Proliferation Is Bad (Phylis)

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

Siobhan Kerrigan had recently acquired the Belia Darzu holocron, the King Nagkru holocron, the Dray holocron, a datacron on Dathomiri magic and the Chu'unthor, and a datacron on the Sorcerers of Tund during a raid on a derelict Scion corvette that had been made of Mandalorian iron and filled with traps and super astromech droids. Now she faced the terribly important questions of what to do with these devices, which ranged from the fancy but dangerous to the to her useless!



"Dear Jedi Master [member="Phylis Alince"],


I have recently come into possession of a number of holocrons and datacrons I am sure you will find of interest - and desire to be kept safe. I am willing to part with these items in return for appropriate compensation. If you are interested in examining and purchasing them contact me.


Yours sincerely,

Countess Siobhan Kerrigan of Santaissa.


PS: Yes, I'm serious. Not trying to get into your pants again."

 

[Phylis Alince]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
Phylis’ reply was delayed, not because she was doing it deliberately, but because currently her commlink was…somewhere.
Having used the equivalent of ‘find my phone’, she had narrowed it down to her study. But where? Rooting aimlessly through the boxes and papers on her desk brought her no closer to finding it. Yet, she could hear it beeping that she had a new message.
Finally, underneath a plate containing some lost leftover from the primordial soup, she found it. Eyeing the bowl, she moved it aside, certain that it winked back at her…or perhaps that was just the pattern of the mould….

Turning away before she was sick, Phylis read the message. Instantly she was suspicious. The last time…well second last time…she’d met Siobhan it had all been a trick to try and seduce her. The silly woman just didn’t learn that she wasn’t interested!
Still, if it was true she couldn’t dismiss it out of hand.

Countess Kerrigan,

Thank you for your message. I am interested in examining the holocrons and other Force relics. As they are a dangerous cargo I would suggest we meet somewhere unobserved. I suggest we meet on Naboo at a location I’ll send you. If that is acceptable, I will await your message and see you there.

Phylis Alince

Frowning, the Jedi Master attached a location which unknown to her, a previous incarnation of herself had found very important…an area overlooking the lake of Theed.

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Phylis Alince"]


Master Alince,

your terms are agreeable. I shall be at the suggested location in two days. Firemane appreciates the chance to do business with you and Wisdom Tree Knowledge.


Countess Kerrigan.



However, before she could leave Siobhan had to face a far bigger challenge. One that could bring down empires and topple queens! Namely a portly, very determined Jester charging into her study and in the process knocking over her slippers. Right after Harmony, her dark skinned servant girl, rushed in after him, for a Jester could not be contained.


<< Want food! Starving! <<


"I'm sorry, Lady Kerrigan. You know how Jesters are. And I just fed you half an hour ago. You little fatty boom-bah," Harmony said.



<< She mean. Like redmane! << Grrbyrr declared and scratched at the chair Siobhan was sitting on, probing it with his teeth. It might be edibile after all! For her part Siobhan picked up the little terror, who licked at her hand and looked so totally adorable with his big beady eyes.


"No, bad Grrbyrr. Chair's not edible...even for you. You know, maybe you should do some exercise," Siobhan declared.



<< Don't wanna! Ain't gonna <<



Siobhan just shook her head. She just could not get annoyed at him for too long. Even if Grrbyrr had the habit of running into hers and Tegs' bedroom in the middle of the night and interrupting their, well, what a happily married couple did at night in their bed. A couple that was probably a bit more, how shall we put it, unconventional than most. "Fine, I'll get you a banana," she said but by that time she noticed to her irritation that Grrrbyrr had already leapt from her grasp and jumped onto her desk, where her sandwich vanished.

 

[Phylis Alince]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
It was an Eldorai saying that ‘the only difference between a hungry Jester and a swarm of locusts was that the locusts eventually stopped eating!’
Still, Grrbyrr would be well taken care of by Harmony, Chesna and Tegaea. Though it had to be said that Tegs weren’t really that rapt with Jesters, and tolerated Grrbyrr mainly because of Siobhan!

Meanwhile, Phylis received the message and transmitted the meeting location and time. The Jedi Master then went to her ship and prepared to leave. Unusually focussed, she made sure that she took some special containment gear just in case Siobhan did actually have these artefacts, and it wasn’t a poorly conceived plan to seduce her.

And then…to Naboo…where her family still lived, and where she had contacted ahead to allow herself to land. Siobhan was closer, and thus would most likely be there before her.

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Phylis Alince"]


As a matter of fact Siobhan was quite fond of Naboo. She and Tegs had spent their honeymoon in Lake County and since then the planet had endeared itself to her. Even though it was a bit annoying that it was so full with pacifists! Anyhow, at the predetermined time she was at the location, overlooking the beautiful blue lake of Theed.

She brushed a stay lock of hair from her face as she awaited Phylis to arrive, beautifully dressed as usual, wearing a shiny blue dress that reached down to her ankles but left her toned shoulders bare. As fun as luring Phylis to such a beautiful and romantic location to troll her some more would be, she had actually taken the artefacts with her. Maybe Phylis would be less cross with her if she got something shiny to nerdgasm about! So she waited for the librarian to arrive.



She was enjoying the beautiful view when suddenly a man came by who, judging by his attire and the lightsabre on his belt, was a Jedi Knight and stood alongside her, clearing his throat as he gathered the courage to say the profoundest and most romantic words imaginable. "I don't like sand. It's coarse and gets everywhere. Not like..."



"Leave," she said icily, not even bothering to look at the manling.



"But...your skin is..."



"Leave. Unless you want to lose that sausage between your legs." Suddenly her voice was as cold as an icestorm on Hoth and the manling took a step back when she turned and locked eyes with him, then he quickly hurried away.

 

[Phylis Alince]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
Having stolen the joke this writer was about to use, Phylis now has to arrive directly at the meeting spot.

Despite the warmness of the morning, Phylis seemed to be wearing even more clothes than usual. Perhaps this was a sort of protection against Siobhan’s attempts to seduce her in a web of Sapphic lust.
Either way she eyed Siobhan’s outfit suspiciously and stood a few feet away.

“Hello. I trust you are well?” Phylis asked a bit stiffly.

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Phylis Alince"]



"I am, thanks. I hope you are. It's a beautiful day. I like Naboo," Siobhan responded as she approached and extended a hand to Phylis, which the badass bookworm may or may not shake. Naturally the Countess' nails were perfectly manicured and shined in the bright light! She tactfully did not mention the recent battle of Teta, which the Jedi had boldly tried to liberate from the grip of the Sith, but had been repulsed. The revolving door policy had also come into effect again. On the positive side no one had randomly spawned and pillaged the Archives again.



"Now, let's go down to business then, shall we?" she asked,

 

[Phylis Alince]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
“Yes, this is a beautiful place,” Phylis said wistfully.

She shook herself back to reality. “Yes, business. Hmm, your message mentioned that you had holocrons and other artefacts. Might one ask how you acquired them? And what items specifically do you have?”

She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. But to her mind, stealing from Sith was perfectly acceptable, especially considering the aforesaid raids on the archives.

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

"You really want to know?" Siobhan asked rhetorically, her lips curving into an amused smile. "Not from someone on your side."



"Derelict Scion-corvette adrift in space on the border. Built like a personal vault made of beskar, but I strongly would rule out Mandalorians - so not their style. Entire crew was dead, apparently butchered by a legion of super anti-boarding droids and auto-turrets. No idea how that transpired, guess a virus made them go Clockwork. Ship got tremendous commotion - apparently many had the same idea. Sith, OP I think, others. Ship vanished shortly after I evacced. Guess someone managed to take control."



Siobhan had not learned that the ship belonged to Rave Merrill during her treasure hunting action and would not have learned that now. "As for the artefacts. Well, based on the labelling I have the the Belia Darzu holocron, which I hear is supposed to have al big blueprint to Sith alchemy and mechu-deru, the King Nagkru holocron, the Dray holocron, a datacron on Dathomiri magic and the Chu'unthor, and a datacron on the Sorcerers of Tund."

 

[Phylis Alince]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
Phylis listened in astonishment to the names of the items. They were big names, and even bigger artefacts to the Jedi Order. Though Sith in origin they were important not just for what they held but also to keep them out of the hands of potential dark siders.
“The Order would be willing to purchase them from you. Where are they now? And how much would you ask?”

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Phylis Alince"]


Siobhan looked tremendously smug as she beheld Phylis' expression. If only the librarian knew that just a few months ago she had discovered a primeval Eldorai supersoldier from the Rakatan age - and living proof that the elves had been engineered as a slave race. Unfortunately, that could not be disclosed. The world is not yet ready, the Masquerade must be preserved and all that jazz.



As for the price, this writer is fine with handwaving things unless there are objections and settling with the notion that it would be a lot. A couple million for ordinary datacrons and the less valuable holocrons such as the Dray one, a very big sum for say the holocron of the Dark Lord Belia Darzu, which after all gave you all you needed to create an army of technobeasts. Suffice to say Siobhan would be able to buy herself lots and lots of Kerrigan coats, terentatek leather pants and shiny shoes. Oh, wait...she did not have an obsession with shoes, as nice as terentatek leather boots sounded. She just had an, ahem, thing about her feet...



Or maybe she could..use the money for Firemane expansion.



"They're in a safe location - on the family ship. I can take you there and you can verify their authenticity and so forth," Siobhan responded smoothly. In the safest place imaginable in Firemane. Aboard the temple it had constructed to celebrate the glory of the Goddess Ardarvia, their true patron. Her dark brown mane was whipped by the breeze of the wind and she removed a stay lock of hair from her shapely face. "As for the price, these are my terms," at that she passed over a datapad.

 

[Phylis Alince]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
Instantly Phylis looked suspicious again. It sounded very much like a plot to lure her to some sort of bar or something.
“Are you sure you really have them?” she hazarded.
She took the datapad and her eyes widened slightly. Finally though she nodded. “This is a substantial amount, but if the items are as described then I should be able to finance their purchase. So where are they now?”

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Phylis Alince"]


Siobhan sighed. "Phylis, you really think I'd try the same tactic to get into your pants twice? Much as it annoys me, I've accepted you don't want to. They're on the Ardarvia because it's the safest place at present."


That was true, though Siobhan had also put them there because she could not resist the chance to troll Phylis. As for the price she demanded, it was obviously a lot though presumably the Jedi Council would be able to afford it. Admittedly it was a matter of debate just how the Jedi Order financed itself. An obvious idea were donations from the Senate, especially since the Jedi seemed to do almost all of the fighting for the Republic, and from private donors.


This writer still likes the idea of Tythonian peasants toiling the soil on the estates of their Jedi Lords, but apparently Tython is sparsely inhabited. But given how many Jedi had defected over the past weeks it was definitely not secret anymore! As a matter of fact, Siobhan had been trained there for a while.

 

[Phylis Alince]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
"I would not put anything past you in that regard," Phylis countered snappily. She sighed and waved it off.
"Then I suppose we'd better get going, Siobhan. It's a shame, I've missed Naboo. I might drop in on my family now I'm here." She hesitated. "You can join me if you'd like," she added.

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Phylis Alince"]


You're so cute when you get cross, Siobhan thought to herself. Unfortunately for her Phylis just would not be swayed. Even the reality-warping magic of Chesna could not find a version that would. "You got family on Naboo? You never told me," she pouted, apparently oblivious to the fact that this was none of her business.


"I'd love to meet them," she flashed the librarian a smile. Nothing could possibly go wrong!

 

[Phylis Alince]

“It did not seem relevant to tell you my family history before now,” Phylis said archly.
“I’ll call ahead and see if they’re there. My brother…he’s got to be finished school now. I’ll see if he’s here too.”
This writer, in typical fashion, can’t quite recollect all the family member names. Marius the brother is known, but the parents…well perhaps [member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]’s writer can help out there!

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Phylis Alince"]


This one just happened to have access to the magical machine called google and thus found out that the father was called Lucius and the mother Jaina.



"But we're such good friends," Siobhan insisted, crossing her arms over her chest, which had the effect of pushing up her already considerable bosom. "Ok. Fine. Call ahead. So what do your parents do? And your brother?" As her wife could affirm Siobhan could be terribly nosy when the mood hit her and she noticed that people other than her existed in the Galaxy.

 

[Phylis Alince]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
This one doesn’t trust those infernal devices!

“My brother was…is studying literature at university. He’s always been interested in it, taking after me, I guess. My parents? Well, they were both engineers, they met working for the King when the first new starships were being built after the end of the plague. They’re retired now.”

She made her call and returned. “They’re there. Let’s head over there.” She eyed Siobhan’s outfit suspiciously. “Try to behave, please,” she said sternly.

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Phylis Alince"]


"Yes, headmistress. I will be on my best behaviour," Siobhan said in an exaggeratedly submissive tone. "I can behave when I feel like it, you know. I deal with nobles at the Eldorai court every day." Besides, her blue dress was really nice and totally respectable! Same with her silver necklace with sapphire stones. There was no chance that this could go wrong or get totally awkward. Or for Phylis' parents to think that they were a lot...closer than the archivist wanted.

 

[Phylis Alince]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
The Alince residence was a nice residence near the lake and set with shady trees and a pleasant fountain.
Phylis opened the gate and walked up the path to the front door. Part way along she stopped, adjusted her robes and took a deep breath before approaching the door and knocking.

A young man, about ten years younger than Phylis, opened the door. He looked up at her in shock, and then gave the startled Jedi a hug.
“Phy!” he said happily. “It’s so great to see you again!”
“Hi Marius,” Phylis said, a bit overwhelmed. “It’s good to see you again. This is my friend Siobhan Kerrigan.”
Marius extended a hand to Siobhan. “Pleased to meet you. Is she a Jedi too?”
“Not really. She’s more of a freelance,” Phylis said crisply.
“Come in, can I get you any drinks? Mum and Dad will be home soon.”