Road to Damascus

[Amz]

The crystal palace on Sabarene was quiet in the early morning, save for the servants who were already up and busying about their tasks. Chiara was usually an early riser, she had been since she was a little girl, except this day. The journey from Eira Pechel to Sabarene was long, and she’d found it more complicated in getting around since the fall of the Galactic Alliance and the chaos such a void like that created.

Slowly getting her bearings in the transition from drowsiness to being fully alert, she slid her legs over the side of the mattress and threw back the crisp-white blankets, giving a good stretch of her limbs while sunlight filtered into the darkened room.

Violet eyes watched the light move across her body, soaking in the warmth of it. The light gave life and dispelled the darkness around her, reminding Chiara again of the many lessons the Force had all around them, if one just listened.

With a fresh perspective and focus compelling her to follow through with her goal today, Chiara went about to get herself prepared for the task she’d set herself to, feeling the strength and guidance of the Force behind her.

-----------------------------

Sitting cross legged in the training dojo of the compound with both eyes closed, the Force flowed in waves of powerful light-side energy and filled the room. Chiara, in her meditative state, reached out in her mind to summon a single person.

Xander...

Although he was her family now, it did not escape her that she was calling for the company of a Sith.

A Sith, who by natural decree should be her enemy.

A Sith, who had helped her when she first woke up in this new Galaxy.

A Sith, who sought the protection of her precious cousin, whom he’d since married and brought happiness to.

A Sith, who she had believed to be beyond the hand of redemption.

How small minded she’d been! To put limitations of who the light of the Force could be capable of reaching.

For whether or not Xander noticed, she recognized the existence of light. The one glimmering ray on a sea of night. For no matter how deep the darkness, the light was never truly gone, it just needed the oxygen to breath.

[member="Darth Vizios"]

 

[Judah Lesan]

Xander sat alone, his bride meeting with an apprentice that she would train in the ways of the Sith. His breakfast was small as it had always been, just a plate of cheeses, fruits, and breakfast meats like sausages. His tea was hot, black with nothing but the sweet and bitter flavor of the herbs and leaves which had been mixed together for his cup. It was a quiet morning, but there was a voice on the wind.

Xander...

The voice was clear as crystal. If there were any voice he knew better than his wife's, it had been the one which belonged to the one woman his heart had pined for across several centuries.

"Chiara..."

His reply returned to her with a curious tone. She had never sought him out, ever. While he had offered to help her many times in the endeavor to reclaim her throne on Chandaar, she never once took the offer. Despite the fact she continually rebuffed his attempts to woo her, Xander's heart had never once stopped being loyal to her. Even as he had chosen to settle down with Zarah, and anyone who saw them together knew that Xander loved his wife, Chiara still held some piece of his heart.

Why was she calling to him now, now that he was married she wanted to see him? Was this a test of his loyalty? Leave it to a Jedi to do such a thing. Despite the evil man Xander was, he understood loyalty because he father had never shown it. His journey to the Sith had been through the blood of his own father after the man had betrayed him, tried to kill him, and refused to give the Sith what they had agreed to give them.

Still, there was a pull to her call. Her voice was in his mind again...

Xander...

He stood from his seat and dropped the napkin onto the small table. His feet carried him to the training room where Chiara was found seated, cross-legged and meditating.

"Is this where you tell me that you have been wrong about me all these years and beg me to leave your cousin to be with you," he teased.

Xander had always been a flirt, and with Chiara and Zarah both, it came naturally. He was faithful, and loyal, even if his mind still wondered about what could have been. Xander would never stray.

[member="Chiara Viren"]

 

[Amz]

She felt the tug of the Force on her torso and violet eyes opened to look up at Xander. Darkness encroached the closer he came, but she focused her mind on the essence of the Light, drawing from that pure spring to keep herself protected from it.

“Good morning to you as well, Xander." He seemed his usual self, with his silver-tongued devilry. Squaring her shoulders, Chiara extended out a hand to indicate that she wished for him to join her. “And, not quite, but,” she answered with a shake of her head, the hint of a small smile forming at the corner of her rouge lips. “...I admit that I am not always right.”

She let her eyes meet his own, her voice clear and soothing. “The Force has been guiding me towards something. I didn’t know what at first, but now I do. You see, I was wrong about you. At least about the true version of you. The one you try to keep hidden beneath the veil of the Darkside...but I see it. You have much more to give to the galaxy than anger, hate, and darkness."

There was no telling how he might respond, but Chiara didn't allow it to deter her and pressed on, intent.

"Let me help you find peace.”

[member="Darth Vizios"]

 

[Judah Lesan]

"True version of myself... come now, dearest cousin, please do not tell you called me all the way here to try and tell me there is good in me..."

Was this all it was? Chiara was going to try and convince him that he was not the evil man that his actions deemed him to be. Yes, there was good in him, a small hold of light that was there because of his mother, but it was neither embraced or nurtured. It was the one thing that had frustrated Xander about the woman in front of him now. How she had constantly rebuffed his advances because of the darkness within him, unwilling to give him a chance. Now that he was wed she would try and bring the good out in him... was he now safe?

"Let me help you find peace.”

His eyes flashed with a red hue. It was a look Chiara had seen many times. Though this time rather than control it, Xander let his anger at her hypocrisy unleash. She had to know it was coming. An invisible hand lifted her from the place where she sat. Nothing about his actions were meant to harm her, just assert his control and dominance over her. She had to know her place, and a thing this intimate was no longer something for her to meddle with.

"Now you wish to see past whatever exterior or mask you think that I wear. How many times did I make advances that were dismissed? How often did I show you that was a complete monster? Was not anything but caring and gentle toward you, a perfect gentleman in every regard? You had so many chances to attempt to being me peace. I offered you love, the right to meddle as you do now, and you rejected it so many times."

A splash of lighting left his hands and crashed into the weapons on a rack which had been fixed to the wall. His breathing was heavy, and as he looked to the princess, Xander calmed himself down, and set her back in her place gently.

"I apologize, my dear cousin."

He turned his back and walked toward the exit. Stopping he turned his head over his shoulder.

"You will have to dig deep to find whatever it is you think is there. I am not the man I was 800 years ago, and whatever gentle way there was is long since past. You cannot possibly know the feeling I harbored for you, and the things I would have been willing to sacrifice had you just asked. This is a dangerous idea... we should not be alone. I should not allow you to do this..."

[member="Chiara Viren"]

 

[Amz]

It did not take long for her to realize what was happening. That her plan had not gone perfectly was not surprising, the anger he directed at her, however, was.

The darkside energy he summoned was palpable, and using it, Xander effortlessly swept the princess into the air, wrapped in an invisible fist. Blinded by his anger, the sheer intensity of the darkside began to bear down against her mind and drain her.

A flare of panic briefly passed through her beneath the glare of his corrupted eyes. She drew in a sharp breath, trying to focus her mind. Chiara knew she could potentially free herself by summoning what energy she had left within her, but knew that reacting now would only worsen the situation and enforce his narrative. So, while she could feel the rapid thumps of her heartbeat, the redhead remained still and suspended. Anger fueled him, but she would not let anger, nor fear, dictate her actions.

Instead, she allowed herself to be at his mercy as violet eyes tried to follow him the best she could from the angle in which he held her captive, listening to every word, feeling every fluctuation of his emotion, and holding onto the hope that the light she knew was inside of him would win out.

When the final piece of anger poured from his words, Xander released her. A burst of lightning flung into the weapons rack that crashed to the dojo floor, along with her body where he placed her gently, Chiara stunned and trying to catch her breath.

With some effort, she pulled herself from the ground and straightened her spine, though found her knees to be wobbly, still recovering from the experience.

“What is dangerous, Xander? Because it isn’t you. You say you are changed from who you were before, but that’s not true.” the light began to rise within her again, emboldening her. “You could have killed me. You had the opportunity to do so, yet I remain unharmed. I believe you will act honorably towards me now.”

Chiara knew the dangers of approaching him after essentially challenging him to prove that he was the monster he thought himself to be. Ultimately, that being an enemy of the Jedi and of the light. She crossed the room to where he was, resting a hand on his forearm.

She could pass judgment on him, deny the accusations he pointed at her out-right and defend her past decisions. But that would get them nowhere.

Instead, she allowed the Force to lace her words with a calming balm of light energy. “I’m sorry for the pain I caused you, and for the pain caused by others. It must be exhausting to carry that around, to use your pain, hate, and anger to fuel yourself...The darkside is a cruel taskmaster, Xander. But there is healing for you, and I can help you, if you let me....Please.”

[member="Darth Vizios"]

 

[Judah Lesan]

What is dangerous? Had she not heard a word he just told her? That had always been his biggest frustration with Chiara. The woman had long been gone deaf to his feelings toward her, nor had she ever acknowledged them when he put voice to them.

He sighed. This was no different. All she could see was his alignement, and nothing else.

”You still do not get it, do you?” he asked as his eyes looked deep into the violet orbs that looked at him. His gaze bore deep to her soul, and he genuinely believed she thought he could be redeemed. Redemption was not something he was interested in. Chiara was meddling, and what would her cousin think of it all, that Chiara would now put interest in Xander when he was married?

His eyes moved to the hand on his forearm. They closed. How many times had he dreamed of a moment like this, and yet it was all wrong now. Xander has promised Zarah that he would forsake all others, and the only one who could remotely tempt him to break that promise was standing in front of him now. Chiara didn’t see it. She had always been aloof when it came to matters like these.

”It’s not the darkness that makes this dangerous, Chiara. Have you ever for one moment stopped to think that the reason you have seen what others were never allowed to see is because I have loved you for longer than you could possibly know? And using pain and anger is much easier a thing that you could know. You would be surprised how easily even you would give into it if you could taste the raw power which comes from it.”

Something emboldened him, whether it was wisdom or stupidity, but he wrapped the woman closer to him with an arm around her waist. Even if he had no intention on acting on the words coming from his mouth, it was time for her to know the depths of his fabled infatuation with the would be queen.

”You are right that I could not have killed you, but not because there is goodness in me. I cannot kill you because that would be like killing a piece of myself. Whether it was foolish or not, long before I met your cousin I allowed a piece of my heart to be yours whether you wanted it or not. The gifts I sent to Yavin... the wine, the paintings, they were never just about convincing you to allow me to help, nor were they about the arrangement our parents had made. Why couldn’t you have shown this interest then? As it was then one of us belongs to another, and this is dangerous for me to be here with you... like this.”

He sighed again.

”If you wish to help me... as you say... then understand... my torment is not caused by what I’ve done. The evil which my hands have committed have never been the cause of losing any sleep. There is nothing you can say to me which will convince me that there is any reason to let you dig around for whatever goodness you think exists...”

[member="Chiara Viren"]

 

[Amz]

The King of Indupar must be remembering events differently than she did. From her own recollection, there was no show of love at all. Manipulation tactics, yes. She remembered his actions perfectly well. The thought never crossed her mind that those were the actions of love. Chiara remembered when Zarah brought her the audio of Xander demanding for her hand in marriage, and barring hers, then Zarah’s. How could he use the word love?

“Don’t...” she said, her foot pivoting and stepping backward, chest tightening, forming an answer. “I know the actions of someone driven by love...you haven’t...no...” Chiara was made aware of Blackmoore’s intention through Zarah, despite the strains between them, Zarah was always honest about that. She wasn't wrong...was she? Chiara's mind raced, processed. “Maybe I didn’t notice back then, maybe I did only look at your alignment. But your actions never indicated a person acting from their heart, and never gave me a reason to seek you out for a conversation about it. But I do understand the darkside Xander. I never gave into it, I fought against it...but loneliness, anger, pain...those feelings have long been present in my life, much more than once. There was a time, even if ever so briefly...that I could have been capable of going an entirely different direction, but I chose mercy and forgiveness instead of anger and hate.”

She felt the pull against her shoulders and fell into Xander’s chest, his arms snug around her waist. Her gaze leveled at Xander, lips parting. Chiara tried to avoid this very scenario, pretend she hadn’t the foggiest clue about what he was saying, but he was determined to not let her run any longer.

Her hands balled against his chest, ready to push him away, but paused. Xander needed to feel accepted. Her fingers uncurled and laid flat before moving up around his neck to hug him tightly, ushering cooling waves of Force energy upon Xander's mind, to bring him the feeling of peace at this moment. “I didn’t realize before, I truly didn’t believe…” Chiara’s words trailed off, she swallowed. One beat, two beats, three... “...I can’t go back to the past and change what happened then, I can only move towards the future. I failed as a Jedi, and as a person, by blinding myself because of your alignment. And there isn’t anything I can say to rectify that, and I’m sorry.”

She pulled away from Xander, silence thickening between them.

“...You and Zarah are married, and I want you to both be happy. I never want to be the reason that causes either of you pain.” she gave a thin smile. “And thank you for telling me these truths, Xander.” It was the most that she could offer him without breaking trust.

[member="Darth Vizios"]

 

[Judah Lesan]

"My actions never indicated that I was acting from my heart... your memory is flawed I think..." he said with a tone of disappointment in his voice. "The painting was of a restored Cron, and as I told when we met after I sent it to you, I paint what I see, and was not Cron restored as I had predicted? The wine... it was the bottle of the exact wine we shared at our first meeting. How was that manipulative, and sent on your birthday of all things. Do you know the resources I had to expend to find out when your birthday was in the first place, and to ensure those items would have been waiting in your quarters on Yavin... Yet because all you could see was my alignment you assumed I was trying to manipulate you..."

Another sigh escaped him as he simply held her in a way that he had wanted to 800 years ago. Now it was all wrong, despite a part of it feeling so right. She had talked about a time where she could have chosen another path, and he almost scoffed. There was not a world in which he could ever imagine Chiara capable of the atrocities he had committed to secure his own kingdom, and keep it. Even the night he took his throne had been a blood bath. His own master had saved his neck from the part of the plan he had not though through. Chiara had likely heard about the massacre and the woman who had been on his arm at the time. How his path might have been different had he never met any of the Sith, but instead he had, and of them all Kazrah had influenced him the most.

Xander simply shook his head. She hugged him now, only now that she wanted him to change, or was it because she was finally able to somewhat admit that perhaps she had been wrong. Was this an apology? It must have been. How irritating it was. Somehow Xander thought it would have felt more rewarding, but now it seemed... like a consolation prize. After all this time, her clone finally admitted what her real self had not been able to.

"You were only protecting yourself," he finally admitted. "I cannot blame you for it, and can only admire you further as a result. You behave like a Sith sometimes, but you are way to pure to ever become one. I am not pure, nor am I innocent, and you would have me believe that I can simply choose to be different."

It was not a question, but a statement. Even now she was still naive to how the world worked sometimes. If she thought the alliance they sought to make was going to stand with just the power of the light side she was mistaken. Even Manu would know that their endeavor would need a man like him for things that neither Chiara or Manu would want to do, but would be necessary.

His eyes continued to look into hers. They were just like Zarah's. The violet hue of her eyes were intoxicating.

"You are 800 years too late... even six months too late," he chuckled. "And don't you trust me enough to be frank Chiara? You know that if I am anything virtuous, loyalty is the trademark of whatever virtue I have. You can say what is on your mind, and even whatever has been in your heart, and it will not cause me to abandon your cousin. I genuinely love her, the marriage was more than just one of political convenience."

He sighed again.

"Just say what I know is there, and then we can move beyond it. If you don't it will always linger."

[member="Chiara Viren"]

 

[Amz]

She listened in silence, her mind wandering to other events in her life as he mentioned her purity. Xander wasn’t there for everything that happened after his disappearance, after Zarah’s. He didn’t know how hard it had been to protect herself from hate after Ash had bled out in her arms on the floor, the father of their several children left with nothing but vague memories. She gulped down a hard lump that’d formed in her throat, eyes fluttering and bringing herself back to the present.

Nothing more about the past would she speak on, the echoes of pain behind her. Let him believe what he would on it, Chaira would hide that away, too.

“I would have you believe that because it’s true. You could leave the darkside altogether, go a different way. But that’s a choice for you to decide...no one can make it for you.”

She cast her eyes down and closed them when he asked her to speak her mind, a soft sigh escaping her lips. This felt like the first time either of them had ever truly connected, and he pleaded for her to be truthful to him. But the request was one she couldn’t fulfill.

To protect Zarah, to protect Xander. To protect any future they might have, she kept her lips sealed.

“That’s not a path that lies ahead of us, and there isn’t anything more I can say.”

Walking over to where she’d been meditating before, she reached down and picked up her lightsaber and reattached it to her belt. She cast one last look at him, their shoulders barely brushing as she passed him through the door.

[member="Darth Vizios"]

 

[Judah Lesan]

She would have him believe it because it was true? What was true, that he could in fact change? He shook his head.

”No... one doesn’t simply change, Chiara,” he said as he watched her back away.

He sighed. All he wanted was to hear her say what they both knew. He was not asking her to give him a reason to abandon his wife, she knew him better than that. They were being so honest, why couldn’t they be fully honest now. If she wouldn’t then he would.

Chiara was always running from him and now was no different. He was stubborn enough to follow even if all of the palace heard him as called after her.

”I know it’s a path neither of us can take, and I’m not asking for that. I just want the truth from you, for once! The truth, is that too much to ask. Be honest, and if you are then I’ll never ask again... You want me to change? Then it starts with honesty.”

[member="Chiara Viren"]

 

[Amz]

What good could possibly come from telling him this? She knew he wouldn’t betray her cousin, he’d always held true to his word, that was his bond. Still, she only saw trouble around the corner from such a revelation.

Halfway down the hall and she finally came to a halt. Royal guards averted their eyes out of respect, Chiara felt her cheeks flush and hurriedly returned to quiet him.

“Listen well, for this is the first and last time I will say this, just this once.” She signed. Xander had visions of the future, and in all of the variables that changed, never had one depicted them side by side. She increasingly worried that this determination would jeopardize the both of them, but that was what it seemed Xander needed to fully move forward.

“I have felt something for you. There has been affection, and yes...love...both then, and now.”

It was difficult not feeling self-conscious with eyes watching them converse in hushed whispers, and Chiara tried to raise her chin to portray a confidence she didn’t feel. “The line is now drawn between us...never speak of it again.”

[member="Darth Vizios"]

 

[Judah Lesan]

"See, now was that so hard to admit?" the question came in a hushed and whispered tone.

His eyes scanned the hall and noticed the guards had been listening in on their conversation.

"If I find that any of you opened your mouths to speak of what you have seen and heard here, I will promise that any effort the princess makes to see me give up the darkness will not succeed until all of your tongues hang from a string as an ornament to my wife's neck."

They stood straight, the whispers ceased, and Xander nodded. He looked to Chiara knowing she would not approve of what he had just said or done, but that was not point. This was remain between them. Her words came back to him.

“The line is now drawn between us...never speak of it again.”

"As you wish..."

He smiled and turned to return to his quarters. As soon as his back was to her the smile faded. What he thought would be a victory did not feel like one. In fact, Xander felt as though it should have remained unspoken. They had both known the truth, but Xander's ego would not let it remain unspoken. His mind found hers. It was his preferred method to speak to Chiara as it was.

"I will be in the gardens after lunch. Find me."

There was still the matter of his choice to speak of. He was not going to make it without the truth, and now that she had finally put voice to it, Xander would allow her to meddle. While she did not want to be a reason to see his happiness with Zarah end, Xander wanted her to able to admit her reason for seeking his redemption was more than her duty as a Jedi. She loved him. He loved her. They knew where the line was and neither would cross it. Loyalty and Duty were the two things that made them the same.

It was the thought he still pondered on as he sat on a bench looking over the gardens. He waited to see if she would find him.

[member="Chiara Viren"]

 

[Amz]

Chiara sighed when hearing his voice in her mind, but she wasn't going to ignore his request. "I will be there."

The rest of that morning she'd gone about her usual tasks, one of which was working out the details of hosting an arrival from the Mandalorian Empire within the next couple of weeks. Rumors had spread to the far reaches of Sabarene, worrying enough to cause Chiara to extended an invitation to one of her distant great-nieces, a daughter of Adedeyo, to come for a visit to meet the family. There were still many arrangements needing to be made, but she kept to her word and changed direction to go and meet Xander in the gardens at the appointed time.

It didn't take long for her to reach him, finding the King standing beneath one of the Irli trees, the trees that had been planted all over Thyrsus after Raien Keth razed the planet to the ground. Some seeds had been brought over by the Chandaari, who long considered them to be a sign of new beginnings. Xander likely didn't know the importance of it, but Chiara couldn't help but wonder. The pale blooms were only starting to bud, soon they would blossom and eventually transform to produce the distinct red fruit that they were known for.

A sign, perhaps?

She walked forwards to where Xander was, standing some distance from him. Despite what he insisted on, Chiara felt the need to keep the space between them.

"Hello, again."

[member="Darth Vizios"]

 

[Judah Lesan]

Xander had set to pacing, then to just standing, by the time Chiara had arrived. She had said she would meet him, but arrived fashionably late. He had been worried that she might not show up at all, knowing that her tendency in regards to him had always been to run or keep as much distance as possible.

She would be smart to do that now. Distance was what they needed after what he had forced her to admit.

A touch of awkwardness washed over him when he saw her. Propriety demanded he stand there, and that was what he did, a slight nod of his head as he was regally her superior. His desires, well those he had been denying since marrying Zarah. He had promised faithfulness, and that is what he gave her, no matter how contrary it was to his nature. Despite his unyielding loyalty, Xander had always been one to wonder where women were concerned until Zarah, and it had to remain that way.

"Hello..." he said refusing to look at her, not yet anyway. He was afraid of what would happen if he did.

"I wanted you to know that if what you say is true... that if I can choose to change... that getting there it would not be overnight. I fear...."

He paused...

Now he looked at her because he could not help it.

"I fear that this alliance needs me to be what you and Manu can never be, or should never be. But since you were honest with me, I shall be honest with you... Your feeling about what lies deep within is not wrong, though perhaps what you seek for me... it too late..."

[member="Chiara Viren"]

 

[Amz]

The way he behaved and the feeling from his presence, caused Chiara to feel a level of discomfort, but knew this was a natural reaction given their earlier conversation.

Refusing to look at her, the very slight acknowledgment...made this interaction that much worse, giving her the sudden urge to fidget, shifting from foot to foot to calm her humming nerves. What was said couldn’t be taken back, the only thing to do was move forward now.

A few hours wouldn’t see that happen, Chiara realistically knew, but that’s what she would attempt to do regardless.

When he raised his eyes from their lowered position, she felt the hair prickle on the back of her neck. She softly cleared her throat and slipped her hands into her pockets, trying to keep herself from appearing affected at all.

After he was finished, Chiara paused before answering to take a breath.

“Do you think because Manu and I are Jedi, that we only sit on mountain tops and reside in Temples? Aren’t Jedi also sworn to protect and defend? How is that done if we keep our nose in the ancient text and hide our selves away? You don’t need the darkside to be what this alliance needs. Manu and Erryn led the Echani through the grace of the light and into prosperity, allowing the Force to guide their steps through faith and courage.”

Chiara glanced to his eyes that she’d been avoiding, a slight smile tugging the side of her lips.

“And yes. It will take time...and there will be mistakes, learning curves, but...it’s never too late Xander. You can change. No matter how far you think you’ve gone, the light can reach the darkest depths. Even dried up bones can live when the light breaths upon them.”

[member="Darth Vizios"]