Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Project Derriphan Itsu "Devoureres chain"

Ri'ven Gevrok

A cigarette and a gun's all you need.
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Name: Derriphan Itsu (means Devoureres chain in the sith language)
Alias/nicknames: Noxith Drit'mec
Titles: none
Faction: None as of yet.
Ranks: None
Home world: Unknown
Species: Genetically and alchemically made hybrid of a Sith pure blood (mother) and a Dashade (Father)
Age: 17
Date of birth: 827 ABY
Height: 2 m
Weight: 85 kg.
Build: Athletic, strongly defined musculature.
Sex: Male
Eyes: Red, near slitted pupils
Skin: Grey
Hair: Pitch black, reaches down to his lower back, Straight but unkempt.
Tattoos, piercings, markings, Ect: Single tattoo around his shoulder, some scars around his body, two black earnings in left ear lope and three in the upper rim of the right ear
Distinguishing features: Pointed ears, canine fang teeth, fingernails are shaped and are strong claws.
Force sensitive: Yes
Voice sample: Here
Theme: Here (A bit long but worth a listen)

Strengths:
Ambidextrous: Able to use both hands extremely well.
Love of learning: Mastering new skills, topics, and bodies of knowledge, whether on one's own or formally.
Good swordsmanship: Trained in swordsman ship thanks his upbringing.
Martial artist: Trained in the Teras Kasi Martial art.
Peak Physical form: His upbringing had honed his body to it's peak.
Regeneration: He can heal a small cut in a few minutes.

Weakness and strength:
Multilingual: He is able to speak multiple languages and is able to learn them quite quickly, however he also get's them mixed up at times.
Tactician: He is a good tactician but only when it's squads. (for example he's leading one squad as well as coordinating with two more)
Fiercely Loyal: Once he selects a master he is loyal to a fault to that master, however to gain his trust to become his master is a very hard feat.
Fathers inheritance: Thanks to his fathers gene he has a partial resistance to the force and radiation. He can also dissipate heat to fool heat sensors. The force resistance makes it very slow for him to learn to use a new force skill but once the skill's foundation is fully learned he can quickly gain better proficiency it said skill.
Mothers Inheritance: Thanks to his mother he is strong in the force and his eyes glow red. That last trait causes some to avoid him due to his "creepy" appearance.
Training routine: He has a specific training routine that he does every morning, he get's restless if he misses it.
Force learning disability: He has a hard time learning new force abilities however when he does learn them and manages to use them a few times he can accelerate his learning time quite a bit.

Weaknesses:
Weak against women: He has a hard time even speaking to them, mostly due to having no idea what to say or do around them.
Once triggered: If he spends too long in the heat of battle it's hard for him to just stop.
Socially inept: He is blunt and to the point, he doesn't beat around the bush at all which most of the time makes more enemies than friends.
High metabolism: His body requires a lot of energy to function at peak efficiency.

Skills
[ Initiate - Adept - Proficient - Expert - Master ]

Force skills
Telekinesis: The ability to move things with one’s mind. (Initiate)
Art of movement/Force Jump/Force speed: All skills pertaining to increasing physical and movement prowess. (Initiate)
Force Lightning: A skill that allows the user to send out lightning from his fingertips. (Initiate) (Currently at force shock)
Force rage: Allows for bursts of speed, strength and ferocity but once they subside the user is weakened after wards. (Initiate)
Mind trick: The ability to influence others minds, make them see things or manipulate them entirely. (Initiate) (He's particularly fond of this skill)

Light saber forms:
Form one - Shiicho = N/A
Form two - Makashi = N/A
Form three - Soresu = N/A
Form four - Ataru = N/A
Form five - Shien / Djem so = (Initiate - Adept)
Form six - Niman = N/A
Form seven - Juyo / vaapad = N/A
Form Eight - Jar'kai = N/A
Form nine - Trákta = (Initiate)
Form ten - Sokan = N/A


Martial arts:
Teras Kasi: A martial art developed to use against force users, users develop extreme speed and aptitude to anticipating strikes. ( Proficient)

Other skills:
Small arms: He was trained in the use of small arms such as slughtrower revolvers or Blaster pistols (Proficient)
Sith Lore: The knowledge of the history and achivements of the sith. ( Adept- Proficient)
Rope/chain use: The use of a weighted rope or chain as a weapon. (Proficient)

Languages: He can speak
Galactic standard Basic (Expert), Sith Language (Proficient - Expert), High galactic (Proficient), Twi'leki (Proficient), Bocce (Proficient) and Huttesse (Proficient).

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Appearance:
His face is prepossessing in appearance as his appearance was half way designed at birth. His hair reaches all the way down to his lower back and is pitch black and unkempt, a few strands and locks sometimes cover his face. His eyes have a perpetual red glow to them which sometimes gives his eyes a piquant appearance. Despite being attractive his appearance is also off putting as his smile reveals that his canines are fangs and his fingernails are reminiscent of claws, which they are.
He has piercings on his ears, two on his left earlobe and three on the upper rim of his right ear. His body is athletically slim but if he would remove his clothes his muscles would be very well defined giving way to his near spartan upbringing.
He wears a long coat around his body which is usually open, with a furred collared hood, under his coat he is well dressed though his clothing also is a little reminiscent of the jedi or sith as it is easy to move in them and they don't constrict any movement at all.

Biography:
Born Under laboratory conditions by an ambitious Sith pureblood and her Dashade guardian/Bodyguard. Derriphan was supposedly supposed to become the greatest body guard for his mother that would far surpass his father by leagues. Once he was old enough to learn to fight his father began to teach him Teras kasi to start with and then as he progressed in that martial art they moved on to lightsaber combat and single handed firearms as well as weighted ropes and chains. As he began to be able to hold his own a little against his father at the age of 14, His mother began to instruct him in force techniques. He was a fast learned when it came to the basics but he had the disability inherited from his father which made it hard for him to execute the techniques at first having to take two to three months just to be able to use the ability.
At the age of 16 he had finally learned six different force techniques but had a hard time to use them. His dedication however caused his mother and father however to treat him more and more like their son instead of a prospecting replacement for his father. His mother eventually took him as her official apprentice and he began a life of delving into the mysteries of the sith with her and began to learn as much as he could from her and his father. He never stopped training with his father as through his upbringing he had been instilled with a warrior like mentality and he valued the martial skills a little higher than the Force skills.
This did not last however as his mother and father were slain by his mothers rival when he was off world on a training mission for his mother. He learned of their fate when a fail safe was initiated and he was sent a pre-recorded holo-transmission. The rival did not stop there however and sent his own apprentice to kill Derriphan but what the apprentice found was an enraged Derriphan who unlocked force rage and used it to it's fullest against the apprentice slaying him but then collapsing from his wounds and exhaustion.
Now he wonders the galaxy looking for more power so that one day he could end the rival of his parents in the most vicious manner he could think of, as any sith would. To do this however he's hidden his name and taken up the name of his father Noxith Drit'mec. After spending some time on the run and having done a few things he met with a jedi master who persuaded him away from the path of the sith and onto the path of the jedi. This same jedi master then took him to Kasshyk to meet the grandmaster of the jedi order for evaluation and after quite a stressful few minutes on Derriphans part was accepted into the jedi order.
With a new chapter in his life he walks into the jedi temple on Lothal, hopeful and dreading the future that his new path has set him on.

Current possessions:
The devourers blade (No crystal)
Spiked chain -woven around his waist, looks like a fashion statement when not in use, is 6M in length.
2x Woebringer pistols
Ranger boots black
Armored Robes, Color scheme
 

Ri'ven Gevrok

A cigarette and a gun's all you need.
Affiliations/relationships:
Master: None
Mentors: none
Apprentices: not of a sufficient rank to take one.
Friends: none
Allies: none
Rivals: None
Enemies: none
Steward/Slave: none


SHIP: Star courier (Unmodified)
KILLS: none.
BOUNTIES COLLECTED: none
 

Ri'ven Gevrok

A cigarette and a gun's all you need.
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Training received
Total: 1 I Complete: 0
kakasosûtsi-wtsia - Learning the beginning of force imbuing.
Training given
Total: 0 I complete: 0

Spars / Duels
Total: 0 I complete: 0

Dominions/invasions
Total: 0 I Complete: 0

Faction threads
Total: 0 I Complete: 0

Development threads (Miscellaneous and character development)
Total: 2 I complete: 0
The dreamers day - His attempt to get a gleam into the Dathomirian witches ways - incomplete
Werk Et - His meeting of two strange individuals - Incomplete


Technology submissions
Total: 1 I Complete: 1

His Lightsaber
 
Derriphan Itsu said:
Fathers inheritance: Thanks to his fathers gene he has a partial resistance to the force and radiation. He can also dissipate heat to fool heat sensors. The force resistance makes it hard for him to learn to use the force. Mothers Inheritance: Thanks to his mother he is strong in the force and his eyes glow red. That last trait causes some to avoid him due to his "creepy" appearance.
These two contradict one another. "Makes it hard for him to learn to use the force, yet he is powerful in it? Yet he is a fast learner? Kind of confusing. Is he a fast learner? or just slow in the force yet powerful in the powers that he knows?



Derriphan Itsu said:
Weak against women: He has a hard time even speaking to them.
Alot of people have a hard time speaking to people. My question is how hard is it? Does he just not know what to say, or can he physically not talk to women because he clams up?

As well....


Derriphan Itsu said:
Socially inept: He cares little for social rules and just says what's on his mind and expresses himself when he finds the need to do so.
THis is contradictory to the above. If he was such a way, it wouldn't matter if it was a male or female. Add a little more information in them so you can clarify on what he is exactly. If you mean he is blunt and to the point, he doesn't beat around the bush, then just say so! *kind of ironic if I don't say so.*

I am glad you want to use force lightning, but technically it is a very darksided force power. And to have sustained force lightning, it takes a lot of energy. So I recommend to start out with Force Shock. *small burst of lightning instead of a continuous stream* and work your way up from there. *also provides more chances for you to train and build upon your character.



Derriphan Itsu said:
Derriphan Itsu said:
Teras Kasi: A martial art develped to use against force users, users develop extreme speed and aptitude to anticipating strikes. (Proficient - Expert)
Derriphan Itsu said:
Sith Lore: The knowledge of the history and achivements of the sith. (Proficient)
Derriphan Itsu said:
Sith Language (Expert),
Some of these that I have quoted are things that are inconsistent with his age. Sure if you had just a few of these, then I wouldn't have a problem. But having all of these under his belt at these high of proficiencies, is very unlikely. Sure you can roll with it if you want. Your choice. However, I will leave this quote. *The force is infinite. You are not." and "Write the level above you, with the power of the level below."

Keeps those in mind.

I like the bio. It's great overall. But these little things are what get at me. There are Masters on the site who have played their character for years, and don't have as many languages, or proficient use in skills that you have. Teras Kasi is a very complicated form of fighting. It is an art that takes years to complete. We even have a Master on here who still has things to learn about it. For almost all of these powers and skills, I would recommend docking them down, or taking them down a few notches. Mostly so then you can work on your character more. It gives more depth to them and their story if you go from the lowest you can go, and make it to the top.

And trust me. It's alot better of a story to see someone go from rock bottom, and work their way up to the top of the foodchain.

Now all of the above is not NEEDED to be done. it is merely MY OPINION. Just a few small tips that I have found through RP for years. As well as an avid gamer since childhood. Really all this is, is just a small list of things that I personally as a writer, and a reader, would change to your character so you can have alot more room to grow.

[member="Derriphan Itsu"]
 
[member="Derriphan Itsu"]
Being that your mother was a pureblood sith, I see no issue with you being fluent or at least capable of speaking and understanding it, though I suppose that depends on how your character was raised.
 
[member="Derriphan Itsu"], Those were really the only things that got to me. You don't need approval. Hell, you could have said "kark you and your tips. I don't want em." It doesn't matter to me. As long as it's the character you want, then it's good.

[member="Silara Kuhn"], Teenagers won't know everything there is about multiple languages. I know four IRL, and even then, I mess up. So being expert in two languages, and then proficient in a few more is stretching it a little. IMO.
 
Nickolas Imura said:
Silara Kuhn, Teenagers won't know everything there is about multiple languages. I know four IRL, and even then, I mess up. So being expert in two languages, and then proficient in a few more is stretching it a little. IMO.
Sure, but it makes more sense for him to be fluent in Basic and Sith than it does for him to be fluent in what he was likely not raised around.
 
[member="Silara Kuhn"], lol Just my opinion. And even then, we are going to argue over a character that is not even ours to control?

Nah. I'm good.

Anyways, [member="Derriphan Itsu"], just be mindful that if you add in words like Expert, and Master, and Proficient, (at this date and time for this character) some people may bark up your tree.
 

Ri'ven Gevrok

A cigarette and a gun's all you need.
[member="Lady Medax"] why thank you, why do get the distinct feeling you'll be messing with him every now and again?

[member="Nickolas Imura"] and [member="Darth Atrophia"] you both make valid points, and I'm not one to shirk away advice from people who have more experience being right or wrong. That being said though he was raised by the sith and the sith language is his second language so I raised it a little as well as the sith lore, Nickolas thanks by the way about the first three tips as I found them most helpful.
 
Derriphan Itsu said:
[member="Lady Medax"] why thank you, why do get the distinct feeling you'll be messing with him every now and again?
That feeling likely comes from the fact that I am a ghost, and am able to mess with almost anyone I please, whenever I please.
Luckily for Derriphan I already have a Sithy being to haunt. :D
 

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