Safiriel Bane, Jedi>Sith>Secluded

[Tanith Alde]

It's been roughly a half year now since I started writing Safiriel, and I'm certain theres quite a gap between her first days and her current form. What i'd like to know is, what do you think of her progression so far?

Also, how have I personally, as a Writer, improved? Or worsened my habits?

What can I do better? What am I doing wrong?

Any feedback at all is majorly appreciated

 

[Darth Ophidia]

When you started off, you wanted to be little too much a little too fast.

There was no build-up and as such the character lacked a foundation, she felt flimsy and superficial. This changed a bit as you got more settled into the boards, but Safiriel is still unstable. In the relatively short time you've been here, I've seen your character take more forms than some who have been here two or three times longer. It's difficult to get a grasp on Safiriel, not because she is an elusive character, but because she may suddenly make a life-changing decision without any warning. This also makes it difficult to write with you as I simply don't know where you are or when you will suddenly decide to do something else without any word.

This, I find to be a great shame. If you just solidified the foundation of your character and gave her a steady progression, then the story could be pretty great. You write well, but you have no roots.

That's my critique of [member="Safiriel Bane"].

 

[Tanith Alde]

[member="Darth Ophidia"]

I see a lot of what you're saying, well, quite literally all of it, when I look back at my posts.

I wanted to make a character 'One Size fits all' when really, that's just not a good character overall. It's a boring idea, and i'm trying to improve on it now. I'm enjoying the recent direction i've taken into teaching and I feel like thats really where my passions lie, spending my time teaching apprentices and researching lores and artifacts, and I feel like this will be the first real root of my character. I hope you'll stick along for the ride

 

[Eli-Mae Forrest]

The best thing that has ever happened to echo

[member="Safiriel Bane"]

 

[Darth Vaildra]

[member="Darth Ophidia"] [member="Safiriel Bane"]

One size fits all is very hard to do, as they say a jack of all trades is a master of nothing." I wanted Vaildra/Hakora to be a master of all forms of combat, I thought that specialized enough, but even that is too broad I came to learn. What I found best was find your character's purpose, her reason for living and then build on what will help achieve those purposes. That was what happened to Hakora. His purpose was to protect his family at all costs and would never go evil. Then his sister betrayed him a few times actually and it sent him to the dark side, something not in his natural character, but his purpose it made sense. Great development, but now he has a family and is breaking from the dark side.

If you want help developing or growing her I am more than glad to help you.