First Reply Quiet Minds at the Vonnuvi Enclave

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Open to a Jedi

The Vonnuvi Jedi Enclave was one of two places in the whole galaxy where Gatz could actually find peace.

He was a man of conflict. Always had been. Gatz felt more at home ducking under blaster fire than he did attempting meditation. Half a decade on Nar Shaddaa, working for some of the worst scum the galaxy had to offer, did that to a man. Having a mind that always worked against him made attaining inner peace nearly impossible. And yet, here at the Vonnuvi Enclave, both peace and meditation were achievable for him.

They weren't easy, not by any stretch of the word. But they were possible, and that wasn't something he could claim at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. That being said, the meditation room didn't do it for him. He wanted to be outside (or as close as he could get, considering he was on an Ithorian Herdship), surrounded by greenery, not cooped up in a room. Which, considering he'd been a city boy all his life, was downright baffling. Maybe all that time spent on New Cov had made him more appreciative nature.

Or maybe he just liked the courtyard here at the Vonnuvi Enclave. Gatz didn't know.

He'd stumbled across Master Serys-Organa once, meditating in this very spot—just a little patch of grass. She'd seemed serene then, even as he'd unloaded his problems onto her plate. Gatz desired that serenity, if only because he thought it might quell the anxiety and self-deprecation that plagued his mind. And, considering he was determined to become a Jedi like her, he figured it wasn't really strange of him to rip something out of her playbook.

So here he sat, cross-legged, attempting to quiet his mind. It was even working, for once.

Of course, unbeknownst to Gatz, someone was approaching who might interrupt that process. But that was the risk he took meditating out in the courtyard, instead of somewhere more quiet.

 

[Matsu Ike]

Vonnuvi was beautiful in many ways... and arriving there as she did was just something. ONe hand out as the undrjarn glowed. THe force enhanced bracelet rippling with energy when she moved from the jedi temple to the herdship. Compared to many of the others it wa sone she knew about but had not seen yet... the work on Tanalorr and Peridea taking some attention as well as Ava. She moved through the ripples and was in the courtyard as the jedi master stood there and breathed in... allowing the force energies to swirl around her for a moment. Her mind searching out and finding where she was relative to the three temple beacons. Jadelight, High Plane and the Ancilla.

"Oh I didn't see you." SHe said it and looked at Gatz Derrevar who was there as she closed the smaller rift. Letting the force settle around herself and breathed out with a small exhale. A quick bow as the petite jedi master stayed unassuming and her outfit shifted... into silvery robes and her hair adorned with small kyber bells. She stayed smaller then most and clasped ehr hands behind her back while she stood there on the tips of her toes but stayed a little curious.

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Matsu Ike

Gatz felt someone approaching, but it wasn't a presence he was familiar with. He kept his eyes closed and his breathing steady. He might not be able to be introspective with someone else around, but that didn't mean he couldn't be in a placid, and contemplative state. Peace often eluded him, but that didn't mean he had to give up on chasing it, just because his meditation was being interrupted.

Besides, maybe pleasant conversation with a stranger was exactly what he needed today.

The stranger in question apologized, having not spotted him before she was upon him.

"Don't worry about it," his voice was level and calm, "you're welcome to join me, if you'd like."

Okay, now he really felt like he was plagiarizing Master Serys-Organa. Wasn't that almost exactly what she'd said, when he'd stumbled across her? If so... well, so be it. The whole point of everything he was doing was to follow her example. And being kind to a stranger was just sort of the decent thing to do. So Gatz rolled with it, and chose not to feel guilty over copying the Chief Healer.

 

[Matsu Ike]

Gatz Derrevar

She bowed her head to that and joined him. Sitting down and crossing her legs as she rolled her shoulders. This was... nice enough. A tour later... always time to meditate and it would let her clear her head of anything that might be there. She looked at the other jedi across from herself and he was calm which helped as she followed suit. Listening to and matching the breathing and heartbeat to sync meditation. She did it with her padawans and others when meditating to practice calming and connections. Romi would call it the network like Kriss did and connecting with the other jedi across the galaxy was an important aspect.

She breathed out and expanded her mind... sensing the herdship and further... touching the beacons that were being designed and built for the jedi to be able to use... further out still there was the celestial palace, the ancilla, yamatai and the high plane. Jadelights beacon could be felt like a warm light in the galaxy to those who looked and exis station or the monolithic library were all out there... THe Medara a prison made for the jedi and the jedi system worlds. A hidden fortress nebula of billions being trained and taught. Further and further to the jedi's silver dawn a pocket dimension of the force where the jedi were studying extradimensional applications of the force.

She allowed the words she gave some of her students to echo when searching deeper and deeper into the force or searching. 'Walk any path in the world between, and you will be forced to choose, not once but many times. The paths fork and divide. With each step you take through it, you make a choice; and every choice determines future paths...The paths diverge and branch and reconnect; some not even that observers truly knows where any will take you, where each twist and turn will lead. However, at the end of a lifetime of walking you might look back, and see only one path stretching out behind you; or look ahead, and see only darkness.'

It allowed her to focus their minds and when teaching them about aspects of the force they wouldn't normally learn.. it went a longer way. It was like visiting the caves of Ahch-To and seeing the different thigns that have come to the world. She contracted her mind then... pulling it back as air came out of her lungs and lightly into the air around herself. Like breathing her senses would expaand outwards and back... steadying the pace of her heart and stilling her thoughts to just being there as a moment in time.

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Matsu Ike

Stillness did not come naturally to him. Even as a child, Gatz had been rambunctious. His earliest days in the halls of the Jedi Temple were filled with pranks and other harmless troublemaking. His teenage years spent with his family on Naboo were filled with theft, hotwiring speeders, and getting into brawls. And his adult years, until this last one, had been spent embroiled in crime. This last year had been spent in service of others, but it had been just as adventurous as that time spent on Nar Shaddaa.

So the fact that he could meditate peacefully here was a miracle in of itself.

He did not reach out as the Jedi Master in front of him did. Rather, Gatz turned his gaze inward. He was a man of layers, much like an onion, though he didn't particularly care to be compared to a vegetable. The part of him that he allowed others to see these days was the surface most level of who he was. A charming man, with a friendly smile, and a penchant for helping anyone in need.

That wasn't who he truly was at his core. He wished it were. Oh, Gatz wished he was truly as selfless and altruistic as he tried to be... but the truth was that he was a selfish, cruel man. And even now, after having come to that realization months ago, he still couldn't make peace with it. Gatz couldn't accept that he would always be Hutt scum, no matter how hard he tried to be anything else.

Even today's meditation wouldn't solve that. Nor would it bring him acceptance. So, with a small sigh, Gatz opened his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he told the woman in front of him, "I never even asked for your name."

 

[Matsu Ike]

Gatz Derrevar

She allowed the force to guide her thoughts and as he spoke she bowed her head. "I am Matsu Ike." She said it and looked at him more curious in the moment while she sat there. "And what is your name?" She said it while she was looking at him and around but she moved her legs to be crossed and she was hovering a little off the ground by the end of it. She allowed the force to breathe around herself and come outwards as she expanded her senses before contracting them. "I am mostly what remains of the Silver jedi and one of the primary researchers of the jedi." Now she got to smile though.. her research did a lot and she had built much more then mere baubles in some cases.

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Matsu Ike

When Gatz opened his eyes, he noted that the Jedi in front of him was actually levitating. He blinked. Telekinesis was one of the few skills he had any sort of talent in, but he certainly couldn't float himself. Just rocks. So, to him, this was a telltale sign that he wasn't looking at a Padawan, or Knight. No, despite how young she seemed to be, Gatz figured he was looking at a Jedi Master.

"My name is Gatz. Gatz Derrevar." He introduced himself.

A Jedi Researcher? And a remnant of the Silver Jedi Concord? Gatz hadn't met anyone who claimed either of those yet. Maybe he was in for a history lesson today.

"I, uh... what was it like? The Silver Jedi Concord, I mean."

 

[Matsu Ike]

Gatz Derrevar

SHe smirked at that question and thought about it... the main question of at what time was there. She had been there with Iella and Aika, Rasu and Sochi... it had been a vision of Iella and it had changed through the years into something different. "Hmmm it was a place of learning, of knowledge and of strife. Iella united us at the time when some jedi in the republic sought to divide and have only the most loyal. Pushing others to the fringes of the order and away. Then reacted badly when their actions led to the silver jedi or the conclave and other force orders forming with jedi at the forefront." She shrugged. "Overtime though it changed, becoming inclusive to the point it practically lost itself and allowed anything so long as the words were spoken they were for benefit of the galaxy. Supports tyrants who stripmined and damaged planets but they promised to give the resources or at least a portion sometimes to the concord. By the time I was appointed many had left and gone to the New Jedi Order and after the attack on the silver rest well it was time for a drastic change. So I moved the temple from Kashyyyk to the High Plane and we started to rebuild jedi temples across the galaxy."

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Matsu Ike

Corruption. It had marred the Jedi for generations, no matter the Order.

It was the very reason Gatz had left, as a child. When the Jedi Council of the New Jedi Order had justified the murder of a child, Gatz had chosen to take a moral stance at the young age of nine, and leave. It had been the right choice, at the time. Perhaps it had been the first steps down the painful path that was his life, but if there was one thing in all his life that he was proud of, it was that he'd been able to identify an injustice like that at such a young age.

Jedi Shadows were malevolent. To take a life was supposed to be a Jedi's last resort, not their first option. And the fact that the Order had facilitated their training, and approved of their use had made him sick to his core. If not for Valery Noble reassuring him that Shadows were no longer being actively trained or used... Gatz wasn't sure he would have come back to the Order at all.

"Does it always end like this, in our history?" Gatz asked the Jedi Master, "Jedi turning into the very monsters we're supposed to oppose?"

 

[Matsu Ike]

Gatz Derrevar

"At times it can feel that way and even look it. THe true test of a jedi isn't their measure of the force it is what happens to them over time. Day after day after day... subjected to sometimes the worse things the galaxy can show and sometimes injustices." SHe thought about how to better explain it and held a hand up as she focused for a moment.. the air shifting and shimmering as she moved the molecules and atoms... stacking and expanding.. creating more until it was two bottles.

"Imagine that you're holding on to two bottles, and they drop on the floor. What happens? They both break. But it's how they break that's important. Because you see, while one bottle crumples into a pile of glass, the other shatters into a jagged-edged weapon. You see, the exact same environment that forged some jedi into warriors, crushed others. People just don't all break the same, they just don't." She said it and it was a way to look at it. One of the first things she did was disband the silver shadows.

THey were corrupted and cruel compared to what she had known them to be. THe jedi shadows of Omean were powerful and under direct control of the councilor of first knowledge who made sure everything they did was researched and a final resort. "Jedi are like that in some ways as well what shapes one will break another... what teaches one will make another suffer. The truth is as varied as the jedi themselves." SHe had the bottle and shifted it again as they reformed in her hands and then became a crystal.

"Or in some cases a jedi can come away from it changed."

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Matsu Ike

Master Ike's explanation wasn't exactly a comforting one, but it did make a lot of sense. Take two people, put them through the same tragedy, and they'd come out different. Gatz had lost everyone he ever loved, and came out of it shambling on in life, with his only purpose being a desperate attempt to help others. Someone else might have come out in more positive spirits. And yet another person might have come out far worse.

He supposed that the Jedi as an organization couldn't be perfect, because individual Jedi would never be. Even Valery, Grandmaster of the New Jedi Order, was a very flawed woman. Good, but imperfect. She tried her best, but she held certain biases, and held them firmly. And it wasn't fair of her to be anything else. No one was without detractions.

"And yet we've persevered across history." Gatz nodded, "but... do you believe that we've done more good than ill? Are we still making the right impact?"

Ever since returning to the Order, that question had been bouncing around in his mind. He'd seen the flaws of the Order as child, and while the Order had changed drastically after Valery had cleaned house, it was still so wrong. Children being sent on dangerous missions, where their lives were put in jeopardy? That was only one example, but it was the worst of them.

 

[Matsu Ike]

Gatz Derrevar

"Collectively yes... Romi Jade , Valery Noble any number of the Heavenshields, Coren Starchaser even when she feels like it Ashin Cardé Varanin in her jedi phase long ago. We all do quite a lot of good and there are always going to be dangers. There will always be something that happens somewhere in the galaxy that we failed to prevent, failed to realize. A ripple, an echo in the force that stretches and changes. FOr everything good bad will be done.. the trick as I would see it is to try and help as many as you can while working to minimize the bad... Not always possible." She said it with a look but she didn't know how to explain it. She thought they did good but it was her opinion more then a fact. What was the jedi fighting a sickness on one world to cure the people would see aa war break out another place and more lives might be lost.

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Matsu Ike

"It's just... sometimes I wonder. That's all." Gatz chose not to elaborate further, "but I meant no disrespect, Master."

Perhaps it was the height of hypocrisy, to doubt the Jedi while being a Jedi. Or, at least, being a failure of a Jedi. But then, Gatz had seen this Order from both the inside, and the outside. And he wasn't impressed. There were a few Jedi he admired more than he could voice: Valery, Master Serys-Organa, Briana, and Cora. But as an organization? No, he wasn't sure he could bring himself to hold the Order itself in the same regard.

He'd seen some things he couldn't unsee. The Jedi bred evil just as the Sith did—they just didn't do it as often, or as blatantly. But they did it all the same. Gatz... wasn't sure how to get past that; wasn't sure where to begin trusting the Order as whole instead of just a few individuals.

"I returned to the Order to try and do good, instead of harm." Gatz admitted. "Decided I wanted to mend wounds instead of healing them, only to find I have no talent for it."

He snorted derisively at himself.

"It's ironic, really: I came back because I wanted to be a Jedi like Amani Serys . Heard about this enclave, and decided to spend as much time as I could here. I guess I was hoping that a little bit of her greatness might rub off on me; hoping that with her guidance, I might someday be capable of saving lives instead of taking them. Except it turns out that I'm about as suited to Force Healing as a fish is to climbing a tree."

"And I'm about as suited to being a Jedi as a scoundrel is to keeping his nose clean."

 

[Matsu Ike]

Gatz Derrevar

"THere is no disrespect to be given, we are not droids programmed to be a certain way. We are mostly all people in the jedi... some of the shards might disagree here or there." She said it and offered a smile though. "And well as to wanting to emulate a jedi by being in an enclave it can be done in a way but why would you want to be Amani Serys ? I am sure Gatz Derrevar is just as interesting one just has to find out what you have the skills in." SHe didn't doubt he had skills for something... all jedi and people did even if they didn't know it. "One of the benefits for me at least is I have reinstated other things... there is the artisans, the tech division temple security and guards, sciences and even the economic circle for the jedi." The economic watch circle handling most of the jedi temple affairs as needed if the enclaves wanted it.

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Matsu Ike

Master Ike was right: they weren't droids, programmed to do something a certain way. They were people, and people were very fallible—even the most noble of heroes could be tempted into selfishness. Gatz began to wonder if perhaps he was being too harsh on the Jedi. They weren't perfect, but how could they be? And what right did he, a former criminal, have to judge a council that did its best to do right by the people of the galaxy.

They tried. Sometimes they got it wrong, like they had with him, but they tried. That was more than he'd done for most of his life.

"Gatz Derrevar isn't a good man, and he isn't good for much," Gatz explained easily, "I'm not trying to be Master Serys-Organa, but the path she's chosen to walk is as noble as it gets. And it's one that I want to dedicate my life to."

He wasn't looking to be the next Chief Healer. Ambition was a poison, and one he was all too familiar with. Gatz just wanted to help instead of hurt, and he wanted to find a way to do that that didn't require him to point a blaster or a lightsaber at someone. He'd taken enough lives. Now he wanted to save them.

 

[Matsu Ike]

Gatz Derrevar

Hmmm. She looked at him and bowed. "Well then lets see what can be done to try and help that along." A smile was on her face while she stayed there and looked at him. "SHe is a talented healer maybe one of the better after Boolon and Ijet.... hmmm." She tapped her chin as emulating her or at least her attitude might help but she couldn't just make him into a healer overnight. That wasn't his intention he wanted not to copy after all. She debated it. "Ahhh maybe." She said it while stepping back a moment and holding her hands out. Then she opened them up as the Eye of the Grandmaster appeared. Her earring under her hair glowing as it opened the interface for information.

"There is always something that can be....." She trailed off as the world could be seen and text was scrolling with population numbers. "A herdship is always good but sometimes you just need to visit a place that isn't a warzone or hotbed." She said it with a smile. "Here we go. I can recommend starting at the smallest levels. Work with some of the people. Help them, aid them. It doesn't have to be stopping or fighting. Millions around the galaxy have other problems that you never have to use confrontation... mostly sometimes loth cats in trees can be vicious and you are safer just cutting the tree down and shaking them out."

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Matsu Ike

Gatz blinked at the light show in front of him. It took him a moment to realize this was some apparition of her earing, and not the Force. Then things made sense. Nothing about technology phased him these days. But that didn't mean he wasn't curious as to what the Jedi Master in front of him was doing.

She offered an idea that Gatz was fond of. Helping people, however small, and doing it without ever drawing a weapon? That sounded like the kind of thing he wanted to do. He just wasn't sure if he could afford the time away from his studies. It was still a good idea, and it was one he'd tuck away in his back pocket for now. He might not get a chance to go along with Master Ike's idea soon, but that didn't mean he had to discard it.

"I... rather like that idea, Master." Gatz bowed his head respectfully, "thank you for the advice. And the information. And I'll try to avoid getting mauled by a lothcat."

Maybe it wasn't saving lives, or fighting terrorists. But it was important to the people who needed help.

 

[Matsu Ike]

Gatz Derrevar

She gave a nod of her head and closing down the system spoke. "Well that is good, the silver jedi have developed a lot of medical equipment for the jedi to use but nothing worse then those tiny claw marks... deep enough for blood but shallow enough healing takes longer." She said it with a grin though as him trying to help people in the smaller ways wasn't so bad. Would he do it she wasn't certain but it could work with what he was wanting to do. "THe people will thank you and every now and again it is good to remind a jedi what we really were for. Helping the people and guiding them in some cases. Not all are meant to be warriors though many do know how to defend."

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons:
Tag: Matsu Ike

Not all were meant to be warriors.

Unfortunately, Gatz knew all too well that he was. When the lightsaber was the only Jedi skill he excelled in, it was a pretty obvious calling as to what he was actually meant to be doing. But he'd always been a rebel. So, of course he'd chosen to focus on the exact opposite; chose to focus on healing instead of harming. And sure, he wasn't any good at it, not with the Force.

But it was better to be bad at something good, than to be good at something bad.

"Thank you, Master," Gatz gave her a respectful bow of his head, "you've given me a lot to think about."

He stood from his seated position, meditation for the day done. Now was the time to just... ponder things. Maybe over something to eat, or with a view of the stars. The lower observation deck of the station was good for things like that.

"And thank you for your time. I don't have all the answers, but you've given me the tools to uncover them."

 

[Matsu Ike]

She gave a now od her head... "Most welcome and perhaps one more thing can be given." She moved forward and held her hand out for a moment and focused. Letting the energies compact and move as she shifted the matter around and a smaller golden cup appeared while she shifted the Feena's Memory around to check it and focus on it with the force. "FOr a healer this was made in memory of the greatest one I knew. Feena would always welcome another taking the path of healing." SHe offered it with a smile. "Fill it with water and focus on it. The cup will help with the rest and while you are learning it can help with focusing the mind." SHe offered a smile.. teaching him how to heal with art of the small might be possible but that was something you needed a talent for and more understanding. "There are a few other methods of healing and half the fun is finding which path you are good at."