Recalling the Past: Personal Journal of Shmi

[Pinda Solthar]

Shmi voice recording, Entry 23

"She ran and ran...I admire the energy of younglings; they never stop. She had no shoes, just a dress that was crafted by her mother. Her hair, a silky dark that reflected light. Some would call her a dreamer, she would stand in the streets of Jordir and go into a daze, where the world moved at a pace so slow that it intrigued her. Innocence."

The Master took a deep breath, as she spoke she vividly recalled those moments. Her eyes shut tightly, and her face frowned up. It was a time where she was happy, but this particular moment she relived was before her first true encounter with unexplainable pain.

"All she could hear was her name being called, they would say "Shmi! Shmi!" Voices that were many. Other children who lived a life of adventure as she did. She soard off to join them and they ran for hours through the streets of Jordir. Her home...The tan little babe jeered with laughter, and innocence. But the fun would end when her mother called..."

The Jedis hand swiftly came down on the datapad to end the recording. Her vivid memory faded to black and she forced herself to not relive that moment. To tell that story would mean to tell it in its entirety and maybe that was best saved for another day when she could process everything she had already resurfaced.

She sighed.

 

[Pinda Solthar]

Shmi voice recording, entry 24

"She loved her mother above all things that little one...before she could comprehend her mother was shackled, physically and mentally. The woman was a slave. Eventually the woman purchased her freedom and therefore it allowed her love to prosper as well. They struggled, but there was always family. As a babe she was blind to it all, she wasn't aware of the financial plague...or her mothers health plague."

She took a break from speaking, having prepared herself before to feel the emotions that she could never really rid herself of. In this moment the attachment was made visible.

"She stood there in the doorway of her home. In shock, her eyes were wide and full of nothingness. In that moment she didn't feel. Visitors flooded her home, dressed to be those of a certain status different from the normal citizens she encountered daily. None of their faces she knew...all were a blur. What was in focus was her mothers motionless body. Little did she know, her mother was very ill and had succumb to her sickness. I think at that moment, she became numb."

She cleared her throat, and looked up and over to another side of the room.

"That day, she flung into a tantrum that no one could tame. Faces that seemed familiar reached out and grabbed her. Other family members were there to attempt to comfort her. As they carried her out she cried and cried herself into a headache, a feel she would unknowingly at the time, get for the rest of her life. They say traumatic experiences could trigger the abilities of a Force Sensitive. The world came to a slow, nothing was in focus and her vision fell black."

 

[Pinda Solthar]

Shmi voice recording, entry 25

The Jedi Master took a seat in one of the conference room. She took a moment to gather her thoughts, reminiscing was something she hadn't done in a while since her last two entries. She intended to keep going but...things came up. She crossed her legs and cleared her throat.

"In the next year all that little girl would experiences was extremely painful headaches. It was rather ironic that it all started after witnessing the death of her mother, and now she was forced to stay with relatives. Not that she didn't know them, but in truth she didn't know them. More than often she was plagued with an overwhelming wave of despair and other emotions that surrounded her. What scared her to her core was the fact that they simply weren't her own."

There was a pause in her speech, and her eyes changed direction. She was now viewing the stars outside the small window inside the room. Then all she could remember was the stress her new family felt as they attempted to relocate.

 

[Pinda Solthar]

Shmi voice recording, continuing entry 25

"Her new family desired a new setting, and thus attempted to search the stars in an attempt to relocate somewhere new. She was much to young to understand, but she felt the stressed they felt to provide a better life for her. This only added to the frustration as she was in constant pain, and there wasn't away they knew how to help her. The little babe shied away from her family...shied away from her destiny."

She sat there in silence for just a moment. Taking a beat, slowly swallowing the moisture that built in her mouth so suddenly. In her mind flashed of the girl sitting in a corner holding her head and silently crying to herself became more and jore vivid; she remembered well.

What her caretakers didn't know at the time that they would soon discover...was that the babe was Force sensitive and thus her empathic abilities were manifesting due to the trauamatic experience she witness months and months prior. Thus began her destiny..."

 

[Pinda Solthar]

Shmi voice recording, entry 26

"Then, Chalacta had been under the jurisdiction of the Galactic Republic, thus making all of the children to live in its influence cloud subject to testing. The person who oversaw this process was Kastalor Sector' Jedi Watchmen. Her headaches had grown worse and worse so her family used what they had to have doctors step in. She was discovered to be Force Sensitive...however she was 5 at the time and thus much to old to be sent to the Jedi Temple."

"However, Yudrish was called in as he would know what was best. His initial reaction was to let her go...as there wasn't much he could do, but he saw something in that girls eyes...and he could sense the pain they felt as a family. Something inside of him told him his initial judgement would be the wrong course of action. His tall and stern figure filled the room, and thus a decision was made on the future of the babe..."

She let go a sigh as she relived the moment. As proud as she was, she was extremely grateful. Yudrish was a man that impacted her entire life.

"She would become a Jedi...under the tutelage of Yudrish himself."

 

[Pinda Solthar]

Shmi voice recording, entry 27

"For the next few years she trained tirelessly on her homeworld and in the neighboring systems. Though they weren't as frequent, she still suffered from massive headaches. This worried Yudrish, he was no empath and while he understood the nature of the Force and how the senses were heightened...he couldn't comprehend how she felt. He started to doubt himself, and his ability to teach as maybe that particular system wouldn't suffice. However he decided to not give up on her, and instead began to train her in how to control her senses."

"She had seemingly begun to lose those memories of the family she had, they were still there, but lost in the back of her mind as she had found an anchor in which helped her experience life again. She found a new family however, though she had been taught initially that attachments were forbidden, she still looked to Yudrish as a father figure...the man who saved her from herself. What she felt she owed...she didn't know how to repay. She would make up for it for not failing him and leaving his decision to be in vain."

She covered her mouth with a fist she formed. She was in a state of contemplation, remembering Yudrish always invoked positive feelings in her...remembering some things did, however.

 

[Pinda Solthar]

Shmi voice recording, 28

"This bright child acted beyond her years, this showed in her ability to learn from her Master. As the magnitude of her abilities began to show, her discipline grew ridged. Her skill with the lightsaber proved to be promising while she picked up on the art fairly quick. Though as promising as she appeared, she was unable to prevent the tragic occurrence that would later strike her life..."

Shmi sat back in her seat, it had always been a tad bit difficult for her to speak about the death of her first Master...but there was no way around it, and its impact was what carried her throughout the years following.

"For all she was, she was but a student. For when she thought she was ready, she truly wasn't. Yudrish had gone on assignment, tending to his watchmen duties and this was the girls first real assignment alongside him. But...the force works in mysterious ways. Yudrish was killed in action right before her eyes..."

The Jedi Masters, nostrils flared for just a moment as she remembered vividly.

"In that moment...it felt real. The emotions...the feeling surged through her body and she felt the connection sever. That girl held it in...and she remembered when her mother laid sick on her deathbed. Again, she was helpless."

 

[Pinda Solthar]

Shmi voice recording, entry 29

"All she had left was his Lightsaber...all she could remember was the purple beacon of hope that inspired her. Its glow invoked courage...she held onto it during the entire voyage to the Jedi Academy on Ossus. She held onto the memories of her mother, and her master the entire time. She burned with motivation to continue her training and stand for those who fell for her. She grew, she grieved, and she let go."

Her face relaxed, as the memories would always stay with her, but she knew how far she came.

"The young woman...stepped into the world of the Jedi again. Her Master Branka taught her to be a fierce combatant with her Jedi weapon. Her maturity and mental strength allowed her to learn the vicious form of Juyo...and thus she eventually stepped into the world of Vaapad. Her lightsaber, it had taken on a purple color. She took Yudrish' crystal and fashioned her lightsaber with it."

The purple trail of her previous blade flashed in her eyes as she relived the moment from so long ago.

"Branka told her of its rarity. The Hurrikaine crystals were admired for their beauty, and not many were able to come across them at this stage in her career. For her, however, it was admired for its ability to inspire her."