Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos
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Q&A RP for Jack Sparrow!
- Thread starter Jack Sparrow
- Start date
Menka Guga
Loose Bombshell
[member="Jack Sparrow"]
M-my question isn't IC appropriate...
M-my question isn't IC appropriate...
Jack Sparrow
Captain
[member="Menka Guga"], feel free to post it here if you'd like the world to know, or send me a private message for a sincere but personal reply!
Menka Guga
Loose Bombshell
[member="Jack Sparrow"]
It wouldn't be a legit question xD It was would you marry me
It wouldn't be a legit question xD It was would you marry me
Jack Sparrow
Captain
[member="Menka Guga"], Goodness, love, it's all so sudden! Perhaps we should get to know each other a bit first. Dinner, drinks, discussion of hobbies, outstanding warrants, that sort of thing. I know, I know, one look at Senator Captain Jack Sparrow and it's all loins-a-quiver, but still. 
Seraphina Shel'tah
Kinky Darth Pinky
I love that you're doing this. It brings some life to the Senate. It has been so lackluster since I can remember.
Granted I didn't do much to help it while I was an admin of the GR...But let's ignore those little details.
[member="Jack Sparrow"]
Granted I didn't do much to help it while I was an admin of the GR...But let's ignore those little details.
[member="Jack Sparrow"]
Gray Raxis
Blind and Broken
[member="Jack Sparrow"]
If elected Supreme Chancellor, would Senator Captain Jack Sparrow push to have the dress code of the military change it so all female soldiers must wear clothing/armor that leaves the naval area exposed? This question is a very pressing issue to all Half Mandalorian mercs out there.
If elected Supreme Chancellor, would Senator Captain Jack Sparrow push to have the dress code of the military change it so all female soldiers must wear clothing/armor that leaves the naval area exposed? This question is a very pressing issue to all Half Mandalorian mercs out there.
Menka Guga
Loose Bombshell
[member="Jack Sparrow"]
Valiens is going to be so upset!
Valiens is going to be so upset!
Jack Sparrow
Captain
[member="Menka Guga"], Valiens? [member="Valiens Nantaris"]? Do I owe him money?
Jack Sparrow
Captain
Keepin Corellia Weird
Aaaaahnr huuguughghg raaaaaahhgh aguhwwgggghhh uughguughhhghghghhhgh uughghhhgh raaaaaahhgh???
Valiens Nantaris
Head Admin
*Eyes [member="Jack Sparrow"]*
Menka Guga
Loose Bombshell
Jack Sparrow said:
Valiens Nantaris said:
Jack Sparrow
Captain
Valiens Nantaris said:
Keepin Corellia Weird
Jack Sparrow
Captain
[member="Shywooshk"], you're hired!
Keepin Corellia Weird
[member="Jack Sparrow"] - The Galaxy Trembles...
Seydon of Arda
Raquor'daan
Do you need a speech writer? I can provide such a service.
A sample, in keeping with your unique voice, [member="Jack Sparrow"].
“Hoi hoi! Alright! Mister Senate Speaker Man/Woman/Non-Binary Gender thingie for all you lot out there, Mister... Vice... Chancellor? Do we have one? Members of the Senate! Senators! Bell boys! The cute waitresses at the water bar, gods bless you, your work does me heart glad! Aaaahahaha! And my fellow Republicans! ...Fethin' always sounds so gorram terrible. Who wrote this? Sarge? Did he write this? He did, I know he did, tosser.
Anyway! As you well know, today marks the... one-two-three-fo – Today marks another year of my ten... Ten... Of my time as Senator of glorious, green, and gracious Kashyyyk. But now, I must make some remarks (all forty-some paragraphs, feth me) (Cue swig from discretely placed canteen) and we shall get through it all. Somehow. Force willing, it if it's willing. Mind's willing but the body ain't, amirite, boys?? ...As we were saying, gonna try and encapsulate this speech into somethin' pretty digestible. We'll see. I can guarantee, guarantee, that at the end will be a selection of sweet meats, cheeses, rum, and potentially some Senator aides that are looser than my pants zipper.
And I understand that... well, currently, I'm not sure if we're at all clued in as to who's in charge. There's a quip in here about Lasedri having a breast hernia, but it's awful taste to jest when said individual isn't presently present! But as you can imagine: expectations for achievement are low. Awfully low. Black hole of inescapable disappointment. Savvy? But Mister Speaker, gotta say and to all you my very, very active detractors... That I appreciate your criticisms! Who doesn't? Especially when you shout and bawl and shid yourselves as you ride the shoulders of your betters. Bipartisanship, and yes I know the word, can be expected to be right out the window this year. Budget cuts? Forget it. We're cutting nothing. Funding's going to the rum or nothing at all. Tax cuts for middle class and low income families? Feth 'em. That's not what this Republic was built for! Savvy? It was built for a lot of whiney snots with abysmal politicking records. To say like we did'in expect that, with someone like Lasedri off on a podium, yellin' and throwin' sticks because, lo and behold!, she can't be taken serious innymore.
But for you all, gonna go easy. Ain't no grand lists of prop.. propo – Ideas for the years ahead. ...'Cause honestly, the short term and long term are so interchangeable, you'd think we had another Grandmaster. (Pause for applause.) I mean, 'spose there's proposition – that's the word! - for helpin' out those lowly, debt ridden, mule-slave students we got 'anging about. You know, the ones that get hired on as extra members of staff at the self-check out aisles at the grocery mart. Help 'em pay their bills, not like I know what's about. 'Spose there's also some 'recommendations' for giving medical treatments a more 'personalized' effect on patients. ...I mean, they got 'alved from lightsaber wounds, what's the bother? And immigration service and policy is nonexistent! I know that word too! (Hold up thesaurus.) We let any ol' bastard waltz on in. Why not? Either they kill summat or they don't, who cares, doesn't matter, rum! (Cue another swig.) Oh! The other point, on this speech thing! Violence! Specifically by blasters! (Fires a shot into the ceiling, discards weapon casually into the crowd.) What about it?
Mmmnn... Something something about equal work, equal pay. (Tears out page.) Paid leave... They can pay you for that? (Another page leaf tore out.) Minimum wage? Hell! I'd shoot Lasedri for a tenner and leave it at that! Minimum wage!
Yet for my first and perhaps final address to the senators and constituents and Jedi and arseholes and the arseholes watching this, I want to focus on the next five... days. I can't say years. The end of the week is this bleak, dark hole past the weekend that, honestly, terrifies me. But back to the future! (Cue Duey Thewis and the Word.)
We live in a time of some really fethed up stuff. Stuff that's fething up the way we run our lives. Some call it change, I call it progress screaming in, riding atop a proton torpedo. It's the sort of back-an'-forth beezewax that simultaneously gets you laid while implanting the seeds of a Wookie-Crab infestation. Don't ask how I know. But whether we want to ackn - ... But whether we wanna say that change is comin' along or not, it's happenin'. As I speak. Right now. In your very homes. (Cue a canteen swig.)
The Republic, gods bless 'er, has been through change before. Let's see, a couple Jedi Schisms, a few wars, raids, Mandalorian problems but that's nothing new, there was that Venereal Disease Alliance or something that foxes run, feth that was weird. I mean, we're in a war now! We're all depressed, there's an influx -that how you say it – of folk actually piling out of Republic space, and we got all these bleeding hearts lobbying for 'Civil Rights' this and 'Justice For All Now' that and 'Hang Lasedri Out By Her Throat' to top it all off. I mean, and we've had all sorts of fethers come up here and proclaim 'Be afraid, be very afraid'. ...Why not, fething terrifying out there. But I can make it all safe again! Promise! That's the point of all this, stay with me, savvy? ...Although, when faced with adversity, the Republic's always done the galaxy proud by doing the one thing it's best at: hunkering down and receding into a new, slightly more pathetic iteration than what was there before. I call it 'Political Shrinkage'. It's like we jumped in a cold pool or – or – something.
What was true then is true now: Feth everyone else, we're the 'Public! Work ethic, optimism, feth it! We got guns! Economic ruin?? Rum'll fix that! The best ideas come to you when you're lush up to yer ears, folks! Trust me! Wouldn't be here if it weren't, eh?? I guess there's some stuff in here 'bout discovery and cultural diversity, but let's be honest, we all discover diversity through the bottom of an empty bottle. Otherwise, we can't get along at all. We hate each other, let's get that out right now. But! We can make this Republic work through being simply 'onest 'bout it. And like shoving the unwanted nerd under the hoverboss, we can blame this attitude of surreptitious shanacking, backstabbery, and general politcal buggery on my predecessor. I never thought I'd see the day where all our resources and security that have been squirrelled away for future generations to enjoy just flushed.
It's that spirit of devil-may-care piracy-politics that I aim to honor! What, bein' a pirate meself and all, true? It's that sacred, vestal philosophy of reckless abandonment of responsibility that's made the last ten 'er twelve years such a completely bonkers, fethed out of our minds rollercoaster of horror. We're in the ruins of the worst economic tragedy since they upped liquour license fees last year! Our health care is ravaged! Our energy sector has all the pep of a Strider Garon erectile malfunction! Our troops are ignored! Benefits are yesterday's shid-spread toilet paper. The only inroads made was so that weirdos can marry other weirdos, because at this rate, honestly, even a pirate's stopped carin' 'bout who yer gonna shag.
...Roight, let's do this speechabob thinger a favor... And skip to the end. The best bit.
Anyway, that's the Republic I love and know! Foul-hearted! As corrupt as septic scrotal rot! Afraid of challenge and as optimistic as an STI test! And we all know violence is gonna 'ave the final word in the end! That's what makes me so fethin' excited about this lot for bein' Chancellor, honestly! It's paradise for an ol' scallywag as myself! I don't really believe in all that change bunk because, honestly, spent time enough around you lot to understand how ridiculously fethin' 'opeless that really is around here!
If we're gonna sink, I'm gonna make pilotin' this tottering, leaky skip of a union the most fethin' fun that's e'er been seen!
Thank you! May the Schwarz be with you! May the Schwarz be with this Republic!
-Senator Jack Sparrow, Esquire of Kashyyyk”
A sample, in keeping with your unique voice, [member="Jack Sparrow"].
“Hoi hoi! Alright! Mister Senate Speaker Man/Woman/Non-Binary Gender thingie for all you lot out there, Mister... Vice... Chancellor? Do we have one? Members of the Senate! Senators! Bell boys! The cute waitresses at the water bar, gods bless you, your work does me heart glad! Aaaahahaha! And my fellow Republicans! ...Fethin' always sounds so gorram terrible. Who wrote this? Sarge? Did he write this? He did, I know he did, tosser.
Anyway! As you well know, today marks the... one-two-three-fo – Today marks another year of my ten... Ten... Of my time as Senator of glorious, green, and gracious Kashyyyk. But now, I must make some remarks (all forty-some paragraphs, feth me) (Cue swig from discretely placed canteen) and we shall get through it all. Somehow. Force willing, it if it's willing. Mind's willing but the body ain't, amirite, boys?? ...As we were saying, gonna try and encapsulate this speech into somethin' pretty digestible. We'll see. I can guarantee, guarantee, that at the end will be a selection of sweet meats, cheeses, rum, and potentially some Senator aides that are looser than my pants zipper.
And I understand that... well, currently, I'm not sure if we're at all clued in as to who's in charge. There's a quip in here about Lasedri having a breast hernia, but it's awful taste to jest when said individual isn't presently present! But as you can imagine: expectations for achievement are low. Awfully low. Black hole of inescapable disappointment. Savvy? But Mister Speaker, gotta say and to all you my very, very active detractors... That I appreciate your criticisms! Who doesn't? Especially when you shout and bawl and shid yourselves as you ride the shoulders of your betters. Bipartisanship, and yes I know the word, can be expected to be right out the window this year. Budget cuts? Forget it. We're cutting nothing. Funding's going to the rum or nothing at all. Tax cuts for middle class and low income families? Feth 'em. That's not what this Republic was built for! Savvy? It was built for a lot of whiney snots with abysmal politicking records. To say like we did'in expect that, with someone like Lasedri off on a podium, yellin' and throwin' sticks because, lo and behold!, she can't be taken serious innymore.
But for you all, gonna go easy. Ain't no grand lists of prop.. propo – Ideas for the years ahead. ...'Cause honestly, the short term and long term are so interchangeable, you'd think we had another Grandmaster. (Pause for applause.) I mean, 'spose there's proposition – that's the word! - for helpin' out those lowly, debt ridden, mule-slave students we got 'anging about. You know, the ones that get hired on as extra members of staff at the self-check out aisles at the grocery mart. Help 'em pay their bills, not like I know what's about. 'Spose there's also some 'recommendations' for giving medical treatments a more 'personalized' effect on patients. ...I mean, they got 'alved from lightsaber wounds, what's the bother? And immigration service and policy is nonexistent! I know that word too! (Hold up thesaurus.) We let any ol' bastard waltz on in. Why not? Either they kill summat or they don't, who cares, doesn't matter, rum! (Cue another swig.) Oh! The other point, on this speech thing! Violence! Specifically by blasters! (Fires a shot into the ceiling, discards weapon casually into the crowd.) What about it?
Mmmnn... Something something about equal work, equal pay. (Tears out page.) Paid leave... They can pay you for that? (Another page leaf tore out.) Minimum wage? Hell! I'd shoot Lasedri for a tenner and leave it at that! Minimum wage!
Yet for my first and perhaps final address to the senators and constituents and Jedi and arseholes and the arseholes watching this, I want to focus on the next five... days. I can't say years. The end of the week is this bleak, dark hole past the weekend that, honestly, terrifies me. But back to the future! (Cue Duey Thewis and the Word.)
We live in a time of some really fethed up stuff. Stuff that's fething up the way we run our lives. Some call it change, I call it progress screaming in, riding atop a proton torpedo. It's the sort of back-an'-forth beezewax that simultaneously gets you laid while implanting the seeds of a Wookie-Crab infestation. Don't ask how I know. But whether we want to ackn - ... But whether we wanna say that change is comin' along or not, it's happenin'. As I speak. Right now. In your very homes. (Cue a canteen swig.)
The Republic, gods bless 'er, has been through change before. Let's see, a couple Jedi Schisms, a few wars, raids, Mandalorian problems but that's nothing new, there was that Venereal Disease Alliance or something that foxes run, feth that was weird. I mean, we're in a war now! We're all depressed, there's an influx -that how you say it – of folk actually piling out of Republic space, and we got all these bleeding hearts lobbying for 'Civil Rights' this and 'Justice For All Now' that and 'Hang Lasedri Out By Her Throat' to top it all off. I mean, and we've had all sorts of fethers come up here and proclaim 'Be afraid, be very afraid'. ...Why not, fething terrifying out there. But I can make it all safe again! Promise! That's the point of all this, stay with me, savvy? ...Although, when faced with adversity, the Republic's always done the galaxy proud by doing the one thing it's best at: hunkering down and receding into a new, slightly more pathetic iteration than what was there before. I call it 'Political Shrinkage'. It's like we jumped in a cold pool or – or – something.
What was true then is true now: Feth everyone else, we're the 'Public! Work ethic, optimism, feth it! We got guns! Economic ruin?? Rum'll fix that! The best ideas come to you when you're lush up to yer ears, folks! Trust me! Wouldn't be here if it weren't, eh?? I guess there's some stuff in here 'bout discovery and cultural diversity, but let's be honest, we all discover diversity through the bottom of an empty bottle. Otherwise, we can't get along at all. We hate each other, let's get that out right now. But! We can make this Republic work through being simply 'onest 'bout it. And like shoving the unwanted nerd under the hoverboss, we can blame this attitude of surreptitious shanacking, backstabbery, and general politcal buggery on my predecessor. I never thought I'd see the day where all our resources and security that have been squirrelled away for future generations to enjoy just flushed.
It's that spirit of devil-may-care piracy-politics that I aim to honor! What, bein' a pirate meself and all, true? It's that sacred, vestal philosophy of reckless abandonment of responsibility that's made the last ten 'er twelve years such a completely bonkers, fethed out of our minds rollercoaster of horror. We're in the ruins of the worst economic tragedy since they upped liquour license fees last year! Our health care is ravaged! Our energy sector has all the pep of a Strider Garon erectile malfunction! Our troops are ignored! Benefits are yesterday's shid-spread toilet paper. The only inroads made was so that weirdos can marry other weirdos, because at this rate, honestly, even a pirate's stopped carin' 'bout who yer gonna shag.
...Roight, let's do this speechabob thinger a favor... And skip to the end. The best bit.
Anyway, that's the Republic I love and know! Foul-hearted! As corrupt as septic scrotal rot! Afraid of challenge and as optimistic as an STI test! And we all know violence is gonna 'ave the final word in the end! That's what makes me so fethin' excited about this lot for bein' Chancellor, honestly! It's paradise for an ol' scallywag as myself! I don't really believe in all that change bunk because, honestly, spent time enough around you lot to understand how ridiculously fethin' 'opeless that really is around here!
If we're gonna sink, I'm gonna make pilotin' this tottering, leaky skip of a union the most fethin' fun that's e'er been seen!
Thank you! May the Schwarz be with you! May the Schwarz be with this Republic!
-Senator Jack Sparrow, Esquire of Kashyyyk”
Menka Guga
Loose Bombshell
Jack Sparrow
Captain
[member="Seydon of Arda"], I like the gist, but we may need to dial back on the truth just a bit. OOC though, that thing is a work of art.
