Private Over and Out

[Jasper Kai'el]

Over and Out
Dawnbreaker
Tags: Iris Arani

Dawnbreaker | Shield Core​

With one swift motion, Jasper drove a newly forged sword into the artificial hill in the center of the gardens on the Dawnbreaker. A grave marker, left in remembrance of a friend he would never get to bury. Calix was a brave young man, no doubt about it. Even at such a young age, he charged into battle never once thinking about where it might land him. To think of the boy's final moments sent chills down the knight's spine, but he had no doubt that Calix had gone down swinging.

It wasn't right, the words in his mind screamed. Everything inside of Jasper seemed to echo the same sentiment. He should've been there. He should've saved him. Maybe that was just his own defeatist nature creeping in, the one that was quick to take the fall for anything that he simply couldn't change, but that didn't keep the thought from festering. Why had Calix been cleared to join the battle at such a young age? He should've argued against such a thing. Had he been given the opportunity, Jasper surely would've appealed to the council to have the boy left on Coruscant. Maybe Calix wouldn't have forgiven him, but that would have been fine.

He still would've been alive.

But there was no use dwelling on what could have been done. Time was cold and cruel, unchanging even in the face of tragedy. All he could do was sit down in front of the grave marker and hang his head in solace. Calix was with the Force now. He shouldn't muddy the boy's peace with desperation. Jasper didn't shed any more tears. That had been taken care of when the news was broken. He simply sat there, unflinching. Reflecting on himself. The Maw had caused this. The War had caused this. Blood was on his own hands now as well, Sith or not. Jasper needed to step away from that. He couldn't let himself be consumed... become the weapon that his creator had tried to forge.

Calix was the warrior. Jasper would let his fighting spirit rest with him. At least while it wasn't needed.

A set of footsteps came, followed by a familiar feeling. He was more aware of the Force at the moment, a rarity for his weak affinity.

"Hey, Iris," the young councilmember sighed, his gaze remaining fixed on the marker. "You come to join me?"

 

[Iris Arani]

"Yeah."

It was the only thing Iris could think to say. She just.. Sat down, beside him. Watched the grave in utter silence. She couldn't think what to say or do. All the wars, all the battles, Iris had been there. For once, though, she hadn't been. She avoided Exegol. And now Calix was dead. Iris wasn't a fool, not any more. She knew full well that the fact she wasn't involved didn't mean Calix died. But it still made her think.

"You okay?"

Jasper Kai'el

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Dawnbreaker
Tags: Iris Arani

Dawnbreaker | Shield Core​

"No," he stated with a slight exhale. "I don't think I am."

He kept his eyes fixed on the sword, even as Iris sat down next to him. He couldn't look away. Not yet.

"I saw him run off," Jasper said. "Lightsaber in hand of course. He charged in with no hesitation... and then I never saw him again. We didn't even exchange words."

Jasper thought he had been done crying, but saying those words proved him wrong. His face remained composed though, and he quickly cleared his face.

"I can't keep doing this," he muttered. "I'm... tired of seeing all of it. Living all of it. I need to step away."

He didn't know for how long. At least until he was desperately needed again. Jasper couldn't deny the fact that he was, as much as he hated it, one of the best combatants in the order. Even with his lower force sensitivity. He just didn't want to use that skill to kill people. He had done that now. Killed people. It was hard to process.

He hated killing.

"I'm a mess," the knight sighed, managing a chuckle. "What else is new?"

 

[Iris Arani]

Oh. He unloaded. Iris blinked slowly as she turned to watch him, then looked back to the grave. She didn't have anything in response, not at first. She'd stepped back and away herself. Put up the Shadow, focused on the healer. Retired her own blade completely. But right now, how was she supposed to be a good friend? She reached out, just to pat Jasper's leg.

"It's not your fault."

Jasper Kai'el

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Dawnbreaker
Tags: Iris Arani

Dawnbreaker | Shield Core​

"I know," Jasper sighed, finally letting his head hang. "I just wish that I could've done something. Anything."

Everyone wished that they could do something. Ultimately, that was the cruel truth about life. Some things are simply beyond your control. That didn't make it any easier. Still, they had to pick and choose their battles. Even internal ones.

"You know, I hadn't killed a person before Panatha," he admitted, "She was Sith, and she probably went through whatever ritual it is that they do to crawl out of hell, but... things have been different since then. E-even if they're Sith, I can't get it out of my head that maybe I have the blood of a Calix on my own hands."

He shuddered for a moment. Would he be able to live with himself if such a thing were the truth? It was hard to decide, The past was the past, after all, and the details were always lost with time. How long would it take for the scrutiny to fade away as well? Maybe it was just best to be critical where he could.

"I guess you're in a similar boat," the knight noted. "You're lightsaber... I don't feel it."

Something must have happened while she was a shadow. Everyone had a breaking point, after all. Even the best.

"What happened to us?"