be. If what Alkor observed about the Sith to be true, then Prazutis would barrage Gerwald’s mind in very obvious ways which would leave no doubt as to the identity of the intruder. No, the subtlety itself seemed an act of kindness. Was it invasive, yes, but it was not hostile, nor was it malicious.

“A friend perhaps, in trouble?”

Gerwald could only question because he was not sure. While Naedira had helped Gerwald learn the art of mental manipulation, the lupine had certainly not mastered it. It was a tool, one he was certain his enemies would not expect from one who looked so brutish. Had Alkor known of Gerwald’s decision to use his own size as a distraction perhaps he would have been proud.

Blue eyes looked to the ring which carried the presence of the woman he loved. Gerwald knew the truth now. It was not fair that Alkor would find her bound to him in this way. It was one final cruelty Darth Prazutis had intended to wound one, but instead had wounded two with that choice. Gerwald averted his gaze after lingering a moment too long. He was supposed to be gaining control of his passions, but where Naedira was concerned, Gerwald knew his feelings were strong, genuine, they were pure. It was the only pure thing in his life, and Gerwald was not about to let go of that.​

​

 

[Alkor Centaris]

C L A R I T Y​

"You are correct," Alkor replied. "The body, mind, and spirit of all things are connected through the Force; but we cannot comprehend the emotions of others so plainly. Your consciousness rationalizes those things in the most sensible way it can. Through empathy."

Alkor gestured toward Gerwald. "What you describe in your dream is a primal terror. Fear. Angst. Baser instinct. You can separate that from how you feel toward Prazutis. That has evolved from simple fear into contempt, loathing, and malice. It cannot be the same."

Alkor turned to glance sidelong at the Lupine. He could feel what the man would not put to words. Was it shame that stayed him, or perhaps fear of reproach? Emotions were central to the lesson that he intended, and so, he decided.

"I will pose the next question to you as a choice," he said as he turned to face the man, clutching the ring that hung close to his chest. He gripped it, peeled it away from his neck, and held it out in the space between them. "You can take this right now," he told the man. "Do what you will with it, and we need never speak again. Or,"

Alkor pulled his arm back, only slightly. "You can leave the burden with me. Regardless, I understand it will not change your emotions, nor am I asking for that."

It fell to Gerwald to decide what Alkor's meaning was.

Gerwald Lechner

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

W O L F​

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Alkor Centaris

”Gerwald struggled with what Alkor meant in regards to the dream. Yes, the base feeling of fear and the differences between that and his feeling toward Prazutis were clear. What was not clear was why Gerwald experienced it all in the first place. While Alkor could help him to understand it, Gerwald was digging for a much simpler question, why? The answer would likely be more complex than the one word would ever imply, but that was where the Lupine was. He wanted to know why he was having the dream in the first place.

That line of conversation was over when his master noticed the way Gerwald looked at the ring. Alkor could sense Gerwald’s jealousy, contempt, whatever the mix of feelings were. The Lupine did nothing to hide what he thought of the situation from the man. The new Exarch had more than demonstrated his ability to handle Gerwald’s honesty, so Gerwald hid nothing from him. It was base and simple trust, but it was a trust needed if Gerwald was to learn.

Eyes looked down at the ring. It was within his grasp. All he had to do was take it, and his promise to keep Naedira safe and find a way to bring her back would be within his power once more.

Alkor called it a burden. The word caused him to look up at the man.

“And what makes you think it would be a burden to me,” Gerwald asked with genuine curiosity. “What burden would it be than what I already carry. You have said it yourself that my feelings will not simply change. Her importance makes her current reality a burden whether I carry the ring or not. Why shouldn’t at least have the satisfaction of feeling as though I am not powerless to do more than hope?”

Gerwald sighed as he motioned for Alkor to keep the ring. Everything within him screamed it was a mistake to allow Alkor to keep it. Yet, Gerwald also knew that until they could find a way to bring her back the ring would serve as a constant reminder that his promise to her was not kept, even if it had been her choice to face Prazutis. Her absence was already that however, and knowing part of her was still living in some kind of reality, it still haunted his mind.​

“You tell me I am supposed to use what I have and make it my weapon. Tell me then… how am I supposed to take these feelings and shape them into something I can use?”​

 

[Alkor Centaris]

"It may be, or it may not," Alkor replied. In truth, it burdened Alkor because he allowed it to. In any instant, he could have cut it out or thrown it aside. The duality existed in all men: what was worthy of holding on to, and what needed to be cast off in order to move forward?

Alkor decided that Naedira's memory was worthy to remain a part of his past. Her spirit was not gone. The vow he made, to bear her to whatever fate came was forged of his own volition. The Jen'jidai did not idly break vows.

"What stands is that you make the distinction about what meaning things hold to you. A Sith follows their passions to their ideal of freedom- but if you thrall to your vices and urges, are you free?" Alkor withdrew the ring and clenched his fist around it.

Soon.

"You cannot throw away the feelings," he explained, "but you can decide how you pursue them. You can decide to what extent they drive you. You alone decide whether they are your motivation, or your impulse."

Alkor put the item away. "Temptation will always exist. The easy path forward will often present itself. Does the hunter act when the prey is most able to defend itself, or does he bide his time and wait for the proper moment?"

He watched Gerwald now as he spoke. "Whether the iron is hot, or cold, the strike will come all the same. You must learn to appreciate the merits of patience. Of Control."

Gerwald Lechner

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

G U A R D E D​

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Alkor Centaris

Blue eyes watched as the ring was put back in its place. A sigh escaped Gerwald’s lips. Just because his choice had been to allow Alkor to carry the burden that seemed to be his to bear, the wolf still struggled with it. There was nothing Gerwald would not endure for the fallen Knight who was his closest friend. It was more than just feelings. His promise was not simply borne from a bond neither had intended to form. For the first time in his life, Gerwald knew what it meant to be committed to someone, something, and to know it was given in return. Were the roles reversed, Gerwald knew Naedira would not abandon him to the darkness either.

“Giving the wolf lessons in stalking its prey now, are we,” Gerwald responded with a smirk.

The sarcasm in his voice noted the irony of the words spoken by the Exarch. Alkor was right, whether Gerwald wanted to admit it or not. Still… he was also misunderstanding a fundamental difference between Gerwald and the Sith.

Yes, Gerwald was testimony to how Sith gave into their passions. The natural answer to the question posed to him was, no when one was a thrall to their passions they were not truly free. Prazutis certainly was not. The Mountain of a Sith was a slave to proving his power and significance. Gerwald had made himself a slave to his promise. Alkor should have known. Was he not bound by promise and duty as well.

“They are not just feelings, or passions,” Gerwald finally spoke after pondering the words presented to him. “I am bound by my oath, and even if I were not… this is a thing I am committed to, a person I am committed to. Does that not make it my choice, a binding I have taken of my own free will. Just because I refuse to let go of it, does it mean I am a slave to it?”

He paused. A few breaths were taken in.
​

“The temptation in this instance is only so strong because there is nothing I would not do to see her free. I would carry any burden, and that is my choice. It simply seems that my burden is to realize that I am powerless in this matter. If I had a way to make you understand… to show you why this is so strong I would. I am not the strong mentalist that Naedira was.”

Whether Naedira was strong by comparison to others was not the question. She was stronger than Gerwald and that was his only comparison. Still, Gerwald felt Alkor would benefit from understanding. If only Gerwald could actually show him.​