It's a New Day
It's been roughly six months since I created this character, and I thought now would be a good time to get some feedback. 
Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos
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Review: Character Feedback
- Thread starter Ria Misrani
- Start date
Sic transit gloria mundi
[member="Charlyra Araano"]
Well, you asked for feedback. I've written with Charlyra since she arrived on the site and was involved in most of her threads. She's come a long way from being a disgraced Jedi Padawan in to becoming a strong, brave Acolyte of the Fire Order on the brink of knighthood.
The good:
Charlyra has a plausible, riveting backstory. She's a good character with recognisable flaws. Her attempt to balance her old Jedi teachings with the more martial approach of the Fire Order is well-written. She made a good team with Siobhan and [member="Tempest"] at Ruusan and Elpsis and [member="Nima Tann"] in the Omega event. I'd say she has a strong master-apprentice relationship with Sio and Tempest and hope to see more of their adventures and participate in them.
All in all, I'd say there's a lot of room for growth, especially since she still has a Sith Lord stalking her! I also like the inclusion of background characters such as her sister Myrra and her former girlfriend Ammee. I like well-developed NPCs and their presence makes Lyra appear more 'real'. Your writing style is very vivid and visual, clearly conveying her emotions and thoughts.
The negative:
Your writing is very good, but on occasion she comes across as overpowered for an Acolyte, even a very experienced one. Force Destruction is an extremely high level power that's even tiring for masters. And I can't see an Apprentice crushing an entire walker or a shuttle, no matter how proficient they are with electromagnetism. At least not without being totally wiped and unable to do anything for the rest of the battle.
Moreover, I've noticed that you have a tendency to plan too much ahead without considering what might happen in rps. That's not an issue specific to Lyra, but with several of your chars. It causes issues when other people's characters act in a way that's contrary to your headcanon. Having an outline of where you want your character to go is good, but collaborative rping is not the same as writing a novel, where you're in control and can dictate the entire plot.
Well, you asked for feedback. I've written with Charlyra since she arrived on the site and was involved in most of her threads. She's come a long way from being a disgraced Jedi Padawan in to becoming a strong, brave Acolyte of the Fire Order on the brink of knighthood.
The good:
Charlyra has a plausible, riveting backstory. She's a good character with recognisable flaws. Her attempt to balance her old Jedi teachings with the more martial approach of the Fire Order is well-written. She made a good team with Siobhan and [member="Tempest"] at Ruusan and Elpsis and [member="Nima Tann"] in the Omega event. I'd say she has a strong master-apprentice relationship with Sio and Tempest and hope to see more of their adventures and participate in them.
All in all, I'd say there's a lot of room for growth, especially since she still has a Sith Lord stalking her! I also like the inclusion of background characters such as her sister Myrra and her former girlfriend Ammee. I like well-developed NPCs and their presence makes Lyra appear more 'real'. Your writing style is very vivid and visual, clearly conveying her emotions and thoughts.
The negative:
Your writing is very good, but on occasion she comes across as overpowered for an Acolyte, even a very experienced one. Force Destruction is an extremely high level power that's even tiring for masters. And I can't see an Apprentice crushing an entire walker or a shuttle, no matter how proficient they are with electromagnetism. At least not without being totally wiped and unable to do anything for the rest of the battle.
Moreover, I've noticed that you have a tendency to plan too much ahead without considering what might happen in rps. That's not an issue specific to Lyra, but with several of your chars. It causes issues when other people's characters act in a way that's contrary to your headcanon. Having an outline of where you want your character to go is good, but collaborative rping is not the same as writing a novel, where you're in control and can dictate the entire plot.
It's a New Day
[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
Thank you!
Thank you!