Private Recovery

[Everest Vale]

So much happened that day. There was so much that remained unresolved, wounds yet to heal. Woostri would never leave Everest, but at least she could start to let go a little of the pain attached to it; Tigris had seen to that with her unwavering love and support. Kat had given her support as well, as had Braze, and Cora. But there was someone she had yet to see, and she was unsure what was holding her back.

Every time she wanted to visit Colette, something stopped her. Was it fear of what she might witness? Fear of losing herself to upset? Or perhaps it was some other unspoken anxiety that gnawed at her. After weeks of fighting an inner battle about it, and trying to navigate her own healing, she pushed herself to action.

She needed to see her.

The sterile scent of bacta and disinfectant filled the quiet hospital room, clinging to the air like an unwanted presence. Eve stepped carefully over the threshold, her movements slow, deliberate, but hesitant. The rhythmic hum of monitors was the only sound, their quiet beeping steady and unyielding, as if indifferent to the devastation they measured.

She stopped just inside the doorway. There she was.

Her friend, her sister in all but blood, lay still beneath the crisp white sheets, her face illuminated by the soft glow of the medical displays. Eve exhaled shakily, something twisting tight in her chest. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She had thought the worst was over when they left Woostri behind. That once they reached safety, once the fighting was behind them, the wounds — all of them — would begin to heal. But looking at her now, lying there so fragile, so unlike herself, Eve realised how naive that thought had been.

The battle still lingered. It was hanging in the air like smoke, thick and suffocating, refusing to be swept away. Eve swallowed hard, her hands curling at her sides. She had told herself she wouldn't cry. Not here. Not now. But the moment she took a step closer and saw the slow rise and fall of Colette's chest — proof that she was alive in spite of everything — her vision blurred with unshed tears.

She didn't say anything, but silently took a seat beside her, her watery silver eyes watching her in her gentle sleep.

Colette​

 

[Colette]

Everest Vale

A gentle stir twisted and shifted under the sheets. A groan of discomfort squealed in her throat. The sleeping beauty was waking up. Tired eyes peered out from behind opening eyelids and the roof greeted her yet again as it had for the last few days. A deep breath swept in through the nose and out through the very same.

As her eyes lowered they eventually set on the white-haired woman by her bed; Everest. Colette put on a weak smile until she noticed that the woman was crying. A look of worry shot through the patient's body.

"Everest." She said and tried to push herself up on her elbows for support. "Something happen?"

"Someone die? What's wrong?"

 

[Everest Vale]

Colette's words shook her from the thoughts she was becoming rapidly lost in, and her breath hitched. She couldn't tell if Colette was joking in her usual way, but just hearing her voice again, seeing she was even able to speak to begin with, caused the tears to stream down her face. Before she could even stop herself, she lunged forward to hug her.

"C-Colette..." Her voice was shaky as she tried her best not to completely lose it.

She pulled back immediately after, realising she was probably hurting her in her current state.

"S-Sorry... Are you... How are you?"

It was a silly question, she knew. But what else could she say?

Colette​

 

[Colette]

Everest Vale

"Me?" Colette blinked. "I'm not…" She ran out of air. "Dea- oof!"

The wound on her waist screamed for a moment as the echani woman wrapped Colette in a tight hug. She let out a quick laugh as the girl then unwrapped herself from Colette and apologized yet again for something that didn't need an apology.

"I'm alive." Colette reassured Everest. "Nearly died, but turns out I am too stubborn for that."

"Why are you crying, Eve?" Colette had to ask.

 

[Everest Vale]

Colette was a powerhouse. She didn't look good, didn't sound good, was very clearly damaged by the events of Woostri. And yet she was still... Colette. Still strong, still unyielding, still stubborn to use her own words. Eve let a smile come to her as she wiped her tears.

"S-sorry," she said finally. "I'm just... It's just... W-Woostri..."

She wasn't sure what she was trying to say, her thoughts stumbling over themselves. She paused for a moment and breathed, drying her face fully this time with the fabric of her robe.

"I'm just... really glad you're okay, Colette."

Slender, pale hands reached for Colette's and squeezed gently. She wanted to say more, tell her how much she loved her, how much of a sister she was to her, but she couldn't manage it. Instead, she forced herself to smile. She didn't want to add to Colette's suffering.

After a brief silence, she spoke again.

"C-Can I get you anything?"

Colette​

 

[Colette]

Everest Vale

Woostri. Colette realized what it was about and nodded at the mention of the world. A fear of what could have been and what actually had been. It wasn't something Colette concerned herself with all that much since she had arrived and even less so before then. Those who loved her had already shown up in force and the rest were either about to or rooting from afar. Everest being here now and Valery and Kahlil having showed up a few days ago was proof of that much.

She grabbed the mighty tauntaun plushie by her side, ran her thumb over it and then moved it to her stomach as she scooted over in her bed.

"Nah." She smiled at Everest and patted the bed. "I can't really stand up to hug you properly, but…"

"With some help from Aurra's mighty tauntaun and gravity I'll do what I can to help you feel better."

 

[Everest Vale]

Eve bit onto her quivering lip as she crept carefully onto the bed next to her, doing her best not to put any pressure on her. So up close to Colette now, she could see how haggard she was. She seemed tired, but she was in the best possible place, and that did alleviate Eve's feeings.

Carefully, she rested her head on her shoulder and wrapped an arm around her, as delicately as possible. She closed her eyes for a moment.

"I'm..." She was silent for a moment. "I'm okay." It wasn't entirely true, but she was better than she had been, and she didn't want to trouble Colette with her own woes. "I was just..." She tightened herself ever so slightly, conscious not to hurt her. "...really worried about you... and I'm sorry it took me so long to come..."

She wouldn't cry, but she did nestle a little further into the hold, before her voice continued quieter than usual, almost like a child's.

"I love you, sis..."

Colette​

 

[Colette]

Everest Vale

Sure, it was a bit uncomfortable to share a hospital bed between two people, but to get this opportunity to feel like she could still help others in some way was invaluable to Colette. She wrapped an arm around Eve to pull her into a hug and listen to her speak.

"Love you too." She said back and ran her thumb along the Echani's shoulder. "It's been a short while, but it's nice to know there are more like us out there."

She let in a deep breath and then gently let it all out with an exhale that did wonders for her mental health. This hug was something that she had needed even if she had gotten it so many times before. The hospital wasn't a lonely place, but it was also - ironic as it was - rather inhospitable. With the influx of patients from the war there was no telling how much worse their jobs had gotten.

"You showed up and that's what matters." She then reassured Everest once more and merely laid down and stared at the ceiling before turning back to the Echani. "It's more than I expected of most with the war on."

"But, let's not… Talk about me." Colette exhaled. "You look tired too."

"What's going on with you?"

 

[Everest Vale]

It was nice to be so close to Colette, comforting to share such a moment with her. She nestled in a little more and breathed easy with her, synchronising her breathing with hers for a moment before Colette continued.

"I couldn't not come." She wasn't sure what held her back until now, but now that she had finally decided to come she only wished she came sooner. But she didn't let herself dwell on it.

When Colette asked about her, though, she shrunk a little. She wasn't really sure what to expect, coming here. She didn't want to bring her own problems to the woman who had become a sister to her, and she hesitated.

"I'm... I've not been so good..." She spoke slowly, thoughtfully, her thoughts drifting to Woostri. As the flashes came to her, her heart ached.

"It... It hurts, Col... It hurts so much... I... I k-killed..." Admitting it out loud made her eyes well. Her memory then showed the tragic face of Private Michael Tanners again. "And m-my friend, he..." The sounds of the battle drifted through her mind, warping abstractly. "I can't make sense of it all, but..." She exhaled with a weighty intent, as her last memory before everything went black came to her. Her eyes turned dark at the thought of... whatever it was that came from her after that. "It all became... too much..."

She wasn't ready to word any of it properly, wasn't even sure she was capable of doing so. And this was all before she even let herself slip into thoughts about Azzie, who was out there, somewhere. She needed to talk to Master Noble...

But now, she just wanted to be with Colette, and savour the moment of peace.

"I'm sorry, I..." She released a shaky breath and sniffled. "Tigris was down there with me. She helped me get out... If she wasn't there, I..." A gentle calm washed over her at the thought of her love. "Sorry..." she said again, perhaps needlessly, as she pulled herself from those wretched memories again.

Colette​

 

[Colette]

Everest Vale

Everest wasn't one to want to burden others. Her feelings had to be pulled out of her like a sword out of a sheath. Colette slowly nodded along and listened as her sister spoke. She continued to run her thumb along the Echani's shoulders as she spoke.

"Shhh." She hushed Everest with her final apology. "Shshshsh."

"It's good that you felt it. If you hadn't felt remorse for taking a life…" Colette let in a deep inhale and a slow, tired exhale. "That'd be wrong."

"I threw up after I first killed someone. It was an accident, but I'll never forget that feeling." She sighed. It wasn't her best hour. "His name was Tarn. Career criminal. No known family."

"I decided then and there I would memorize everyone that I have killed or will kill. The longer the list, the more I have to face the fact that I ended the existence of a living being. Snuffed out their potential for good."

"Just don't let that define you, Eve."

"You are a gentle soul, and we need those. Just don't forget to put on your armor as well."

 

[Everest Vale]

Eve shrunk a little more in her arms. She spoke honestly, truthfully, and the tone Colette took with her seemed different to most. It was gentle and loving, and she appreciated it. Her words were comforting. She was so much more wise and insightful than she was herself, and they were all words Eve didn't realise she needed to hear. She didn't say much in response, but she understood, and she agreed.

"Mhm..."

Her heart still ached. She knew she had to fight. She knew she had signed up to a life that demanded that of her, in a galaxy where it was essential in order to protect the innocent and preserve life. But it felt like a bitter irony that sometimes in order to preserve life, one had take it too. Eve sniffled, blinking away more tears that threatened her eyelashes.

"Does... Does the pain... ever go away?"

She already knew the answer. She could hear Tigris' words drift through her mind as if answering the question for her.

It won't ever leave you, but you learn to live with it.

Sometimes, Eve simply felt like she just wasn't cut out for this life.

Colette​

 

[Colette]

Everest Vale

“Eventually.” Colette said and slowly nodded. “It’s all in how you learn to handle it.”

“What works for me might not work for you, it’s like… I don’t know. Grief?” She liked that. While Colette was basically freebasing her whole explanation, grief was the word that felt the most honest. “Grief for whoever it was you killed, and for yourself.”

“You understand that something has been taken that nobody can ever get back. Both from the victim and yourself. You can run away from that, refuse to handle it, or you can… Accept it. Use the broken pieces of both to create something new to take that place. Like those vases with the gold in them.”

“Could be a vow to do better. A vow of complete pacifism… Or just acceptance of what you did.”

“The only one who can help you make that decision is you and only you. All the rest of us can do is help support and guide you when the time comes and you feel ready for it.”

 

[Everest Vale]

"I like that way of putting it," said Eve quietly, weighing the importance of Colette's words. Idly, thoughtfully, she tapped a finger against her arm, and let out a heavy sigh as she let it all settle in her. She wanted to help others – needed to – but she seemed to be just getting in her own way sometimes.

"I think I want to heal, you know," she said finally. "I've been thinking I might volunteer at the Jedi hospital to learn more, and after that... maybe civilian hospitals... Shan taught me the first stages of healing once and..." She took in a slow breath as she thought about what she could do to help. "...I– I just want to help others..."

She mused a little on the idea. Healing seemed to make the most sense for her. She couldn't harm others, it was an idea that seemed so difficult to even conceive of. But she also wished to devote herself to nature, helping it to flourish and restore in places where perhaps it had been hurt or struggling. Between the two, she could see finally a glimmer of purpose for herself.

Colette​

 

[Colette]

Everest Vale

Healing, now that was a good calling for her. As long as it came from an earnest place within and not because Everest told herself it was the only way to make up for her mistakes. Anything built upon a lie like that was liable to crumble to dust sooner or later. Jedi hospital was a good- civilian— Shan…

Colette grinded her teeth for a second. It was always important to her that she recognized her own faults and fallacies. To pretend to herself that she was ever just like the common person would do no-one any good, and this was one of those things she recalled her and Shan disagreeing on, especially when it came to him wanting to be a 'real' doctor when he could simply use the force to close wounds better than any suturing needle ever could.

It was a vanity project, a means to feel better about yourself. It was deeply dishonest to yourself and those around you, but if that was who Everest wanted to be then—

No, that wasn't what she was saying. Colette closed her eyes and let out a deep but clearly troubled sigh.

"That's a good instinct." She said and nodded, slowly. "Just make sure it's for the right reasons."

"Wanting to help, that's good. Wanting to do it to make yourself feel better, that's just telling yourself a lie."

"Be honest with yourself and with those around you. That's all that matters."

 

[Everest Vale]

"Mhm..." said Eve mindfully, dwelling on her words. She noticed how Colette's body had tensed, how her aura flaired a little, and she wasn't sure why, but intentionally chose not to probe into it.

"I... just want what's best... for everyone..."

She settled into the silence for a while, and as she did her mind wandered. Shadows of Woostri gnawed at the edges of her senses, and as she followed the trail of thoughts idly it brought her to something she had been trying so hard to avoid.

But she couldn't avoid it, she never could, not really, and she could see those two purple Iridonian eyes looking at her. Her breath hitched as the thoughts of her other sister struck her through the silence. Did Colette even know what happened to her?

"C-Col... There's... something else..." Her breath had become shaky again, and she could feel the upset rising at the thought of finally confronting the reality she was trying not to cave to.

Colette​

 

[Colette]

Everest Vale

"We all do, Eve." Colette said and gave the girl another hug. "That's what keeps us going."

The silence was welcome but at the same time all too tiring. Each second brought her closer to sleep until she teetered on the edge of unconsciousness. Between the safety of Aurra's tauntaun plushie and the Echani laying next to her.

"C-Col there's something else."

Colette blinked away and pulled Everest in closer.

"Of course." She said and smiled. "Tell me what's up."

 

[Everest Vale]

Eve took in a sharp breath, trying too hard to calm herself. But as thoughts of Azzie engulfed her, she started comprehending on a level of her consciousness deeper than she had done before, and as she was forced to face the fact she had to actually acknowledge it externally in words, she started to tremble from the heartache that started gnawing at her again.

"A-A-Azzie..." Her name came out in half a choke, and she could feel her eyes welling again. She lifted herself up to look at Colette, to look into her smoky eyes. "D-do you know...?"

She was trying so hard to keep it together, trying not to collapse under the weight of worry and hurt, but when she finally spoke, it came out as a painful wail.

"Sh-Sh-She's... gone... Th-Th-Th-They... They... took... her... C-Col... What do we..."

She grit her teeth in defiance, but it was all futile. Tears run down her cheeks again already as she broke out into a sob, nestling herself into Colette's neck as if to hide.

Colette​

 

[Colette]

Everest Vale

Azzie was gone and the Sith had her. Colette went characteristically quiet for a moment. She felt her back sink into the bed. Azurine was strong, but even she had a breaking point. Sith would try to turn her around, no doubt of that, but the girl was stronger than that. Given who she was apprenticed to it was just as fair to assume that plans were already in motion to get her back. Valery was not one to leave people behind, and especially not her own apprentices.

"Hm." Colette hummed in deep thought.

Besides the most obvious threats, she was still safe. Her life was too big of a bargaining chip for the Sith to just throw away like that. Either it would be a trophy conversion or a message. The former of which equated to the second when faith was involved.

"She's fine." Colette eventually said and pulled Everest in closer. "Worse for wear, but fine."

"Once Valery has picked up her scent, there will be nothing keeping the Sith safe from the hell she will unleash."

 

[Everest Vale]

Eve shrunk a little further into Colette's embrace. Her heart ached, and now that she had finally admitted it to herself that Azzie was gone, she couldn't really ignore that pain and anxiety that had been building in her. Her fist clenched.

"I'm gonna go with her." Her voice was more sure than it had ever been. As she wiped her eyes, she sat up again and looked at Colette. Something in her eyes glinted a ferocity worthy of a Noble Padawan.

"I have to."

She exhaled sharply, as her gaze drifted idly to the oversized plushie, not particularly focusing on it, as her thoughts and feelings got away with her. She would have to fight again. She knew this. It wouldn't be pretty. She would be going into the belly of the beast itself. But she didn't care. If she couldn't be there for those she loved, what was the point of any of it? She clenched her fist a little tighter as something fierce flared in her, flickering her bright eyes with something... darker.

"I will... fight them. I will... I will..." She inhaled sharply and let it go just as fast. "...k-kill again, i-if I need to..."

The shade of something unknowable disappeared as quickly as it took her, but it was undeniable how devoted she was to doing something, anything, for her sister.

Colette​

 

[Colette]

Everest Vale

"No." Colette said, her voice as stern as if she had already recovered. It was important that Everest heard this, that she processed what Colette was about to say.

"You are not a killer, and you are not going to go." She was adamant in that. "Not unless you can manage that anger, unless you are sure that you can stomach watching your best friend potentially beaten to a pulp by the Sith, or tortured beyond recognition, or any other unspeakable horrors they have done to her."

"If you hesitate to answer that for even a second, then you are not ready to go."