Private Path of Discovery (Solo Thread)

[Caedyn Arenais]

Location: Svivren Meditation Chambers.
Inventory: Holocron of Jedi Master Veiere Arenais.

Strive for progression,
never perfection.​

Caedyn sat alone within the meditation chamber designated for the Knights and Masters of the Jedi Enclave; Away from the eyes and ears of his respected peers, the privacy was needed now more than ever before. Over the past year, the Enclave of Svivren had become an active conduit for Jedi activity in the Outer Rim once again. Before that, it had been known as The Silent Temple of Qigong Kesh, and when the Je'daii Order had vanished, silence was all that was left surrounding the former Je'daii Steward.

But those days had long since passed, and after some guidance by those within the Order of the Silver Jedi, Caedyn had turned to the life of a self appointed Jedi Knight, using the experience and lessons he had gained and trying to put his abilities to good use. To try and be a positive influence in the lives of others, and to find some direction for himself where he often found a sense of uncertainty and displacement.

There were vast differences between being a Je'daii Steward and becoming a Steward of a Jedi Enclave. Where before he was a simple custodian and caretaker, his position today was that of leadership and responsibility over the lives of others, many of whom were older than him and more experienced.

After remnants of the First Order dealt a crushing blow to the Enclave by invading and leading an attack on all sides of the Jedi Facility, the life and activity of those that remained had surely quietened since. The days before had been those of excitement and hope, yet many had died that day and the confidence in the Enclave's future had seemingly been lost alongside them. While the Enclave itself had been repaired, the hopes and dreams of the youngest Jedi among them had not been so easily replenished. Meanwhile, the Outer Rim was rife with criminality and those trying to live the simplest of lives often found difficulty getting by in a Galaxy that favored the rich and powerful above all else.

The stress and worries riding atop Caedyn's shoulders were vast, heavy and seemingly unending...-But never had he expected to hear the news of his Father's demise at the hands of the Lord of Lies and right hand to the Sith Emperor himself, Darth Prazutis . It had barely been longer than a week since his Mother had broken the news to he and his Sister. Caedyn had since received a visit from Cotan Sar'andor that inadvertently led to some emotional outbursts and much needed venting.

Despite doing his utmost to deal with everything in as calm and a controlled manner, not wanting to appear the failure that he often felt inside, everything just proved too much and no longer could he afford to go on avoiding these issues. This was why he had come to the meditation chambers, carrying with him his father's holocron which he and Loreena Arenais-Valhoun had recovered from their homeworld of Commenor.

Looking to the object radiant in the light of the Force, the hexagonal artifact sat before him, silent and idle in the center of the room.

Only when Caedyn reached out to the Holocron, did it open up and the room seemed to darken around him, his father's keepsake coming to life.

 

[WolfMortum]

The Gatekeeper.
Caedyn Arenais.

An aura of light illuminated the central room around the Holocron, now glowing as it had been activated by Caedyn's will in the Force. Darkness surrounded the perimeter whilst the figure of Veiere Arenais was projected from the inner workings of the artifact, presenting the apparition in clarity identical to the Jedi Master's real appearance, as if Caedyn were truly seeing his father and not the machinations of the Force imbued object before him.

"Greetings, Caedyn" the Gatekeeper spoke in acknowledgement of the young Jedi Knight; It's voice so life-like and no doubt familiar to the Son of the Holocron's creator. "You have activated my Holocron, and so I am here to guide you through all that is stored within" it spoke with a sense of detachment, as if completely unaware of the circumstances around them, focused only on the one whom had initiated the Gatekeeper's purpose.

Though it resembled and carried the memories and knowledge that Caedyn's Father had held up until the day of the Holocron's creation, the Gatekeeper could only provide what had been instilled within the artifact, and otherwise would not be able to give the same sense of support that Caedyn might have otherwise found from the true Veiere Arenais.

"What is it you're hoping to find, and how may I help, my Son".

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn sat there staring at the portrayal of his Father, not quite knowing how to respond. This wasn't his first time using a Holcron, however. In order to study the Alkahest Arts, he had been allowed access to the Holocron of Phylis Alince , during his stay with the Order of the Silver Jedi, and had used the knowledge of the Gatekeeper in order to begin what would be years of further study and research into the subject, for which was still on-going.

What had caught him off guard in this case though, was the fact that the apparition which stood before him was the spitting image of his Father, whom he had only recently learned had been killed, and so the emotions running through him, coupled with the want to reach out to the projection was overwhelming.

"Hey Dad..." Caedyn managed to find his voice, though it trailed as he sought the appropriate words. To an extent, he felt stupid for not wanting to sound weak, the projected figure that was the Gatekeeper held no expectations nor feelings the likes of which his true Father would have, yet that didn't stop Caedyn from feeling like he was suddenly under the microscope, nor change the complexities of their previous relationship as father and son, following Veiere's actions on Deneba.

"I guess...-I'm looking for a few answers" he replied to the question of what he was hoping to gain from the use of the Holocron, his eyes welling up with tears though he swallowed hard and bit back his nerves, doing his best to drive his emotions back down to the pit of his core and ignore the want to break down in the face of his Father's image.

"Someone...Close to me has died, they were killed by the Sith" Caedyn chose not to say who, out of some strange consideration for the Gatekeeper itself. It just didn't feel right to disclose the death of it's creator, not to mention the pain in the admission as it was, was difficult enough. "I'm not doing too well dealing with it...-I'm a Jedi Knight, and I'm in charge of the Svivren Enclave, I'm doing my best but...-Things were hard enough, before this...".

 

[WolfMortum]

"The Jedi Code teaches us to be mindful of our emotions, but it is equally important to acknowledge how you are feeling and choose an appropriate time to deal with whatever it is you are struggling with; This is one of the reasons the Jedi are encouraged to meditate, as it provides a time to reflect inward and to not only commune with the Force, but to better understand ourselves through the lessons we are given in life".

The Gatekeeper stood before Caedyn speaking in a placid tone, it's hands moving to the front and taking hold of one another in a calm and open stance, mimicking the habit that Veiere Arenais had often stood in during his teachings of classes where groups of students would be seated before him in the years now past. It however did not question Caedyn's expression of loss, nor seek further details as to whom the deceased was, more so focusing on what it was being told and responding accordingly.

"Death is a natural part of life, and something we must unfortunately learn how to cope with. It is one of the more difficult obstacles young Jedi face, not just concerning the loss of those we care for, but also those that are killed during a Jedi's assignment or mission in the field" the Gatekeeper continued, "It is often found that Jedi Students or inexperienced Jedi are likely to further pressure themselves with the notion of 'How a Jedi should behave', using the Jedi Code as a reason to justify pushing their emotions away and 'bottling' the ordeal entirely. This is a mistake and will lead to further suffering down the line".

"These emotions are strong, and you must allow yourself time to grieve" The Gatekeeper informed Caedyn, speaking as though it were a matter of fact. "Anger, Sadness, Resentment and loss...-Whatever accompanies the loss of another, these things cannot be carried on with you. As a Jedi Knight, remember that you are also sentient and this time is a natural process that all must go through, least they wish to compromise their future decisions and actions, leading to possible mistakes in your future assignments".

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

It was difficult to listen to his Father's words without feeling a sense of resentment towards how impersonal the projection was treating him, though he had to remind himself that this figure wasn't his Dad, but a representation of him and all of his knowledge and memories contained within. Gatekeeper's were strange yet incredible things, able to hold conversations and react to the users questions and actions, yet they could only provide answers that utilized their personal experience up until the point of the Holocron's creation. They weren't capable of forming personal attachments, and seeking comfort from such a thing wasn't likely to provide the same sense of relief and reassurance that true family might, nor was it healthy.

The Gatekeeper first spoke of the Jedi Code and how it encouraged Jedi to be mindful of their emotions. Having been trained within the Je'daii Order, Caedyn hadn't actually spent a lot of time on the subject of the Code of the Jedi and so while he knew the basics, it wasn't a subject of which he knew a great deal about. That said, every Force User in the Galaxy that had met a member of the Jedi Order knew that they tried to discourage overly emotional behavior as it was expressed that these negative feelings could risk them falling to the Dark Side of the Force. This also conflicted with Caedyn's views of the Force as a whole, a singular entity which was fueled by a persons motives and ambitions; In Caedyn's mind, there was no Ashla without Bogan. No light without darkness. Balance not only existed, but was a crucial factor within the Galaxy, as much so as it was within ones self.

The custodian of the Holocron did however speak of a Jedi's need to deal with their emotional struggles, but that they rather refrained from expressing these feelings until they were in a place of isolation or away from doing any harm; Or atleast, that's how Caedyn understood it. The thought gave him some small hope that he wasn't being as bad an influence on his peers, as well as in the role of a Jedi Knight, that he initially thought of himself. Jedi were sentient creatures, the body and the mind both natural aspects of life and so too the emotions that ran through them. It made sense that such things shouldn't be ignored, the Force was the epitome of all that was natural in life.

When the subject of Death was mentioned, Caedyn's eyes returned intently to the vision of his Father. The Gatekeeper not only spoke of personal loss, and led Caedyn to think of those he had witnessed and caused to fall in battle before now. The first person that Caedyn had killed was aboard one of the Mandalorian vessels in conflict with the Order of the Silver Jedi, the very same fight where Asaraa Vaashe nearly gave her life in order to reinforce their people through battle meditation. Caedyn could still recall the feeling of life being drained from their body's, as if the Force had left them completely and instead, only a void remained. The thought that those related to the men lost during that war, especially those whom Caedyn had cut down, being forced to suffer through such grief the likes that he felt today for his father...-He hated the idea that his own hands were the cause of such distress. It had crossed his mind in the past, yet this was the first time losing someone so close to him and so it all came flooding back so much stronger.

"The Jedi do their best to avoid killing wherever possible, but it's not always that straight forward. Sometimes, we're not given much of a choice when it means protecting ourselves or others..." Caedyn replied with a sense of uncertainty and apprehension in his voice. "We do what we have to do, so that others aren't forced to shoulder the burden that we as Jedi, bare" he added with a little more confidence; "But in this case, I wasn't there. This person was killed by a Sith Lord...-How am I supposed to deal with that? I know their name, and I know I could get more information if I tried but as angry and as much as this hurts, I know vengeance isn't the Jedi way. What does that leave me with, though? What am I supposed to do?". It was dangerously tempting, knowing that the very Gatekeeper before him likely had a plethora of intel on Darth Prazutis , the one whom was responsible for his fathers murder.

 

[WolfMortum]

"You're wise to acknowledge that in seeking revenge against this person, you would only be doing yourself greater harm. Setting aside the fact that you would be openly seeking conflict with another, for a moment; Were you to be successful in this endeavor, what peace would it bring you? What would you gain from it?".

The Gatekeeper turned and extended a hand, to which triggered the projection of one of Veiere's two lightsabers. "We know that the Jedi do not see the lightsaber as a weapon for war, but a tool to be used in the defense of others. Every life that we take, sends a ripple of chain events out around us, and while we may not see the consequences of our actions, many are impacted by the actions that we take. In this case, negatively" the Gatekeeper explained, though perhaps it was knowledge Caedyn already held, yet needed reminding of in this time of sadness.

"Alternatively, you could seek to bring this individual to justice" the projection of Veiere continued, "See that this individual is arrested and held accountable for their crimes; However that still carries significant risk both to yourself and those whom might be present at the given time. It would be best to take this approach at a later time where you are not nearly so burdened by the weight of your grief".

"In terms of coping methods, I suggest we look to the final precept of the Jedi Code. Death, yet the Force" the Gatekeeper returned to the subject of the Code, a very regular discussion and lesson that Veiere had shared in his life with numerous Padawan over the years. "The Jedi believe that in the event of one's death, we return to the Force, that which blankets the Galaxy and binds all living things. It is believed that becoming one with the Force will deliver us true peace, and is something that we should appreciate for the deceased".

"Of course, there are many different perspectives and understandings in this regard. Not everyone believes this in a spiritual sense as I, but rather finding peace in no longer carrying the burden that is our responsibility as Jedi. That the calm is more definitive rather than spiritually enlightening. Whatever you personally believe, my advice is to mourn for them for a time, and then find some sense of pleasure in knowing that they are now one with the Force. Learn to shift your way of thinking, focus on the positive, the good times and honor their lives now as you continue to live your own".

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Veiere Arenais had been a vastly more powerful force user than Caedyn was now, not to mention the man's experience as a Jedi was leagues ahead of his Son's. Caedyn had trained under the Je'daii, under different principles and since their disbanding, only spent several years living alongside the Jedi; His father on the other hand, had dedicated his entire life to the Jedi Order and since the mere age of five, had lived and trained every day under their tutelage and guidance. He had roughly forty years, at the least, ahead of Caedyn...

"I'm not sure that's a possibility at the moment, in any case...".

...-And so it was painfully clear that, even were he to try and seek justice for his father's murder, the Sith Lord responsible would be incredibly strong in the Force in his own right, not to mention the shear nature of the Dark Side of the Force, that which was ominous enough without a practiced Sith Lord wielding it.

"I have fought against the Sith before, but never a Sith Lord..." Caedyn frowned, "Certainly not as powerful as this one" he added. Without Veiere, House Arenais felt that much smaller, and the only remaining male still around was Caedyn himself. Both Bradshaw & Rae-Anna Ku had taken off into their own, ever independent, and a complicated side of the family. They'd been adopted by Kay back when she was with her husband before his Father, they'd come and gone from their lives, that it had somewhat become normalized today. This of course, left Caedyn to watch out for his Mother and Sister. The man of the Family, so to speak. Not to mention Asaraa would pull him back from the dead just to kill him again if he went and got himself killed out of vengeance.

"Many of the Je'daii held similar beliefs about the afterlife, but I guess I was never too sure about it. I spoke with Lori recently about this stuff actually, and I told her I believe there's a reason for everything; That the Force encompasses all, and our path is laid out before it...-The Force creates and binds all life, so I believe that in the end, when it's our time, we do return to it" he nodded slowly in affirmation of his last words. In this, at-least his Father wasn't having to struggle in the fight against the Sith anymore. Unlike Caedyn, Veiere had gone toe to toe with some of the strongest warriors across the Galaxy, and at one stage had even been on the executioners block while the Sith Emperor stood over him. That was the day the Empire invaded Commenor...-And yet Veiere had somehow survived, managed to escape...-It was almost intimidating to think how strong his Father had been.

Remember the good times, and honor their lives as you continue to live your own. Those words hung over Caedyn for a while longer than most, his mind lingering on the sentence and being led to consider how before today, he had always tried to avoid walking in his fathers shadow. Always worried that people would compare him to Veiere in some way. Caedyn had tried so hard to make his own way as a Galaxy that he had neglected to appreciate some of the greater things his father stood for, and had achieved over the span of his lifetime.

Since the whole Deneba affair, Caedyn's resentment and difficulty to forgive and to trust in Veiere had put distance between them. Even after there was some form of acceptance and agreement between the two males, Caedyn had still kept himself at a distance from his Father in order to not be associated with him. He had wished to be treated as an individual and not someone who was constantly being measured by how much his Father had accomplished.

Perhaps he'd been looking at it all wrong, not wishing to walk in his Father's shadow; Veiere had made something of their family name and not out of effort but by doing his best to live by the Jedi code and practice their way of life. So strong in the force and yet he had always tried to be compassionate and fair with those he had interacted with...-Rather than avoiding his father's image, in his death, perhaps it was something to strive to live up to. Something to honor, as the Gate-Keeper suggested.

"You grew up on Svivren, right?" He asked the projection of Veiere, looking to the Gate-keeper thoughtfully; "You didn' talk about your childhood alot, but I remember you mentioning it when I told you that Asha had made me the steward of the Enclave after you had given the place to the Je'daii Order".

"What was it like for you, growing up in the Order here?".

 

[WolfMortum]

"Growing up on Svivren within the Jedi Academy, I imagine was fairly typical of most branches of the Jedi Order during that time" The Gatekeeper responded on the matter of Caedyn's Father's past history; "I was taken in by the Jedi Order at the age of five years, and like most younglings back then, the Council and Masters deemed it best to withhold any information about my parents whereabouts to me. In time, at such a young age, I would forget about them and be focused towards the life of a prospective Jedi. It wasn't easy, however".

"My first years were spent playing with the other Younglings and attending lessons on the very basics of what it means to be a Jedi. Lessons on the Jedi Code, simplified for Younglings to recite and study. Lessons of the Lightsaber arts at an amateur level of skill, more seen as a competition among boys of such a young age, than the reality of what it truly means to have to draw upon one's blade. We were taught the rules, what the Order expected of us, but those years were very jovial compared my senior years as a Padawan" The Gatekeeper explained, it's tone of voice rather placid compared to the nature of the past it was recalling upon. Void of any show of emotion, whilst it's words seemed to speak of heart-felt times in good company.

"Training became a daily routine as I grew older" The projection continued, "I would wake and attend breakfast within the cafeteria, before setting off for the training wing and starting first with some cardio. I would run laps around the combatant arena, and finish shortly before Lightsaber Arts and Theory would be scheduled to begin". LSAT (Lightsaber Arts & Theory) was a class that Veiere had held for the Order that eventually settled on Deneba, and much later within the Order of the Silver Jedi. "After that, Moral Ethics and Diplomacy and finally, Force Mastery and Theory. Those were the three main subjects that all students had to attend...-Then there were extra-cirricular activities and subjects such as working within the Archives or learning under the Circle of Healers for example".

"My priority focus was in the Force, and so when I became a Padawan Learner, I dedicated myself to the Consular's path...-Which is rather outdated but I found there to be a certain sense of satisfaction in keeping to some of the older traditions". The Jedi Guardian, Sentinel and Consular were roles of the ancient Order before the rise of the Galactic Empire; These roles were still heard of today, however rarely encouraged in students training anymore for they often limited the scope of practice where students might otherwise wish to broaden their palette of skills and interests.

"Jedi Master Andina Torsyn would later choose to take me on as her Apprentice, setting the stage for my more advanced learning and gradually preparing me for field work outside of the safety of the Enclave walls", the Gatekeeper turned to gesture to the room around Caedyn Arenais and continued, "As a student prior to one's senior years, the Enclave was all that we knew. We were safe within this place, and yet we were also ignorant of the realities of life beyond our view. It was my Master's responsibility to open my eyes and guide me through the process of coming to terms with the true role of the Jedi Knight. To stand up against oppression, to advocate for a morale society and to serve others whom needed it".

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn found it difficult to imagine his father as a young Student compared to the strength in the Force that Veiere was able to wield, during his lifetime. Many people had commented to him on his Father's reputation or past accomplishments during Caedyn's time with the Silver Jedi, as well as friends of the family during Commenor's public ceremonies and gatherings, that picturing a younger inexperienced Jedi just wasn't the image of his Dad that he had ever known. In a way, it gave Caedyn hope that he wasn't doing as badly as he often thought of himself; Clearly his Father had been practicing for years, putting in the time and the effort to get to where he was...-Or had been, before he had died.

"I guess with the Je'daii, being isolated within an Enclave wasn't an issue we ever really had" Caedyn replied thoughtfully, "After Asha picked me up on Commenor, we moved between numerous Worlds, Temples and the Tho Yor. We rarely stayed in one place for months at a time, and exploring was a large part of the journey, experiencing the Galaxy and the wonders it holds".

It wasn't all doom and gloom, filled with war and oppression either, but then the Je'daii never went looking for it; "The Je'daii were very much of a 'Live and let live' perspective. They saw neither Ashla nor Bogan greater or lesser than the other, and so when it came to conflict between the Jedi and the Sith, we were discouraged from getting involved unless there were innocents in harms way...-And even then, only as a humanitarian effort. Asha never wanted me to get involved with the Jedi, as they were too biased, as are the Sith" of course, you couldn't explain these things to the Jedi, as they'd often take it as criticism and therefore take offense. There weren't too many Jedi that Caedyn had met, that were so open minded as to prioritize the balance in the Force over that of Asha, otherwise called the Lightside in their ideology.

"It's difficult not to become biased though, and for those that haven't received the training of the Je'daii, I get it..." He continued, feeling that he'd probably have sided with the Jedi, had he not gone with Asha that day on Commenor. "Like the Jedi, I wanted to make a positive difference in the Galaxy when the Je'daii disbanded" Caedyn used the word 'disbanded' lightly. They had left the known Galaxy, but not all had gone the same direction and so it seemed easier than explaining that they'd left him and so many others. "I suppose that's why I consider myself a Jedi today, even though I don't necessary believe or even uphold all of their ideal's. I've never put time into studying the Jedi Code, yet here I am catering to an Enclave of Jedi...-Because I don't like the idea of people suffering without someone to stand up for them".

Caedyn hadn't really thought too much into what he was saying, but rather he was expressing himself and it wasn't until he paused to reflect on the things that he said, that he realized that there was some true merit behind what he was trying to say. To some degree, he was expressing himself to the Gatekeeper as though it might really be his Father, or at least he was speaking from his heart despite knowing the fact that this wasn't truly Veiere...-Yet it seemed to be helping him to verbally reflect on some of the issues that he had pent up inside, and struggled with lately. Even if only a little bit, that felt like a step in the right direction.

 

[WolfMortum]

"It's important to remember that no single Jedi is flawless and without the capacity to make the wrong decision or choose the wrong path" The Gatekeeper sought to remind Caedyn; "As previously stated, all Jedi, while doing their utmost to maintain absolute composure in their dedication to the Galaxy and to the Jedi Order, are still at the end of the day still sentient like every other person in the Galaxy and therefore prone to making mistakes. This is why the Jedi always encourage students to be mindful of their emotions, their actions and their surroundings".

"There will never be a perfect Jedi Master out there" the apparition further exclaimed, "All great Jedi have gone through their time learning from their mistakes, through their failings and their disappointments. And this was something that I often struggled with during my tenure, even so recently as presiding over Commenor alongside your Mother" the Gatekeeper said, returning his hands to his front and lacing his fingers, standing in a passive stance.

"My fall to the Dark Side, what you call 'Bogan', is a perfect example" it said, raising a subject that Caedyn and his true Father had neglected to discuss in detail; "I tried many times to bring the many different Organizations of the Jedi, together as one, in order to reform a united Jedi Order. I held Conclaves...-Meetings among some of the most notable Jedi of that time, and not all thought so kindly of my intentions. Eventually, I gave up because of criticisms I received, and while I should have known to look beyond my personal feelings, it was ultimately my failure and resentment of not only how I was looked upon, but my inability to achieve what had been a long time dream of mine, that led to my isolating myself even from you and your Mother. In this time, I let my guard down and allowed my emotions and negative thoughts to consume me".

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn frowned, looking back up to meet the gaze of the Gatekeeper with a look of surprise and apprehension when it raised the subject of his Father's past history involving the darker nature of Bogan. His Father had never told him what his reasons were, before now, for his fall away from the Light; In a sense, it was easier hearing it from the Gatekeeper as the projection managed to keep a passive expression and standing despite the sensitivity of the subject that it was discussing, making it easier for Caedyn to focus without feeling as though he were treading ice there.

"So...-It wasn't that you chose to turn to Bogan, but rather that you gave up on the will of Ashla?" Caedyn asked, very curious to know more about the ordeal, now that he could discuss it without risk of bringing neither himself nor Veiere down; "Resentment...-Negativity, feelings of anger and sadness. You weren't turned or manipulated by anyone else, but your feelings were the sole influence?" He added, not having considered that someone as independent and strong as his Father had always seemed, could be changed and brought down in such a way that it would lead him to turn on everything he had known and believed in before.

"I remember when you disappeared...-Mom told me you weren't yourself, and that you were spending more time on your own. I didn't know what to think at the time but then I was off with the Je'daii as well. From what I heard, you kept your distance for months..." Caedyn explained what little he could recall from previous conversations with Kay. "And then suddenly, you were gone. There was no contact until what happened to the Deneba Enclave", his jaw locked. Teeth gritted, pressing down against each other as he dropped his gaze momentarily in order to catch himself from expressing to much of his frustration towards the whole ordeal. It was difficult not to feel so strongly about it all, yet at the same time Caedyn knew that now more than ever before, he had the opportunity to try and understand his Fathers point of view. Even if it wasn't truly his Father speaking it.

 

[WolfMortum]

The Gatekeeper nodded in confirmation of what Caedyn had said, all of it true of Veiere's past actions, every detail and every memory stored within the Holocron as despite how shameful it all was, and the guilt that he had carried with him every day since, it was also an important part of understanding who he was after he had found the light once more. "In my isolation, I grew to loathe myself for what I perceived at the time was my inability as a Jedi, and my resentment towards the other Jedi turned to a festering anger that, left unchecked, blinded me from what my sense of reason would have seen had I not lost faith in myself and in the Force" it had been like a great depression had come down over him, and unfortunately Caedyn unknowingly showed signs of a similar condition within himself; Always doubting himself, rarely seeing the good things that he was achieving.

"When I left Commenor, I turned my attention to a World called Rannon and from there I used my credits and influence to have a new Temple constructed. I was lost in myself, a need to feel justified and selfishly pursuing these feelings despite what it eventually cost me. The Temple was the start of the Dark Jedi Order, a group of Force Users that I told would stand against all who walked over others..." The Gatekeeper gave pause, allowing Caedyn to take everything in. There was a sense of coldness about how it explained the past, expressing the Father's actions without the same remorse that Veiere had held within his life. Speaking factually, without show of any empathy. At the end of the day, it was a program, to put it simply. Nothing like the real thing.

"That was a lie that I told those that joined me however. A lie that I convinced myself even, in order to justify what I was about to do. It wasn't planned, but the attack against the Deneba Enclave was done on passionate impulse. I had founded that sect of the Order, and so in my failure, I felt I needed to rid the Galaxy of any evidence of my former ambitions. The Jedi of Deneba died because I had not been satisfied with what I had achieved; I had failed to live up to my own expectations and so selfishly I struck out, thinking not of the Jedi that were slain, the former friends and people who once looked up to me, but only of my own needs...-Needs, fueled by everything the Jedi taught me not to be".

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

A lot of time had passed since those dark days. It was a time where it felt as though their family was falling apart, the Twins Father proving to be someone they didn't know, and both Caedyn and Loreena Arenais-Valhoun felt hugely deceived while their Mother still somehow clung to the hope that Veiere hadn't truly been lost. A hope that Caedyn struggled to understand, as he hadn't been there when Prazutis had corrupted and turned her to the Dark Side, it was before their life-time...Their Mother had never forgotten what he had done for her, during her darkest days, and somehow she helped to bring him back even against the bounty that she herself had been forced to put out against him in order to protect her people and her position as Queen over Commenor.

"And somehow...-Despite all of that, you returned to the Jedi..." Caedyn spoke with great disbelief, another thing he struggled to fathom. For the Jedi to accept him back, to forgive him for his past deeds, that was true selflessness, compassion and...-Well, there just weren't words that could describe that kind of action.

"How did you manage that...-Mom put a price on your head, and at one stage you were imprisoned and even held trial to be made accountable for it all. How did you go from there...-To somehow winding up being on the Silver Assembly years later? How the hell does someone excuse that level of violence and corruption!?" Caedyn's emotions were becoming too strong not to be heard through his voice but the more he heard, the angrier he became over it all.

"Mom was removed from her place as Queen over the murder of the Elder's, a crime she committed under the influence of Darth Prazutis and yet somehow you managed to escape the consequences for your actions? Did Mom use her position to help you??".

 

[WolfMortum]

The Gatekeeper stood in silence, watching Caedyn as the young man voiced his confusion and anger toward the outcome of his Father's time back then; It did not react to the Jedi Knights frustrations but rather waited a moment until it was certain that Caedyn had spent himself for the time being, then seeking to answer.

"It was I that told your Mother to make a public show of her need to take action against the things that I had done. It was important for Kay, as well as you and your Sister to see that no one was above the law, not even her husband. Kay was reluctant of course, but she knew that it needed to happen as well. This was agreed upon while I was imprisoned beneath the Royal Palace awaiting the trial you mentioned" Following his capture by Koda Fett, Veiere had spent a good amount of time alone in that cell before Kay had built up the courage to face her husband. Like the Children, she felt betrayed, hurt and angry with Veiere. Rightfully so.

"The trial ended shortly after it had begun, when the Dark Jedi put a Destroyer above Chasin City and fired several warning shots against the capital. They wished for my release, yet I had given your Mother my word that I would go into exile and walk away from all of it. That I would have to live with myself, she agreed to this prior to the Trial, and so when the Dark Jedi came for me, I returned to Rannon and then put an end to the Dark Order before doing as I had promised her". The benefits of Self-Exile and the necessity of reflection were subjects that were recorded in length within the Holocron, and the time in exile that the Gatekeeper spoke of, was one of the greater influences for the creation of the artifact in general.

"I did not see time in prison...-My penance was came in the form of an act known to the Jedi, a time of withdrawal and self reflection. I escaped the consequences typical of the wider society, on the understanding of your Mother and Darlyn Excron, her Minister of Justice at the time" the projection confirmed Caedyn's question in a manner of speaking, though offered a different perspective also. "My crimes were unforgivable, and inexcusable. In my exile, I had to come to terms with the things that I had done. Years later having earned your Mothers forgiveness, I still suffered nightmares, reliving the looks on those faces, and every strike of my lightsaber. There were times I wished for a way out, but I also wished to repent and knew that I had to face these demons...-So I did all that I could to try to redeem myself...".

"I invested millions of Credits trying to empower the Jedi of the Galaxy to stand a greater chance against the Sith and those who sought to fight against democracy. When I stepped out of exile, I did not return to your Mother or you and your Sister, I put myself in the front lines and fought for the worlds being engulfed in war, forced to fight against the Dark side....-I did this, while believing myself irredeemable" the Gatekeeper explained, voicing the very words that Veiere had instilled within the Holocron. The memories and the pain being voiced through the artifacts recollection of the recording. "I couldn't forgive myself and so I never asked for anyone else to do so. It wasn't I that approached the Jedi, but Coren Starchaser who came to me seeking to establish a Council of Jedi Leaders. He had been to one of my previous conclaves and shared my dream. He asked for my help, and pursued it despite telling him the same thing I'm telling you now".

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

His Father had escaped the consequences of the law due to privilege of circumstance, being a Jedi and holding the personal relationship with the Queen, his wife and the Mother of his Children. Caedyn exhaled through his nose, eyes falling and shaking his head slowly in disappointment. On one hand, he was glad to be discovering the truth of it all, yet on the other there was a sense of justice that had gone amiss through his father's evasion of the law. Regardless of the intentions, the victims of Deneba were owed more and his Father should have surrendered himself to the authorities...

Yet Caedyn also knew that it was all well and easy to judge from a place so distanced from the situation at the time. He hadn't been anywhere near Commenor during the worst of it and had gone out of his way to avoid his father for years, disgusted and hating Veiere for all that he had done. What had come out on the holonet had been enough to end the relationship they held as Father and Son.

That resentment that Caedyn held for Veiere, the contempt of his actions and the lies and deceit...He had never let go of it, and despite eventually coming to accept that his Father had come back into their lives, it had been difficult to be near the man for far longer still. Veiere's mistake had cost their family the strength of unity, as far as Caedyn believed.

"I hated you so much" Caedyn replied, the words spoken under his breath as he sought to find the right way to express himself in response to everything that had been said; "Asha tried to discourage me from believing everything the Holonews was saying, but what you did back then...-I never thought you were capable of something that horrible...".

There was nothing that came to mind that could excuse what Veiere had done. Perhaps he lacked the understanding of what his Mother and Father knew at the time, but from his perspective, it was still all so wrong. It was something at least, to know that Veiere struggled to live with himself afterwards. That he could admit how wrong, how disturbing his actions had been and the damage that he had caused. Caedyn had to believe that there was some part of his father that still held the good person that Caedyn had grown up to believe his Dad was. That man that loved and protected those around him...

"How do you even come back from something like that...-I don't understand it" he admitted, sounding defeated in his attempt and desire to see things the way his Father apparently had.

 

[WolfMortum]

The Gatekeeper gave a single nod in acknowledgement of Caedyn's expressed hatred towards Veiere in the past; The fact was that his Father had known how Caedyn felt and so he had not made any strong attempts to approach Caedyn until the boy had been ready to come to him. This hadn't helped their relationship, yet Veiere didn't feel deserving of that either.

"My actions, and what consequences I was spared, were not virtuous. The fact of the matter, is that I should have been held accountable for my crimes just as your Mother was hers. Kay and I made a choice, immoral as it was, there was more good that could come out of my efforts than what could be achieved from within a holding cell" The Gatekeeper responded.

"But I never truly came back from that, as you say" the projection of Veiere continued to explain the mind of Caedyn's Father; "I let the Dark Side consume me and while I was able to eventually find my way back into the light, I had lost something of myself. I could never look at my reflection the way I used to, without guilt and resentment. I could never speak out against oppression, without being spoken out against for the deeds of my past. As a Jedi, I lost my credibility, but as an individual I lost a part of my identity. What made me who I used to be".

"Coren Starchaser offered me a second chance, and I reluctantly took it" The Gatekeeper watched Caedyn, unable to give the young man the reassurance he sought, yet giving the answers it held all the same; hard truths for Caedyn to hear, yet all of which was sourced directly from his Father and the only chance of closure that the young Knight might find towards the subject after his Father's demise.

"I did not deserve it, but this brings me to the point I made to you prior to this matter. No one is perfect and without the potential to make mistakes, or fall victim to their emotions as I did". Veiere's example of this was of course extreme, yet he had lived a life dedicated to the Jedi doctrine. He had lived and breathed through their ideologies and still, despite years of hard work, effort and personal restraint, he had spilled blood. "I'm not encouraging you to go out there and make the wrong choices, but what you need to learn and frequently remind yourself is that you're human, and while mistakes may happen, there are also lessons to take from them. Do not give up on yourself, persevere and take learning from these trialing times".

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn sat there in silence for a time, giving himself time to consider all that the Gatekeeper of Veiere's Holocron had revealed. The projection itself was a program meant to serve those whom sought information and understanding from the artifact and so there was no real sense of urgency in his need to reply immediately. The fact was that it was all so much to take in at once, and truthfully he hadn't expected the conversation to lead to the reality of Veiere's past transgressions.

His Father certainly wasn't innocent; He had tried to make the best of the mercy he'd been given, yet there was blatant hypocrisy behind his methods and reasoning. It was a wonder how many people really knew the truth about what had happened, as from what Caedyn had heard and witnessed, very few people had actually spoken out against Veiere following his return to the Jedi Order, and later his time with the Order of the Silver Jedi. Surely the Silver Assembly must have known, and so their decision to also forgive Kay for her history and the circumstance around her release from Purgatory made a fair bit more sense now, especially from the position his Father had obviously been in. He would surely have felt guilty about her time spent in prison, for she had helped him escape such a fate long beforehand.

"It's all well and good to try to justify it all over the greater good that might have been achieved during a time in which you truthfully should have been incarcerated, but as you said, no one should be above the law and this goes especially so for Jedi..." Caedyn finally spoke up in answer; "I don't agree with the decision you made to escape the consequences for your actions, but I also realize this happened a long time ago now and nothing can change what's been done. I can only do my best to avoid making these same mistakes, myself" he knew that nothing was ever black and white, nothing as simple as to be so straight forward, and so he would need to finally accept what had happened in the past and now upon knowing the truth of it all, do his best to ensure that he did not succumb to the same fate.

"When you returned to the Jedi, I often heard people talk of the things you were doing. Especially on Kashyyyk. Students always liked to gossip..." he continued, voicing his thoughts in the open, seeming to move the subject on somewhat; "I guess...-Despite everything, you still tried to do right by the Galaxy, and that counts for something to me..." Caedyn knew what it was like to be hard on oneself, for that was the way he had always been within. He didn't like to voice it, and he hadn't even spoken to Loreena Arenais-Valhoun about the way he felt towards himself. The doubt and lack of confidence in himself that Cotan Sar'andor recently sought to warn him against. It wasn't something that he would conquer overnight but things seemed to be at a turning point and now without his Father around, Caedyn needed to grow up and to take further responsibility for himself and his Family.

"I don't condone the things you've done, but I also wasn't there at the time. I didn't experience things as you had and holding a grudge or carrying this resentment with me forever isn't going to help anything..." Caedyn released a heavy breath, sighing to himself; "I do forgive you. I don't like what's become of our family and how everything has happened but...-You're my Father, and I'm not perfect either...-Like you said, no one is. There's nothing left, but to move forward now".

 

[WolfMortum]

"This is something you may wish to consider telling your Father, and not the Gatekeeper of his Holocron. I was created as a conduit of knowledge and the memories that he carried, but I cannot inform him of the information you are providing. Furthermore it would be more therapeutic for you to discuss this with him in person".

For Caedyn's benefit, it was good that the young Jedi was coming to terms with his feelings on the matter, yet again, the Gatekeeper was not fit to counsel. Nor did it possess the knowledge that the creator had been killed, and so it gave a response best suited to the young man's interests, based upon what details and knowledge was stored within.

"Awareness of yourself and those around you is important for your continued growth and experience as a Jedi. Knowledge can often be difficult to receive, and you may not always understand or see clearly, but with time the truth becomes easier to accept. People can be unpredictable when fueled by their emotions, passions and self-driven ambition, yet they are connected and a part of the Force and therefore I encourage you to do your utmost to treat them without bias, no matter your personal feelings" The Gatekeeper advised. "A Jedi Knight's responsibility to society is to respect all life, even when we might disagree with their actions or behavior. Criminals are still deserving of a fair trial, for there are so many variables we do not know, in what has led to their present day; the Force flows through them no different than in you or your Sister".

"You may find that most people believe they are justified in their actions, from their perspective", Caedyn had been taught something similar from his Je'daii tutor, based upon the memories of Veiere's own discussions with Asha Hex prior to his demise. "As you know, the followers of Bogan were cast out by the followers of Ashla, and in doing so created those we know to be the Sith Empire today. The Light Side cast away those who preferred to practice the Dark, and so even the Sith believe their endless hostility against the Jedi to be justified based upon the fact that it was those alike the Jedi who shunned them out of fear of what had not yet occurred".

"While you seek to uphold the laws of society in whomever you may serve, or what form of assignment you might take in the future. Take care to understand that there is often a reason, an influence that leads to people down what may be considered to be a darker or unethical path. No one is without guilt in some form, only the Force itself exists in a state of perfection...-The best you can strive to do is maintain your integrity in whatever you do from here moving forward, and seek to achieve the greater good in all situations you find yourself in".

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I would, but I can't" Caedyn replied hastily, "You were killed recently by Darth Prazutis". He didn't mean to blurt it out, but the suggestion that he repeat everything to his Father was just too much too soon and so his emotions got the better of him. He was partially relieved however, as he'd been holding himself back from discussing the specifics with the Gatekeeper out of some sort of sympathy and consideration for it's feelings, yet it didn't seem to show any. It was difficult to know whether his Father had done this intentionally, or if this projection of Veiere was simply better at maintaining its self-restraint and conforming to the Jedi Code's teachings, lacking any true humanity and thus also it's flaws.

"...Lori and I were told by Mom, a week ago now" Caedyn explained further after a moment taken in order to get a grip on himself; "They're coping with it worse than I am. They were...-Closer to you than I had been, since the whole Deneba thing". Caedyn and Veiere had both worked together on the odd occasion during their tenure within the Order of the Silver Jedi, yet this was a rare occurrence majorly due to the fact that Caedyn went out of his way to volunteer for jobs that countered his father's schedule. Asaraa Vaashe had brought him in at the time, and she was a major driving force as to why he had stayed so long and not returned to Svivren much sooner, yet with Veiere as a member of the Assembly for a time, it hadn't been easy to ignore his feelings of resentment towards him.

"You met with the Sith while protecting a Bimmisaari settlement, it's Capital I think" he continued; "According to the Jedi Comport, Darth Prazutis was hurt but has since been sighted, so...-Whatever happened, he survived. You on the other hand...-Well, the Jedi apparently sent you off well following the battle's end", there had been no remains left behind to send back to the family, not that Caedyn could imagine wanting such a thing. There had been some sort of explosion of light that had engulfed both Veiere and his killer, details were scarce but it wasn't difficult to imagine the worst.

 

[WolfMortum]

The Gatekeeper stood in pause for a moment, almost as if processing the information. It was the first time that the projection seemed to have been moved by the information that it was being provided. Veiere Arenais had known that he would one day pass on into the afterlife, and therefore wished to ensure that his children were well catered for. And though Kay would likely argue, Veiere had also included her in his will and testament. "Please listen closely and complete the following".

"In the event of his death, your Father wished to transfer ownership of all House Arenais assets associated with the Jedi Order over to you" The Gatekeeper announced blatantly; "While young, it was his belief that you were the best applicant, as you are a member of the Jedi of Svivren, trained by a trusted associate and associated with the Order of the Silver Jedi through a number of high profile personnel. Furthermore, as Kay Arenais was found to be medically unfit, all secondary holdings of House Arenais are to be placed under your direct ownership and control".

"A quarter of House Arenais funds will be dedicated to the Jedi Academy Network, and will be transferred via the Jedi Comport, whilst three quarters will be shared evenly across Loreena Arenais-Valhoun ', your Mother NPC Treasury 's, and your own account's", House Arenais wasn't lacking in this regard. Years worth of investments in and outside of Commenor and the numerous organizations associated with the Jedi Academy Network had accumulated billions of credits. They had been a Monarchy, while also bringing in a substantial weekly income from the "Outer-Heaven" Space-Station, alone.

"All Naval Assets are to be dedicated to the Jedi Organizations tied to the Jedi Academy Network, listed upon the Jedi Comport" the Gatekeeper continued; "Finally, The Enclave of Deneba is to be rebuilt and restored to operating conditions with the aforementioned credits provided".