Remembering Myself

[Keira Priest]

Kathol Outback Space​

Demonsgate​

Keira had been around. Or, perhaps around wasn't the correct word. Rather, there had been a distinct lack of her presence in the galaxy lately, as she had disappeared from the grand stage for a total of three months, only just recently returning to some semblance of notoriety. Except now the sway she held over galactic affairs was exactly none, the Crusaders having faded from existence and the Mandalorians becoming obsolete. The title of Warmarshal was now meaningless, the names Verd and Ticon no longer retaining the weight they once had. This was the clean slate she had always sought out, but now that she had it she wasn't sure it was exactly what she'd been looking for.

Her return had been entirely a nonissue, her reemergence subdued and quiet, unnoticed by most. This way her presence would only be noted by those she wished, and inevitably one of those people was and always would be [member="Julius Sedaire"]. It seemed he had been around in her absence, making a name for himself in Outback space as some kind of enforcer. It was work that suited him, because while he may not have been any kind of Jedi he was still a better person than she could ever hope to be, and a lot of times that was enough. More than that he was the only familiar face she had in what now amounted to a galaxy full of strangers, and the only sanctuary she had to retreat to.

So, for once bothering with proper etiquette she had contacted him via private communications, arranging for a meeting on the capital planet of those he found himself affiliated with, Demonsgate. Julius was a difficult man to read on a good day, and comms made such a thing even more difficult. He had seemed rather nonplussed to hear from her after such a long time, but in the grand scheme of things that didn't mean much. What was relative calm with such a distance between them had a high capacity of being just the opposite in person, but unlike her he'd never been the sort to get quite so vocational about his feelings. His came with softly spoken words and feelings that were often etched on his face, an antithesis to herself.

The ship touched down but she barely seemed to notice, her consciousness having seemingly vacated her form, her focus just present enough to land safely. Her fingers fumbled along the underside of the dash before her, eventually hooking on the latch to a compartment that she opened, revealing a bottle of whiskey that was a quarter of its way to empty. Taking it in hand she unscrewed the cap, raising it to her lips and taking a long pull, the burn helping to ground her in a way nothing else could quite manage, lately. Replacing the cap she returned it to its place, closing away that little hiding place and reaching into the inside pocket of her leather jacket for something else.

This time a pack of cigarettes and a lighter were produced, and after taking one between her teeth she returned the slightly rumpled pack to its place, flame sparking, smoke drifting into the air upon her first exhale. With a grunt she pushed herself to her feet, walking down the ramp of the ship and not bothering to watch as it closed behind her, meandering to the designated meeting place, that smoking coffin nail perched at the corner of her mouth.

 

[Julius Sedaire]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgFQ6WmxdMs​

She walked in, and perhaps might not even recognize him if not for the lean back on the table with his feet crossed at the ankle and up on the table. There was a simple dark Corellian ale, and for once one and only and not joined by a coterie of fallen cousins, at his left hand. A stack of datapads sat at the other hands, and men and women of varying races and descriptions seemed to be taking assignments from him. There were head nods, hushed words, and grunts. One Rodian seemed nervous, and Julius handed him a positively nasty looking bryar pistol on a sling near his right hand and nodded to it as he passed it off. The other seemed to calm, and with a final datapad handed out the crowd seemed to have dispersed, targets in hand and missions given.

There were more worry lines at the corner of his eyes. There were not, however, dark circles or a haunted look. Sighing contentedly, he let his eyes drift to the presence he had oft felt missing like a nagging hole in the back of his head. There were some days he didn't like this mando'ad before him. Some days he wished he had never met her or heard her speak all that time ago on Corellia in a little bistro. Regardless, they had, and even just seeing her made his head swim, alternate timelines buzzing in his subconscious. Not often that happened anymore, as he had mostly come to terms with his inability to Flow Walk after that accident. Regardless, the two were bound in a linkage that had survived some odd strains and stressors.

A wave of his hand indicated the seat in front of him, and breaking tradition there wasn't an insult to greet her for once. Oh there was that smirk in the corner of his eye, and that lazy grin that spoke what words were left unsaid. But the words themselves were held back. It seemed being out on the Rim suited him. Now that he had stopped trying to be a proper Jedi and some sort of Hero, he had found purpose out here. Defending the little people, the ones the Galaxy had forgotten. Helping keep order and peace, and the rule of law. Didn't mean he hunted down every single one of the smugglers, that was something for others. But keeping the true interest of the people well cared for was something he could do easily enough. Truth was, he had found beauty in a simple life, in it's own way.

"I have to say, I didn't think you would ever learn how to use a comms. Nor did I really expect to see you again, Keira.. Make yourself comfortable, this is a place for those like us."

Glancing at the cigarette he smiled, adjusting the lightsaber on his belt. This one was different than the last, the fancy one having been destroyed or retired or perhaps just hidden. This one looked like a worn and battered speeder bike handle snapped off at the steering vein and pressed into service. Other sounds of hidden weapons or devices clinked or rustled under the black coat he wore, and here and there gleamed a phrik armorweave under it. But reaching up he tapped a willowy Zeltron lass on the shoulder and indicated a drained mug of his and then nodded to Keira with a faint smile.

"Kaff, black, double strength for me. And give this one anything she wants but another of those things in her mouth. They kill ya, you know girl?"

[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

Music

Aching familiarity hit her like a sucker punch to the gut, and it took more strength than she possessed at the moment to not double over as the weight of it all came crashing down, the sight of him with his feet up on a table capable of bringing her to her knees in a way that no one else had managed in thirty-one years. She had only spoken with him on four occasions - including the present - and known him on any seemingly personal level for a handful of hours, but somehow it was him above all else that made it difficult to breathe and remember who she was. It really wasn't fair, but then, neither of them had been the sort to play by the rules. It was a distinct lack thereof that had spawned their first interaction, and why the both of them stood where they did presently.

Sitting down before him felt reminiscent of seating herself before a jury, but at the same time it was home in a manner nothing else in the galaxy measured up to. "Whiskey. Neat." There was a hoarsely detached edge to her voice, and she didn't quite seem to look at the waitress or the man across from her. Keira took another drag on the cigarette, smoothly exhaling smoke to the side. "They've had just as much luck doing that as everybody else who's tried. Which is to say, not much." The faintest of crooked smiles turned up the corners of her mouth, and she leaned back in her chair, lost inside her own head for a moment as she forced her conscious mind forward to the present moment.

The inadvertent attention drawn to the blade at his belt caused her smile to widen just slightly, and she shifted in her chair, the two hilts at her waist clinking together quietly. One was the personal saber he'd seen her with countless times, but the other was something different, far more ancient and weathered than anything of its kind. But she didn't seem to acknowledge the weaponry beyond that single action, her focus instead on formulating the proper words that could articulate everything she was feeling upon being in his presence again. Somehow she was at once more lost and found before him, an oxymoron that clicked perfectly only with him.

"Doaba ol'val tru." Old Corellian passed her lips easier than Basic, and she was more capable of meeting his eyes after that. "You've found a home. Good. Now hold onto it, and never let it go, because something like this only comes by once in a lifetime." And she had already lost hers twice over, but she was beyond questioning the odds at this point. All she had wanted for him was to find some kind of peace, and in her absence it seemed he had found just that. She was more than thankful, while at the same time wishing that said home had been with her instead. Maybe then she wouldn't have felt a need to walk away after pledging never to do so again in her life. It would have been impossible to walk away from him.

"Been awhile."

[member="Julius Sedaire"]

 

[Julius Sedaire]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AOp9c5DRzc​

"Uhl rompi kor kanhi...None of us are immortal, lady. I am certainly not one to lecture bad habits, so I won't. But i'd like to keep you around for a while this time. And if that sith is still a problem, he and I can... Talk... If need be. Far past running after the last few years. You need a home. You don't need pain and worry and doubt. By the same token, you don't need someone to cage you or keep you "safe". I can't offer anything but a friend who would see you smile, and someone at your back in the thick of it. But that's the best start."

Taking the kaff, he nodded to the whiskey as it slid to Keira, and raised the steaming drink of his choice to his face. Sniffing, he sigh contentedly and took a long and silent sip. The aroma was heavy and bitter, and he sighed contentedly. Sullustan roast, the 'tender here was well beyond amazing with her memory. She might look rougher than a Gamorrean nun, and be as ill-tempered as a consistently constipated rancor, but she knew her job well. Kept the place clean, and other than the usual riff-raff and fights, she kept it quiet and smoothly running as well. As the whiskey slid across he slipped a data-key in an envelope with something else, and a data-pad over to Keira. Examination would show they listed several ports where various ships belonging to Julius were and a few habs scattered across various planets and systems.

"Those are where I can always be found. So keep a watch on that. The key there should give you access to all of them. And the envelope has something more... There's also a private encrypted comms that will always ring through. I don't expect you home and waiting on me. But you deserve better than what the Galaxy has given you, and I'd like you to know, whether now or later, that it's waiting for you."

With this uncharacteristic open and an almost emotional bit of speaking, he took the kaff in hand again and took another long draw of the liquid. Set it down and sighed, just watching the crowd and everyone, eyes occasionally drifting to his companion to see her reaction as she digested the information. For once, he would radiate calm and peace, with only a tinge of nerves. The last military action with the League had sobered him, almost shook him to his core. The loss of that many men to a mistake he had made from intoxication still tinged him with regret and a spike of anger when he thought about it, but they passed quickly. He was here now, in this moment. The past was the past, and the future was the future, and he could only change one of them. Or try to, at least.

[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

Music

"He's not a problem. Hasn't been one." Keira waved her hand dismissively, lifting her glass to her lips and taking a long drink, setting it down but still holding it in a loose grasp. "If you feel the need to speak with him you can, but I know the both of you well enough to know it won't get either of you anywhere." If intuition was any indication it would only end in violence, and as much as she cared for her husband she knew he wouldn't come out on top. More than that, she was aware of just how much Julius cared for her, and she didn't want to tear everything apart more than it already was in her life. She had already lost nearly everything, and she didn't need to lose what few familiar, friendly faces she had left.

When the two items were slid across her brow furrowed slightly, and she picked up the datapad, scrolling through the list of locations slowly in some attempt to memorize it. Mentally she added them to her mental inventory of safe havens, eventually turning it off and setting it on the table before her face down. She had walked in expecting the usual back-and-forth that characterized their relationship, and had already been handed - literally - more than she had anticipated out of this meeting. As always, however, words preceded thought, fitting of a true Corellian, "The day I wait on you is the day the galaxy comes to an end," Her smiles came a touch more easy now, "Don't flatter yourself, princess."

The envelope came next, and she toyed with it for a moment before opening it and letting the contents slide onto the table. Initially she moved to palm the key, but the second object caused her to stop dead in her tracks. Anyone who dared to claim so much as a fraction of green blood knew what it was, and more than that the significance it held among their people. Soul diamonds weren't a common practice anymore, but the meaning behind them, let alone the meaning of being given one, was just as heavy a weight as it had always been. More than that, it caused a familiar tightness to return to her chest, one that reminded her far too much of--

***​

​

I can’t breathe. That was her only thought as she lay where she’d collapsed in the halls of Little Sundari, where she and the other Crusaders made house. I can’t breathe. Her legs had disintegrated beneath her in an instant, the very world fading into and out of existence as black spots nearly claimed her vision. Air had evacuated her lungs entirely, stuttering in her throat as she struggled to remember what it was to live. There was a pressure in her chest that threatened to stop her heart, and she couldn’t move. Wouldn’t. Didn’t want to. I can’t… The void enveloped her like a veil as she exhaled one final time.

***​

​

There hadn’t been a time she had felt that empty since nineteen years ago, when the flashing of tri-colored sirens washed over her, their cold impartialness almost tangible. Isley's death had torn her to shreds in a way she hadn't been since that fateful day at the Ticon manor. Presently she was just as disjointed from reality as she had been then, her own heartbeat roaring in her ears but nothing else quite managing to get through. The galaxy had frozen itself for a third time, and all it had taken was one small, seemingly meaningless bauble that held more weight than the whole of what they both had faced over the years.

Slowly she forced herself to keep breathing, fingers uncurling from white-knuckled fists, her voice low and on the verge of breaking, "Damn you to all Nine Hells, Sedaire."

[member="Julius Sedaire"]

 

[Julius Sedaire]

Watchful eyes noted the reaction, but the only move from him was to reach out and put a hand over hers and just wait. Presence alone was all he could really offer in these moments. Assurance that he was solid, really there, and not another phantom from one of her many nightmares. Nothing was said as he waited, just a gentle and reassuring pressure on her hand as he waited. When she seemed to come to himself, he expected the insults and the fear and pain that washed over the anger. Diffusion and deflection were the motives they most often used. But sometimes it paid to not use them. Though being this raw hurt, it was a glimpse into his true mind when he responded, not a trace of mirth in his voice.

"I am sure the fires await me for many things that I have done dear. But I will be staying a little longer in the 'verse if you don't mind terribly. Got a few things to see through."

He kept his hand where it was, letting her make the decision on that as he leaned back and finished the kaff. It had been a long few weeks with the Judges, trying to get a semblance of order installed without being too militant or strangling the freedom of the populace. Another kaff followed the first, and with his free hand he nursed the drinking, just watching the woman in front of him. What he felt he couldn't quite put a finger on, and that bothered him a bit as well. But he certainly felt more than just a friendship. Every time they lost contact it seemed to tear a bit at him, in various ways. This time, he intended to do things a bit differently and see how it ended up.

[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

Music

The only thing that kept her grounded in the present moment was the feeling of his hand atop her own, and she used that minute pressure as a means to center herself on, lest she drift off too far into her own mind. Without a word her hand shifted, fingers knotting with his own in some kind of more intimate embrace, this marking the second time they had held hands since their first reunion so long ago. This one held more of a permanence to it, as if it would last far longer than the fleeting few weeks they had managed to remain in contact all those other times. This time there would be no more disappearances, and she had a feeling his face would become far more familiar than either of them had ever intended. But that didn't seem like such a bad thing, anymore.

With her left hand she tentatively reached out towards the soul diamond, turning it over and watching as it caught the light, slowly returning it to the table with a measured exhale. Even though she had never had any kind of life with the man before her she still missed this all the same, remembrances flashing back to those other lives he had shown her, lingering on the one of them with two children and a home together as something more akin to a family. That reality seemed far more tangible than it had back then, and while she wasn't entirely sure how to feel about it just yet, she didn't mind the idea near as much. There was more hope in that life than she had ever experienced before, and it made sense that it would be with him.

Everything made more sense with him.

For the first time in a few minutes she looked to him again, more focused than she had been since she arrived, using his singular presence as a beacon. No part of her was entirely certain why she had been gifted the soul diamond, but he hadn't given one and she didn't ask. It was a subject neither of them wanted to breach, and it was better that way. All she really knew was that she had somewhere to return to and someone to return with, and after losing everything she had known, that was enough. Gently, as if afraid that everything around her would shatter like glass if she moved too quickly, she squeezed his hand. "Thank you."

[member="Julius Sedaire"]